Light Up My Life

by Winters, Bella

  I hugged my mother tightly and held onto her. I thought I might fall over without her under me to hold me up. Or was it the other way around? She was quivering like I’d never seen her, shaking like a leaf. She and my father had not been close for a long time, but I knew she still loved him. And this was too much for her to take. I was also pretty sure she was crying for me as well.

  I couldn’t stay in that room for long. I had to get out of there and get some fresh air. Being near my father was making me feel ill. I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t him anymore. He was no longer there. Just his body. He was gone forever. I would never see him or talk with him again. I’d wasted so much time over the years being mad at him about such petty, stupid things. What in the world was wrong with me? How could I have been so stupid? I should have just accepted him the way he was, realized he was never going to change, and just gone about my life. But he was so damn domineering that he wouldn’t really let you do that. No, he wouldn’t let me be myself around him. He practically forbade it.

  But he was going to be nearly impossible to let go of. I walked out into the hallway behind my mother, the both of us crying as we made our way to the waiting room. It was too tense in there. I saw Kat sitting there looking worried. She knew how dire this was, and she had come with me to be supportive.

  That meant everything to me. And she’d said that she loved me. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard in my life. We’d declared our love for each other, finally. I couldn’t believe it. That was the only good thing in my life right then. Everything else felt like it was turning to dog shit. I was suspended from the job I loved, my family fortune was lost to me, and now my father was dead.

  I didn’t know what to do next.

  My mother kissed me and told me she was going to go home. Her driver was waiting for her. She had to get away from the hospital. She would work with them to arrange everything and tomorrow we would meet with the funeral home to discuss the arrangements there.

  It was happening all so fast. One moment my father was giving me hell for something that wasn’t my fault and the next moment he was gone. It just didn’t make sense, but it put everything into perspective. Life was far too short to waste on worrying about the small stuff, or about things we transformed into huge problems in our minds. No, it was pretty silly, actually.

  What had I been doing with myself?

  Kat stood up as I walked out and said goodbye to my mother. Then she wrapped her arms around me and held me closely. She kissed me on the cheek as I buried my head in her chest. I was shattered. I never knew that my father’s death would affect me quite the way it did. I’d had so much anger over the years in my heart about him. He would always be there for me. He would always be there in my heart.

  “Are you alright?” Kat asked.

  “Yeah, I’ll be ok,” I replied. “I just can’t believe he is actually gone. It just doesn’t make any sense. I just spoke with him hours ago. He was yelling at me. Our last conversation ever was a stupid fight. Shit. How could I be so stupid? It was a damn waste of time. Fuck.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. He called you to argue, not the other way around. I thought you showed great restraint. You handled it like a gentleman.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “It means so much having you here with me.”

  “Anytime,” she replied. “I’ll always be here for you.”

  I held her close to me in a warm embrace. Her soft hair nuzzled under my chin as I hugged her. Her sweet lips kissed me on the cheek and then moved over to my lips before continuing the hug. I was so glad she was here with me. So damn glad. I wasn’t sure how I could have stood up under this pressure without her.

  “Thank you,” I said. “I meant what I said before. I do love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

  “I feel the same,” she said.

  She hugged me tightly and I knew that she really did feel that way. I wasn’t sure what this meant for us, but I knew it was going to change some things. Now was not the time to talk about it, though. Right now, I had to worry about burying my father.

  It was crazy to think about. This was really happening. Every time the thought occurred to me that I was never going to see my father again, I felt a huge twinge of pain in my heart. I felt a bit sick, like I was going to fall over in a dead feint. I felt my knees getting weak, my body grow heavy, and the aching bones all over my body start to crumble. But then I would snap out of it and everything would be ok again.

  “I need to go home,” I said. “But I don’t want to be alone there.”

  “You won’t be,” Kat said.

  I hugged her closer to me as we left the hospital. We hopped in the ride we’d ordered, and they took us to my place. Once there, I began pouring the whiskey and Kat did not let me drink alone. Within an hour or so, we were both shitfaced and for the first time in several hours, I was not in total pain. I felt better, almost normal.

  We played some pool, watched a movie, and continued drinking though the evening. All of it was working as a good distraction to keep my mind off the fact that my father had just passed away. I was in mourning, but the full brunt of it all had not quite hit me just yet. Occasionally, I’d have a sobering moment and the pain would return with a vengeance, but then it would go away again as I hit another drink. I knew it was not a healthy way to deal with his, but it was there, and it was the way I had chosen. And now I was staggering around drunk. I could barely make it to my seat without falling over.

  I made my way from the pool table after the third straight defeat (Kat was petty freaking good) and I sat down hard with a glass of whiskey. It felt good to let my inhibitions go and just drink until I was on the verge of passing out.

