“Okay, Mommy. Aunt Tracy told me a bunch of legal stuff has to happen first, so I’d have to be patient.”
“Aunt Tracy taught you what ‘legal stuff’ means, didn’t she?” I glance over at her and recognize the proud smirk on her face.
“Yeah. She said a judge would have to review it and the courts can be as slow as Christmas. But that won’t bother me, I promise. Daddy said I’m his son right now, and that’s what counts.”
“Daddy is a wise man, that’s for sure.” My heart is so full.
“Where are you on starting your new foundation?” Tracy asks as she and Kevin join us at the table, followed by Juliana and Isa.
“We are moving along very well. We set the name. We’ve already incorporated and filed for non-profit status. I’m working with a few business colleagues to establish our board of directors, representing different areas that will contribute to our mission. I’m excited to see where this new venture will take us. Daisy will be in charge of our vision and direction, but we’ve set it up to allow her to work from home when she wants. Or she can delegate and not work at all if she chooses. I’ll support her decision either way.” Rod links our fingers together to emphasize his point.
“I’m not making any decisions until after I bring the twins home from the hospital. Rod and I will share responsibilities for the company. Even with a full-time nanny helping, caring for two newborns at once will be a challenge.”
What I don’t say aloud, but hangs heavily in the air regardless, is we still don’t know how the transplant will go. The preparation leading up to it could kill Juliana, though they take every precaution to protect her. The toxic cocktail is designed to eradicate her immune system so her body will accept the new cells as its own. That means she’ll walk a very fine line between life and death over those two weeks.
“These next six weeks will be the shortest and longest of your life.” Kevin wraps his arm around Juliana’s shoulders. “But we’ll get through them together, whatever you two ladies need.”
“Thanks, Kevin. I appreciate your support more than you know. I’ve already arranged everything so Isa’s cared for in case something unexpected happens. The worst part will be the time in isolation. I won’t be able to hold my baby girl. That’s just pure torture. But once this is done, our lives will be very different.” Juliana tries to steer everyone back to the bright side, regardless of how difficult that is.
Her gaze drifts to a far-off place, and I wonder what she’s imagining. Stability for Isa, no doubt. But what does she want? If she were to make her final wishes known, what personal request would she make for herself? She’s never mentioned anything to me, even in passing.
Maybe I should find out. Just in case.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Rod
The day I’ve dreaded for months has finally arrived. Ready or not, here it comes. Today, I will drive my sister to the hospital and leave her there for the next two to three months while her body determines if it’ll accept the new cells and rejuvenate her immune system. Will she walk out again, completely cured? Will we close this chapter of our lives and start on a clean page at the end of this?
Before I met Daisy, I would’ve expected my usual luck to rear its ugly head and ruin my life again. But she brought more than a breath of fresh air into my stale world. She brought light and love beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. With her by my side, I dare to hope for the best and plan for a beautiful future.
When I rap on her bedroom door, Daisy opens it with a sad smile on her face. She feels it too.
“Are you ladies ready to go?” I’m not ready for this at all. But I’ll fake it for my sister’s sake.
“We don’t have much choice but to say yes.” Juliana joins Daisy in the doorway, her small suitcase in hand.
I take it from her and lead the way down to the vehicle. I recently bought a full-size SUV to transport my entire family at once. After helping Isa and Landen into their seats, I slide behind the wheel and set out for the hospital. The somber mood permeates the atmosphere, and none of us can seem to shake it. We’re all going in to spend the last few minutes we can before she goes into total isolation for her own protection.
Two weeks of this hell, then the twins arrive and bring live-saving cord blood with them. Then we wait to see if Juliana’s body accepts the transplant without incident.
When we step through the doors of the hospital, Juliana stops in her tracks. It’s the first sign of hesitation I’ve seen from her. She knows better than any of us what lies ahead. She only falters for a moment, then steels her spine and continues walking forward. After going through the steps for registration, they send us to the cancer treatment floor. When we reach the nurses’ station, we’re at the end of our journey while Juliana’s is only beginning.
“Rod, don’t be mad. This was my idea, my wish. You don’t have to like it, but I do expect you to respect it.” Juliana pierces me with her determined gaze.
“What will I not like?”
She inclines her head, indicating to look behind me. When I turn, I’m face-to-face with Chris Stone. Though he’s older, he hasn’t changed so much I wouldn’t recognize him.
“Hello, son.” He clears his throat nervously.
“I’m not your son. You’re here at Juliana’s request, not mine. I’ll support her, but I’ll also defend her to the death. Do not hurt her again.” I keep my voice low to spare the others, but the seriousness of my message is received, nonetheless.
“You have my word. I know that’s not worth much to you, but I’ll prove myself to both of you again. I swear it.”
I nod and step to the side so Juliana can talk to him before they take her into the room.
“My God, you are beautiful, Juliana. You’re the spitting image of your mother.”
She politely smiles while I grit my teeth. He’s pushing nothing but the wrong buttons so far.
