All of Me: Rod & Daisy Duet Box Set

by A. D. Justice

  “No, Mom. Don’t you dare think like that. You gave me the best childhood. All my favorite memories are the times I’ve spent with you and Juliana. You taught me everything I know. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without you. We haven’t had it easy, but I wouldn’t trade anything for our life, and I couldn’t ask for a better mother. I love you so much, Mom.”

  My face wet with tears, I leaned over and hugged her, ignoring the sensation of her ribs sticking out of her skin when my fingers skimmed over her shirt.

  “Do you still want to keep Juliana with you?” she whispered in my ear during our embrace.

  “Absolutely. No one else gets to torture my little sister but me.” I felt her chuckle against me, and I was relieved I brought her at least a little levity during such a terrible time.

  “All right, baby. She overheard us talking about it before, so she made sure I knew she wanted to live with you, not your grandparents. If you’re sure, I’ll call the lawyer tomorrow and start the process right away.”

  “You’re giving me guardianship right now?” Theory and reality are two completely different animals. Even after our conversation, I thought we had more time. I needed more time.

  “Yes, baby. It’ll make the transition smoother when…”

  “Don’t say it, Mom. Don’t even say the words. My birthday is coming up next week and Juliana’s is in a couple of months. You’ll celebrate both days with us.”

  She pulled away from me, putting figurative and literal distance between herself and my belief. Before she turned her head to the side, I caught the wince that flashed across her pretty face along with her quivering bottom lip. Her devastated expression made my heart drop to my ankles. “Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

  The week I turned twenty-one, Mom had her lawyer push the guardianship papers through the courts as quickly as possible. When I stood before the judge to answer questions about why I was petitioning for guardianship and how I planned to support us, it relieved me to find she was sympathetic to our plight. Turns out, had I not been exactly ten years older than Juliana, I couldn’t have taken legal custody of her.

  If we’d waited those couple of months until Juliana’s birthday, I would’ve lost her too.

  Mom knew long before I did.

  Three weeks later, Juliana and I stood side-by-side, our heads bowed while tears flowed from our eyes like a Georgia flash flood. When her little hand slid against mine, I entwined my fingers with hers. She looked up at me, the light in her eyes dimmed by the tears that trickled onto her cheeks.

  “What happens now, Rod?” Her chin quivered as much as her little voice. “Will we always be this sad?”

  “No, little bird. We’ll have all blue skies from now on. Just wait and see.” I had to give her hope. She was too young to lose her faith in humanity, her belief there was good left in the world, and her childlike innocence. Life has a way of making us grow up all too soon. But I would’ve walked through hell alone to defend Juliana from reality for a while longer.

  We said goodbye to Mom for the last time, then went home to a quiet house. The kitchen was full of casseroles and desserts from Mom’s coworkers—enough to freeze and last for weeks. They’d also taken up a donation for us, though I hated accepting charity from anyone. But when I saw their faces, I realized they loved her too, and offering the financial help was their way of honoring her. The gesture was as important to them as it was lifesaving for Juliana and me.

  Four weeks after Mom died, the first app I launched hit number one in all the online stores and stayed there for months. Each subsequent release outperformed the previous one. All the fears I’d kept locked deep inside about whether I’d be able to support Juliana evaporated with every dollar that filled my bank account. As a family, we’d struggled financially since the day my dad walked out and left us without a second thought. Having complete financial freedom out of the blue opened so many doors I never even knew existed.

  Yes, my success was sweet. But it was also bittersweet. What if I’d introduced the apps and hit multi-millionaire status earlier? Could I have saved Mom? Were there procedures they could’ve performed if we’d had the money to pay for them?

  Those questions haunted me when I tried to fall asleep at night. Mom’s assertion of it already being too late returned to me, but my doubts and feeling of failure overruled them. I vowed to shield and protect my sister because she was the only family I had left.

  If anything happened to her, I’d never forgive myself for letting both Mom and Juliana down.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Rod

  Present Day

  “Rod, I need to talk to you.”

  The hesitancy in her voice grabs my attention immediately. I look up from checking emails on my laptop and give her my undivided attention.

  “Of course, little bird. Have a seat.” I close the lid of my computer. Nothing in there is as important as the people in this house.

  She sits on the corner of the bed, gnawing on her thumbnail, but she can’t quite make direct eye contact with me.

  “Juliana, what’s on your mind? Talk to me.”

  She releases a long breath before raising her eyes to mine. “Gosh, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t know if I can say the words.”

  “You are kind of freaking me out, Jules. Just blurt it out and get it over with before the suspense kills us both.”

  Her features soften. “For the record, I wasn’t planning to have this conversation with you until after the holidays. But after the way the trip down here wiped me out when all I had to do was sit on a plane, I don’t think it can wait any longer.

