The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond

by Lee Harrington

  In his eyes I felt a soul recognition. In his eyes I knew I had found my path. I wake now at the same time each day, bathe in the same way, act according to his rules. I have heard the call to erotic monasticism. And with my mind stilled of gibberish, I find calm. In the calm, I find understanding.

  The Path of Asceticism

  The Path of Asceticism is the journey of the monk, the minimalist, the hermit and the disciplined athlete. It is the world driven by process instead of results and overcoming the challenges of the flesh. It is mindfulness and awareness through purification, restriction, cleansing and stillness. Along the Ascetics Path we find calm within to silence the constantly chattering mind to be able up to open up to universal and personal will.

  This is the balance to the hedonism of the Path of the Flesh. Taken from the Greek áskēsis, to train or to exercise, asceticism uses abstinence in a wide variety of forms to exercise the spirit, getting it down to its “fighting weight,” as it were. In Islamic culture, the word for this is zuhd. We simplify and pare down to find out what truly serves us. Asceticism is not being body-negative. If we do not value our bodies, giving up the experiences of the body is not a sacrifice, has no value, and leaves nothing to contemplate.

  For many individuals, contemplating ascetic practices often brings to mind naked Hindu holy men surviving on a grain of rice a day, or Hollywood images of obsessive Catholic monks beating themselves with lashes as a form of penance. Though these extremes are part of this Path, they are not especially common. Most individuals using this path do so within the context of the modern world. We find ways to pare down or purify, then remove temptation or compulsion from our lives that does not serve us. We clear our mind for peacefulness, clarity and focus. We use prohibitions and taboos to create open points in our lives for the divine to flow in.

  Extreme ascetic acts shake debris free from the soul, wipe the grime of preconceived notion or assumption from our eyes. They give us a chance to inwardly reflect and ask if our beliefs, our practices, and our lives, match the calling of our hearts. Long-term asceticism offers a grain of sand to be inserted into the oyster of our spirit, and day by day, the challenges and practices followed build up residue. Finally, years later, what was once an irritant has created a pearl within our soul.

  Traditional Tools

  Purification, simplification and the use of taboos take many forms in many cultures. Some sects take ascetic practices to a higher extreme or even art form than others, while some find such practices to be a form of sin themselves, creating individuals who find themselves more holy or austere then others. Some of these practices are religious in nature, and others are secular that just happen to create an altered state of consciousness, focus, or different view on life.

  Fasting

  Awareness and restriction of what enters our bodies is one of the most transparent and accessible forms of asceticism. Juice fasts, water fasts, and other extremely minimalist systems require the person engaging in the fast to get their diet in order in advance, lest the body crash. This is a powerful metaphor for the spiritual work involved: if we dive into extreme practice with no planning or build-up, our spirit may be unprepared to incorporate the results into our being.

  Other forms of food awareness or restriction, are about dietary awareness. Eating no meat (always in Buddhism or on certain days such as no-meat Fridays in Catholicism) is common, though some Jain ascetics, as part of their vow of pure nonviolence, will eat only still-living tuber plants, unwilling to harm a blade of grass. Some fasting only takes place during certain hours of specific days (such as Ramadan), or for a pre-specified length of time (such as Lent). In the case of Ramadan and the Vanic mysteries, when fasting is not an option, say if you have to work a labor-intensive job, instead of not nourishing the self, individuals are encouraged to give away food as a form of consciously nourishing others.

  Silence

  A variety of cultural traditions use silence or language awareness as a tool for altered states of consciousness. It’s amazing how much we use our voices to fill up the space around us so that we do not have to look inside. We talk, live in loud places, blast out music, keep our mind occupied at all times, rather than sit for an hour alone with ourselves and our thoughts.

  Wordless weekends, silence fasts, and making a choice to not engage with media for even one day are all examples. Vipassan meditation, most common in Buddhist practices, means “insight into the nature of reality” and is found through extended silence and introspection to purify the mind and heal suffering. Even the simple act of not swearing for a period of time, only speaking when spoken to, speaking from a place of love, choosing not to use the word “I” and other forms of speech restriction, are also powerful tools for transformation and awareness. One school of shamanic practice encourages “past fasts,” where the practitioner learns to live in the present by limiting historical references, an intense experience for many of us who tend to live in the past or future.

  Detoxification

  Through ritual baths, saunas, enemas, sweat lodges and kria yoga, not only can we discipline the body and encourage health by ridding the flesh of toxins, but we also let go of the emotional build-up within our systems. Modern rehab is a perfect example of this, wherein the patient not only shakes their physical addiction, but to have it be successful, must also face their past demons and purge their emotions regarding their addiction as well. If they do not, there is a high likelihood that they will return to their habits once more. This same concept applies to other body purification rituals such as vomiting, abdominal contractions to pull salt water up through the ass, intestinal flossing, nasal irrigation, colonic hydrotherapy, and standing out in storms. Not only must the body be detoxified, but also the spirit, to have the greatest effects.

