Designs of the Heart

by Renee Ryder

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve gotta go out again. My dad’s coming soon and we’ve gotta set the nets for tonight.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  They stood facing each other, feet in the water, eye to eye.

  She stared at him, sketching his face in her mind to remember every detail. All of the beautiful and profound things he had said to her reverberated in her head like the most seductive yet terrible serenade; an echo that reached down to the depths of her heart.

  “Thanks for showing to me your special place.”

  “I’m happy you came.” He smiled, fascinating in a way she’d never realized before.

  “Well, Nico … Then, see you around?”

  “All right.”

  They looked at each other again, pale and serious in the dusk, only accompanied on that lonely stretch of beach by the murmuring sound of the sea.

  “Oh, I forgot!”

  “What happened?” She frowned.

  “Hold on.” He headed towards another boat nearby.

  She saw him lift up the tarp covering it and slip his hands inside, as if he were searching for something. Curious, she moved closer.

  He pulled out what seemed to be a sketchbook and came to meet her.

  “We don’t have any like yours,” he started, handing it to her. “I took yours from the trash can and went to every stationary store in town, with no luck. This one’s similar. It’s got the same dimensions.”

  Faced with such thoughtfulness, she had no words. Emotion surged inside, shaking her to the core. It made her eyes damp. She swallowed before responding.

  “I hope it’s fine.”

  “Yes, Nico. It’s perfect,” she replied in a choked voice. “But you hadn’t to do.”

  He smiled at her again.

  Her gaze remained locked on him, like iron to a magnet.

  “Thanks, Hannah.” He reached out his hand.

  She shook it. She appreciated the gesture, because in this final moment if he had tried to kiss her again, she didn’t think she could have said no.

  24. Waiting for the Big Day

  “Sue, how’s your steak?”

  “Tender. But this wine is a bit strong. Would you ask the waiter to bring us a bottle of water? Tomorrow is the big day. I don’t want to wake up with a headache.”

  “What would you like, fizzy or flat?”

  “Roger! You know that I’m not a fan of bubbles.”

  “Okay. I thought you were throwing away the rules today.”

  “What do you mean, darling?”

  “Well, this morning at the market … I’ve never seen you haggle with a vendor.”

  “But that’s what Italians do. Right, Hannah?”

  “…”

  “Hannah?”

  “Huh?”

  “Seeing as how you understand Italians much better than we do, I was asking you to confirm the tendency of the sellers to raise the price of the merchandise when they’re dealing with tourists.”

  “Yes, it’s kind of their custom.”

  “You know, dear, it’s really a shame that you missed that market this morning. Considering the amount and variety, I have no doubt that you would have found the kind of cork sandals you’ve been looking for. Do you remember the boulevard with all the trees along it, that starts at the piazza with the fountain?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Well, market stalls popped up everywhere! They were selling every kind of clothing and more. Dresses, shoes, fun jewelry, purses.”

  “Yes, there were a slew of those stalls. So many. And Sue had to visit every single last one.”

  “Oh, Roger. Always complaining! It’s natural to take a few minutes to browse out of curiosity. In places like that they can have items that don’t exist where we live. Think of the sundress that I bought. The fabric and color are perfect for wearing in this heavy humidity. Hannah, later I’d like to try it on and get your opinion.”

  “I already told you, you look great in it.”

  “You don’t count, Roger. You adore me. Your judgement, although appreciated, is biased.”

  “But Hannah loves you, too.”

  “She is a woman and our opinions on fashion have an objectivity that override emotions. Wouldn’t you say, dear?”

  “Yes, Sue.”

  “Anyway, don’t worry. They said that they come to Porto Loreno every Thursday morning, and next Thursday we’ll still be here. The guy with the sundresses assured me that I could even exchange it, if it doesn’t work for me.”

  “Sure, Sue. I’ll gladly come shopping with you.”

  “Now tell me, how did the day with Nico go?”

  “Hannah? Sorry, Sue. If I wanna ask for a bottle of water in Italian, flat, how could I say that to the waiter?”

  “You could say, Ci può porta una bottiglia di acqua minerale naturale, per favore?”

  “Okay. Here he is … Excuse me?”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “Ci può porta un bottilia acqua minerale naturale, por favore?”

  “Sì, signore.”

  “How did I do, Hannah?”

  “You passed! … So Sue, did you really haggle with the sellers at the market?”

  “Only the once. You know Roger. He loves to exaggerate. Just look at how he’s eating his steak and you’ll understand. He cuts the pieces so big that they would fit better on a pitchfork than a dinner fork.”

  “And I’m the one who exaggerates …”

  “So, dear. You were telling me about Nico.”

  “No, wait, you were telling me about haggling with a vendor, Sue. Interesting, ’cause I know you don’t like to question people in general, especially about money.”

  “Indeed! It’s so gauche to give the impression you want to save money. However, this man wanted to persuade me, at all costs, that the bag I’d selected was designer. Ridiculous! Anyone could see the stitching was the wrong color.”

  “She was right about that. That guy looked and sounded like a con artist.”

  “That bag was clearly an imitation, plus not that well made. It wasn’t worth even a quarter of the price he was asking for it.”

