Designs of the Heart

by Renee Ryder

  Designs of the Heart

  Renee Ryder

  Back and Forth, Book 1

  Designs of the Heart

  by

  Renee Ryder

  “I love my job, but it’s nothing compared to you. You’re the sun in my life. Sometimes you don’t notice the sun because it’s always there, shining on you, warming you up, while you’re focused on your projects. Then one day you find yourself cold, in the dark, and those high priority projects … they don’t matter anymore. Through all the sadness, you can only think, ‘I want my sun back!’ ”

  Title | Designs of the Heart (Back and Forth, Book 1)

  Author | Renee Ryder

  Editor | Antonio Scotto di Carlo

  Cover Photos | young couple in Love on boat © GVS | Detail of sculpture by Gian Lorenzo Bernini, Rape of Proserpine © irisphoto1

  Copyright © 2019 by Renee Ryder, Antonio Scotto di Carlo

  It is illegal to distribute or resell this book in any form.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the holders of the rights.

  This is a work of fiction. Characters, places, and events are either products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Contacts:

  Renee Ryder

  Blog: https://reneeryderbooks.home.blog/

  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ReneeRyderBooks/

  e-mail: ReneeRyderBooks@gmail.com

  Antonio Scotto di Carlo

  e-mail: ildiosordo.antonioscotto@virgilio.it

  Prologue

  1. What’s Up With That?

  2. Things Change

  3. A Few Days

  4. The Flight

  5. Disoriented

  6. The Phone Call

  7. Present, Future and Past

  8. “Ci”

  9. Doubting Thomas

  10. Apathy

  11. Shame and Sin

  12. The Fisherman

  13. The French Way

  14. Thoughts and Words

  15. Expectations

  16. Hanging Clothes

  17. Children

  18. Pippo

  19. Scary Pranks

  20. Sense of Guilt

  21. Adrift

  22. The Genie’s Bottle

  23. In the Boat

  24. Waiting for the Big Day

  25. Rainbow

  26. Anna

  27. Duel in the Water

  28. A Birthday Present

  Acknowledgments

  Also by Renee Ryder

  Hearts Under Fire

  Also by Antonio Scotto di Carlo

  Bullets from the Past

  The Parable of the Dumbass

  The Deaf God: A Story of Friendship beyond Time

  Prologue

  Hannah was behind that door. The moment had come.

  He knew that a confrontation with her wouldn’t be easy after everything that had happened, but to not even be able to raise his arm and knock?

  Thinking all this pressure would dissolve once he crossed the threshold of that room triggered him into action.

  He let out a puff of anxiety, patted the side pocket of his trousers a couple of times, and then rapped on the door with his knuckles. The gesture gave him confidence and, before hearing a response, he opened the door.

  Hannah stood by the window, facing the sea. She wore a knee-length cotton skirt with a low-cut tank top, and her strawberry blond hair fell in waves down her back.

  Instinctively he wanted to rush to her and hold her close, breathing in her sweet scent, but first he needed to bring a smile back to her face. The smile that made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

  “Hey,” he began, timidly.

  She kept looking outside.

  Tension started circling around his good intentions like a sadistic, hungry shark. He had planned to wait until her birthday, but that was still two days away and the current strain between them might make the time crawl by if he didn’t fix it now. When she turned around, the look on her beautiful face unsettled him. He’d never seen her so deeply serious. He barely recognized her. Her blue eyes usually reminded him of the sky on a sunny day, not the storm he saw there now. But a storm without rain, since she definitely wasn’t about to cry. She must be angry. Indeed she was, although her expression betrayed something else, too. Maybe determination. He felt the coldness of those eyes lower the temperature in the room and freeze him in place.

  1. What’s Up With That?

  “Beautiful Italy, here I come.” Hannah stared at her airline ticket in wonder.

  Nine time zones and over 5500 miles separated Seattle from the country she had always fantasized about visiting. Thinking about that distance depressed her, considering that she’d only been able to get there the cheapest and fastest way—through her dreams. But now, in only two days she would be going to the place where her heart and thoughts had already invested in a lavish vacation home.

  Life is so unpredictable.

  She was getting her dream trip at long last and owed it all to Ryan.

  Two years together and still every day the heat of her love rose another degree. But when he told her “We’re celebrating your birthday in Italy,” there was no longer a thermometer that could measure her feelings for him.

  Then he explained that his mom and dad would come with them. She had wrinkled her nose, although not because of any animosity. As parents went, they were friendly, modern people and she’d always felt comfortable around them. But they had only first met four months ago, a few brief times, and the idea of spending two entire weeks together, including her birthday, aroused her anxiety.

  It’ll be a great birthday, she tried to reassure herself, assuming that nine days would be plenty to get to know each other before it.

  She remembered Ryan’s words of encouragement.