  As I sat there drinking, the room spinning, and my whole world seeming like some impossible dream right then, I felt something wonderful happening between my legs. I glanced down and I saw the most beautiful face taking my dick between her mouth. It took me a few moments to realize that it was Kat. She had become turned on by the alcohol most likely, and now she was ready to have some real fun. I was sure she thought it might make me feel a bit better.

  And she was right. Her sweet mouth swallowed me whole as I sat there drifting in and out of consciousness. It was too bad that I was so wasted because this was one of the best things that I’d ever felt happening to my hard cock.

  And everything was about to go dark…

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Lance

  The funeral was over. I watched as they lowered my father’s casket into the ground and began to cover it with dirt. This was what my new life was now. It no longer had my father in it. The world no longer had my father in it. That was a concept that I was having a massively hard time dealing with. I’d been crying off and on for days at random times. It would just hit me out of the blue, or I’d see something that reminded me of dad or an argument that we once had and then I would feel the tears coming down hard. I was tired of grieving, but I couldn’t stop it.

  Kat stayed right there by my side through it all. She had to go back for softball a few days, but she was able to arrange it in her schedule that she could fly back here for the funeral. And the next day we would have the meeting with my father’s attorney to discuss the conditions of the will.

  It was all too much to think about and deal with. If Kat hadn’t been there, I might have crumbled under the weight of it all. She was great. I missed her so much when she wasn’t around, and I didn’t want to be anywhere else except right by her side when she was there. That was how close we’d become. Ever since we’d said those three magic words to each other, our relationship had skyrocketed. It was difficult doing the long-distance thing, but we were going to make it work.

  The funeral was strange because so many people that I didn’t know were coming up to me and telling me how much they loved my father and how he would be sorely missed. After a while the words stopped having any meaning to me. These people were all just going through the motions, pretending that they cared
, or they were here because they felt guilty for not caring more when my father was alive. He was a ruthless businessman, but he had done a lot of good for a lot of people. He donated heavily to charity, he was a loyal friend, and he never did business that he felt didn’t serve the greater good of humanity.

  I wished I’d been more like him at times, or that I’d taken time to understand my father before it was too late. Now it was. These were regrets that I would have to deal with forever now. It was stupid that I didn’t work harder to bury the hatchet with my father earlier.

  The day after the funeral, Kat went with me to see my father’s attorney, David Drysdale. He was a younger guy, a bit stuffy and skittish. I wondered if he was not used to being in the presence of a woman as attractive as Kat was. That would have been enough to put him on edge, I guess. Kat looked particularly stunning. She always did.

  We sat down with him in his large office and I kept wondering when the air conditioning was going to be turned on. This was brutal. The heat was making me sweat from the moment I entered the office and sat down. I wiped my brow with the back of my hand.

  He tried to make some small talk at first, but I told him to dispense with the pleasantries. Mostly, because I was tired of dealing with the heat. It was so damn hot.

  “Ok, well basically, your father left you a huge part of his estate, twenty five percent of the real estate business, and three of his luxury automobiles. And of course, the shareholdings of the business.”

  I blinked several times as I stared at him. I was waiting for him to bring it up, but he basically told me that my father had left me the equivalent of about three hundred million dollars. There was no mention of any deal or contingencies. No, I was just supposed to have that money.

  “Wait a minute,” I said. “That’s it? It’s just mine?”

  “Yes, it was willed to you. Is there a problem?” David asked.

  “My father told me that I would not get a dime if I didn’t meet certain criteria. None of that is in the latest version of the will?”

  He scanned it over again quickly. “No, there is nothing about any… um… a deal? I’m not following…”

  I sighed. “My father told me just weeks ago that I would not get anything if I didn’t marry and have a child within three years. He was going to put that in the will. Are you telling me he didn’t do that?”

  “That’s what I’m telling you. Maybe he didn’t get around to it, yet.”

  I couldn’t believe it. I was so happy to hear this. I turned to Kat who was also smiling. “He never put it in the will. There is no stipulation.”

  Kat placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. “I told you everything would be ok.”

  I wiped a tear from my eye. “Maybe he never really intended to do that. He thought it was just the thing I needed to get my butt in gear and get my life in order.”

  I signed the acceptance and that was it. I was now officially richer than my wildest dreams. And I owed that to my father. I wasn’t sure if I would have given Kat enough of a chance for us to fall in love without knowing I needed a wife to be granted my inheritance.

  But then again, maybe I would have. I would probably never really known otherwise. And that was ok. I was with the woman I loved, and I was inheriting a fortune.

  “So, what are you going to do next?” Kat asked me when we got back to the car.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I can’t believe this. I’ve been so nervous and so stressed about this for so long. And it was all for nothing.”

  “Well, now you get to have all of your dreams come true.”

  “I think they are coming true. All of them. Well, I do wish that we were closer together. The long-distance thing is a hassle, but with my father gone, I will be able to use the private jet whenever I need to. He travelled all the time for business. My mother is going to appoint someone to take over that role in the company, but they can just fly commercial for the time being. It will be cheaper for her anyway.”