“Thanks, I take that as a compliment. In my eyes, she was always the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”
“Thank you for contacting me. I’ve wanted to see you both for so long, but my parents gave me the messages you sent to stay away. I’ve tried to respect your wishes, because I had no right to ask for anything of you. If there’s anything I can do to help you, anything at all, I’ll gladly step up.”
She shakes her head. “No, there’s nothing I need you to do. Rod and Daisy have me well taken care of, as usual. The reason I asked you to come is because I needed to tell you in person that I forgive you. In case this doesn’t work, I needed you to hear it from me.
“Cancer is scary. There are so many unknowns and what-ifs, so many questions without clear answers and paths without obvious direction. I understand how overwhelming and difficult it is to face. I’ve spent a lot of years being mad at you, and at myself, but I don’t want that negativity around me anymore. I’m letting go of those memories and all the sadness they bring with them. I wish you all the best, and I hope you’re able to find peace in yourself.”
“You’ve had to face the things nightmares are made of, and you’ve done it with grace and strength. I’m sorry I left you, and if I could change it, I would. If I could trade places with you today, I’d do it without a second thought. But I have no excuse and no reason to give you that could explain why I walked out and didn’t come back. Nothing I say would suffice, and I’m more than aware of this, so I won’t insult your intelligence by trying. All I can do is prove myself going forward, if you’ll let me.”
He’s sincere in his request, that much is true. No one is that good of an actor. But it doesn’t mean I’ll trust him again in this lifetime.
“This is my daughter, Isabelle. Rod has custody of her while I’m undergoing treatment. Once I’ve recovered, we’ll rescind it, but it’s best for her right now. Rod’s wife, Daisy, is a teacher and has been a godsend. My sweet little girl has had her life turned upside down this year, but she’s been a trooper.” Juliana fingers Isa’s hair, love infused in her every touch.
Chris squats eye to eye with Isa. “Hello, there, beautiful. I’m your grandfather. I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time.”
Isa steps behind my leg and peeks around the side at him, unsure of this stranger’s intentions. “Sometimes it takes her a little while to warm up to people she doesn’t know.”
“I understand. I’m just happy to have finally met you, Isabelle.” He stands and shuffles from side to side. “As I understand it, you’re being admitted for quite a while. Is that right?”
“Yes.” Jules is polite but not overly warm. I can tell from her rigid stance seeing him is harder than she thought it would be.
“If you get bored and need someone to talk to, you can always call me. I’d love to hear from you and know how you’re doing. I’m sure you want time to talk to your brother, so I’ll get out of your way. Thank you for contacting me and letting me be here today. You’ll be in my thoughts every minute of every day, just like always.” He stops long enough to kiss the side of her head, then moves away quickly toward the elevators.
When he’s gone, she turns to me. “Thank you for not beating him up on sight. I know this encounter wasn’t easy for you, but it was important to me. You didn’t introduce Daisy and Landen to him or say anything about your bundles of joy.”
“No, it wasn’t easy seeing him again, but my attention is all for you at the moment. As far as introducing him to the rest of my family, he hasn’t earned that privilege. He came here for you, not for me. But if you needed that peace of mind before undergoing this treatment, I understand and support you. Whatever you need to pull through this is not too much to ask.”
She throws her arms around me and buries her face in my neck, hiding her tears from the kids. She’s terrified of what she has to do now, but the alternative isn’t any better. If I could pass my strength to her through how tightly I’m holding her now, she’d be out of the hospital by this afternoon.
“This is only goodbye for today. I’ll be back every day to see you. I won’t get to hug you for a while, but you’ll never go through this alone. I’m a phone call away when I’m not here. You have me in your corner for life, little bird.” I try to reassure her the best I can.
She dries her eyes before kneeling to gather Isa in her arms. She spends several minutes talking to her daughter, quietly so no one can hear or interfere. Those two peas in a pod enjoy their bonding time without acknowledging anyone else is in the world.
When she stands, she says her goodbyes to Daisy and Landen. They also both promise to visit and keep her company. Then she tells the nurse she’s ready for her torture treatment and disappears into the room, the door closing behind her.
We linger in the hall for a minute, as if we’re all waiting for Jules to change her mind and come rushing back to leave with us. Then we slowly make our way back home, minus one vital member of our crew. For now, anyway.
All of us merely have to make it through the next two weeks with as few surprises, setbacks, or emergencies as possible. My sister has to survive a regimen designed to bring her to death’s door. My very pregnant wife has to avoid pre-term labor, so my sister is ready to accept the cord blood on time. My niece has to accept the uncertainty of being without her mother again. And I have to keep my shit together through all this.
If Juliana, Daisy, and Isa can do it, I sure as hell can too.
Every day for the past week, I’ve visited Juliana in the morning and the evening. She’s going through hell itself, so some visits were merely to sit outside her window and offer my presence as she rested, too weak and listless to talk. Every visit, I’ve watched her grow sicker and weaker, though the doctors and nurses assure me it’s normal.
“Rod, you should be home with your wife. She’s very pregnant.” Juliana’s weak voice on the intercom gets my attention.
“Tracy and Kevin are there with her when I’m here with you. I’ve got all my ladies well taken care of, don’t you worry.”
