The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond

by Lee Harrington

  I have heard it argued that ordeals are an opportunity to exorcise and chase out our demons. To remove them from our spirit like a form of psychic surgery.

  “Not a few who meant to cast out their devil, went thereby into the swine themselves.”

  --Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra, often paraphrased (thanks to Joseph Campbell’s often cited Power of Myth) as “Be careful lest in casting out the devils you cast out the best thing that’s in you.”

  These are the monsters in our closets and the creatures that hide under our bed. In the case of kink, oftentimes our shadow desires are the monsters that manifest in our beds. We have choices. Do we cast them out from our being? Do we shed light on them and recapitulate their energy and suffering into love and power in our lives? Do we feed them nibbles from time to time but keep them hidden? Do we put them on a leash and take them out, train them, exercise them within our being? Or do we starve them and try to ignore that they exist?

  In doing the last, I fear that many end up consumed by their demons. Politicians and preachers who rally under banners of purity and honesty, labeling our community as freaks and deviants, seem to have taken this path oftentimes. They shout at how bad these demons are, all the while in back rooms indulging their own demons that have that same resonance. Eaten alive from within, and then destroyed by their own followers when the demons finally are exposed.

  There is power in the shadow. There is power in taboo. Our inner monsters have access to parts of us that we cannot tap into from a place of pure conscious effort. By taking the less-lit path we have an opportunity to explore new regions of our internal mental and emotional map.

  When debating what to do with your shadow, consider what it gives you. What positive aspects does it have? What can you learn from it? What truths about yourself might it teach you?

  In kink we have an opportunity to interact with our shadows in ways that many individuals never get to. Through role-playing, physical challenges, mental and emotional ordeals, interacting with multiple partners, and trying out new things we can touch upon our past pain and forge new paths for the future. We have the opportunity to choose, with each demon we encounter, whether to integrate them into our lives in their current form. Or, we can ask them lovingly to come into the light, be brushed off, examined for what they can give us and what we can give them, and then asked to leave.

  Demons of the spirit cannot be exorcised without these steps though. If it turns out that that aspect of the shadow was holding up your ego, or was covering up past pain, and it is simply cast out, what will step in or grow to fill in the gaping hole left behind? Classical exorcism rituals are complex for a reason, as is the shadow work discussed within Jungian theory. It is important not only to command the demon to leave, but to understand why it was there in the first place. If this is not done, the human who was formerly possessed may be left an empty shell or a senseless madman, or be infested with an even more destructive monster. It is by coaxing the demon out, seeing why it became part of the shadow self, making sure that those issues are addressed and then asking it to leave that an exorcism can be successful.

  Or you can just play dress up with it and have a new best friend.

  Beatitudes as Christian Ordeal

  In the Gospel of St. Matthew (5:3-10), Jesus speaks of eight beatitudes (“blessed” or “happy,” from the Latin beatus). These blessings are:

  Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

  Blessed are the meek, for they shall possess the land

  Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted

  Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice, for they shall have their fill

  Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy

  Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God

  Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God

  Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

  Acknowledging that St. Luke’s version of the Beatitudes only lists four of these (the poor, mourners, hungry, persecuted) in conjunction with four woes, this open encouragement from Jesus to live a life on the Ordeal Path is intense. By becoming common over years of repetition, the power of how profound these statements were has been muddied and watered down. Having a widely respected guru and son of the divine state that by living a life full of mourning, challenge, and suffering persecution you will be handed a high place of honor in the afterlife is astounding.

  Christianity, in many ways, is a path of ordeal. True, its work is also about asceticism and ritual, but at the core is a tale of a man who lived a very hard life, and finally went to die a grueling death to be able to make his point heard after his mortal body had passed. Thus, many Christians are called to similar paths through the teachings of their faith. By enduring and carrying pain you are purged in the afterlife; this message can be easily modified for use by Christian kinky individuals for connecting directly to God through a multitude of the ordeals that were experienced by Jesus.

  In Catholicism, more examples of Ordeal Path followers being respected and even encouraged, abound outside the Bible. St. Andrew crucified on his decusatte cross (now an icon of erotic torment and delight), St. Catherine of Alexandria condemned to death on the breaking wheel (now known as a Catherine wheel, though legend has it that the wheel broke when she touched it), and countless other saints who died horrible deaths, were remembered in the annals as heroes because they were martyrs for their faith. Meaning “to bear witness” or “having known from being there,” the concept of the martyr is not important in Catholicism. There have been martyrs for most major world religions. However, the Catholic martyrs have left behind tools that the kink community has come to eroticize and use as sexual fetish/power items.

  I myself laugh at how little the modern sexy Catherine Wheel and the ancient tool for being cudgeled to death act like each other. But in the theatre of desire, these things can be overlooked it seems. It does provide a powerful tool though for those who want to step back and claim the power from the original sources these tools came from.

  Yes, You Can

  Another eight minutes pass. She’s breathing hard, and I can see the welts rising from the strain between ropes and flesh. This is hard work, and her body will show it. But more than her body, her mind will not be the same after this.