  “Rod, I’ve made out my will and talked to my lawyer at length about my decision. We both agree it is time to plan for the worst-case scenario. The only present I want this Christmas is for you to sign the custody papers to become Isa’s legal guardian—permanently and immediately. Not the short-term, power of attorney agreement we signed when I was in the hospital before. If I beat this disease, I’ll gladly take her back. There’s so much uncertainty in my life right now, but I can’t let her future be left to chance. I need to know she’ll be taken care of every day, so I don’t have to worry about that aspect of her life when I become worse.”

  I’ve already had my mental breakdown for the decade, and in front of Daisy, no less. That’s the only one I’m allowed. My little sister needs me more than she ever has. Even more than when our mom died, because she has a child to think about and she has always put Isa first. The déjà vu is about to break me, I can’t lie. But for Juliana, I’ll lock that ghost away in its own compartment and deal with it later.

  “You know there’s nothing I won’t do for you, or for Isa, for that matter. Before I sign them, I need my Christmas present from you.”

  “What’s that?” She wipes the tears from her cheek, but it’s pointless. They’re instantly replaced by more.

  “Promise you won’t quit fighting, no matter how hard it gets. No matter how badly you just want to close your eyes and sleep forever. You’ve kept me going all these years. I can’t lose you now.”

  She nods. “I promise.”

  I move to sit beside her and wrap my arms around her. She leans into my embrace and loses all composure. Once her tears begin to fall, she can’t stop them from flowing freely and unchecked over her face. My baby sister is hurting inside, and I can’t fix it.

  I can’t fix her.

  As hard as I try, I can’t imagine the magnitude of fear gripping her. She’s not only facing her own death but also leaving her daughter long before she should even have to think about it. While the thought of losing her fills me with a sense of dread I can’t explain, my fears are a distant second to hers. My heart is obliterated now, from her words, from her request, and from the fact I can’t do shit to stop this devastating disease. My tissue doesn’t match hers. If it did, I’d give her all I have if it meant saving her life.

  The only bright spot in this darkness is seeing first-han
d my mom was right all along. All the money I have now can’t save my sister. If I’d had it when Mom was still with us, there’s no guarantee they could’ve done anything to save her. But the what-ifs and doubts still creep into my thoughts, keeping the uncertainties alive and well in my mind. Throughout all these years since Mom died, I’ve carried a guilty conscience because I couldn’t save her. Though I worked all night, success remained just out of my reach.

  If I lose Juliana too…

  I can’t allow myself to drift to that dark place.

  She lifts her head and dries her eyes. “That’s enough blubbering for one day. We have to focus on the other pressing problem at hand.”

  “What other problem are you referring to?”

  “You. How are you planning to fix this mess with Daisy?” She holds my gaze and arches her brow. The strong-willed Jules is back.

  “Little bird, I don’t think that’s where my attention should be right now. It seems I have more important matters to take care of at the moment.”

  She picks up the pendant that’s always around my neck and holds it in her palm. “Your heart is large enough to share your love with more than one person at a time, big brother. Do you remember when I gave you this necklace? I can’t believe you’re still wearing it after all these years.”

  “You got it out of one of those gumball machines when you were only six years old. Put a quarter in, turn the knob, and a plastic ball comes out with the greatest prize twenty-five cents can buy inside. The necklace was too long for you, so you put it around my neck and said it fit me just right.

  “Then you said this little white bird was lucky and would carry all our prayers on its wings. You were adamant it was the answer to all our problems. I don’t know where you got such a wild imagination from, but I couldn’t take your hopes away by telling you it was only a kid’s toy. That’s when you became my little bird. All my prayers and hopes and dreams were for you.”

  “Don’t you see, Rod? You’ve already proven you’re nothing like Dad. There’s no chance of that changing now. One day, you’ll finally realize you’re not actually afraid of deserting your family. What you fear is your family will abandon you.”

  “I’m the big brother and you’re the little sister. You don’t get to psychoanalyze me.”

  She shakes her head. “You don’t get to deny the truth anymore. You’re here with Daisy, and not just because Kevin invited you. Why don’t you do what you know you want to and make up with her? That would be a wonderful Christmas present for me.”

  “I thought you said taking legal custody of Isa was your present this year.” I can’t stop the grin spreading across my face.

  She shrugs and returns a grin. “You always give me more than one gift. The best surprise I could hope for is to see you happy, Rod. Truly, deeply, madly, indescribably happy.” She kisses my check before she stands to leave. “I’m supposed to be taking a nap with Isa, so that’s what I’m going to do. Daisy is in her room, right across the hall, just in case you didn’t know.”

  Of course I know, and she knows I know. The smirk on her face on her way out my door is a dead giveaway.

  Now that I’m alone with my thoughts again, I lie on the bed and attempt to process everything happening in my world. Though I’ve helped raise Isa since her father skipped out on them when she was three months old, I haven’t been solely responsible for her day-to-day care. I’ve been the fun uncle and left the hard decisions up to her mother. Sure, I’ve given my input, but whether the choice made was ultimately the correct one was never on my shoulders.

