To Serve

by Lexy Timms

  Sighing, he turned to the exit and stopped in surprise when he found Evie standing there.

  “Where on earth did you come from?” Alistair asked.

  “I saw my father leaving the stables,” she said. “The look on his face...I don’t know why but it reminded me of that day. The day he told me I’d be sent away to boarding school.”

  “The day you were free of me, you mean.”

  She frowned. “That’s not fair.”

  “Admit it, Miss Smythe, you’ve long agreed with your father when it comes to me,” he said. “Though I don’t quite fit in with ordinary people, I also don’t fit in with your class either. The manor molded me into something too unique for you to know what to do with.”

  “You don’t have the right to judge me,” she snapped.

  “No. I suppose I don’t.” He frowned. “Still, you were the one who turned your back on me yesterday. So, after all that Miss Smythe, why are you really here?”

  OH, SHE HATED HOW OBSERVANT he was. Hated how he never missed anything. Though he kept so much to himself, he noticed details that others around him missed. That meant she couldn’t hide her true self from him, even if she desperately wanted to do just that. Hide herself so that he wouldn’t see how desperately she missed him.

  After she had coldly cast him aside yesterday, she realized that there was a hidden part of him she needed to see. A part of him she wanted to understand. Behind that cold, formal façade, she knew there was someone real there.

  “I told you I saw my father, and thought he might have been speaking to you.”

  “Why would you care about that?” he asked.

  She sighed. “I worried that he had figured out what you’d discovered. Try to use it against you. Or punish you for finding out.”

  “I suspect he knows,” Alistair said grimly.

  “What?” she gasped, and walked up to him. “How did he find out?”

  “I told him.”

  “Why on earth? Alistair, don’t you know that would only anger him? He’ll come after you now for certain.”

  “Let him,” he retorted. “I’ll be ready. Anyway, it’s about time someone stood up to him.”

  “You’ll be sacked.”

  “Your father threatened to sack me, but he won’t go through with it without concrete evidence. Though he did order me to stay away from you, Miss Smythe,” he said. “That was what he wanted to talk to me about.”

  “And?”

  “And I refused.”

  She swallowed. “Nobody refuses my father.”

  “I did,” he said bluntly.

  “But why? Why, when—”

  “When you put me in my place so well yesterday?” he finished for her. “Why refuse a request that you had already decided to comply with?”

  Tears stung the back of her eyes. She had been on the verge of tears all day. Regret at how she had dismissed him so cruelly had gnawed at her. Even though she had only done it to protect him from the consequences of idle gossip, it had broken her heart to do it.

  “You can’t put this all on me,” she said. “You know why things are the way they are.”

  “I suppose now you’re going to finally admit the truth. Admit that you think just like the rest of them. You believe I’m beneath you, you’ve just never had the courage to say it to my face.”

  “You have the nerve to talk about the truth?”

  “What the hell are you trying to say?” he demanded.

  She lifted her chin and glared at him. All this time, he’d wrongly thought that she was some rich snob with no regard for the feelings of others. When, really, she was trying to best to shield the people she cared about. “Tell me the real reason you don’t want me to marry Nicholas. Since you care so much about the truth.”

  He returned her glare with a scowl of his own. “You want to know why, Evie? It’s not just because he’s no damn good for you. Not just because he’s a tedious bell-end. It’s because I want you. All right? Is that the truth you want to hear? I want you. That kiss meant something. It meant everything.”

  Her heart fluttered at those words. Alistair wasn’t hiding behind protocol now. But she was going to need more than a confession in the heat of the moment. More than anger driving him to tell the truth. “If it meant so much, why don’t you prove it for once?”

  She thought he would retort something. Continue the argument. Fight with her until one of them stormed off in anger. Instead of doing any of that, Alistair reached for her and savagely took her mouth with his.

