The Unlikeable Demon Hunter Collection: Books 1-6: A Complete Paranormal Romantic Comedy Series

by Deborah Wilde

  “You’re both too much of a disaster to be out and about. I’ll take charge of finding the demons so we can switch you back.” Drio shoved us toward the door.

  The bartender, Mirek, drove us back to the hotel. I took the front seat, forcing Rohan to crawl into the back. Petty pleasure since it was a two-door Citroen.

  I followed Rohan back to his suite. “You got any food?”

  “If you eat, I eat.” Jeez, he made me sound pissy.

  “Forget it.” I sat down on the couch, pulling his long legs in to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, his chin propped on top.

  Rohan leaned back against his chair with my legs extended carelessly, and my arms crossed over my chest. Dude managed to take up a lot of room with my slender self.

  I ran his hands over his arms, feeling his biceps tense and the light sprinkling of hair. I’d felt them with my hand many times, but it was weird and fascinating to feel them with his.

  Rohan stood up.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To your room.” He shook my head. “Watching myself is wrong. No masturbating,” he ordered, one hand on the doorknob.

  “Huh?”

  He pointed at his crotch. “I know you, Nava. You’ll be all over that the second this door closes.” It hadn’t occurred to me to do that, but now I was curious. “I’m serious,” he snarled in my voice. “I’ll know.” He smiled innocently. “Unlike you.”

  “Fine,” I spat.

  He slammed the door behind him.

  Great. Given Rohan’s mood, who knew what condition I’d get myself back in? He’d probably cut off all my hair or something just to spite me. I hadn’t had a chance to have our talk, either. I couldn’t call anyone, couldn’t do anything. I paced the room like a caged animal, catching sight of him in the oval mirror mounted on one wall.

  I was invisible. Sure, I existed but where was the proof? Where had been the proof of me on this entire trip? I’d been playing a role and now it had swallowed me. Nava was gone. I glanced in the mirror. Literally. His chest tightened. I waved his arms over his head, but that did nothing against my escalating sense of panic. Being outside my body was seriously screwing me up.

  There was a knock at the door. I ran to open it, praying it was Drio with good news.

  It was Lily.

  “Are you all right? You look pale,” she said.

  I stared at her unable to find my voice. Which wasn’t mine at all.

  “Ro?”

  I cleared Rohan’s throat, wanting to tell her this wasn’t a good time, come back later but Lily took the sound for permission to enter. I shut the door, wishing I could bash Rohan’s brains against the wood instead of enduring this social call.

  Lily sat down. She picked at a cuticle, her eyes staring off to the side, her words rushed. “I know that our first attempt at dating didn’t work. But being with you again? It’s so easy.”

  I gripped the top of the sofa. Lily was here to have the “let’s get back together” talk. I didn’t hear much of what she said after that. Her words blurred over me like Charlie Brown wah wah wahs.

  At some point I found that I’d sat down. That I was nodding along.

  “When we kissed?” Her eyes found mine, bright with hope. “That spark was there. It’s always been there with us.”

  “It was pretty brief,” I said. Lily was sweet, but how naive was she if a five-second kiss was proof of romance?

  She smoothed out her skirt. “Don’t be coy. You know I mean the other one.”

  I squinted at her, forcing a smile. Other kiss. Right. I crossed Rohan’s arms. “Sure.” Uncrossed them. Crossed his legs. Stretched them out. Stood up and beelined for the suite’s bar.

  I poured a glass of water.

  “You can’t be surprised by this.”

  No, surprised wasn’t the word. Furious, that was more appropriate. At the universe for putting me in this position. At Rohan for well, so much.

  I almost dropped the glass because the sight of those hands that weren’t my own unnerved me. I gripped the counter, head bowed, needing some sense of myself instead of this Shakespearean mistaken identity that was anything but comedic.

  “Say something,” she said.

  I had no claim on Rohan. Sleeping with him for a few weeks didn’t give me any rights, even if I’d wanted them. I was the last person to stand in the way of his happiness. Of him rekindling his first love for their happily-ever-after.

  “It’s not you. Long day.” I sat down again and smiled at her. “Talk to me.”

