by Misty Evans
She blocked out the sound of his voice and the rest of his meaningless reassurances. If she had to listen to anymore, she might kill him. When she was excused, she didn’t bother going back to her desk. She walked right out the building to her car.
Barely able to see, she dug her phone out of her purse and texted Becca.
911. Bring wine.
There was no way she was going to make it through the night without her best friend.
* * *
Becca brought wine and two pints of ice-cream. Bags of candy bars. She also brought tequila and a bag of limes. Van couldn’t even make herself get up off the couch to answer the door. Lucky for her, Becca had a key.
She took one look at Van and said, “Pick your poison.”
Van pulled the blanket down from over her head. “Tequila bottle. Fuck the limes.”
Becca gave her a sympathetic smile and dropped the bags on the coffee table. Handing Van the bottle of tequila, she plopped down on the floor. “How do I fix this?”
“For starters, how about you castrate the fucker.”
“Which one? The boss or the boyfriend?”
“Ex-boyfriend,” she corrected. “What’s wrong with both?”
Becca took the tequila from her and took a swig, scrunching her face as she swallowed. “I’m so down for that. But you’ll be mad at me when you and Alex get back together and you no longer have use of your favorite toy.”
Van’s heart squeezed. “Like Miss Swift says, we are never, ever, getting back together. Like fucking ever.”
“I’m really sorry, sweetie. He seemed really into you. You weren’t one of his throw away girls.”
“Key word there is seemed. He’s Alex McIntyre. There was no way he was going to stay interested in me for long. He’s charismatic and loves to be surrounded by people. I’m a loner who can’t stand a crowd. It wasn’t going to work. I make one mistake and he uses it as a reason to chuck me.”
Becca patted Van’s arm. “He just doesn’t know what to do with a relationship. I think you stun him. He needs to figure out that you’re worth fighting for.”
Van shook her head. “He’s had time to think, and apparently, I’m not worth fighting for. He’s gone right back to being cardboard-cutout Alex. The dutiful son. It was like the couple of weeks we spent together didn’t mean anything. The Alex I saw over the past month, the one racing in Vegas? He doesn’t exist.”
“I was pissed Liam hadn’t told me about the racing, but I understand why he didn’t want a lot of people knowing about it.” Becca licked her lips. “Can I ask you a question?”
“What?”
“Did you ever tell him how you felt about him? Like really felt about him?”
She slid her gaze away. “He knew I cared.”
Becca nodded. Another swig, another wince. “So you never told him you loved him.”
What? “Don’t be ridiculous. Love was never part of the equation.”
“You sure about that?”
Van took the tequila and swigged it down. Becca smiled knowingly.
Hell. She took another swig. She’d promised to take her and Alex’s relationship seriously and not be embarrassed by him, but she’d never told him how she felt. Was this love?
Her heart pinched.
Damn.
It was the first time she’d let herself love someone…and now he was gone. “I—how did you know, Becs? I’m not even sure I knew.”
“Seriously? You doubt my ability to read you?” She snickered. “On the surface, Alex is everything you can’t stand, but deep down, you guys are a lot alike and you clearly had chemistry. You have no idea how long Liam and I have been waiting for you two to realize it. I thought you guys were finally getting your acts together. And then this happened.”
“Yeah, well, not the way I planned it either.” She took a long pull of the tequila and coughed as it burned its way down her esophagus.
“Maybe if—”
“Don’t.” Van inhaled deeply and modulated her voice. “I may love him, but he doesn’t love me back. He never did. I knew he wasn’t into commitment and I still went down this path. Fell for his bullshit about being exclusive and have a real relationship. So this is my fault. It’s just like Dad said. I was the one who didn’t pay attention. I ignored the warning bells. I was fell in love with a guy who isn’t good enough for me.”
Becca held her peace.
Van nodded, closing the door on the subject. “He’s not coming back. There will be no grand reconciliation.”
Becca sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I just want you to be as happy as I am with Liam.”
Van blinked back tears. “I don’t need a man. All I need right now is a new job and to forget all about Alex.” As if that was ever going to happen. “I’m a big girl. I’ll make it through. “
“Yes you are. And you’re strong. I got your back.”
“In that case, I have a favor to ask. Will you help me take these out? I think it’s time for a change.” She fingered her braids. Becca was right, she was strong and she would make it through. It just felt like her heart was going to disintegrate before she did.
Chapter Eighteen
She wasn’t exactly hung over. Becca’s hair-of-the-dog remedy had mostly cured that. But Van felt like she was on a life hang over. Through her walls, she’d heard Alex walking around last night. She was torn between running over there for some ex-sex or running over to strangle him with her bare hands for breaking her heart…after some ex-sex.
Because at the end of the day, she could really use an orgasm.
Asshole. She hated that she felt like this. She was officially one of those girls. The hyper emotional, unfocused women who acted stupid over a man. How had that happened?
It’s because you love him. Vanessa shoved the thought out of her head. It didn’t matter how she felt. He wasn’t good for her. Except, maybe, he’s a little good for you. You haven’t had this much fun in years.
