by Amy Clipston
* * *
Jeff’s hope deflated like a balloon quickly losing its air as Christiana moved past him. He’d hoped to have a minute to talk to her, but she’d rushed off without giving him the opportunity to say a word.
He’d spent hours pouring his heart out to God before he fell asleep last night, and he was certain he would carve out a path for them. All Jeff had wanted this morning was to tell Christiana how much he loved her and what he planned to do about her father.
“Hi, Jeff.” Bethany gave him a wide smile. “Come sit with us. I’ll get your kaffi and donut. I made pecan-flavored kaffi today. I think you’ll like it.” If only he could have an ounce of her enthusiasm and positivity. She tapped the table before moving to the counter. “Have a seat right here.”
“Okay.” Jeff looked over at Salina and Leanna.
Salina waved him over. “We want to talk to you.”
Jeff hopped up on the stool Christiana had been sitting on. If only she were beside him now.
“How are you?” Leanna said in earnest.
“I’m not sure.” Jeff rested his elbows on the table. “I’m still in shock.”
“Christiana is too.” Salina looked grim. “She’s heartbroken.”
“I just don’t understand Freeman,” Jeff said. “How is using electricity in a market the same as being shunned? Surely your whole family doesn’t believe that”—he pointed toward the counter where Bethany poured coffee—“because Bethany uses electricity here.”
“No, our whole family doesn’t believe that,” Leanna said. “Most of our family members believe it’s okay to use electricity if you work for an Englisher. And Salina’s dat is our bishop.”
“It’s just not okay to use it at home,” Salina added.
“Exactly.” Jeff pushed his hands through his curls. “I just don’t see how Freeman’s beliefs are so far afield.”
Bethany approached the table and handed him his cup of coffee and a donut. He pulled out his wallet.
“Put that away. It’s on the haus today.” Bethany smiled.
“Danki.” He took a sip of the coffee. “I went by to see my best freind after I left here last night, and then I talked to mei bruder.” He shared what Lewis suggested to win over Freeman. “Do you think that will work? You all know him better than I do.” He searched their faces for any sign of hope.
“It might.” Bethany seemed to be forcing her smile. “I think giving him time to cool down is definitely a gut plan.”
“I do too,” Leanna said. “And converting to another kind of power will show him that you’re serious.”
“But . . .” He divided a look among them. “You’re all hesitating. Tell me what you truly think.”
Leanna’s expression warmed. “I can tell you love Christiana, and she loves you too. I think it’s important that neither of you give up.”
“Exactly.” Bethany nodded vigorously. “Have faith. Ask God to guide Onkel Freeman’s heart.”
Jeff nodded. Only God could close this great chasm between Christiana and him. He knew that for sure.
24
The next week Christiana tried to concentrate on the church service, but her thoughts kept swirling. Her eyes betrayed her and frequently focused on the unmarried men section of the congregation. She imagined Jeff sitting there, smiling at her while they enjoyed the service together.
But Jeff wasn’t here with her today at the Bontrager family’s farm. He wasn’t welcome because of her father. And the last week had been one of the most difficult of her life.
Christiana stared down at her white apron and the skirt of her yellow dress as the minister continued to talk about the book of Mark. She sniffed as anguish filled her chest.
She reached into her apron pocket and fiddled with the key chain Jeff had given her. She had kept it with her every day since he’d placed it in her hand, and she planned to keep it as a reminder of their friendship and her love for him. It was the only piece of him she had left.
“You okay?” Salina’s soft voice was next to her ear.
Christiana nodded, afraid her tears would spill if she spoke.
“Everything will be okay. I promise you.” Salina touched her back.
Oh, how Christiana wanted to believe her cousin. But how could anything ever be okay again if her father refused to believe Jeff was a good man?
Christiana did her best to concentrate on the remainder of the service. After the last hymn, she walked toward the house to help serve the noon meal with her cousins.
“Christiana!”
