by Amy Clipston
“Ya, of course. I wouldn’t lie about that.” New tears burned at the back of her eyes.
Phoebe looked toward the doorway and then back at Christiana. “Remember last night when Dat read from the book of Isaiah during devotionals?”
Christiana nodded. “Ya.”
“I keep thinking about that one verse. I think it went, ‘The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.’”
Phoebe took Christiana’s hand in hers. “God will take care of your broken heart. Just ask him to help you through this. He will, and I will too.”
Christiana sniffed and then rested her cheek on Phoebe’s slight shoulder for a moment. “How did I wind up with such an amazing little schweschder?” she asked as she straightened.
Phoebe shrugged as her lips twitched. “Well, I think you’re just very blessed.”
Christiana chuckled despite her broken heart. She had lost Jeff, but she still had her precious Phoebe. If only their relationship could be enough to sustain her for a lifetime.
* * *
Bethany’s eyes widened as Christiana sat with her cousins in the Coffee Corner the following morning. “I had no idea your dat was that strict.”
Salina turned toward Christiana. “I’m so sorry that he forbade you from seeing Jeff.” She touched her chin. “Do you think it would help if mei dat talked to him? After all, he’s the bishop.”
“Danki, but no.” Christiana shook her head. “He said the discussion is over. And when he says it’s over, he means it.”
“Why is he so afraid you’ll leave the faith?” Leanna asked. “You’ve never been rebellious. You didn’t even want to go camping with your youth group back when you were eighteen.”
“And you missed a super-fun weekend,” Salina said, reminding her. “Seriously, that would be so out of character for you. None of us has ever said we wanted to leave the faith. We were all baptized with our youth group. We never second-guessed the church.”
“I know.” Christiana stared down at her coffee as her lips trembled. She had to control her emotions. She would not cry again today.
“If only Jeff could do something to prove that he’s not going to corrupt you.” Bethany tapped her finger against her lower lip. “It really wasn’t gut enough that he offered to stop using electricity?”
“No.” Christiana shook her head. “Dat said since Jeff has had even that little taste of the world, he’ll move on to other things, like fancy clothes and cars.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Leanna shook her head. “So many Amish work in stores with electricity, and they don’t leave the faith.”
“That’s what I said, but he told me I had to stay away from Jeff and abide by his rules. If I don’t, he’ll make me leave the market and go back to my bake stand at the haus. I can’t lose my booth. It means too much to me.” Christiana sniffed. “I just don’t know how I’m going to say good-bye to Jeff.”
“Ach, I’m so sorry.” Salina rubbed Christiana’s back. “I know you care about him. If only there was something we could do to change his mind.”
“But what?” Leanna looked up at the ceiling as if it held the answer to Christiana’s problems. “What if Jeff went by the haus to talk to him?”
“No.” Christiana shook her head. “He’s not welcome there. Dat made that clear. He wants me to meet someone else, but I only want to be with Jeff.”
“You don’t just care about him,” Bethany said. “You care about him a lot.”
“Ya.” Christiana gave her a watery smile. “I’m falling in love with him.”
Her cousins gasped in unison, and Christiana looked down at the table as she wiped her eyes. Sadness squeezed at her lungs.
“Hey. Christiana.” Salina tapped her shoulder. “Someone is here to see you.”
Christiana looked up as Jeff stepped into the Coffee Corner. Her stomach seemed to sink and fresh tears threatened as his eyes searched hers.
“Christy,” he said as he approached the table. “Can we go somewhere private to talk?”
“Ya.” Christiana picked up her cup of coffee and divided a look among her cousins. “I need to go.”
“Be strong,” Salina whispered as Christiana followed Jeff out of the booth.
23
Panic crashed through Jeff as he led Christiana out to the far end of the parking lot under a large oak tree. The tears now streaming down her beautiful face were breaking his heart.
“Please tell me what happened when you got home last night.” He worked to keep his voice even despite the worry that made him feel ill.
“I can’t see you anymore.” Her voice had thickened. “Mei dat has forbidden it. I can’t be your freind, and it’s killing me.” She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I don’t understand. He won’t even let us be freinden?” Jeff took a step toward her, but she backed away.
“Please don’t make this harder. Mei dat was furious when I got home.” She explained what he’d said.
“But I’d never leave the faith! Didn’t you tell him I’ll stop using the electricity immediately?” He searched her eyes for any trace of hope, but he found none. His chest constricted as if someone were tightening a rubber band around it.
“I did, but he said it was too late. He said if someone has already experienced the English ways, there’s no going back.” She told him how she used the example of other Amish working for Englisher businesses, but nothing convinced her father that Jeff wouldn’t leave the church. “I tried, Jeff. I truly did. I asked him if you could go to church with us and then come visit. I told him he would approve of you if he gave you a chance and spent time with you.”
“And he still wouldn’t give an inch?”
“No.” She sniffed. “He said I have to stay away from you and that I’ll meet another man.”
Jeff gritted his teeth as jealousy walked up his spine as if on spider legs.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “And I told him . . . I told him . . .” More tears fell.
