The Christmas Con: A Novella

by Rachel Robinson

  I take deep breaths as I wind my way through the crystalline, modern hallways. I find Luca coming out of the home gym, a towel wrapped around his waist. His stoic face lights up when he sees me. “There you are. What’s the prognosis?”

  I’m flustered by the sudden onslaught of his sculpted abs, and the fact that I’ll meet actual royals soon. “That you hire your vacation chicks, your family is visiting, and you didn’t tell me.”

  He frowns. “I meant about the information Kieran gave about the position.” Walking up to me, he presses a kiss on my mouth and my lashes flutter closed. “And I only hired her because she was well qualified for that position. It’s ironic that it’s happening with you, too. What can I say? I choose well-rounded women.” Shrugging, he wraps a hand around my waist as we head to his bedroom. I walk over to the French doors that lead to a massive balcony and push my way out into the saltwater breeze. He dresses quickly and joins me.

  “And what about your family coming here? This is going to be so awkward.”

  “How do you say it? Pretend to be my girlfriend? It’s no different than what you’re having me do at Christmas, Elizabeth.”

  I clear my throat. “You called Kieran your ex. Does that mean you do have girlfriends? Real ones, not pretend ones?”

  He casts his gaze down at me. “There are always exceptions.”

  “I see why Kieran is an exception,” I mutter, even though I don’t mean to open my mouth again.

  Taking me by the elbows, he spins me to face him. “Are you jealous?” Instead of letting me answer, he pulls me close and kisses my neck. “You have nothing to be jealous about. I don’t want anyone else. After I tasted you, it’s only you.”

  “That’s flattering.” It really is. “But you barely know me.” I amend, “You barely know me clothed.”

  He brings his lips up to my mouth and leaves them there. “What else do you want me to know?”

  “I want to know how not to embarrass myself when I meet your family.”

  “Same,” he replies.

  Grabbing my cheeks, he kisses me softly, then pulls away. “They’ll love you. Especially Gams. They stay at the house next door when they are here. They’re just popping by to say hi. I wanted them to meet you.”

  “I think I might vomit.” I hold my stomach. “You always introduce your vacation flings to them?”

  He shakes his head, guiding me out. “No, never.” Luca grabs my ass. “But you’re also my new Social Media Director.”

  “Oh,” I reply.

  My response amuses him. He’s chuckling under his breath as we take the elevator down a floor to the entrance where he tells me there is a tea parlor I haven’t seen yet. I flatten the top of my hair, hoping I don’t have many flyaways. “How do I look?” I ask Luca.

  He smirks. “You’re perfect. Their English is great. Talking to them will be easy.” He pushes open the heavy door and the room feels charged. That really is the only way to describe the colorful people standing and sitting about in this room.

  “Elizabeth,” an older Italian lady coos as soon as she locks gazes with mine. “I’m so happy to meet you. I’m Maria.” Her hand is warm as it folds in mine. “I’m glad my son released you long enough to grace us with your presence.” Ick. They know what we’ve been doing.

  I do a weird curtsy, bow, trip over my own feet thing while trying to be polite. “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.” Your majesty? This is a catastrophe, and I do feel a little anger toward Luca for not giving me more time to prepare. Or at the very least, time to conduct a thorough internet search on these people so I could have something to talk about. I lean into the one thing I know for certain. “Your son is so lovely to have me here. He’s a great man—an amazing host.” I’ve been wrong before, but I don’t think I am this time. Luca hits me with a liquid stare and my insides melt into lusty lava. There it is. Truth. I’m falling for him. How cliché.

  The woman who must be his sister has a brightly colored parrot on her shoulder as she sips champagne from a goblet. After his father introduces himself, she comes over. “I’m Gabby,” she tosses my way casually. “I saw this bird at the airport and bought it off a local. His name is Pierre. Isn’t he beautiful?” I nod, unsure how to respond to the odd greeting.

  “My sister has a thing for animals,” Luca explains, clearing his throat. “Gabby has a zoo at home.”

  “A menagerie,” Gabby corrects, petting the bird. “My contribution to the world is animal sanctuaries. I fund places all over the world. Animals love me.” Luca makes a funny face his sister doesn’t see. It’s endearing, and totally a sibling thing I can’t relate to.