She doesn’t have the strength to give me a full smile. “Rod, if I don’t survive this, I want you to know how very much I love you. You’re the only man I’ve always been able to count on, no matter what I needed. I want you to be happy and spoil those kids for me.”
“You’ll spoil them yourself. Come on, little bird. Don’t talk like that. You’re halfway through the worst of it. You can hang on for one more week.”
“I’m not so sure anymore. Every day gets harder than the last.”
“Don’t you dare give up now. I’m sorry this is so bad. I’m sorry I can’t trade places with you. I’m sorry I couldn’t heal you by my sheer will. But I will never let you go, Jules, so don’t give up the fight. You hold on. Please, little sis, don’t give up.”
“I’m not, but I can feel my body failing. I couldn’t say goodbye to you when we arrived here because I knew it would be too hard. But I needed to tell you, and you needed to hear the words, just in case. Now go home and let me rest. Go be with your wife. I love you.”
She closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep. I watch her vital signs on the machine above her head. Her pulse slows and her heartbeat falls into an even rhythm. Those few words she said to me wiped out any energy she had stored. Now I don’t want to leave because I’m afraid she tried to send me away so she can sleep forever without me being here to witness her last breath.
I drive home in a daze, then lose myself in Daisy. My worries, grief, and helplessness only leave me when I focus my attention on her. She’s the shining star in these pitch-black days, leading me home to her. She knows what I need before I do. She knows how to calm the storms raging inside me with a simple touch of her hand. She can also stoke the flames of my desire with a single look.
One more week. That’s all we need.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Daisy
“Rod? Are you okay?” I stand outside the bedroom door, giving him a little privacy and space to process his feelings alone. Our little family has been through a lot lately, and the changes take time to accept.
“I’ll be all right. Just give me a minute, okay?”
“Sure, my love. If I can do anything to help, you’ll let me know. Right?” I lean against the door, desperate to console him but understand his need to be alone with his thoughts.
“Yes, babe. I don’t want you to see me like this. I can’t seem to catch my breath. I’ll be out as soon as I can.”
Without pushing him further, I turn and walk downstairs. Tracy and Kevin picked up the kids last night to entertain them while Rod and I work through the hard part together. I’m glad they’re not here to see this today, but the house is eerily quiet without them.
Louise made enough meals to cover us for a few days before she left. She always takes such good care of our family, and her cooking is divine. Though I’m not very hungry, I know I should eat to feed the babies before they steal every last ounce of energy I have left. With my full plate in hand, I sit at the table and begin eating. When I’ve devoured half my plate, a small feat for someone who wasn’t hungry, Rod walks into the kitchen.
He’s not quite as white as a ghost now. Hopefully, he’s settled down a little more than earlier.
“What are you doing? You’re not supposed to eat anything yet.” His mouth hangs open and his eyes judge me based on what’s missing from my plate.
“I have to eat now. They won’t let me have anything once I get to the hospital. Delivering twins takes a lot of energy, you know.” That’s a rhetorical statement. There’s no way he has a clue. But the pallor of his skin pales a little more before my eyes.
“Daisy—” He starts to use his “dad” voice on me.
“Rod.” I counter with my “mom” voice. “The doctor said a vaginal birth is safe and recommended for me. They’re both turned and ready to be born. I’ll be awake the entire time, so I’m perfectly safe. I’m not going in the hospital on an empty stomach.”
I finish off my plate and put it in the dishwasher, ignoring his disbelieving glare the whole time.
His skin flashes full white again. Here comes another panic attack, though he denies that’s what’s happening. “Maybe I need to eat too. My blood sugar is low or something.”
“Or something is right. You’re freaking out. Calm down—we’ve got this. When it’s over, you’ll wonder what you ever worried about. It’s time to meet your daughter and your son.”
He inhales a long, deep breath and releases it slowly. “You’re right. We’ve got this. Let’s go have a couple of babies and save my sister’s life.”
The last week has been touch and go for Juliana. There were times when the doctors considered stopping the treatments because of how taxing they were on her body, but she objected. Cord blood can be stored and used any time, but she was already past the point of no return with her regimen. Her immune system couldn’t regenerate on its own after being obliterated by the chemotherapy drugs. Stopping the treatment plan meant certain death. She promised Rod she wouldn’t quit fighting as long as she had any strength left in her. She kept her word.
Instead of taking the easy way out, she pushed through the pain and side effects, refusing to give death its way, until she finished the full regimen last night. This morning, they’re preparing to harvest the life-saving cells she needs to create a new immune system. The next month or two will be crucial in her recovery, as the new cells from the cord blood take root in her veins and create healthy bone marrow.
Her whole life is about to change, as is ours. And I can’t wait.
When we arrive, the doctors have coordinated everything ahead of time to make the process flow like clockwork. We’re prepped and taken to the labor and delivery room right away. The plan was to start my drip to induce labor, but these babies already have a mind of their own. The nurse said I’m already in labor and having consistent contractions. I haven’t felt anything because of all the pressure from their weight bearing down on me.
All of Me: Rod & Daisy Duet Box Set Page 47