  Celibacy, Chastity and Abstinence

  Celibacy refers to someone who is striving to remain unmarried, though it is often confused with sexual continence (refraining from all sexual contact even when married). Some folks even use it to describe any time they refrain from or have no access to sexual relations (which is a misuse of the term, as celibacy is by definition a freely chosen state). Chastity on the other hand gets even more confused, as it comes from the Latin castus meaning “pure” and was originally used to define virginity (in comparison to chaste which was used to mean pure from unlawful/extramarital sexual relations). Chaste and Chastity are now used interchangeably, and are used now to describe that an individual is following sexual behavior that is appropriate to cultural or religious norms, and in common usage has become closely associated with sexual abstinence, especially before marriage.

  Abstinence on the other hand is voluntarily choosing not to indulge in a desire for a specific bodily activity. The most common forms of abstinence most people refer to are for sex, a specific sexual behavior, drugs, alcohol, and food. When abstinence is discussed in a sacred historical context, many folks think of monks and nuns abstaining from sex in the name of God as a form of ascetic renunciation. However, from for a dark ages holy person, the common list of things to abstain was much longer: gluttony, pride, judgment, greed, envy, and sloth were all just as concerning, if not more so, than lust.

  By engaging in various forms of abstinence and continence, the energy of the body can be purified and an individual can learn to channel their energy into different pursuits. It can remove distractions and provide focus, and for this reason ancient warriors and modern athletes alike have been known to abstain from sex, rich foods and other desires to get ready for the coming battle. Chastity and Celibacy meanwhile, along with other forms of awareness of relationship and connection, are used to learn to control empathy, train boundaries, and even serve as a form of sexual and emotional submission to the divine.

  Isolation

  By spending time alone, attending retreats, using isolation or sensory deprivation chambers, we have the ability to control our sensory diet. By withdrawing from the world, we create potential for directing our energy on matters
other than cell phones, emails, traffic, the day at work and such concerns. More advanced isolation practices often focus on complete restriction of one or more senses, or of specific types of interaction with the world, to help focus the other senses and restore balance.

  Monasticism and Monastic Discipline

  Combining a number of the elements above, monastic traditions vary widely in their vows, but often involve some sort of paring down or eschewing of worldly possessions, a regimen of daily prayer and devotion, and some sort of abstinence. The concept behind monastic discipline is to cast off worldly pursuits in exchange for a life dedicated fully to spiritual pursuits. Monasticism involves monastic discipline undertaken in a communal context. Senior practitioners train and oversee younger or less experienced ones, and people rely upon one another for mutual support along their path.

  Amongst the Hindu sadhus, extreme forms of self-denial or devotion are sometimes practiced, such as standing in one place for days on end without sleep, committing to never use a limb in the name of their deity, or repeating the same mantra during all of their waking hours. Jain monks and nuns swear an oath of complete non-violence, and some groups within that tradition take this to a high art: carrying a broom to sweep away insects they may otherwise crush, and wearing a cloth over their mouth to prevent airborne germs or bugs who may unintentionally be harmed.

  These extreme forms of asceticism are not followed by most monastic traditions. Though Siddhartha Gautama (who founded Buddhism) practiced extreme asceticism early in his life, he found it impeded his quest for nirvana just as much as extreme luxury had. His followers came to follow Madhyamaka, or the Middle Path. Deprivation for its own sake is looked upon as a sign of attachment to suffering, rather than a releasing of it. Therefore, monks and nuns of this path have all of their food, water, clothing and shelter provided, much as in many forms of Christian monasticism, so that they are able to live simply and focus on their spiritual pursuits.

  Prayer

  Daily prayer, daily meditation, daily devotionals. Whether done every waking moment of the day, five times a day facing Mecca, every night before bed, every Sunday in church, or as preparation before gathering for circle during each full moon, a practice involving prayer can act as a powerful weight-lifting system for the spirit. It creates strength, clearing out toxins, and enhancing our ability not just to put our desires out to the universe, but to listen when the universe responds.

  Kink Tools

  Asceticism involves discipline, a concept already imbedded in the acronym BDSM. Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Many of us in kink eroticize the term discipline, layer it up with images of sexy English school mistresses with canes and hot military men ordering us to get down and give them ten, but that is only part of discipline: not just being disciplined when we have done wrong, but developing a discipline so we can do right by our lives. Kink has the opportunity to provide us with tools for bettering ourselves, sometimes while also having a great time.

  We can also use tools from asceticism in an erotically charged context. Enemas for purging can be layered up with service, medical fetishism, and masturbatory practices. Silence can be enforced as part of a D/s relationship, or awareness of language can be brought by removing the use of possessive terms in speech. Chastity and abstinence from sexual practices or specific kink activities can be brought to the fore of the mind through chastity devices or daily reminders from a Master or Mistress. There are, however, some tools available along the Path of Asceticism that are unique to Sacred Kink, which can create profound altered states and life-changing results.