  As I replay our conversation in my mind, questions I didn’t think to ask while we were talking begin to form. But now I’ve had a few minutes to analyze her words and consider the full weight of what her request means for my life. Then her exact phrasing hits me like a sledgehammer to the chest, making me sit up straight with a jolt. She carefully concealed the underlying meaning while giving me the facts straight up. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight after she made her request, so I didn’t catch it at first.

  She said when she gets worse, not if.

  What has the doctor told her she hasn’t shared with me yet?

  I’m ready to storm into her room and demand the details, but I stop myself after swinging my feet off the side of the bed. There’s a reason she hasn’t told me yet, and I have to respect her privacy. When she’s ready to talk about it, she’ll come to me and we’ll deal with it together. We always do. I certainly understand the need to digest disappointing news before being able to discuss it rationally with someone else.

  My mind is reeling from an overload of emotions.

  “Hey, man. You okay?” Kevin steps in front of me, waving his hand to get my attention.

  “Where did you come from?” I glance at the door that was closed just a second ago but is standing wide open now.

  “I knocked a couple of times, but you didn’t answer. We have an urgent email from your assistant, otherwise I wouldn’t bother you. It’s regarding one of our clients that will only work with you. If you’re up to it, I thought it’d be a good time for you and me to have a joint call with them.” He intently studies me for a moment, trying to gauge where my head is.

  “No, I, uh, haven’t seen the email yet. I was working on them a bit ago, but Juliana needed to talk to me about something. What’s wrong now?”

  We walk over to the small desk, and he pulls the extra chair beside me. As we discuss the issues the client is experiencing, my mind drifts to other areas. My concentration is severely suffering both at home and at work, and it’s only getting worse as time goes on. After we comb through the details and identify the root cause, I dial the number and put the call on speakerphone.

  “Hi Daniel, this is Rod. I’m calling in response to your urgent email. I have Kevin Ellis here beside me. He researched your problem and determined our course of action to correct it. I’ll turn the floor over to Kevin to explain the process and timeline now.”

  “Thanks for your prompt response. I’m eager to hear the solution.”

  All I do is listen as Kevin takes control of the call, his tone reassuring and confident. His explanations are succinct and in layperson’s terms, so Daniel can keep up with him and feel reassured that his concerns are being corrected. Daniel asks several questions, and I remain silent while Kevin builds rapport and trust with one of our oldest and largest clients. By the end of the call, I can tell Daniel’s comfort level with Kevin has done a one-eighty.

  “Daniel, I believe you’ve heard the news. The board has voted Kevin in as the interim CEO. There are some serious health issues in my family that require my presence and full attention for the next few months. During that time, I’ll be less and less accessible, but you’ll be in expert hands with Kevin at the helm.”

  “After working with him through this issue, Kevin has my full support. Rod, I appreciate the consideration you put into choosing your replacement. I’m sorry to hear about your family member’s declining health, but I fully support your decision to put family first. Kevin, shoot me an email with your contact information. I look forward to working with you.”

  We disconnect the call with the usual pleasantries, then I turn to Kevin. “What I just said is the truth, on all accounts. With the recent developments, I think I should take a three-month sabbatical and only remain accessible to you. I’m well aware the average employee doesn’t have this luxury, and it is somewhat hypocritical of me, but it’s best for the company. If the business suffered and we lost clients because of me, that would hurt our employees. I’m trying to find the most altruistic solution, and I think this is it.”

  “What’s happened in the last few hours since we arrived in Florida?”

  I feel his confusion deep in my soul. I’m getting whiplash from how quickly things change lately. Over the next several minutes, I share all the details with my best friend. He’s been like Juliana’s brother most of her life, so I don’t feel as if I’m telling him anything she wouldn’t disc
lose herself. When I finish, he covers his mouth with his hand and places his elbows on his knees.

  “You’re sure she said ‘when’ she gets worse?”

  “Positive.”

  “You’re right, it’s not like her to lean to the negative.”

  “She knows she ultimately needs a bone marrow transplant to beat this disease. The chemotherapy and radiation can only do so much to keep it in check, but it’s not curing her. The doctor’s office is searching the registry, but that takes weeks to months and longer sometimes. There are so many levels of tests to confirm matches. They also have to get potential donors to go for additional testing, and then the person actually has to go through with the donation. Worst-case scenario, it could take years to identify the right person. Best case, someone already on the registry has the right markers to match her tissue.”

  “You’re in a place where you can afford to take time off. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re passing your baby to me, and she’s giving hers to you. All three of you are going through a life-altering situation on top of worrying about her health. Every step of this process has to be incredibly devastating to Jules. Is there anything Tracy and I can do to help?”

  “Nothing you’re not already doing, brother.”

  “If that changes, all you have to do is say the word. I’m here for the long-haul.” He leans back and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. “This probably isn’t the best time to broach the subject because of where your mind is, but I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t say something now.”

  “You’ve been through the best and worst times of my life with me. Say whatever you need to say.”

  “I’ve never been one to lecture you on relationships, mainly because you’ve never really had one. But that’s beside the point. You’re screwing up majorly with Daisy, and by the time you realize how far gone you are, it’ll be too late to make amends.”