  Their dad, Antonio, grunts. “All the money she spends on those things. Those nasty animals.”

  “She saves animals, Antonio. That’s a noble cause,” Maria defends. “A lot more noble than Luca’s cause.” Antonio looks at his son and lifts and lowers one shoulder, like he doesn’t believe it at all. He thinks Luca’s cause is perfectly wonderful. As any man might.

  Luca groans. “We all have our place under the sun.” He looks at me. “Tea?” Then he looks at Gabby. “Or champagne?”

  “Tea, please.” Kieran was standing in the corner, by another doorway that must lead to a kitchen. She heads to the bar when she hears me ask for the drink. It seems she’s only helping out because she heard me ask for tea.

  Gabby sits down and pats the seat next to her on a buttery leather love seat. “Tell us about yourself. When Luca told us he wanted us to meet a woman, we dropped everything and ran to paradise.”

  I nearly choke on my spit. “Oh, this wasn’t a planned vacation for you?” I meet Maria’s eyes.

  “No, but we keep the end of the year open, so it’s a welcome trip. We haven’t been to the beach house this year.” The bird walks down her arm as she speaks and now it’s on her hand. “Here, hold him.”

  I extend my hand and let the bird hop on my hand. It has nails like razor blades. Gabby downs her glass and grabs the bottle off the end table to pour more. Kieran sets a tea tray down in front of me. With my free hand, I pick up the small cup and sip its dark contents. After setting it down, I grab a small sandwich and nearly swallow it whole. “Tell us about yourself,” Antonio prods, sitting on the sofa facing us. “How did you meet?” My hand shakes.

  Luca leans next to me, straddling the arm of the love seat. “Online,” he says. “She was looking for a job, and I flew her here for an interview.” Oh, thank God. “Sparks flew and the rest is history.” Kieran was right, he is good at coming up with things on the fly.

  I clear my throat nervously. “I’m from New York. Born and raised. Never moved away—couldn’t really. My entire family is there. I live with my best friend.” Hobbies, Lizzy. Tell them things. The bird squawks and jumps back on Gabby’s head. They’re all staring at me like I’ve grown an extra head. “I play on a recreational soccer league.” I swallow hard. “I volunteer my time at a children’s charity once a month. Teaching phonics and reading skills.” That’s relatable to these people, right? “Interior design is something I love. Kind of meshes well with the social media platforms these days with the beautiful aesthetics that are required to attract attention.” They’re still staring, and I feel Luca’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my face. “I went to sommelier classes for a year, but then I became too busy with college classes to finish the program. I loved it so I’d like to finish one day.” I’m making this into a reverse interrogation by continuing to rattle on. I am offering information before they can even request it. “Tell me more about your family,” I say, hoping it sounds more like a command. “Being a royal is far more interesting than my boring life.”

  “That’s so interesting,” a heavily accented voice crows from behind me. Turning, I see it’s Luca’s grandma, Gam Gam. She is wearing fur, jewels, and an air of excellence, exactly how you’d imagine Italian royalty. “I’m Rosa Bianchi, but you can call me Queen.”

  My eyes must widen, because she cackles. Antonio scolds his mom
. “She’s joking with you, Elizabeth. Mom has a rude sense of humor.”

  “When you get as old as I am, you get your kicks where you can.” I stand and greet her with a head nod that’s far more delicate than my first attempt at a graceful acknowledgment. Rosa takes my hand in hers. “Call me Gam Gam. What have you been up to with my grandson?”

  Luca laughs. “You really are feisty today, Gams,” he says, walking over to kiss her on the cheek. “I’ve been keeping Elizabeth busy. Don’t you worry.”

  “Don’t turn her into a clown car, Luca Bianchi. She looks like a nice girl.”

  “She is. That’s why you’re meeting her,” Luca says, smiling with his eyes. “She’s something special. She’s got the magic kiss.”

  A glass breaks in the corner where Kieran is standing next to the bar. “I’m sorry,” she tosses out, not really meaning it. “Gam Gam, do you want a flute or a goblet?” For the first time, Kieran looks flustered. Maybe his family does make her nervous. I’m relieved she does get ruffled. Gam answers her, and Kieran’s hand shakes as she pours champagne into a flute and walks the glass over to hand it to her.