  “Well, you could always move to Cleveland. It’s not like you need to keep working at all,” Kat said.

  “No, but I love what I do and that isn’t going to change.”

  “So, you are still not willing to be inconvenienced. You could get a job with a fire company in Cleveland.”

  “I could, but I love the crew I’m with. That is important to me. It’s lifesaving to trust and love the crew you are working with when you fight fires for a living. That’s crucial. You need to understand that.”

  “I do understand that,” she replied. “But you also need to show me that you are willing to commit to this relationship. Do you even want to marry me still?”

  Those words were cold as ice. They hurt badly, especially when I realized that while I loved Kat so much, I still did not want to get married. That was hard to change.

  “I have not changed my position on marriage,” I said. “I don’t want to get married.”

  “You said you loved me.”

  “And I do. What does a piece of paper have to do with any of that?”

  “It’s more than that for me,” Kat said. “Getting married is about declaring your love to the world. It is about a union between two people in front of the people they hold dearest. It’s about creating special bond that can’t be unchanged.”

  “Oh, but it can. I’ve seen perfectly happy couples get ruined by just getting married. It changes things. I don’t want things to change.”

  She sighed. “Well, I guess that settles it then.”

  “Settles what? What is that supposed to mean? Are you breaking up with me?”

  “Well, if there is no future for us, then what are we doing here?”

  “So, if we don’t get married then it’s over?” I asked. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not going to be forced into getting married.”

  “Not unless there is money in it for you anyway,” Kat said. She instantly grimaced as she said it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

  “But you are thinking it. I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

  I drove back to my place. Kat packed her things, and I put her on a plane back to Cleveland. I hated that we parted on some bad terms with an argument. I missed her so much already, but I did not want to get married. I was too against it. The title of marriage being held over everything was going to make me go insane. That wouldn’t have been right for us.

  I didn’t want that for us at all. I just wanted her. And I knew she wanted me. Why wasn’t that enough?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kat

  (Two Weeks Later)

  I caught the line drive headed straight for my head without even thinking about it. The play was pure reflex, total instinct. I threw the pitch, a hanging breaking ball with some speed taken off it, and the ball was right in the strike zone. The batter nailed it and the moment it took off from the bat, I knew it was headed straight at my head.

  My glove shot up faster than I realized I could even move and caught the ball a nanosecond before it crushed my face in, particularly the nose area. I would have had a broken nose, and a few other fractures to the bones that gave structure to my face if I’d missed it. That was why some of the women wore cages, but I was confident that I wouldn’t need one if I did my job correctly. I’d messed up and the breaking ball did not work. That was my fault.

  It was the last play of the game. My teammates all ran over to congratulate me. All except for Julie, who was kicked off the team, and was out on bail awaiting prosecution for her antics against me. That bitch was going to pay big time. Her family was loaded. They tried to buy me off of course, but my pride wouldn’t let me take her money. That only would have made me look weak, and like I was admitting some of the things on that video were in some way my fault. No way. I was making ok money. And there were rumors that I might be up for an endorsement deal soon. That would bring in some cash for sure.

  I was fine. I was finally in a good place. All except for my love life. It had been two weeks and I
had not heard a word from Lance. I’d pissed him off. And that was my fault. I had said some very unkind things to him in the heat of the moment. I was hurt that after everything we’d been through that he was not willing to marry me. He said he loved me. I said I loved him. We’d proven to each other how much we meant to one another. What was the damn deal? He was terrified of marriage. The institution of marriage… it had scarred him somehow. He was a product of his environment. His parents had raised him in a profoundly dysfunctional way. And in some ways, I thought that was a good thing because he’d turned out so wonderful in so many ways, but in this one area he refused to give in and face that fear.

  I would never want to force him to marry, but I did hope that he would change his mind some way.

  I went home and took a hot shower, ignoring the temptation to go to the bar and get some drinks with the girls. I was still a bit pissed at some of them for not stopping Julie with that stupid video and the drugging. They knew she did it, though they claimed that they knew nothing about the roofies. The plan was just to get me very hammered. I called bullshit. But it didn’t matter. Seeing what was happening to Julie was enough to deter them from ever trying to mess with me again.

  After the shower, I climbed into bed and read for a while. It was early and I was dead tired. We had to go on the road the day after tomorrow and we had practice most of the day tomorrow, so I needed my sleep. I didn’t even get past the first page of the new Nora Roberts novel I was delving into before I passed out asleep.

  The next morning, I woke up to my alarm screaming. I shut it off and realized that something else was screaming and it was coming from inside my stomach. I was about to hurl.

  I covered my mouth, leapt out of bed, and ran to the toilet just in time to spew the contents of last night’s frozen burrito dinner out of my mouth.

  I was getting worried. This was going on a week and a half of throwing up first thing in the morning. What was wrong with me? I had an idea and it was starting to scare the hell out of me. But I’d put it off long enough. I had to find out the truth.