“What, Christy?” He wiped away her tears with the tips of his fingers. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him I’m falling in love with you, but he wouldn’t listen to me. It didn’t matter.”
Jeff froze at her words. She loves me. She loves me. She loves me!
“I can’t do this.” She took a step back. “I have to go. I’m so sorry, Jeff. I’ll miss you.”
Before Jeff could respond, Christiana took off, running across the parking lot, the ties from her prayer covering fluttering behind her. He stared after her as what she’d said echoed in his mind. Christiana loved him, but the door to their future had closed—now, after his heart had finally begun to heal. How would he ever recover?
I’m falling in love with you too.
* * *
Jeff knocked on the front door of the two-bedroom daadihaus on Lewis’s father’s property later that evening. He jammed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels as he waited.
The screen door wrenched open, and Lewis’s dark eyes widened as he peered out.
“Jeff, hi.” His brow furrowed. “I wasn’t expecting to see you this evening.”
“I’m sorry for just stopping by. Are you alone?”
“Ya.” Lewis opened the door wide. “Come in. What’s going on?”
“I have a problem. I need your advice.”
Lewis frowned. “It sounds serious.” He pointed toward the table. “Have a seat.”
“Danki. It is serious.”
“Do you like chicken potpie?”
“I love it. I didn’t know you cooked.” Jeff sat down at the table.
“I don’t, but mei mamm loves me.” Lewis gave Jeff his signature grin as he opened the oven and took out two chicken potpies on a cookie sheet. “Mei mamm makes them ahead of time and freezes them. I was feeling hungry tonight, so I made
two. I’m also feeling generous, though. I’ll let you have one.”
“Danki.”
Lewis brought the potpies to the table, and after a silent prayer, they began to eat.
“Tell me what’s going on,” Lewis said.
Jeff told his best friend about the last two days, hoping a brilliant idea for how to improve his situation would come to mind as he recounted them. But nothing new occurred to him.
Lewis put down his fork, and his lips pressed together in a flat line as he listened.
“So today I learned that Christiana loves me, but she’s forbidden from seeing me,” Jeff concluded. “I can’t even be her freind. I tried to talk to her again before we left for the evening, but she told me to have a nice night and hurried off. I can’t believe that the day I find out she loves me is also the day I find out I can’t even have conversation with her anymore.”
Lewis clicked his tongue and shook his head.
“Please say something,” Jeff said, begging him. “I feel like I’m going out of my mind.”
“I’m stunned, and I don’t understand Freeman’s view at all. Renae’s schweschder works at a store that has electricity, and she’s still Amish. The bishop approves because the business is owned by an Englisher. That’s how it is.” Lewis picked up his fork and dug into the potpie’s flaky crust. “I think Freeman is completely wrong.” He took a bite and chewed.
“I agree.” Jeff leaned forward, desperation boiling in his gut. “How can I fix this? Please tell me what to do. Give me some advice that can help me get Christiana back.”
“That’s a tough one.” Lewis picked up his glass of water and took a drink. “Freeman is determined to keep you two apart, so I honestly don’t know how to help.”
Jeff groaned as he looked down at his uneaten potpie. His appetite had dissolved as he told his story.
“You should eat that,” Lewis said. “I promise you won’t find a better potpie in all of Lancaster County.”
Jeff stared at the pie as his thoughts spun with the memory of Christiana’s sad face. “I don’t know how to go on without her.”
“You love her.”
“Ya.” Jeff looked over at Lewis, who smiled. “Why are you smiling?”
“I’m froh that you finally got over Ella and found someone else. That’s a big step forward for you.”
“But now I’m heartbroken because I can’t be with the maedel I love.” Jeff held up his hand. “Help me fix this.”
“Well . . .” Lewis wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. “Stop using electricity at the market, let things settle down for a month or so, and then go see her daed. Try to explain that your intentions are gut and genuine. Promise him that you’ll stay Amish. Tell him you love his dochder and you’d never hurt her.”
Jeff nodded as he considered the idea. “That sounds gut, but how do I stay away from her for that long?” Trepidation pressed down on his shoulders.
“You don’t have a choice.” Lewis pointed his fork at Jeff. “We just have to figure out how to convince her dat to let you back into her life.”
Jeff stared out a window as anguish punched him in his gut, sending an ache throughout his body. He had no idea how he would carry on at the market every day without Christiana’s friendship, but worse, how was he going to convince Freeman to give him another shot?
* * *
“Hey, Jeff!”
Jeff stopped climbing his back steps and turned as Nick hurried up the path to his house. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for you.” Nick pointed toward their parents’ house. “Mamm thought you were going to join us for supper tonight. She was worried about you. We all were.”
“I went to see Lewis after I left the market.” Jeff unlocked his back door and pushed it open.
Nick ascended the steps. “You look upset. Is something wrong?”
Jeff snorted. “You could say that.”
“Did something happen with Christiana?”
“Ya. It sure did. In fact, a lot happened.” Jeff sighed as he stepped into the mudroom and hung his straw hat on the peg by the door.
“Did you break up?”
“Not exactly. I never even got an opportunity to date her.”
“Uh, I’m confused. Didn’t you get the chance to talk with her daed?” Nick followed him into the kitchen.