  Evie almost came undone from the force of the kiss. It was so hungry. So scorching as Alistair pried her lips apart with his tongue. He hadn’t waited for a coy invitation this time. Rather than waiting for subtlety, he had done exactly as she had ordered him. Proven to her how real that first kiss had been. As real as this one was.

  With a needy moan she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, desperate for closer contact. His big hands lowered to the small of her back. Then lower still, until he was cupping her backside and pinning her against him.

  Their tongues met. Collided. He groaned at that and ravished her mouth with his tongue. Exploring and tasting her with abandon.

  Desire flared within her. Spurred her on until she realized that if she wanted him to bare himself to her and tell her the truth, she had to show him the truth as well. What she felt for him was real. She couldn’t hide behind propriety and rules a moment longer.

  As he deepened the kiss she allowed her hands to skim down his hard chest, until she was tugging at the waistband of his black trousers.

  Alistair jerked back, tearing his mouth from hers in surprise. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving as he looked at her, raw need burning in his eyes. “Evie...you want to do that? Take this further?”

  “Yes,” she said, her voice trembling with her own barely-contained desire for him. She wanted him more than she wanted anything. “Right now.”

  “But what about—”

  Evie reached up to press her fingertips to his hot mouth, cutting him off instantly. “That doesn’t matter now. I told you, that’s a business relationship. A transaction. I’ll be faithful and honor my wedding vows when I’m married. But I’m not married at the moment, am I?”

  For a split second she worried that he might try to talk sense into her, but he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her passionately.

  When he pulled away again, her entire body protested. He kissed her so expertly. With a shameless hunger she never would have expected from a buttoned-up butler like him.

  He looked deep into her eyes, allowing his fingers to curl around her shoulders. “Where?”

  They couldn’t very well strip naked in the stables. She certainly didn’t want her first time to be an actual roll in the hay. Because that was what this moment was. Her first time. Evie wasn’t a nun. She had experienced pleasure with a man before. Strong hands gliding up her blouse or a mouth between her legs. That she knew. But she hadn’t done the actual deed with a man. Mostly because her relationships were such mercenary chess moves that they hadn’t lasted long enough for her to feel comfortable having sex. Not to mention many of her relationships were strictly supervised, and she hadn’t rebelled against that. It was difficult to have sex if she didn’t bother trying to escape her lady’s maid or the judgmental society ladies that watched her.

  “Not here,” she finally forced out. “There’s the stable cottage. Guests sometimes pay to stay there when they can’t afford the more extravagant rooms in the manor.”

  He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, the contact making her shiver with anticipation. “The cottage it is, then.”

  With her hand in his, she rushed out of the stables and raced towards the cottage. Though it was dark now, she couldn’t linger and chance anyone at the manor seeing them together like this. When they got to the front door of the cottage she flung it open and pulled him to her, kissing him as the door slammed shut.

  Her mouth was pressed to his as
they stumbled in the dark, through the small cottage to the only bedroom.

  Chapter 18

  ONCE THEY WERE IN THE bedroom, Alistair ended the kiss. “It’s pitch black in here. We need light.”

  Light meant that he’d want to see her naked. That made her nervous. She hadn’t been completely naked in front of a man before. Plus, turning on the light risked them getting caught.

  “We’ll be seen.” She paused. “Unless...”

  Evie moved towards the window and arranged the curtains, making sure the thick fabric was completely hiding them from view. With that done, she edged towards the night table by the bed and turned on the lamp.

  Though the light wasn’t very bright, the orange glow was much better than the inky blackness from earlier.

  She turned to him and swallowed hard. Now that she was actually in the bedroom, her nerves were starting to take over. Evie had never done this before. What if she did the wrong thing? Or made a fool of herself?

  Suddenly, he took several steps towards her. She felt his hands on her hips, his touch scorching her through the fabric of her dress. He pulled her closer to him. Close enough for her to feel his solid torso against her body. Close enough to feel the tell-tale hardness of his arousal.

