Archie of Outlandish

by Lynnette Kraft

  Taft pulled a pen from behind his ear and moved his long blond hair away from his eyes. “At your service, dude!”

  Archie was used to Taft’s laid-back manner, but Tallie was caught off guard and laughed a little. Taft, always happy to keep the mood light, laughed back.

  “We’ll both have the fish tacos,” Archie said.

  “Excellent choice.” He looked at Tallie and said, “What can I get the lady to drink?”

  “Oh, water’s fine. No, wait. I’ll have coffee, too. It’s been a long day.”

  “Got it. More tea, Arch, my man?” he asked.

  “You know, I think I’ll switch to coffee,” Archie said.

  “Arch is gonna down some java. All right. I’m on it, dude.”

  When Taft walked away, Tallie whispered, “His choice of words is hilarious.”

  “That’s Taft,” said Archie. “He’s Outlandish’s most prominent surf bum.”

  “Really?”

  Archie nodded. “He surfs by day and waits tables by night, and occasionally leaves for a few days to compete. Mother is very accommodating.”

  “Wow, I’ve never known anyone who surfs.”

  “Yes, we both know how experienced you are with coastal living.”

  “Gee thanks, Arch, my man!” Tallie said trying to look like Taft.

  Archie laughed at her.

  “How does he afford to live in Outlandish on a waiter’s salary? It’s expensive here!”

  “Oh, he still lives at home. He’s lived here his whole life. His parents sell surfboards and surfing gear.”

  “That’s great. Are his parents surfers, too?”

  “Yes, and his two sisters, but his sisters are both married now.”

  Taft came back with coffee and water and said, “Freshly brewed java for the man and his lady.”

  Archie and Tallie both reacted to his comment by laughing it off, but when Archie looked back at Tallie, he noticed she was wearing her signature symbol of embarrassment—splotchy neck and cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess he just . . . assumed . . . and he’s not used to seeing me here with . . . women.”

  “Noooo?”

  Archie rolled his eyes. When he looked away, he was surprised to see Luke walk into the restaurant. When Luke looked his direction, Archie waved him over.

  Tallie turned to see whom he was waving at.

  When Luke got to the table, Archie put his hand out and said, “Luke!”

  “Hey, Arch!”

  Archie looked at Tallie and said, “Tallie, this is my friend, Luke Pindabrook. Luke, Tallie Greenleaf.”

  Tallie shook Luke’s hand. “You’re the magician, right?”

  Luke smiled. “One of the sixteen Pindabrooks!”

  “Sixteen! Wow! I’m dying to see your show.” Looking at Archie, she said, “You’re going to take me to their show, right?”

  “Of course.”

  Archie said to Luke, “Do you want to join us for dinner?”

  Luke had come to the restaurant hoping to spend some time with Archie, but since Tallie was there, he didn’t want to intrude, so instead he said with a smile, “No, no. I don’t want to interrupt you. I just came to grab some takeout.”

  Tallie saw Luke wink at Archie but pretended she didn’t.

  “It was nice meeting you, Tallie. I hope you will come and see our show. I could pull you in as a volunteer if you’d like.”

  “That’s okay,” she said. “Stages freak me out.”

  “I’ve heard that one before,” Luke said looking at Archie.

  Tallie smiled. “I really enjoyed meeting you. Archie speaks very highly of you.”

  “Well, he’d better,” said Luke.

  Archie laughed.

  “You two enjoy yourselves,” he said before walking away.

  “You’ve been friends a long time, haven’t you?” asked Tallie.

  “Yes, pretty much our entire lives.”

  “That’s so great. He seems like a really nice guy.”

  “He is a great guy . . . and currently a heartbroken one. His fiancée just broke off their engagement.”

  “Aw, that’s so sad. How long were they together?”

  Archie thought about it for a moment. “A year? Maybe a little longer. They were engaged for a couple of months.”

  “I hate hearing that. He’s so cute though. He’ll find someone else.”

  Archie was surprised at Tallie’s words and to his shame, he felt a little jealous. He’d always known the girls thought Luke was good-looking, but it had never bothered him until that very moment. He forced himself not to linger on his jealousy and changed the subject. “How long are you staying?”

  “I have a reservation for a week.”

  “The Lupine?” asked Archie.

  “No,” she said pouting. “Sadly, they were booked. In fact, every hotel was booked.”

  “Well, it is summer and this is a tourist town. Where are you staying?”

  “I rented a little room above the Salt Boutique. It was all that was available. It’s fine. I don’t plan on spending much time inside. I’m hoping to see more of Outlandish this trip.”

  “I’ll be happy to show you around,” Archie said.

  “Would you? I was hoping you’d say that. I know you have to work. I don’t want to get in the way.”

  “I think I can fit you into my schedule,” Archie teased. “You can come to work with me. As long as you don’t distract me too much.”

  Tallie smacked his arm playfully. “Distract you from what . . . observing?” asked Tallie.

  “Yes, and believe me, it can be done.”

  “Well, I can’t write, but maybe I can help you observe. You can gaze one direction, and I’ll gaze the other.”

  “Sounds perfect,” said Archie.