Jeff set his lantern on the table and then leaned back against the counter. “No. He’s forbidden her to see me.”
“Why?” Nick took a step back as he put his hands on his hips. “What could you have possibly done to make him do that?”
“I used electricity at work.” As Jeff explained what happened, his brother listened wide-eyed. “I went to see Lewis when I left the market to get his advice.”
“What did he say?”
Jeff ran his hand down the stubble on his chin. “He suggested I convert to a power inverter at the market, wait a month or so, and then go see Christiana’s daed and ask for another chance.”
“Do you think that will work?”
“I doubt it.” Jeff crossed his arms over his chest. “I have no idea what to do.” He paused and looked down at the floor. “She told me she loves me today. I love her too. But now I’m stuck. I can’t see her, and it’s killing me.” He looked at his brother’s shocked expression. “Can you offer me any advice?”
“Wow.” Nick sank down onto a kitchen chair. “I’m just stunned.”
“Because of what happened? Or because I admitted I love her? Never mind. Either way, that makes two of us. Yesterday I was planning to visit her daed to ask his permission to date her. Now I’m not welcome in his haus.”
“This is so ridiculous,” Nick said. “Did she tell him our bishop approves of your working at the market and using electricity?”
“I think so.”
“That’s what you can tell him.” Nick stood again. “You can take Lewis’s advice and then go see him. Tell him you converted to using a power inverter. When he says you’re already a sinner, tell him our bishop approves of using some electricity when working for Englishers. If he’s a reasonable man, he’ll allow you to date Christiana.” His expression relaxed. “Just give him some time to calm down.”
“I don’t know. Christiana says his mind is made up. I doubt he even cares that some bishops allow the use of electricity at English businesses, including his own brother-in-law. She told me her daed was strict, but now I see he’s more than strict. He’s set in his ways and unbending.”
“But doesn’t he want his kinner to be froh?” Nick asked. “Mamm and Dat always told us to work hard, stay in the church, and be froh. Why would Freeman deny his dochder happiness? You’re both baptized into the church. You’re both living the Plain life. Isn’t that what our parents pray for us to do?”
“I thought so.” Jeff detected a thread of desperation in his voice. “I’ve been trying to figure this out all day.” He rubbed at an ache in his chest. “I don’t understand why God would lead me to Christiana and then take her away. It doesn’t make any sense.” His eyes burned, and he struggled to keep his emotions under control. “I feel like I’ve lost her forever, and it scares me.”
“Don’t give up.” Nick patted his arm. “Trust God. Pray that Freeman will realize he’s made a mistake.”
“I will.” Jeff would send up the most fervent prayers he’d ever prayed, begging the Lord to bring Christiana back to him.
* * *
“Did you talk to your dat about Jeff again last night?” Salina’s question was gentle as Christiana sat with her cousins in the Coffee Corner the following morning.
“No.” Christiana’s voice was soft as she absently folded a napkin over and over until it was a small square. “He made it clear that there’s no room for debate, so I said very little to him.”
“Did your mamm say anything?” Bethany asked. “Aenti Lynn is so sweet and supportive. Did she offer to talk to your dat for you?”
“No.” Christiana tried to clear her thickening th
roat. “She always says his decisions are final.” She pressed her lips together as renewed frustration boiled in her stomach. If only her mamm would just once stand up to her daed. She sighed. This wasn’t Mamm’s fault. It was Dat’s fault for being so stubborn.
“What happened after you and Jeff left here together yesterday morning?” Leanna asked. “We all wanted to come see you later, but none of us could get away.”
Bethany and Salina both nodded.
Christiana unfolded the napkin. “I told him I can’t see him anymore. Then I avoided him all day because I don’t know what else to do.” How it hurt her heart to stay away from Jeff, but she had to obey her father’s rules if she wanted to keep her booth at the market. She didn’t want to lose the opportunity to at least see Jeff from afar. Just knowing he was there gave her comfort. She also didn’t want to give up her time with her cousins. Their talks helped her make it through the day.
She didn’t want to lose her precious booth for another reason too. After spending years under her father’s strict roof, she considered her booth her one place of freedom, her place of purpose. It was hers, all hers. It was where she connected with the community and shared her special baked goods. She dreaded the thought of going back to her roadside stand after building up this place of solace and happiness.
When she felt something soft rub against her leg, Christiana looked down at Daisy. The gray tabby blinked at her. She smiled at the cat, despite her overwhelming sadness.
“I’m sorry.” Salina’s expression was kind. “I know Jeff means a lot to you.”
“Ya.” Christiana gave her a weak smile. “He always will.”
She looked toward the entrance to the Coffee Corner just as Jeff walked in, and her breathing paused as she took in the sadness in his eyes. She felt as if her heart was shattering bit by bit as she stared at him. How was she supposed to see him at the market and not be reminded of what she’d lost? It was too much. She had to leave before threatening sobs choked her.
“I need to go,” Christiana told her cousins as she stood up. She headed for the exit, and as she moved past Jeff, she whispered, “Gude mariye.”
“Christy. Wait.” He reached for her arm, but she slipped by him, picking up speed.