  “Did you end up getting it?”

  “No, because he insisted that he couldn’t give a discount on a bag of such ‘quality.’ Between us, I would have made the purchase without a fuss, but he was such a swindler that it truly irritated me and I could not give in. It’s a shame that it started to rain. I’m sure, had I continued to search, I would have found the bag I wanted.”

  “Are you kidding? The rain was a time-out sent from heaven.”

  “You say that only because you’re lazy! The real blessing was that stand where they sold umbrellas.”

  “A blessing for the guy running that stand! He made a pile of money from that storm. I said, why would anyone be selling umbrellas in the middle of July, with no hint of rain for days? A genius, plain and simple.”

  “Hannah, you wouldn’t have believed what a disaster it caused. The boulevard was slightly sloped, so the water started rushing down between the stalls in a torrent, while the wind slammed against the clothes and bags hanging on display. Those poor people had to work very hard to gather up the merchandise. Were you also caught in the rain?”

  “No. So you two went back home after the market?”

  “That was the idea from yours truly, but Lady Corwin decided on getting a coffee at what she called a ‘chic cafe’ in the piazza while we waited for the sun to come back out.”

  “I figured the storm wouldn’t last too long and wanted to remain in the area. Although when we returned, the majority of the stands were no longer there.”

  “They left?”

  “Each booth sets up in front of its own van. It must be a travelling market that visits various cities on specific days.”

  “Oh, that’s why you said they come back on Thursday!”

  “Exactly, dear. Considering the unfortunate weather, many
of them must have decided it was pointless to remain. And you and Nico? You found shelter, I suppose?”

  “Um, we were in the hills. Out there, the sky filled with clouds, but it only sprinkled. Nico said—”

  “Grazie. It’s not fizzy, right?”

  “No gas, sir.”

  “—that this kind of phenomenon happens often in Italy. They call them ‘water bombs.’ Basically a heavy downpour of rain that doesn’t last very long. I’d never heard of it before, have you?”

  “No. So how did it go? Was the countryside you were drawing pretty?”

  “I’d say so.”

  “And you drew the whole time? I ask because you were gone the whole day and I wondered how yo—”

  “I’ve never heard of these ‘water bombs’ either. But on the news they’ve mentioned ‘rain bombs’ before.”

  “Roger, why do you continue to interrupt Hannah?”

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Sorry, Hannah.”

  “It’s not a big de— oh, my phone. Sorry … It’s Ryan.”

  “Oh, Ryan! Go on, dear, answer. Quick, quick!”

  “Hi, Ryan.”

  “Hey, babe. How are you?”

  “Fine. How ’bout you?”

  “Great. I’m at the airport, as promised!”

  “Fantastic.”

  “I already checked in and went through TSA. The line wasn’t very long and I’m done sooner than I expected. Now I just have to wait for them to call us for boarding.”

  “How long till your flight?”

  “An hour and a half, at least if they’re not late. Since there’s time, I’m having a coffee.”

  “Okay.”

  “So, then, what’s up? Everything good?”

  “What? Say it again?”

  “What are you doing right now?”

  “Sorry, Ryan. We’re in a restaurant. It’s loud in here. I can barely hear you.”

  “I can’t talk louder, or everyone in here will give me dirty looks. I just called because I miss you so much, babe, and I wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Sorry, I’m having a really hard time hearing you.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. I guess I’ll go grab a bite to eat before I get on the plane. I don’t wanna die of hunger considering the so-called food they serve.”

  “Good idea.”

  “Are my folks there with you?”

  “Hold on, I’ll hand you over … Sue?”

  …

  “Hey, Ryan! Sweetheart! How are you?”

  “Good, you?”

  “Where are you?”

  “At the airport. It’s about an hour until boarding.”

  “I wanted to tell you that everything is confirmed with the driver. He’ll be waiting for you in Arrivals at the airport in Rome. We gave him the flight number, schedule, name, and everything.”

  “Thanks, mom.”

  “He’ll bring you straight to our apartment.”

  “If I get lost, I do have a phone.”

  “You have some euros, in case you want to get something to eat when you land in Frankfurt?”

  “Yes, mom.”

  “Your passport?”

  “Damn, I forgot it! Thank goodness they didn’t ask me for it at check-in.”

  “What do you me— Ryan! Are you making a joke?”

  “Sorry. But the questions you ask!”

  “I’m your mother. It’s my job to check that everything is okay.”

  “How’s dad?”

  “Hold on, you little ingrate. I’ll pass him the phone.”

  “Bye, mom.”

  “See you tomorrow, sweetheart.”

  …

  “Ryan?”

  “Hey, dad. Did you find anywhere to fish?”

  “Of course I did.”

  “And a place to rent fishing rods?”

  “I’ve got a better idea. You’ll see.”

  “So, you’re all ready?”

  “Just need you.”

  “I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon.”

  “We’re sure? You’re not gonna pull another stunt, are ya?”

  “Am I supposed to laugh?”

  “Have a good trip, son.”

  “See ya tomorrow, dad. Can you put Hannah back on?”

  “Sure … Here, he wants to say goodbye.”