  Luca notices immediately and excuses himself to talk to her in the corner. I talk to Gabby about her extreme animal charities while keeping Kieran and Luca in my peripheral. Her arms are crossed and her body language makes it clear she’s not happy right now. Jealousy sears when he lays a hand on her shoulder, but her defensive posture doesn’t change. Maria and Antonio are sipping tea, talking about me to each other. Something they aren’t even trying to hide.

  Gabby sees where my gaze is and whispers, “He likes you and they’re tallying the scoreboard. Don’t take it personally.”

  “Take it personally? You just said they’re scoring me!” My heart thrums along at a frantic pace. “This isn’t serious with Luca, they don’t need to judge me too harshly.”

  Her deep blue eyes are set wide in her face. Gabby is an exotic beauty. Those same stunning eyes narrow with suspicion. “Not serious? Of course it is!”

  I can’t follow her train of thought. “Because I’m considering the director position?”

  “No, because we’re in the room with you.”

  A lurch of excitement washes over me. “But so is his ex-girlfriend.”

  “We only met her after, when she was his employee. He called yesterday and told us to come meet his ‘Princess.’ This is one hundred percent a first.”

  I can’t help it, I immediately let my gaze lock on Luca. He’s not looking at Kieran anymore, he’s looking at me. A ravaging, soul-stealing look, that says I’m not the only one falling in love.

  “Princess?” My voice cracks. “He used that word?”

  “Did he kiss you?”

  An odd question, I retract from. “Yes.”

  She smiles. “Oh, he’s so going to keep you forever.” Gabby hugs me. “Want to go see my Capuchin, Princess?”

  Chapter Eight

  The beach

  “THEY’LL STAY AWAY, they’re back at their house for the night. They drink so much during the day on vacation that they’re all nearly asleep by seven. The night is ours,” Luca whispers, wrapping his arms around me, his chest pressed against my back. “Relax now.”

  “They must hate me. I’m so plain and boring,” I sigh. “Not that I expected anyone would love me, but impressing people like you guys is probably the most difficult thing in the world.”

  A cool wave washes over our feet and we sink a little further into the white sand. “Not that I care even a little bit about what they think, but they do like you. They told me that much before they left.” The other Bianchi mansion is next door, but you still need a vehicle to get there. We’re isolated on Luca’s beach right now. After I ate my feelings and donned a new green bikini, I joined him out here. I’m being vulnerable, but I only have a couple days left here in this bliss-filled oasis with Luca, and I’m feeling morose.

  “I never expected this to be more than sex. I think when you asked me to be your Christmas con it opened my mind to more. Then I saw you. Then I kissed you.”

  “Are you saying my lie is what drew you to me more than you’re typically drawn to women?” I ask, spinning to face him. Luca’s hands trail my sides, leaving chill bumps in their wake. “That’s pretty bad.”

  He kisses me again, and I languish in the way he lets everything sink into the gesture. I think about what Gabby said. “Did you really want your family to meet me? That’s why they came?”

  I can taste him inside my mouth and I know it won’t be long until we’re naked. “I did. It will keep me accountable when I go back to the real world.”

  The pull to him gets stronger every second I’m near him. This is what it’s like to have lust at first sight morph into something different. “Accountable?”

  “I want to keep you.” Exactly what Gabby said. Oh, my God.

  I let defiance drip into my tone. “I’m a person, not something to be kept.”

  “You misunderstand me,” Luca says. “I want you to be mine for longer than one week.”

  Replying in a rush, I say, “You hired me. I’ll be around for as long as you’ll pay me.”

  His smile reaches his eyes. “You’re still misunderstanding.”

  Sighing, I glance away. “I’m not. I know what you mean. It’s hard to believe, that is all. With what you do, I don’t see how it’s possible to have anything resembling a real relationship for more than this… vacation.” I pull away from him and walk toward the setting sun, shin-deep in the blue waters. “Your life and mine aren’t compatible.”

  The lump in my throat rages.

  “You can work anywhere, right? I’d say our lives are more than compatible, I’d call them aligned.”