  As she poured out her heart, all I kept thinking was how easy it would be for me to sabotage this. Destroy any hopes she had and drive her away. Do it right and she’d never even bring it up with Rohan. She’d be too embarrassed. I wouldn’t get caught.

  I couldn’t do it.

  I covered her hand with Rohan’s. “I want to talk about this, Lils. Because it’s important, but I have somewhere I have to be.”

  She slipped free. “I get it.”

  Wishing I was undergoing hot pokers up my ass rather than this, I gently lifted her chin up, forcing her to meet my eyes. Rohan’s eyes. Damn it! “No. You don’t. Promise me you’ll find me tomorrow.” I hoped that would give Rohan and me enough time to switch back so he could be the one to talk to her.

  I squeezed her hand. “Please.”

  Her smile was bright enough to light up the room. “I promise.” Talk about a mitzvah with no expectation of reciprocity. She left soon after.

  I lay on the sofa, staring blankly out the window at the darkening sky. Willing my mind to remain empty. At long last there was another rap on the door.

  “Open up.” It was Drio.

  “You got them?” I spoke in little more than a whisper.

  “Logan. Not Samson. Ro is waiting for us.”

  I nodded, letting myself be led. As long as I kept staring out into the middle distance, I’d be fine. I rested against the car window, feeling the cold glass under Rohan’s cheek and keeping my stare into the darkness level. I had to hold on to that emptiness. Let the enormity of outside fill me up, leaving no room for anything else. Force my tangled emotions into the tiniest atom instead of the wall of barbed wire they wanted to be.

  Drio left the city, driving for a while until he turned onto a narrow dirt road. At the long, winding end stood a decrepit stone farmhouse. The car bumped over the ground as he drove around back, the headlights illuminating Rohan-as-me, arms crossed, standing at the back door which hung half off its hinges.

  “Took you long enough,” Rohan said in my voice as we got out.

  I rubbed his eyes with his fists. If I had to live like this for much longer, I was going to go insane. “He’s in the house?” I asked.

  “Under it. Imprisoned,” Rohan said. “Ready?” he asked out to the darkness.

  “Ready,” came Mirek’s low voice. I peered into the gloom and made out a couple of figures. I assumed there were other Rasha out there as well, guarding the place in case Samson showed up.

  Drio went in first, slipping through the door. Rohan insisted I go next, leaving him to bring up the rear. I needed a minute to adjust to the gloom, but there were enough cracks in the walls to provide a dim light. I wrinkled Rohan’s nose against the must and dust tickling it. The house smelled old and unused. It had also been gutted. Empty spaces, wires with no appliances, and partial cupboards made up the kitchen.

  Drio opened a door at one end of the room, flipping on a tiny flashlight. “Stick close.”

  We went down the stairs, feeling our way. At least the basement floor was hard, packed dirt with nothing to trip over.

  Drio shifted sideways to fit through a skinny hole in the wall. Going through after him in Rohan’s body was a tight squeeze. I wrenched on his shoulders to get them through. “Careful,” Rohan said.

  I grit his teeth and pulled free. For the second time on this trip, I found myself in a stone tunnel. No monsters showed themselves as we hugged right wall. It wasn’t a hard slog,
just a boring one. I sang “I Will Survive” on repeat loudly in my head so I couldn’t dwell on anything. Eventually, a soft glow spilled from up ahead.

  We followed it into a large opening, the walls and floors made up of rough salt crystals, the smell sharp enough to clear my sinuses. The ceiling was something else entirely. All around me lights twinkled in soft clusters. An incredible phosphorescence.

  “Cool, huh?” Logan sat in a busted lawn chair, a silhouette, his head tipped up.

  Drio ran the flashlight over him. Logan wasn’t even in demon form, though he didn’t look too great. His face was puffy and bruised. His nose had been broken and dried blood crusted his nostrils. A half dozen beer bottles littered the ground around him.

  Logan pulled a fresh brew out of a torn box. “Want one?” He cracked it open without waiting for our answer, chugging it back and then tossing it on the ground with a soft clunk, accompanied by a belch. “Cheap shit. Couldn’t pony up for the good stuff, bro?” he asked Drio. Then he eyed me up and down. Me. Not my body. “Bet you like the good stuff, Lolita,” he leered. “Heard you were pretty willing to play musical cock for a sweeter gig.”