  Bondage

  Whether being bound in ropes, cuffs, shackles or chains, or engaging in sensory deprivation with hoods, earplugs, blindfolds or mummification, bondage is an amazing tool for restricting the senses. Nihliomancy, the art of divination through sensory deprivation, is especially useful within Sacred Kink.

  The torture device known as the Witches’ Cradle can be found going back to the witch hunts of the 14th-17th centuries. A witch would be tortured through confusion and sensory deprivation by being hung in a bag with no light or directional orientation for extended periods of time. This tool later came to be used by both witchcraft practitioners and those practicing extra sensory perception (ESP), who found that they were able to consciously use the tools of isolation and sensory deprivation to do astral journeying, nihliomancy, and other magical workings. Modern variations shown in Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft are nearly identical to the canvas and leather sleepsacks enjoyed sexually by a variety of kinky individuals worldwide.

  By restraining the flesh, the body is occupied, leaving the mind and spirit to engage in other pursuits. Being bound is not the only bondage tool useful in the Path of Asceticism. Being the rigger or bondage artist is also an opportunity for contemplation and personal development.

  “I appreciate rope bondage because each time I do it, I have an opportunity to refine my ties. And each time I refine my ties, I find I have the ability to refine myself.”

  - LqqkOut, KinkFriendly.org

  Clothing Destruction

  Many of us use our clothing as a shield against the world, knights decked out in Armani suits and amazons in seductive lingerie. For those who energetically invest in our wardrobe, when our clothing is ripped from us or blades used to cut us out, not only is our body left nude, but our soul exposed as well. Thus, if we carry negative feelings in our clothes, an identity we have had to carry against our internal longings, having our clothes destroyed can help us destroy our egoistic attachment to that role. We are allowed to look at ourselves washed clean and examine who we are without our masks and shields.

  Even if clothing is not destroyed, removing clothing (to full nudity or otherwise) can be an intense experience. It can also be a form of asceticism, by giving up something of value (such as our sense of control, identity, value as a clothed person, labels through fashion) just as monks might give up certain foods or worldly goods. This however is only the case if there is a sense of loss, sacrifice or being exposed at play. If we feel no loss in giving up a thing, it is not a sacrifice. This applies to all sorts of things; for example, becoming vegetarian is not a form of sacrifice if there was never any interest in ever consuming meat in the first place.

  Mastery and Slavery

  For many engaged in the world of M/s relationships, our dungeons are our monasteries, and pursuing the paths of Mastery and Slavery are sacred callings. In Slavery, as in monsticism, we learn to work without personal possessions (or with a different view of what they mean), practice daily work and devotion, and learn clarity of speech. Each time we put on our collar, it is a reminder of our role and journey, just as donning saffron robes or woolen tunics provides for others. In Mastery, we learn clarity in relationships, personal responsibility, develop daily practices, and through possession of another, the ability to possess ourselves and find insight into the human spirit.

  Voyeurism

  The voyeur is often downplayed in the kink community, sometimes seen as the harmless nice lady, sometimes as the creepy old wanker, sometimes as the person who is too scared to join in. But in reality, the reasons for choosing to be a voyeur, to bear witness, are many. The role of the voyeur is also incredibly important in our community—without the voyeur, what would become of the exhibitionist? The voyeur lends their energy to the work we do. They are the circle of worshipers holding space for the great rite. And like those worshipers, we voyeurs can be deeply touched and have our lives transformed by opening not just our eyes but our spirits to the work being done.

  Stone Sexuality

  Being stone can be a full time identity, a role, or a passionate sexuality. Often defined as an individual who likes to give sexual touch but not receive sexual touch in return, or who specifically derive pleasure from the pleasure of their partners, stone individuals come in all genders, orientations, sexes, shapes and sizes, though the most publicly discussed forms of stone sexu
ality are often found within the queer, dyke, lesbian and trans communities.

  Being stone can be a full time identity, a role, or an erotic turn-on. Often defined as an individual who likes to give sexual touch but not receive sexual touch in return, or who specifically derive pleasure from the pleasure of their partners, stone individuals come in all genders, orientations, sexes, shapes and sizes, though the most publicly discussed forms of stone sexuality are often found within the queer, dyke, lesbian and trans communities.

  There is often an assumption that stone sexuality results from past trauma, loss, or individuals needing an emotional wall or barrier. For some, this is the case. Being stone provides an opportunity for an individual to still be avidly sexual, without having to cause themselves emotional or psychic damage by revisiting wounds they are not ready, or interested, to examine. For others though, stone is an unabashed, delightful and deliberate choice. They find their sexual pleasure from providing pleasure of all sorts. This can be examined as a form of ethical energetic vampirism, or as people who just like seeing others have a good time.