  “Hannah, I know this is kind of a weird position to be in. If you’d rather, just the two of us can go. Your birthday is at the heart of it all, so this is about what you want to do. But I think it’s a great opportunity for you to get to know my parents. To really get to know them, I mean. They said we could just go by ourselves, but … Listen, babe. I’m serious about you. I can’t imagine a future without you, and my mom and dad are gonna be part of it, too. I want you to have a connection with them other than me.”

  How could she disregard his wishes? His intentions were commendable and, keeping in mind how much she loved him, she consented despite her hesitation. And when she learned that his dad was so happy about it that he’d insisted on shouldering the entire financial cost, such generosity made her hesitation evaporate.

  They made her feel wanted, which she appreciated more than anything else they could have done.

  “We’ll definitely make time for each other,” Ryan had added, giving her a hug. “I promise we won’t spend every second with them!”

  That he might officially propose to her in Italy had not just brushed through her thoughts, but pushed its way right in. Also, seeing how much time their jobs absorbed, perhaps he—in either a covert or unconscious way—had intended to get around the traditional friction between future daughter- and mother-in-law, and at the same time form a bond between eventual mother and grandmother … However, such a step seemed premature. And reflecting on her life, she didn’t mind at all if things between them remained as they were. She had fought like a tiger to get a job as a web designer, starting in a tiny bedroom at her grandma Julia’s, grinding her way through school and bustling among the tables at the restaurant for years before h
er ship came in and she landed the position at Alex Torres’ startup. Now that she could enjoy the fruits of her sacrifices and place her career at the top of her priorities, the idea of starting a family didn’t appeal to her in the slightest. After all, she was just twenty-five.

  As her grandma used to say, “Let things run their course.” Following this philosophy had always saved her from any kind of regret, so she saw no reason to change it now.

  While the music of Senza Parole by Vasco Rossi came from her laptop—listening to Italian songs was her favorite way to work on the language, especially when the lyrics weren’t too complex—she laid out clothes for Italy on the bed. She was eying them, pondering how to pack them in one of her two carry-ons while leaving room for toiletries, when her cell phone rang. She looked at the screen.

  Oh God, Lauren!

  She let it ring. She was too busy right now to deal with the inevitable venting about Zeke—and the inevitable biting her tongue about her true feelings on the subject. List in hand, she checked to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything.

  She crossed sunblock off of her list, which reminded her— Oh darn it, a hat!

  She’d always considered the sun her nemesis and now she would be going to a country where that menacing star presided like the king of the castle. She needed an abundance of protection for her fair skin. She also had to be careful because the red in her hair did not adequately block the sun’s rays, which would be presumably worse there than here in Washington State.

  While she added it on her to-do list, hoping to purchase one on her lunch break the next day, her phone went off again. Lauren, of course.

  They were very close. In the years working at Chuck’s together, they had been best friends, but then she got a new job, new coworkers, a new location, and their paths had split. However, thinking about it, Lauren was still her best friend. Not seeing each other every day had probably changed her perception of their relationship, watering it down with days with no contact at all. Nevertheless, she didn’t share as deep of a connection with any other girlfriends.

  Maybe with Keisha, an African American woman ten years older from the office, although she couldn’t open up with her in the same way she did with Lauren. Keisha had more life experience, a marriage and a divorce included, underlining some of the differences that prevented them from becoming true “BFFs.” Meanwhile, the phone’s incessant ringer melody was making her feel guilty.

  “Lauren, hi,” she said, pausing YouTube.

  “Hannah, is this a bad time?”

  She exhaled slowly. Based on the depression and hesitation in Lauren’s voice, she already knew what they’d be talking about for the next half hour.

  “No, don’t worry about it. I was just trying to figure out how to fit my sketchbook in my suitcase without creasing the pages,” she explained, putting it next to her pencil case for now. As far as she was concerned, Washington State’s landscapes were second to none, but she knew that seeing Italy’s would spark her love of drawing.

  “Oh, okay. Do you have a minute then?”

  “What’s the problem?”

  “Zeke!”

  “Who else …”

  “I know, I know. But this time is different. He promised me he’s gonna leave her.”

  “It seems like he told you that same thing two or three weeks ago, didn’t he?” She cradled the phone against her shoulder to fold one of the dresses that remained on the bed—the one that best showed off her height and curves.

  “It seems like that because it’s the direction he’s been working in.”

  “Lauren, tell me the truth. In your heart, do you believe him?”

  “When we’re talking about it I totally do. But then when I’m by myself, maybe I think too much.”

  “Sometimes thinking is a good thing, though.”

  “Well, when you put it like that … But he’s doing something now. About his wife, I mean.”

  “Is he? First he didn’t want to ask for a divorce because she got the flu. Then he couldn’t because she was going on a business trip … Lauren, I really don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it for you.”

  “Today he told me that he can’t bring it up with her because lately she’s been working long hours on a new project. But in a few days, you’ll see.”