Christiana turned as Mammi came toward her, limping a little. “Hi, Mammi. Is your knee bothering you today?”
“It’s a little sore. Danki for asking, sweetie, but I’m fine. I’m just worried about you.”
“What do you mean?” Christiana’s body trembled. What did Mammi know about Jeff?
“Would you take a walk with me so we can talk?” Mammi nodded toward the Bontragers’ pasture. “Why don’t we take a stroll along the pasture fence?”
Oh no. Is she going to lecture me? What has Mamm told her?
Christiana forced a smile as her hands trembled. She couldn’t take another round of accusations about how Jeff would convince her to leave the Amish.
“Of course, Mammi,” she said. “That sounds nice.” She folded her hands and fell into step with her grandmother. “How are you today?”
“I already told you I’m fine. I want to talk about you.” When they reached the fence, Mammi touched Christiana’s arm and turned toward her. “You looked so bedauerlich during the service that it almost made me cry.” She cupped her hand to Christiana’s cheek. “What’s going on, mei liewe?”
Christiana studied her grandmother’s blue eyes, which reminded her of her mother’s and sister’s. Maybe she didn’t know about Jeff and her father’s directive to avoid him. “You don’t already know?”
“Don’t know what, dear?”
“Mei mamm didn’t tell you about Jeff Stoltzfus?”
“Who’s that?” Mammi smiled. “Is he the handsome man at the marketplace your cousins told me about? Is he your new boyfriend?”
Christiana shook her head and leaned forward over the split rail fence. She looked out toward the horses frolicking happily in the field. How would it feel to be free like those horses, trotting around without a care in the world?
“Christiana?” Mammi touched her shoulder. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
Christiana turned toward her. “You’re right. Jeff is the handsome man I met at the market. We had become gut freinden, and I really care about him, but mei dat won’t let me see him anymore.”
“Why?” Mammi’s eyes seemed to fill with concern.
“At the market, he uses electricity to run a machine that cuts leather for the leather gifts he makes to sell. Dat said I can’t see him because Jeff will influence me to leave the church. He thinks he’ll go from using electricity at the market to using it at home, driving a car, and leaving the church.” Christiana’s voice quavered. “It doesn’t make any sense. Bethany uses electricity at the market, and Onkel Lamar doesn’t forbid it. Why does Dat believe Jeff would lead me away from the church just because he uses electricity?”
“I’m so sorry.” Mammi’s expression was sympathetic. “Your dat is a little more overprotective than your onkels are.”
“But he’s even more overprotective than our bishop, Mammi. Do you know why?”
Mammi looked past her toward the horses.
Christiana gasped. “You do know something. What is it?”
Mammi pressed her lips together. “I’m guessing your parents never told you about your onkel Aquilla.”
“Who?” Christiana scrunched her nose. Was Mammi getting confused in her old age?
“He was your dat’s older bruder.”
“Dat was an only kind.” Mammi was getting confused.
“No, mei liewe, he had a bruder who was ten years older than he was.”
Christian
a’s eyes widened. “Then why have I never heard of him? What happened to him?”
“He was a brick mason like your dat. He worked with your daadi, just as your dat did when he was old enough. He got an offer to work for an Englisher and make more money. Your daadi didn’t want him to go, but Aquilla took the job. I think he was about twenty years old. Then Aquilla started abandoning his Amish ways. He started dressing English and got involved with an English woman.”
Christiana gasped. “Did he leave the Amish church?”
“Ya, he did.” Mammi frowned. “Your daadi and mammi tried to convince him to stay. They reminded him that he was baptized, and that if he left, he would be shunned. They begged him not to go. They offered to build him a haus. They tried everything they could to get him to come back to the faith, but he left the community when he was twenty-two or twenty-three.”
“And what happened then?” Christiana hung on her mammi’s every word.
Mammi’s eyes grew sad. “Not long after, he died.”
“What?” Christiana cupped her hand to her mouth. “How?”