  That stark reminder of Alistair’s physical response to her sent desire surging through her. Made liquid heat pool between her thighs. He wanted this as much as she did. The problem was, he obviously knew what he was doing while she didn’t know what to do next. Didn’t know what to do with herself or what to say. Evie wanted to appear like a worldly, sophisticated woman who knew her way around her own pleasure, but she wasn’t worldly at all.

  Alistair lifted his hand to the nape of her neck, sending bands of delicious heat radiating across her skin. Expertly, he dragged his fingers across her bare skin until he was gripping the strap of her dress.

  “I can’t wait to undress you,” he said, his voice low and ragged. “Since the moment I saw you again, I’ve wanted to see every inch of your skin, Evie.”

  The place between her legs throbbed as more heat pooled. Just the thought of being naked in front of him was chasing away so much of her earlier anxiety and replacing it with wanton lust.

  Though she didn’t know what a worldly woman would do in the moment, Evie knew what she wanted to do. Without hesitating, but with her hands shaking, she reached for the hem of her dress and peeled the fabric off. Though she had on lace panties she wasn’t wearing a bra, and the instinct to cover herself with her hands started to kick in. After all, that was what proper ladies were supposed to do when men they weren’t in relationships with were looking at them.

  And damn, Alistair was looking at her. His gaze raked over her, the desire in his eyes so blatant that she felt the weight of it as he took her in. First he started at her lips, then roamed down her neck. Then lower still, until his eyes were on her breasts. He groaned.

  “I was going to object to you undressing yourself, but I probably wouldn’t have been able to get you out of your clothes,” he breathed out. “What man could keep his mind on a task with all that to look at? You’re beautiful, Evie. Perfect.”

  Seeing how appreciative he was of her body gave her confidence. So much confidence that she decided to tug off her panties.

  She heard him groan but her mouth was too dry to speak. Anticipation was making her so nervous she hardly knew what to do with herself. Still unsure, she lay down on the bed—hoping that wasn’t acting like a naïve innocent.

  Alistair flashed her a smile and then started to strip out of his formal clothes. First he kicked off his shoes and removed his socks. Next he was tossing his black jacket aside. Off went his tie, and then the crisp white shirt.

  Her mouth watered the moment the shirt hit the floor. Alistair’s chest was perfectly sculpted. Now there was no doubt in her mind how physically demanding restoring cars must have been. From those broad shoulders to sinewy biceps to that hard, solid chest.

  Unable to contain herself Evie bit her lip, a soft, needy little moan escaping her.

  Alistair laughed. “Enjoying the show?”

  “Immensely.”

  He laughed again before finally stripping out of his pants.

  She was pleasantly surprised to find that he wore boxer briefs underneath. A decidedly modern choice for a man who dressed so traditionally to work. But before she had the chance to enjoy looking at him in his underwear, Alistair took off the black boxer briefs.

  Her eyes widened. Evie wondered if she was actually going to faint.

  It wasn’t that she hadn’t seen a man’s erection before. She had when she fooled around with her previous suitors. It was that Alistair was, well, huge. His length was rock-hard, with a girth that could only inspire the most shameless lust in a woman. Lust and, in a virgin, anxiety. Could she possibly take all of him? She didn’t know. But she was desperate to find out.

  “Come here,” she couldn’t help but demand.

  Grinning, he strode up to her and climbed into bed beside her. “What man could deny you?”

  At that moment, she started to worry that if he knew she was a virgin he might do just that. Turn her away for her inexperience. Evie didn’t want for this to end that way. No matter how nervous she was, she wanted to do this. With him.

  She wanted her first time to be with Alistair and no one else. Now that he was here with her, she could no longer deny the truth. All these years she had held out because none of the men she had dated measured up to Alistair. She had built him up in her mind ever since they had been ripped apart, and nobody but him seemed to reach those standards. Though she had built him up in her head, the real Alistair surpassed that. Because he was honest and good and funny, and cared about what was important. He didn’t play games. Didn’t care about how she made him look. Told her the truth without judging her unfairly.