With her scowl firmly in place, she headed for work, but was paralyzed in her doorframe when she saw Alex at his car. Of course one of the women down the street who’d been ogling him at his housewarming party was draped all over him in her Lulu Lemons. Someone should tell the bitch, to A) get her hands off Van’s man B) that it didn’t count as working out if she merely wore the outfit.
She couldn’t well just stand there framed in the doorway, she had to get to work. Gritting her teeth, she closed her door and took her time locking it. If he was going to stand outside with some woman draped all over him, the least she could do was make him weep with wanting her.
She might feel like death, but the first rule of Becca’s boot camp was dress the part of totally together, happy, not broken-hearted woman. So she’d curled up her braids last night, and now they fell in loose curls around her shoulders. Her makeup was impeccable. Though, mostly to hide the deep shadows under her eyes. And she’d donned the leather pencil skirt he’d bought her in Vegas with killer heels. Never mind that half her colleagues walked around like Miss Lulu over there. Van was dressed to make men drool. And Alex was going to be her first victim whether he liked it or not.
She knew the second he’d noticed her because his voice trailed off and she could feel the heat of his gaze all over her body. She locked her jaw to keep from smiling. There was no way she was going to acknowledge him.
Miss Lulu had other plans. “Hi, Vanessa.”
Van glanced up briefly and smiled. Now what the hell was that girl’s name again? “Good morning.”
Apparently Miss Lulu didn’t notice that Van didn’t remember her name and she kept engaging. “You look amaze balls. Where did you get that skirt?”
Oh lord, was she really going to get stuck talking fashion when all she wanted to do was get in her car and hide? “Not sure. A friend picked it out.” Her oh-so-helpful-brain conjured up images of Alex picking her out stacks of clothes to try on and then what they’d done in the dressing room.
Without knowing it, Miss Lulu delivered
the final blow. “Well, whoever your friend is, he has excellent taste. Wish I had a friend like that.” Lulu gave Alex a pointed look, but his eyes were glued to Van.
For the briefest of moments, Van let her gaze drift to his. He had dark circles under his eyes and they looked red rimmed as if he’d had too much to drink. The stubble on his chin went far beyond one or two days’ worth, but it hadn’t gone full blown beard yet.
Frankly, he looked a mess. Her inner bad girl did a booty dance. Yeah, that’s right sucker. Welcome to life without me. But the stupid part of her, the part that loved him, she felt rotten. Eyes on the prize kid, get in your car.
Lulu was not about to let her make a quick escape though. “Van, have you met your neighbor, Alex? I know what kind of crazy schedule you work, so I wasn’t sure.”
She had clearly forgotten that Van had been at the housewarming party. Probably because her attention had been glued to Alex all night.
Van’s brain frantically searched for the right set of words for this adventure. “I’ve seen him around. Welcome to the neighborhood, Alex. If you’ll excuse me, I have to get to work.”
Alex winced, but he didn’t take his assessing gaze off of her even as she climbed into her Mini Cooper and drove off.
Van only made it about three blocks before she had to pull over and steady her breathing. That settled it, she had to move. There was no way she could live next to him. Not now.
When she finally made it to work, she locked herself in her office. Since the presentation had been yesterday, she didn’t have much work today. She’d just hide in her office and skate through the day. And she would keep doing that until she figured out how the hell to right the ship again.
Before Van even eased down in her chair, Fran knocked on her door and opened it without waiting for a response. “Hey, Van, got a second?”
“Actually, this isn’t—”
“I’m sorry, I’m just so excited, and I couldn’t wait to tell you.”
Van sighed. Just because her life was in shambles didn’t mean she couldn’t listen to someone else’s happy news. “Have a seat. Tell me what has you so happy.”
“Girl, first I want to say thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Without your guidance I wouldn’t be here.”
“It was nothing, Fran. I was happy to help.”
“Okay, so I’ve got the nutrition coaching going and I met this woman about a month ago. She’s one of the higher ups at Mills department stores. We got to talking and she wanted my services for her. Then she wanted to expand it to her team. Now, I’ve been hired to build them a wellness team. For the whole store!”
“That’s amazing.” And it was. Fran had been talking to her about this stuff for years. “Congratulations.”
“And,” Fran jiggled her pretty sculpted eyebrows. “She wants to roll out the plan to other stores. Which means I’m going to need a staff.”
“Wow, can I be in the office when you tell the boss you quit? I could use the pick me up.”
Fran frowned. “I heard about the promotion, I’m so sorry.”
Van shrugged. “It’s okay. I’ll manage.”
“Well, how about you do more than manage? I’m going to need to build a team and with the nature of the coaching that we do, we’ll need everyone to be a leader. To be able to communicate effectively and to be a go-getter. What do you think about coming to work for me?”
Van blinked. As much as she loved Fran, wellness motivator she was not. She was healthy and worked out and ate right…mostly, but there was no way she could be a food Nazi about chocolate and she had a penchant for In-and-Out Burgers. “Fran, I really don’t think it’s a good fit. I have no background in meal planning. Hell, I can’t even plan a week’s worth of dinners.”
Her friend laughed. “Oh, no. I don’t need you on the wellness end. I need you to train the people I hire to be leaders. The way you did me.”