  “Speaking of observing,” Tallie said. “I met the salt shop owners today. They are so interesting and their shop is incredible.”

  “Did you ask them about their names?” Archie asked.

  “No, but I am curious. Tell me.”

  “Well, their parents met when they played in the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Their father played the clarinet and their mother played the piccolo, so they named their two children after their instruments.”

  “It sounds like their parents are as eccentric as they are,” Tallie said.

  “I’ve met them,” Archie said. “They’re actually pretty normal.”

  “What—no dreads and bare feet?”

  “No, but they did get that red hair from their parents. They’re both quite redheaded,” Archie said.

  “So the salt shop didn’t belong to their parents first?”

  “No. They just moved here a few years ago and set up shop.”

  Tallie admitted, “I bought a couple of things from them today.”

  “What did you buy?”

  “Well, they told me they were famous for their chocolate mint sucking salt, so I had to try it out.”

  “And?”

  “And . . . I actually haven’t tried it yet,” she said laughing. “I was so nervous about coming to meet you, it hasn’t even made its way out of the bag.”

  “Why were you nervous?”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d be happy about my coming unannounced.”

  “Are you kidding? I am delighted to see you.”

  “Same here,” she answered, feeling herself blush. “So, what have you been up to, Archibald?”

  Archie thought about what he’d been doing the past few months and realized how hard it would be to answer her question. He would either keep it light and not really tell Tallie what he’d been up to, or he’d be honest and that might be too hard to explain. When he hesitated, she asked, “What?”

  There wasn’t enough time to make a decision, so he changed th
e subject. “Have you heard about the sea lion pups that washed up on the beach, sick and stranded?”

  “No, you can’t do that. You didn’t answer me,” she said.

  Archie looked at Tallie. “Aren’t you curious about the poor sea lions though?”

  “Actually, I am. But first you have to answer my question.”

  “The truth is, Tallie, the answer is just too complex.”

  “Try me,” she said.

  Archie sighed. “I haven’t really done anything worth mentioning. It’s what I’ve been thinking about. That’s where the real story is.”

  “So tell me what you’ve been thinking about.”

  “How about you ask me about it after we’ve had some lighter conversation?”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Now it’s my turn,” he said. “What have you been up to?”

  “Well. I’m pretty much in the same boat. So it sounds like we should wait for that conversation until at least tomorrow.”

  12

  Excited about the day ahead, Archie woke about an hour earlier than usual. Realizing God had answered many prayers for him, including bringing Tallie back to Outlandish, he felt compelled to stop and thank God. Rolling out of bed, Archie sat on his floor, crossed his legs, and bowed his head.

  “Lord, I feel so grateful. You’ve taken my life from a state of confusion and brought some clarity to it. You’ve given me clear direction in the way of my calling, and You’ve given me hope for something I wasn’t sure was your will. I’ll admit, when I asked You to bring Tallie back to me, I doubted it would happen. It’s not that I don’t find You kind and giving. You are certainly both of those things. I only doubted my reasoning in asking You for it.

  “Bringing Tallie back to Outlandish was a wonderful way of reminding me You are hearing my prayers and considering my desires. I now pray I might have the courage to trust You as You lead me down a very unfamiliar path.”

  Archie ended his prayer with, “Thank You for my faithful, accommodating parents as well as my new and longtime friends. Thank You for allowing me to live in such a beautiful place, and for giving me a week with Tallie. Amen.”

  Feeling especially energetic, and because his father was out of town, Archie decided to surprise his mother by making them both an omelet. Although his culinary skills were nothing close to his mother’s, he knew she would appreciate his effort, and he wanted an opportunity to spend some time with his mother.

  When his father was out of town, his mother tended to sleep a little late, and Archie was happy for the extra time to prepare breakfast. Since he needed both hands to cook and needed to be able to move around the kitchen freely, Archie would need to wear his hat umbrella, which wasn’t his favorite thing in the world. It was a medium sized umbrella that sat right on top of his head and was held on with an adjustable band. The canopy of the umbrella was designed to be flexible so it wouldn’t pop off of his head when he accidentally nudged it with a cabinet door. He only ever let his parents see him in this contraption. He knew it made him look ridiculous, but sometimes he simply couldn’t avoid it.

  He went about choosing ingredients for what he considered a deluxe omelet, although he knew he’d never be able to pick just the right combination of ingredients to match his mother’s perfect palate. He finally decided on eggs, clarified butter, Fontina and Gruyere cheeses, and a large portabella mushroom cap. To add flavor and to impress his mother, he would add fresh chervil, tarragon, and parsley.

  He moved over to the counter where he cracked, mixed, shredded, and chopped; sautéed mushrooms; cooked eggs; and eventually assembled the first of the two omelets.

  Just as he was about to remove the omelet from the pan, his mother stepped into the kitchen. Still standing a ways from Archie, she lifted her nose and inhaled. “I must have smelled that in my sleep, Archie. I was dreaming Anne Willan was in my kitchen making me breakfast.”

  “Who is Anne Willan?” asked Archie.

  “Who is Anne Willan? Archie! You can’t be serious. I’ve talked about her your entire life.”