  She lifts her head, long strands clinging to her sweating face. A whisper escapes her lips. “I can come down now.”

  In silence I nod, and come forward. I lower her leg, and she shakes as her foot touches the ground. Slowly I loosen the chest lines and help her descend back to earth. The web loosens. She finally pulls free of my lines, and curls up for a moment before sitting up straight again.

  She finally breaks out in a laugh.

  “Did I really tell her not to take me down?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m a lot stronger than I thought.”

  “Yes you are.”

  She fingers her bruised ribs and the web of red lines around her chest that are as angry and defiant as she was. She rubs her leg remembering her struggles, both physical and mental. The rest of the room starts to fill with playful dykes again, some staring at her with a newfound respect. A friend of hers mouths the word “Wow” to her and she beams.

  “I really can be my own woman, can’t I?”

  “Yes you can.”

  “I can do anything.”

  “Yes. You can.”

  Chapter 5

  The Path of The Flesh

  Embracing Flesh and Desire

  There is something truly magical about tonight. But I think I say that just about every night, because if I dig deep enough or open myself up enough, something beautiful can always be found. But tonight I know it’s not just about rainbows and hippy bullshit. Tonight I decided to open up and embrace my senses and it has been divine.

  He met me after work
. A wink and a smile, his gray beard tickling my chin as our lips met as I slid into his car, kissing ever slightly too long to be seemly in public. His lips taste like mint and ancient memories, mine like raspberry lip-gloss and longing. I opened my eyes and gazed into his, capturing every smile line and crow’s foot in my memory. He laughs and his eyes light up, and in turn, so do mine.

  Two choices: dinner and a movie at my favorite joint in town, or dinner and decadence at his house. How could I choose the first? Pulling into his garage, he parks the car and pulls a blindfold out of his back pocket. Leading me inside, I can smell the air alive with rose petals as he leads me over to a chair and has me sit in the kitchen. I can hear him digging around in the fridge, and I’m breathing heavy. My chest rises and falls, hungry for every touch he offers me, until he finally straddles over me and bends over. My lips part, and I feel something slide between my lips.

  Cold. Crisp. Bumpy. I bite in, and the fresh strawberry juice runs down my throat. My smile explodes as I consume it one lick and bite at a time. Next comes something warm, tender, savory…a slice of perfectly prepared steak. Frozen, icy, melting…a spoonful of coconut ice cream. Flavor after flavor my mouth opens up to him, my body takes in every detail until I let go of the last vestiges of the day-to-day grind and am here and present with him.

  30 flavors and experiences later, each pure and simple in their delivery, we begin to ramp it up with kisses between bites, calloused hands on my smooth breasts between tastes. He growls at me and I growl back. I start to push up at him, seeking out his body in the dark, and he pushes me back stepping away. Without a word he tells me to wait. I grind in my chair.

  Minutes pass and I am going mad. I slow myself down by tasting the flavors on my lips, feeling the memory of his touch on my skin. I don’t have to wait too long before I know he has returned with the feeling of a leather lash slowly dancing across my chest. I tip my head back, still sitting in the chair, and can feel my old friend the single tail. Sensual and sweet. The lash in his hands always starts out sensual and sweet.

  But I growl, and he growls back. He comes forward and grabs me by the hair and drags me into the living room, sitting me on the edge of the couch so he has more room to swing behind him. He pushes my knees apart, making me open and available for his lash. Chest, thighs, belly, cunt. Each sting lands and I moan and groan. I feel each touch and come alive. I feel each strike land and leave its mark. I become more present and aware than I ever have been before.

  The Path of the Flesh

  Also known as the Ecstatic Path, the Path of Sex, the Path of Sacred Eroticism and Intimacy and the Path of Ecstasy, the Path of the Flesh has come to be misunderstood over the years. This path uses the input from sensual, sexual or ecstatic body experiences, to either remain fully grounded in the magic that the world offers in the here and now, or to use the doorway of the flesh to open to beyond flesh. It is also the path that embraces all forms of magic that resist separating the body and the mind.

  Our bodies are amazing and powerful tools. Taking in vast amounts of information during every second of every day, our bodies are complex machines that have the potential to be used as far more than they are by most individuals. Spiritual teacher and magician Orion Foxwood argues that “your body does not have a soul – it IS a soul, one of your 3 souls, and thus if you abuse your body you are abusing God.” In teaching ways to awaken your body, he teaches ways to awaken your soul.

  Most individuals approach the Path of the Flesh as a route to sex magic, but I believe that sex magic can fall into every single path. We have already seen sexual exploration used in the Path of Rhythm and the Ordeal Path, and we will see it in every other path to come. Sex can be a form of ritual, an aspect for denial and asceticism, and many other things. But when the average person on the street thinks about sensual ecstasy, joy, bliss, and embracing our body’s full potential, sex often comes to mind.