“He was found with drugs in his system. He overdosed, but they don’t know if he took his own life or if it was accidental. Your grandparents were devastated. In fact, they never got over losing him. He was only twenty-five.”
“Oh, Mammi.” Christiana wiped at her wet eyes with her hand. “I had no idea. I always believed mei dat was an only child. I had no idea I had another onkel.”
“I think it was too painful for your grandparents and your dat to talk about him. Your dat told your daadi and me the story one night when he was dating your mamm. But he never mentioned it again after that.” Mammi rubbed Christiana’s shoulder. “Do you understand now why your dat is so strict with you?”
“I do.” Christiana pulled a tissue out of her pocket and wiped her eyes and nose. “Now it makes more sense. I always wondered why he was so leery of Englishers. He doesn’t want to lose me to the English world like he lost his bruder.”
“Exactly.”
“But I’m not his bruder,” Christiana said. “I’m loyal to my church, and Jeff is too. Jeff has never said he’s interested in leaving. How can I convince mei dat that he’s misjudging both Jeff and me? That we aren’t in danger of abandoning our faith?”
Mammi shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s not my place to tell your dat what to do.”
“But I love Jeff, Mammi.” Christiana’s voice cracked. “I believe God sent me to the market to minister to him and help him learn to trust again after his fiancée broke his heart last year. We’ve come such a long way in our friendship. How can I give up on him now?”
Mammi clicked her tongue. “I can pray for you, but I cannot change your daed’s mind. You could try talking to your mamm.”
Christiana shook her head in disappointment. “Mamm never goes against Dat. She says he’s the head of the household and she’ll obey whatever he decides.”
“She learned that from me.” Mammi smiled. “But a fraa has a way of talking to her husband and sharing how she feels. If you talk to your mamm, maybe she’ll be willing to try to soften your dat’s heart. He might be more apt to listen to her because she won’t seem as disrespectful as he might think you do when you disagree with him.”
A tiny glimmer of hope took root in Christiana’s soul. “Danki, Mammi.” She wrapped her arms around her grandmother and hugged her. “Danki so much for talking to me today.”
“Gern gschehne.” Mammi squeezed Christiana’s hand. “We’d better get back to the kitchen before your cousins send out a search party.”
As Christiana walked with her grandmother toward the house, her mind swirled with thoughts of her father and his older brother, whom she’d never known. She’d rarely considered what her parents experienced before they were married and had children. Her father had a whole life she never knew existed! Now she understood his overprotectiveness, but she needed to convince her mother to help her change his mind. She’d pray for the right words and approach Mamm when the time was right.
* * *
“Mamm?” Christiana tapped on her mother’s open bedroom door later that evening. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” Her heart hammered so hard she was certain Mamm could hear it.
She’d waited all day for this perfect opportunity. While Mamm relaxed on her bed reading, Dat was outside checking on their animals and Phoebe was in the shower. Christiana guessed she had a half hour to talk to her mother alone before anyone interrupted them.
“Of course.” Mamm set her reading glasses on the bedside table and placed her book beside them. “What’s on your mind?”
“I spoke to Mammi today, and she told me an interesting story.”
“Oh?” Mamm’s expression was bright as she pointed to the bed. “Have a seat and tell me.”
Christiana sank down on the corner of the bed. “She told me about Onkel Aquilla.”
Mamm’s eyes rounded as she looked at the doorway and then back at Christiana. “Why did she tell you that story?”
“Because I told her how Dat feels about Jeff. Why did you never tell me I had an onkel I’d never met?”
Mamm lowered her voice. “Your dat doesn’t like to discuss it. It’s his story to tell, not mine.”
“But Onkel Aquilla is the reason Dat is so overprotective of Phoebe and me?”
Mamm nodded. “Ya, and I don’t blame him. We don’t want to lose either of you. We don’t want you to leave the faith, and we certainly don’t want you to experience the world the way Aquilla did.” Her expression became grave. “A parent should never have to bury a kind.” She clicked her tongue as her blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears.