  I had the blades of Rohan’s left hand extended in an instant, but Drio punched Logan on the side of his head before I could get close.

  The demon flickered.

  “Why’d you have to wreck it?” He asked in a whiny voice. Not Logan’s. T-Roy’s. He sat there in the same seat, the same position that Logan had been in a second before, his leg jittering.

  “Shut it,” Logan snarled, appearing once more as T-Roy disappeared.

  What. The. Unholy. Fuck.

  “A gemini.” Rohan didn’t sound scared. Just mildly irritated.

  “Astrological signs are demon types?” I really didn’t want to meet a cancer.

  Logan placed his foot over a bottle. I tensed but all he did was roll it back and forth under his dirty sneaker. “Having a twin sucks balls.” Had to disagree with you there, bro.

  “Switch them back, Logan.” Drio spoke in his normal voice.

  Logan squinted over at Drio. “What’s up with the weird accent?” He got himself a fresh drink, waving it drunkenly at Drio. “I’m already dying. Not a lot of incentive to do as I’m told.”

  I snuck closer to Rohan, picking my way over jagged salt clusters. “Dying?”

  “His duality has collapsed.”

  “All his energy was going into maintaining his two forms,” Drio explained to me. That explained the boys’ lack of bad behavior.

  “Switching you two accelerated the process,” Logan said. “No choice though. Tied to the fucker’s well-being. Soon as I felt Samson take his true form, I had to rush to his rescue.” He drowned his bitterness with another drink.

  Rohan walked over to Logan, kicking his legs off the beer bottle. “King’s dumped you, hasn’t he?”

  “Asshole. Said he could save me.”

  “Maybe he can.” That was T-Roy, back for a desperate second.

  A beer bottle whizzed past my head, shattering on a fat bunch of crystals behind me. “It’s your fault,” Logan raged. “Weak. Pathetic.” He punched himself in the head. This took twin dysfunction to a whole new level.

  Drio rolled his eyes. “Ro.” Nobody moved. “Rohan body,” he said pointedly. “Encourage Logan to behave.”

  Rohan poked me in the back to get me moving. I crossed over to Drio who tapped a spot on the back of his own neck.

  I snicked out a blade, pressing the tip into the same spot on Logan. “Where’s Samson?”

  “Like I’d tell you.”

  “Your loyalty is touching.” I dug the blade in hard enough to draw blood. “Misplaced but touching.”

  Logan made a sound that almost sounded like a laugh. “Fuck loyalty. I don’t want that psycho coming after me in whatever afterlife I’m doomed to.” He pressed his neck back against the blade. The tip slid in.

  I smacked him on top of his head. “What is wrong with you? Why aren’t you fighting?”

  Logan took another sip.

  “Suicidal,” Drio said. “Chemical side effect of his collapse. Change them,” he ordered again.

  Logan ignored him and kept drinking.

  Rohan fired a blast of electricity into Logan’s crotch. The demon fell out of the chair, doubled over, howling in pain. We waited for his cries to die down.

  “A girl Rasha? Fucking hell, bitch. You’re crazy.” In his pain, he seemed to have forgotten he was really speaking to Rohan.

  Rohan rolled him over with my foot, a ball of electricity crackling off of my fingertips. “You have no idea.” Damn, I was impressive. Also, was Rohan’s agreement some not-so-veiled commentary on the real me?

  Logan muttered something under his breath.

  “What was that?” Rohan asked sweetly in my voice.

  “Promise me you’ll make Samson hurt and I’ll change you.”

  Rohan agreed to Logan’s request.

  A sucking pull stretched out the skin I was currently in. Any second now Rohan’s eyeballs were going to pop like bubble wrap, but as suddenly as the pulling sensation came on, it stopped.

  I held out a hand. Mine. It trembled and I pressed it down against my leg.

  I met Rohan’s eyes, needing the assurance of looking into steely gold, not sparkling blue-gray. He looked back at me with, not intimacy exactly. More a melding. A time-stopping moment with no sense of where he started and I stopped. We shared one heart, breathed one breath.