  “Leaving my family isn’t an option.”

  He sighs. “You went on the internet looking for men to pretend to be your partner so they wouldn’t judge you harshly and you’re worried about leaving them. You’re making excuses for not wanting to break patterns and habits.”

  I spin to look at him. I see security guards standing way off in the distance. It’s easy to forget we’re almost always being watched while we’re outdoors. “I have a confession,” I breathe.

  Luca nods. “Lay it on me.”

  “When I posted the ad, I didn’t post it to try to find someone who would pretend to be my boyfriend. It was an actual attempt at finding someone I could be with. Something real and long term.” It was easier to let him assume it was sex for a week in exchange for Christmas with me. “Maybe I am making excuses.” I pull my hair nervously back into a ponytail. “I’ve been single so long that I can’t settle for sharing with other women. As progressive and accepting as I deem myself, I’m not that strong, Luca. You wouldn’t like jealous Lizzy.”

  “Are you telling me no?” His question rattles me. “That this ends after Christmas?”

  “I’m not sure what I’m saying.”

  “Are you happy?” he slings.

  I open my eyes wide. “Of course. But this isn’t sustainable. What do we have outside of sexual chemistry?”

  “I’m just a good fuck.” His neck works as he swallows, and I regret my word choice. “Let’s go back inside then. We’re wasting time with clothes on.” Luca’s demeanor changes, his jaw hardening, eyes going black and serious.

  I grab his arm. “You’re more than a good fuck, and you know it.”

  “Do I?” He pulls away and starts back for the house. Following behind him, like a stray puppy, I search for words.

  When we get back into the house, I still don’t know what to say. How could I? It’s better this way. A fling is something you get to keep in memory for a lifetime. It stays sweet. Trying and failing at a relationship destroys everything. “Is it so wrong to want to keep this perfect? Like this?”

  He doesn’t answer—he storms off upstairs. Luca is upset and with good reason. I basically just told him that he was worthy of sex, but nothing more. It was to guard him, and my heart. This isn’t part of the pla
n. It can’t be part of the plan. There’s no use fighting when you go in knowing it’s a losing battle. Luca’s world is glistening and fast-paced. There’s no fitting in, it would be keeping up. Meandering through the hallway, needing time to think, I stumble into a room that looks like it’s also been filmed in. I close the door behind me and approach the large camera in the center of the room.

  I pull off the canvas protecting it and see the universal power button and press it. When the green light flashes, I assume it’s recording. I adjust the view and sit down in a chair it’s aimed at. What has happened in this chair? The thoughts running through my mind make my stomach twist with envy, but turn me on at the same time. There’s a folder sitting on the table next to me. I open it up, and it’s a page filled with prompts. What’s your fantasy? One of the lines reads. Is this an interview questionnaire? A jumping off point for the milkman to burst through the front door and say all the right things? I say the question out loud to the camera.

  “My favorite fantasy?” The one I’m living right now, I think. Because it doesn’t seem real. Not even right now sitting in one of his porno rooms. It’s like some derelict fairytale without an ending that gratifies anyone. Pulling my feet up onto the chair, and underneath me, I tap the folder against my knee. “I guess it would be that the love is bigger than the lie.” It’s an impossibility, but it’s my fantasy, right?

  “Greatest fear?” The next question on the list. I eye the camera. I don’t know what I’m doing, or why I turned it on. It seemed fitting for the setting. The bed catches my eye from the corner of my eye.

  Instead of imagining Luca and another woman, I answer. “A toss-up between dying alone and getting eaten by a great white shark.” I look at the paper—searching for something to talk about next, but a barrage of noise at the door draws my attention. Gabby comes in first, a dog clutched awkwardly under one arm, and two men dressed in black tumble in after her.

  “There she is. Grab her.” Gabby slurs her words. She’s the level of drunk that will give her a multiple-day hangover. The kind where you wake up in someone else’s bed wearing underwear that aren’t yours. The kind where you kidnap people. Wait, what? Her security grabs me and ties my arms behind my back while simultaneously picking up and walking me to exit. Gabby makes a crazed face, kisses her dog on the head, and puts a piece of duct tape over my mouth. “Don’t make any noise. You’ll get me in trouble.”