  Archie looked at his mother blankly.

  “She’s a legendary chef of French Cuisine!”

  “Oh yes! Anne Willan.”

  Annella couldn’t tell if he really did remember or was just pretending, but she let him off the hook.

  Archie added, “Well, I’m no Anne Willan, but I am making you breakfast.”

  Annella walked over to Archie and attempted to kiss him on the cheek but gave up. “Oh, that hat!”

  “I couldn’t think of a way around it.”

  “Well, it smells delicious,” she said while inhaling deeply.

  “Don’t get your hopes up.”

  “Oh, but I am,” she said. “Did you already have your breakfast?”

  “Actually,” he answered, “I’m going to be eating an omelet with you.”

  “Really? You’re going to eat an omelet? Not your usual toast and prunes?”

  “Yes, well, I thought I’d give it a whirl.”

  “Lovely,” she said.

  When his mother sat down and he put the plate in front of her, as well as a pot of tea, she took a moment to put her nose to the omelet. It was a common occurrence. She ate nothing without doing this first. She said it was “savoring it before tasting it” and it was “absolutely necessary for a chef.”

  “Would you be offended if I chopped up some chives to throw on top?” she asked.

  Archie threw his hands up in the air and said, “Of course. Chives! That’s what you always add with those three herbs. I couldn’t remember!”

  “Oh, well, it’s almost perfect. I can tell by the aroma.”

  “Stay there,” he said. “I’ll chop the chives.”

  Archie hurried up about it so his mother would taste the omelet before it cooled. He took the cutting board over to his mother and sprinkled them on top.

  “There. Now give it a try.”

  Annella put her nose to it all over again and said, “Perfect.” She then cut a piece of the omelet off with her fork and took her first bite.

  If Annella was dramatic about anything, it was food. She closed her eyes as she chewed, and once she had swallowed the bite said, “That’s really quite delectable, Archie.”

  Archie smiled. Then he went back to the kitchen to cook his own omelet.

  Once Archie and his mother were at the table eating together, she asked him, “So what are we celebrating this morning?”

  Archie finished chewing his bite. “I wasn’t exactly thinking of it as a celebration, but I suppose it might be.”

  “About what?”

  “Well, about life in general. You encouraged me. Father counseled me. God has heard my prayers, and Tallie has come for a week. Those are enough reasons to celebrate.”

  Annella smiled. “Yes. Those are very good reasons to celebrate. Will you be spending the day with Tallie?”

  “Yes. I think I’ll be spending most of the week with her. She told me she would like to see all of Outlandish.”

  “Well, with a whole week, that shouldn’t be too difficult. What are your plans?”

  “I haven’t come up with any just yet. Tallie is pretty good at letting me know what she wants to do, so I think I’ll just make some suggestions and let her tell me.”

  “Well then, there’s your plan!”

  Archie and Tallie met in front of the Salt Boutique at ten o’clock.

  “Good morning, Mr. Plumby,” she said cheerfully.

  “Good morning to you, Miss Greenleaf.”

  “So what are we doing today?” she asked.

  “Well, what do you want to start with? Something spectacular? Something charming? Or something delicious?”

  Tallie put her finger on her lip and pondered. “I just had a Pop-Tart, so maybe . . .”

  Before she could fi
nish, Archie said, “Wait. You ate a Pop-Tart for breakfast?”

  “Well, I’m not staying at a real hotel you know, so they don’t serve breakfast. I just bought some easy breakfast food that doesn’t require refrigeration or cooking.”

  Archie shook his head. “Not acceptable.”

  Tallie walked with Archie. “Where are you taking me, Archibald?”

  “Be patient now,” he said.

  When they had walked a block and stood in front of The Lupine, he said, “Would you mind waiting out here for a few minutes?”

  “Why? What’re you doing?”

  “Just let me check on something. I’ll be right back.”

  It had only been a few minutes when Archie walked back out the door. “How long will it take you to pack up your stuff?”

  “What? Why?”

  “If we walk back to your room, how long will it take you to pack your things?” he asked again.

  “Um, only a few minutes, I guess. Why?”

  “Because you’re staying at your favorite inn.”

  “I am?”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “How? They said they were booked.”

  “Well, they weren’t . . . at least not technically. They always have two rooms reserved for Outlandish business use. I’m qualified to reserve a room on behalf of the newspaper, though I’ve never done it before.”

  Tallie said, “But I’m not here on business. Will I have to fake it? Because I’m not very good at faking.”

  “No,” said Archie. “I would never ask you to do that. I just told them you were a photographer here to take some pictures of Outlandish for potential use. It was good enough for them.”

  “See, you said I was here on business! I can’t, Archibald! It feels wrong.”

  “Miss Greenleaf, are you going to be taking pictures?”

  “Yeah, I’ll take pictures,” Tallie answered.

  “And is it at least slightly possible you might use one at some point for the promotion or publicity of something or someone in Outlandish?”

  “Well . . . it’s possible, I guess,” she said.

  “Then I was completely honest, and you are perfectly entitled to the room, and if it makes you feel any better, it wouldn’t have been used by anyone else this week anyway.”