  It was staggeringly disorienting, but not in the same way I’d felt all day.

  Drio finished Logan off. It was pretty sweet how the gemini sputtered in alternating flashes between himself and T-Roy before he disappeared into oblivion.

  We trudged back up to the surface in silence. Drio and Rohan had a brief conversation with Mirek then we left. I willingly sat in the back seat for the ride back.

  “Can you deal?” Rohan asked Drio as we got out of the car in front of the hotel.

  He nodded. “No problem.”

  “Anything pressing, you call.”

  I wandered off, totally spent and beyond ready for this night to end. Rohan followed me into the elevator. When I went to hit three, he blocked me, hitting five instead. The barely leashed savagery on his face dared me to protest.

  I almost did. Because of Lily. But she was going to get Rohan for the rest of their lives. I was weak enough to want him for one more night. I nodded.

  Alea iacta est.

  Chapter 25

  Rohan kicked the door to his suite shut, but didn’t touch me. Moonlight slashed his features through the opened drapes. “You left.” I startled at the thickness in his voice.

  I didn’t need to ask him when he meant. After his show. “I didn’t think I was needed.”

  “You thought wrong.”

  Today’s events had left me emotionally strung out and unable to understand his cryptic statement. I thought wrong because he needed me? Or because he’d needed someone to take the edge off the adrenaline coursing through him and I was the best option? Since he didn’t know how Lily felt at that point, since they hadn’t yet kissed again.

  “I’m here now.” A bead of sweat trickled down my spine.

  Rohan came toward me. His eyes glittered hotly enough to be made out even through the press of darkness. “Wanna see my view?”

  A lick of heat unfurled in my gut. I managed a nod.

  Rohan slid the glass door to his balcony open and stepped outside. He led me past the table and two chairs that took up most of the space to the solid front panel where he wrapped my hands around the metal railing on top. The bar pressed into my navel.

  “Keep your hands on the railing.” His voice was a rough purr against my neck. “No matter what.”

  Not a problem since I suspected I’d need the support.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” His voice ghosted over my ear. The city lay before us like a glittering jewel.

  “Yes.” I could have demanded he speed things up. I often did,
but tonight was about savoring and prolonging. Dawn would come soon enough.

  We stood like that, an almost magnetic force vibrating between our bodies. I closed my eyes, not giving a damn about the view. I wanted my other senses to kick in to cocoon his touch around me, fill my veins with his scent.

  Rohan pressed into every inch of me without a single point of contact. I was hyper-alert, attuned to the slightest nuance in his breathing over the distant wash of traffic and how the smallest shift in his position behind me sent a tiny current of air along my shoulder blades. He slid his arms around me and it was almost overwhelming. Resting his head on my shoulder, he popped the button on my jeans, tugging them down.

  He traced the curve of my ass. “I may have been hasty in dissing this thong.”

  “Told you.” I gripped the railing tighter, its metal a weighty curve in my palm. A breeze whispered against the front of my shirt, teasing my nipples into even stiffer peaks.

  “But it has to go.” He cut it free, slipping it off from behind, running the fabric over my clit. Glorious friction against my growing wetness.

  I gasped. A sugary syrup of desire slid through my bones.

  He removed his hands and I heard his belt unbuckling. Heard a rustle of foil.

  “Widen your legs.”

  My chest rose and fell in ragged breaths. Strung tight with anticipation, I did as I was told. With a single thrust, Rohan slid inside me. My head fell forward.

  “Enjoy the view, Nava.” He nipped my shoulder. “I am.” His hands flattened on the railing on either side of me, trapping me as much as the gentle rhythm of his hips.

  My breasts were heavy. Cuntessa clamored for attention, but I didn’t remove my hands from the rails. The deliciousness building inside me was enough of a reason to hold off.

  The energy crackling off my skin wasn’t my magic but an invisible force licking and dancing between us. I offered no resistance, happy to let it spark higher. To consume me.

  Of course, when Rohan reached around to stroke my clit, I didn’t exactly complain. “Five floors isn’t that high up,” he said. “Someone must see what we’re doing here.” He jerked his hips, my own hitting the panel wall with a rhythmic thumping. The movement a dead giveaway to anyone watching us. “See me fucking you.”