  “Ryan?”

  “Babe. Are you ready for a fantastic week, my princess?”

  “I’m counting on it!”

  “You’d better! You’ll remember it the rest of your life.”

  “Okay.”

  “See you tomorrow. I love you.”

  “Me, too.”

  …

  “Now, dear. Aren’t you excited about seeing Ryan?”

  “Of course I am, Sue.”

  “Pardon me for saying so, but you don’t seem to be.”

  “Come on, Sue. What are you getting at? Do you want her to be lovey dovey with him in front of us?”

  “Well, no. But …”

  “Let’s not forget that we all agree Ryan acted like a jerk. She’s allowed to have some resentment still.”

  “Roger, thanks for the understanding. Really. But everything’s fixed between Ryan and me now. The fact is … Susan isn’t wrong. But Ryan’s got nothing to do with it. I just don’t feel well tonight.”

  “What’s wrong, dear?”

  “Do you want us to find a doctor?”

  “No, Roger. I’m not that sick. It must be from the boat.”

  “The boat?”

  “I think I might be seasick.”

  “You went on a boat?”

  “Huh?”

  “…”

  “…”

  “Yes, Sue. Nico showed me Porto Loreno from the water.”

  “I thought you two went into the hills.”

  “Yes, we spent the whole day there. But while we were chatting, I admitted I’d never been in a rowboat, so when we got back he suggested a trip.”

  “Oh. So why didn’t you mention it?”

  “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you about it, Sue. It just slipped my mind because we were only out for like ten minutes. I was meeting you guys and didn’t wanna be late.”

  “Sorry, dear. It wasn’t my intention to subject you to an interrogation, hahaha! It was I who suggested that you spend time with Nico the last few days, so certainly we trust you! But seeing that you’re turning red, I wondered if there was a problem.”

  “…”

  “What is it, dear?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Was he disrespectful?”

  “No, Sue. From that perspective, he was the perfect gentleman.”

  “Why, is there another perspective?”

  “C’mon, Sue. She explained she doesn’t feel well … Why didn’t you say so before, Hannah? We would’ve stayed home so you could rest.”

  “I thought it would be a brief thing. I told myself eating something would make me feel better.”

  “It’s not a bad idea, dear. You’ve hardly touched that scallop. You need some protein to feel well again.”

  “I tried, Sue. But my stomach isn’t interested in food right now.”

  “Then sip a little water. Did you drink anything during all that time up in the hills? After the storm, it turned out to be a pretty sunny day. You could be dehydrated.”

  “Maybe I didn’t drink enough.”

  “I bet that’s why you feel like this … Here. Have some water.”

  …

  “Thanks, Sue. It’s already getting better.”

  “I’m sure after a good night’s sleep you’ll be right as rain for the big day.”

  “By the way, did you find everything at the supermarket for Ryan’s welcome dinner?”

  “Oh, the supermarket! Don’t get me started on that!”

  “What happened?”

  “Well, first Roger got it in his head that he’s going to mak
e pancakes for breakfast on Saturday morning …”

  25. Rainbow

  Hannah checked the time on her phone.

  It’s already 4?

  She sighed and rolled over to stare at the ceiling again.

  It would be dawn soon and she hadn’t even closed her eyes. As if she didn’t have enough problems because of Ryan and Nico, now Susan was mixed in there, too.

  That relationship had gotten stronger day after day throughout the vacation. Remembering the skepticism she’d treated Ryan’s parents with before the plane took off, she couldn’t believe how powerfully she desired Susan to take an important role in her life.

  And now she feared everything was ruined.

  It seemed impossible that Susan hadn’t noticed her reticence about Nico during dinner. After the observation about “her turning red,” she should have answered promptly, but it was asked in such an innocent way that it stopped her from responding. That was when her credibility started to crumble and she could only watch it. Habitual liars know how to manage the anxiety from their deceits and often they get away with it. But she wasn’t familiar with the habit and it scared her that trying to cover up a harmless truth with Susan—because at the end of the day, only words had passed between her and Nico—might have created a worse, alternative truth. When Susan started babbling about the supermarket and its checkers rather than bringing up Nico again, she’d rejoiced like a hunted fugitive who’d managed to jump onto the boxcar of a moving train. In the solitude of her room at night, though, things seemed quite different. The boxcar hadn’t passed by accidentally. Maybe Susan had given her a way out.

  She didn’t want to hear things that might ruin our relationship. That’s why she stopped questioning me!

  The tangible joy she’d experienced that week from finding a mother/friend was going back to being as ethereal as a wish.

  Just because Susan had stopped asking her about Nico, didn’t mean she’d stopped wondering. And when you don’t voice your doubts, they grow and the brain becomes a factory of absurd scenarios. The silence feeds these scenarios, which seem more likely at every step. Only talking about them with other people can expose their falseness. That’s why she now wished Susan had asked her more questions; it would have been more freeing to face it right then in lieu of letting assumptions flourish. Assumptions that she refused to even imagine and that Susan probably had shared with Roger—maybe now they believed that she and the Italian fisherman had engaged in wild sex to punish Ryan for putting work first.