Van’s mouth dropped open. “I—uh. Thank you, seriously, but that’s not even what I do. I’m a program manager.”
“Who whips people into shape for projects? All you have to do is look at each new person as a project. I think you’d be great at this.”
“I’ve been working on this career for years.”
“It’s not that much of a shift. A little different parameters is all. And you can work from anywhere and consult for me. I don’t have my formal package offer ready, but I’ll sign my deal with Mills by the end of the week and I’ll need to start hiring ASAP. I want to bring you on immediately. I already talked to Mills about you and they’re interested in meeting with you, too.”
There was one way to nip this in the bud. “I don’t come cheap, Fran.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. Name your price. Mills is so determined to make this a success, they want to meet your consulting price.”
A new job. A good salary. No more public speaking, only one-on-one training.
Van dropped her head into her hands. “Fran, it’s tempting, but—”
Fran grinned. “Think about it. Please. It’s a chance to do something new, and carve out something that’s uniquely you. You get to do the one-on-one thing you like without all the other bull you don’t. And honesty, is what you’re doing here at DIVE making you happy? If it is, great, keep doing it. But if it’s not, then it’s time to stop doing the same thing, expecting a different result. Lord knows you’re not insane. Do something different and carve out your own path.”
When Fran left, Van’s mind reeled. Could she do this? Change the path of her career? Work for herself? She could excel at something like this. It was practically second nature.
Maybe it’s time to do something different. She’d done the same old thing for years in work and relationships. Attacked things like her father taught her.
But maybe it was time to do things her way.
And she could do that. With the job and with Alex.
Chapter Nineteen
Alex was asleep on his office couch when Liam woke him with a hard shake. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. It’s Friday night. Time to climb out of the rabbit hole you went down earlier this week.”
Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he pushed himself into a sitting position. “You’re mixing up your Disney movies, and it’s Thursday, dumbass.”
Liam glanced over his shoulder and Alex saw the top of a familiar strawberry-blond head in the doorway. “You’re right. He’s totally messed up.” To Alex, he said, “You aren’t eating, you aren’t sleeping, and you need a shower and a shave.”
Jen moved into the room. “Sorry, Alex. I didn’t know who else to call since you and Van aren’t getting along. I was worried about you.”
His eyes felt like sandpaper, his back hurt from being scrunched up on the tiny couch, and his teeth had a film growing on them. “I showered this morning.”
“As in Thursday morning?” Liam said.
Alex glared up at his friend. “Yeah, this morning.”
Jen sat next to him, laid a hand on his forearm. “Today is Friday, Golden Boy. You’re losing track of time. Living at the office isn’t good.”
Friday. Shit. That meant the team building event was tomorrow. He still didn’t have the exercises ironed out. He’d planned to drive out to the site Friday night—tonight—and get a feel for the place.
But he’d given up Van, given up his dream of driving, and thrown himself into work this week. He’d put out no less than six fires between an accounting glitch that had reverted everyone’s salary to pre-2005 pay schedules and a botched marketing campaign promoting the upcoming Genie In A Bottle fundraiser. He had five thousand postcards in the backroom that read “Holiday Fuckraiser” rather than “Holiday Fundraiser” due to a clerical error no one had caught before the proof went to the printer.
Yes, he’d been living at the office, but so what? Everyone had their correct paychecks, didn’t they? He’d managed to get those postcards reprinted in time to be included with the latest mailing to corporate supporters, hadn’t he?
What the hell did they all want from him? “Get me some coffee, Jen. A little caffeine and I’ll be good to go.”
“The only place you’re going is home,” Liam said. “It’s a shower and bed for you. The race is tomorrow, remember?”
That hollow feeling he’d had since Sunday night had spread from his stomach to his heart and into his goddamned bones. “I’m not racing. I’m in charge of the Wish It Team Building Weekend in Mission Valley.”
Liam grabbed his arm and pulled him off the couch. “The road to hell is paved with trust falls.”
“What?”
“I’m taking you home.”
Home. It would never be home again. He shrugged off Liam’s grip. “I have too much work to do.” And he wasn’t looking to run into Van again. God, she’d looked so good with hair curly and free. He’d wanted to tug on one of her curls.
“Alex,” Jen said, getting in his face. “You’re a zombie. Get out of here. I’ll handle the team building event.”
“You?” He laughed, and when he saw her flinch, he apologized. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, Sis. I know you could handle it, it’s that Mom would have a cow if I put you in charge.”
Her chin rose a notch. “That’s exactly why you should put me in charge. That, and the fact you have to go to the race tomorrow. I called that George guy. I found his card in your jacket. He was very nice—just like you, Alex. He told me I had one hell of a brother and said he’s going to be in L.A. to watch the race.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did.” She patted Alex’s cheek. “You’ve worked hard for this company long enough, and I know you did it out of the kindness of your heart as well as because of me and the ʼrents. But it’s time you did something for yourself. You’ve been so committed to 3 Wishes all these years, you’ve never allowed yourself to commit to anything or anyone else. You blew the best—and maybe only—serious relationship you’ve ever had with Van. I won’t let you blow your best—and definitely only—chance to race. I’m hereby firing you.”