  Which meant that, if he did turn her down because she was a virgin, he would probably do it gently. But Evie didn’t want gentle. She wanted passion. Pleasure. Him.

  Alistair moved closer and took her mouth with his. As he swirled his tongue into her mouth he lowered his hand down her thigh, stopping at her knee.

  He ended the kiss. “Do you want to spread your legs for me, love?”

  Oh. That sensual, tender sentence made her tremble with want. Unable to resist, she did exactly as he asked. She spread her shaking legs, eager to have him in spite of the anxiety.

  “Yes,” she said, practically panting. “I’m ready for you.”

  Alistair positioned himself between her legs and thrust into her.

  She inhaled sharply as every inch of him filled her to her limit. It wasn’t pain exactly. More surprise at such a new sensation. There was discomfort as her body adjusted to accommodate all of him.

  “Evie?” He stared deep into her eyes, probing her for an answer. “Are you all right? You seem—”

  “I’m just nervous is all,” she said. “Keep going.”

  “That’s not it.” Alistair’s entire body seemed to go still despite the fact that he was still inside her. “Have you done this before?”

  Her cheeks burned at that question. He had guessed. Of course he had guessed. She must have seemed like such an inexperienced fool to him. “No. I haven’t.”

  “Oh, hell. What a bastard I am.” He pulled out of her but she reached up and gripped his shoulders tightly, stopping him before he could get off her.

  “Alistair, don’t stop. You’re nothing of the sort. I want you.”

  “Why me?” he asked softly. “Why give me something so precious?”

  “Alistair, it’s my virginity not a diamond tiara,” she said with a laugh. “Besides, if my father is going to marry me off for money, I’m not going to give the duke everything.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “Do you want me to lose my virginity to Nicholas?”

  “Hell no.”

  “Then we are in agreement. Let me lose it to someone I want,” she said. “To someone like you.�
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  “Like me?”

  “Someone thoughtful and kind.” She gave him a saucy smile. “And hard in all the right places.”

  He laughed and moved to cover her with the weight of his huge body. Then he took her mouth again for a tender kiss and entered her once more. Discomfort gave way to pleasure. He started thrusting rhythmically, the first time she had ever shared this experience with a man. Her heart started to pound so hard she didn’t know if she was on the verge of ecstasy or the brink of panic. All she knew was that it was racing the same way it did when she was having one of her panic attacks.

  Alistair seemed to notice her fear because he slowed his strokes and pressed another kiss to her lips. This kiss wasn’t as heated. There was a reassuring tenderness to it that made her heart rate slow.

  When he ended the kiss to look at her, she lifted her arms to grab hold of his shoulders. Instead of anxiety, she now felt a desperate need to be closer to him. To feel the sensation of her skin on his.

  “Are you all right?” he choked out.

  She could sense the way his own pleasure overtook him as the flames in his dark eyes burned brighter and his breath came out in ragged exhalations. Alistair was holding back. For her. As much as he wanted to give in to the pleasure that was so obviously gripping him, he was taking his time. That melted her heart.

  “Yes. Don’t stop.” To emphasize her point she wrapped her legs even tighter around his waist, lifting her hips to coax him into pleasuring her again.

  With a low groan he thrust into her, sending unexpected waves of pleasure rippling through her body. The sensation was incredible. Pure bliss radiated from the center of her out to the recesses of her being. Her entire body was nothing but sensation.

  When he thrust again, pleasure overwhelmed her and she let out a moan. Her back arched involuntarily as the force of the ecstasy he was giving her intensified.

  As he stroked into her with faster, more powerful thrusts, she met his gaze. Found herself lost in his dark eyes that had turned into twin flames of pure desire. Alistair’s face was red and he was drenched in sweat as he seemed to give his all into pleasuring her with his body.