“I know, but you can trust me. I’m not Aquilla. I’m not interested in dressing like an Englisher or dating an Englisher. I’d also never abandon the faith. I think I’ve shown you that I’m trustworthy.”
“Now, Christiana”—Mamm lifted her chin—“I don’t like your tone. I’m not going to go against your daed. You know that. If he says you can’t date Jeff, it’s not my place to go against him. His word is final.”
Christiana nodded and took a deep, trembling breath. “I’m only asking you to listen to me. Please.” She took one of her mother’s hands. “I love Jeff. I’m heartbroken that I can’t be with him. I feel in my heart that I belong with him. Didn’t you feel that way when you met Dat?”
Mamm gave her a solemn nod and withdrew her hand to smooth a wrinkle in her dress. “I did feel that way.”
“Then why can’t you at least try to talk to Dat for me? Tell him that I’m trustworthy and that I would never do anything to deliberately disappoint you or disrespect the church in any way. Tell him he should give Jeff a chance to prove that he’s not a bad influence. Remind Dat that Jeff isn’t Aquilla.”
Mamm studied her, and Christiana shifted under her stare. “Did your mammi tell you to say that to me?”
“No.” Christiana shook her head “Mammi suggested that I talk to you, but she didn’t tell me what to say.”
Mamm shook her head. “Leave it to mei mutter and her advice.”
“She’s a very schmaert woman.”
“Ya, she sure is.” Mamm touched Christiana’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I can convince him to give Jeff another chance, but I’ll try my best. You must give me time to choose the right moment to talk to him. And you need to understand that my efforts might completely fail. All I can do is try.”
“That’s all I ask. Danki.” As Christiana hugged her mother, she closed her eyes and silently prayed.
Lord, danki for my family. Danki for blessing me with a wunderbaar mamm and mammi. Please give Mamm the right words to convince Dat to give Jeff another chance so I can be with him. And please bless Jeff and keep him safe.
25
“Gude mariye.” Christiana gave Jeff a little wave and a sheepish smile as she walked past his booth carrying a cup of coffee that Thursday morning.
“Gude mariye.” His pulse sped up as it did ev
ery morning when she walked past him in the market. “It’s a schee day, isn’t it?”
“Ya, it is.” She tossed the words over her shoulder as she continued to her booth. “It’s hot out already. It certainly feels like August.”
“It does,” he called after her. “Have a gut day.”
His shoulders slumped as she disappeared into her booth. He’d hoped and prayed she’d come into his booth one morning and announce that her father had agreed to give him a second chance. But for now they were reduced to mundane pleasantries and waves from across the market. How he missed her friendship. He missed their lunchtime talks and the way she gave him a sweet smile that seemed to be meant only for him. He missed her voice, her laugh, her adorable freckles.
As much as it hurt his heart, this morning he’d made his own coffee at home and brought it with him in a thermos. It wasn’t nearly as good as Bethany’s delicious flavored coffee, but he hoped giving Christiana some space at the Coffee Corner would help her figure out if she wanted to fight for his friendship.
So far, though, the distance had created only more distance, and it was slowly eating away at his soul.
Jeff had kept his promise and converted from using electricity to using a power inverter to run his burnishing machine. And just as Lewis and Nick had suggested, he was going to wait a while before trying to convince Freeman that his love for Christiana was real. He wanted the chance to prove he would love and cherish his daughter and never lead her away from the Amish church.
“Hi, Jeff.” Sara Ann stepped into his booth.
“Gude mariye.” Jeff worked to keep a smile on his face despite his annoyance. He didn’t need her gossip or snide comments today.
“Have you heard anything about a renter for that booth next to yours?” she asked. “I would have thought a new vendor would be in it by now. It’s been empty for two weeks.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Oh.” She paused, but only for a second. “Say, I noticed you and Christiana aren’t talking much these days, and your lunch dates have stopped. Did you two break up?”