  “Oh, Lauren. I don’t know if you’re trying to convince me or not.” Her tone was joking, but with Lauren’s lack of a response she remembered how acutely her friend perceived slights, and again she felt lost on the convoluted border between friendship and principles. If Zeke had children or his wife were sleeping around, it would have been easier to choose whether criticize or back Lauren up; but the way things were made her feel wrong no matter what she said. “Lauren, you still there?”

  “Seriously, do you think he’s just stringing me along?”

  She carefully laid down her little black dress and sat in an empty spot at the foot of her bed.

  “I don’t know what to say. If you feel like Zeke is sincere, then it all comes down to whether you trust him or not.”

  “He’s 100% sincere. Things are so good when we’re together! I really love him. And he loves me. I’d bet my life on his sincerity. We don’t see each other often because of his wife, but when we do—it’s like magic.”

  “Other than the magic, have you talked about it together?”

  “We haven’t spent that time doing much talking, if you know what I mean.” Lauren giggled.

  “I don’t know why I’m still surprised by these answers.”

  “But it can’t go on like this! And you know I mean it. I’m not just gonna be some distraction from his boring marriage. I want more than that!”

  “You deserve more, Lauren.”

  “Thanks, Hannah. You’re so patient and supportive. I know you have things to do and I don’t wanna bother you with my problems.”

  “No, stop it. Even though we’re not working together anymore, I’m always here for you.”

  “You know, we miss you at the restaurant.”

  “I miss all of you, believe me.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Really, Lauren. Work is work, and you know that I wanted to be a web designer since high school. I made the right choice in taking this road, but it’s different in my office, on a human level. I’m not saying they’re a herd of assholes.” Lauren laughed with her at the image. “But with you guys it was carefree. The simplicity and support was really something else.”

  “It’s nice to hear that. And it’ll make Chuck happy to hear, too.”

  “How’s our dear old boss doing?” she asked, unable to remember when she’d last seen him.

  “He lost some weight recently. As for the rest, he’s still the same ol’ Chuck.”

  “When I’m back from Italy, I need to come visit.”

  “Speaking of your trip, feeling all prepared?”

  “I’m all set.”

  “God, I can’t believe you’re finally going to Italy!”

  “How do you think I feel! It’s like I’m living in a dream.”

  “So what are you two lovebirds planning to do once you get there?”

  “I don’t know yet. It depends on Ryan’s parents. We need to see wha—”

  “That’s a bunch of crap. Sorry, I’ve gotta say it, Hannah, but to organize a trip for your birthday and then bring along mommy and daddy … I mean … I mean … what’s up with that?

  “You’re asking me?” She let out a laugh, unable to resist how irate Lauren sounded on her behalf. “But they offered to pay for everything, and it would be ungrateful to complain. Don’t you think?”

  “To me it’s still the biggest bunch of crap I’ve ever heard. How does someone even come up with an idea like that, I wonder?”

  “Anyway, we’ll find some time to be alone.” She expected a “Duh!” or an “I hope so!” from Lauren, but only silence followed, and a glance at the sexy black dress spurred her to fi
ll it. “When I think about the trip, scenes from movies come to mind, with walks in picturesque towns, traditional foods, where the locals welcome you. It’s going to be so romantic. I can’t wait to be there with Ryan!”

  She waited again for a comment from Lauren, but none came. At first she frowned, then she understood.

  “Oh God, Lauren, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have talked about this stuff while you’re suffering ’cause of Zeke.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Hannah. I’m happy for you.”

  “We’ve just gotta wait and see what happens. If Zeke is the man we hope he is, you’ll be together soon. Otherwise, if we find out he’s a liar … well, it’s better to know once and for all, right?”

  Lauren stayed quiet again, so she realized that her own words didn’t sound as comforting as intended. It’s an ugly thing, the subconscious. Maybe she shouldn’t have answered the phone with her mind so preoccupied, regardless of Lauren calling back repeatedly.

  “Lauren? Everything ok?”

  “Yeah. Um, I’m gonna let you get back to your packing.” Lauren tried in vain to sound fine. “Thanks for listening. I’ll call you before you leave to say goodbye. Okay?”

  “I’m counting on it. And when I get back we absolutely have to get together, like old times.”

  “Yeah, old times. If you can manage to peel yourself away from Ryan, that is … ’Night, Hannah.”

  “Goodnight.”

  She was used to Lauren’s moods being up and down at times, but rarely had they ever been so low. She felt partly responsible for it and promised herself to patch up the relationship after her trip.

  2. Things Change

  At this time of day, 1st Avenue teemed with tourists, locals, and cars rushing to and fro. By early July, the weather had warmed up into the mid-70s, so Hannah and Keisha decided to get some fresh air and go grab lunch at a restaurant. Afterwards, they stopped by a nearby hat shop. Both wore light cardigans over their tops, steel gray for Hannah and blue-green for Keisha, the first in jeans and the other in a skirt that showed off her ebony legs. They attracted attention from the men who passed by—those with a companion just stole an admiring glance, so as not to make a scene.