  The true secret of the Path of the Flesh is that of being present. Enlightenment is available by being here and now. It is not just about fucking, but showing up for and taking in every moment during it. Instead of kissing, it is bringing all of your awareness to your lips and skin and truth while the kiss takes place. By embracing the inherit wisdom of our bodies, we can listen to everything they have to share with us about the universe. We did this as children, exploring with our fingers and toes, noses and ears, and we can do it still.

  I have found that there are two major camps in the Path of the Flesh: those who actually enjoy and give thanks to their bodies, and those who resent their bodies on a conscious or unconscious level. Take a moment to consider which you are if you are using your body as a tool for awakening, and whether that choice is a choice, not just leftover programming from the past. There is an opportunity within the Path of the Flesh to come to love our bodies for all they give us.

  So many of us have been taught by our cultures and families that our bodies are a burden. It is possible to do all of the work within the Path of the Flesh while resenting or even hating our bodies. The truths can still come through. But true universal wisdom will be out of reach on this path if we don’t come to love and fully appreciate the tools that brought us these truths just as much as we love the truths themselves.

  Traditional Tools

  There are far more traditional tools within the Path of the Flesh than I could possibly list. This is because any tool that has ever helped people to be in the present and focus on the here and now by directly interacting with their bodies can be considered such a tool. However, the following are some of the more common tools recorded or noted on this path throughout history.

  Ecstatic Dance

  In ecstatic dancing, we let go of society’s standards of what is right to do, how it is right to dance, and let our bodies move. We dance like nobody’s watching. We listen to our skin, and go where it tells us to go. By letting go of self-imposed restrictions, our spirit is freed from those restrictions as well. This is not about watching the dancers, or even about doing the dancing. It is about being the dance. Being, rather than doing, is a key concept in this path.

  Touch

  Whether engaging in the slightest feather touch, stroking with the fingers, embracing tight, caressing, or holding on for dear life, touch is a powerful force in this world. Studies have shown that being touched and touching can change moods and strengthen the immune system. We live in a touch-starved culture, and by consciously engaging in touch we can use touch to lift us up. What is the sensation of touching that tree branch? That blade of grass? Her hand? His lips? How does it feel to hold yourself? To be held? Exploring the wide variety of experience touch has to offer can be hugely empowering and enlightening.

  Massage

  The number of individuals who have reported experiencing altered states while giving or receiving massage is staggering. Not only are bodies being used in ways that are not experienced in day-to-day life, but there is healing happening at the same time. Even in relaxation massage, the act of touching the body can be incredibly helpful. When working with partners or lovers, massage provides an opportunity for learning the bodies of those with whom we are engaging sensually. It also provides practice in the art of giving as well as the art of receiving—something which is fundamental to doing work as a Guide or Journeyer on a deeper level.

  Raising Sexual Energy

  Whether alone, partnered, or working with spirits and other energetic forces, raising sexual energy can be a fantastic option. Note the term “raising” energy. Think for a moment of energy as a snow globe. The white stuff is sitting on the bottom, waiting. There is potential there. By shaking up the ball, we get everything going, and something interesting takes place; in this case, it looks like snow. Sexual energy can be much the same. Even if you are flirting, or teasing, or just building up tension, you are shaking up that snow globe. You are causing your senses to get stimulated in ways they weren’t before, and enabling path workings which are fueled by gathering that snow and sending it in a speci
fic direction.

  Masturbation

  Touching for auto-erotic sexual pleasure, arousal and fulfillment has been used for ages as a tool on this path. Whether doing work that is thaumaturgic (magic done for one’s own benefit or purposes), or theurgic (as a sacrifice or act of worship), masturbation has been given as an offering by countless groups. For some, it is the energy that is being spent. For others, it is the power within the “seed” that is offered up. There are also those that offer their combined auto-erotic energy that can create powerful rituals. Masturbation as a magical tool and as an opportunity for altered states has been done solitary, by the hands of others, in front of witnesses, in circles, and in other settings.

  Sex Magic

  “Sex is hardly ever just about sex.”

  - Shirley MacLaine, Dancing in Light

  The fundamental concept in sex magic is that libido and sexual energy have the power to create altered states of consciousness and facilitate theurgical, magical and religious work. Some sex magic falls within the Path of the Flesh, and some along other paths, or a combination between them. Some form of sex magic has been prevalent in every single culture across the globe. In my opinion, this is because human bodies are strange, curious and wondrous things, and sex is one of the fantastic things that human bodies do. Somehow, out of having sex, babies are born. Sure, we know what causes that now, but looking back on ancient cultures, that combination of sex and fertility was potent stuff indeed.

  Thus, fertility magic rites born out of sex magic came to be. Other people realized that when they were busy thinking about sex, that they got distracted on the battlefield, and seminal retention and sexual abstinence magic was created. Some people realized that if they thought really hard about something when they were having an orgasm that they ended up creating a positive mental association with that thing, and it happened sooner because their subconscious mind kept at it because it liked the associations.