How to Catch an Earl with Ten Lies: A Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Patricia Haverton

Penelope sighed, and smoothed her hand over her sister’s rumpled hair. “That is all behind us now. It truly cannot be mended, we can but go forward. I think that Uncle Horace is in some sort of financial difficulty and that he has made arrangements with both Lord Newhorn and Lord Steelfrost. I fear we would be hard-pressed to help him escape it, but I might be able to find a sort of security for you and me. Perhaps, even a refuge for our Uncle.”

  “Penny! You aren’t going to do something desperate? Sell yourself in Covent Garden? Run away to Australia?”

  “No, no, nothing so bacon brained as that. Come, sit down, and I’ll tell you all about it. Have you had tea?”

  “Stella brought a tray at teatime, but I was too upset to eat very much.”

  “Let me hang up my hat and pelisse, and let’s ring for something. I need to reassure Stella, and send word down to James. They are probably both beside themselves.”

  “Stella told me to stay here and wait in case you came in, but I think that both James and Alfred are out looking for you.”

  Penelope sighed again. “Of course they are. As if I cannot perfectly well take care of myself. Marpole might have already told Stella, but I will ring for her and tell her myself, along with apologizing for worrying her.”

  Penelope, having hung up her outdoor things, tugged on the embroidered bell pull. “Now, let’s see to you. You’ve been crying again, I can tell, and your hair looks as if a whole family of mice have been at it.”

  Penelope brought out the jug of water and basin from her room. She poured a little into the basin, then dampened a face cloth and used it to wipe her sister’s face. She then took the combs and pins out of Edith’s hair, and began brushing it out.

  While Penelope was thus employed, Stella came in. “Miss Penelope! I am so glad to see you are home! I was worried.”

  “I am sorry, Stella. I was upset, but I think I might have some answers. I may need your help because I lack experience in many things that I think you know about, but I am much easier in my mind now.”

  “I am glad to hear it,” Stella replied. “You must be famished. Would you like some tea?”

  “Would love some. Can it include some cold meats or something of the sort? Even an egg would do. If you’ve not had tea, Stella, perhaps you could join us? I truly need your opinion.”

  “I’ve had my tea, but I’ll have a cup and sit with you if it will make you feel better,” Stella said.

  “It would,” Penelope nodded. “I know it is an imposition, but I am just beginning to realize how sheltered Edith and I have been. I thought I was well informed, but I learned today that I am not.”

  “Let us pour out, and you have a bite before you share your tale,” Stella said. “You look worn to a thread, and here I find you taking care of Edith. We can ask one of the footmen to bring it up.”

  Edith looked ashamed, but Penelope put her hand on her sister’s shoulder, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Leaving Edith’s hair loose, Penelope sat down on the sofa.

  “Stella, since you are sending down for the tea, perhaps we can begin while we wait.”

  Stella looked at Penelope steadily for a moment, then went to the door and said a few words to the lanky footman who was on duty in the hall. When she returned, she pulled up a low stool and said, “Very well. I am listening.”

  Penelope looked at her audience of two, and bit her lower lip, considering where to begin. “Today, after I left here, I went to Mrs. Albright’s agency and school.”

  Stella’s eyebrows flew up. Edith sighed with relief. “She is so nice. I’m glad you went somewhere safe.”

  “Safe is a relative term,” Stella said. “Mrs. Albright has a reputation for being careful of her people, but she handles many contracts of service and she does not always have control of available options.”

  “Curiously enough, she said much the same thing to me when I said that I might need to apply for a position somewhere. More than that, she gave me a long contract for a housemaid and asked me to read it. Stella, it was horrible! Whoever wrote it up was making his people scarcely more than slaves. Worse yet, Mrs. Albright said that many of the people who sign those contracts cannot read!”

  “That is true enough,” Stella said, “Although it has never been the custom in this household. The late Lord Castlemount was careless of many things, but he charged Marpole with reading through every passage of each contract with the person being hired. Moreover, stipulations of service here are remarkably lenient compared with many other houses.”

  “Do people take advantage of it?” Edith asked.

  “Rarely.” Stella got up and answered a soft knock at the door. It was the footman and kitchen maid with the tea trays. “Mr. Ventor thought you’d be hungry, Miss Chapman,” he said. “So’s he sent up a bit.”

  “A bit” turned out to be quite a lot. There were sandwiches enough to feed an army, biscuits, tea, and a dish of perfectly ripened strawberries. “Thank you,” Penelope said. “And thank Ventor. This is wonderful.”

  When the footman and the maid had withdrawn, Stella quietly began to pour tea, making each cup just as the girls liked them. When she had finished, she said, “Your uncle, the current Lord Castlemount kept up the custom of reading the contracts aloud. More than that, he encouraged the senior staff to coach the juniors so that they would make fewer mistakes. Mr. Marpole is remarkably astute at selecting new hires, so we do not usually have people who do not realize what a fine place this is to work.”

  “But all of that goes away if my uncle is bankrupt.”

  Stella looked at her steadily for a moment. “Yes.”

  “Oh, dear.” Penelope set her cup down, walked over to look into the fireplace and stared into the flames. “So in our ignorance, we have not only endangered our uncle’s financial well-being, we have created a situation that could throw the entire household to the winds.”

  “I do not think it is as bad as that, Miss Penelope.”

  “Perhaps not. Perhaps it is. I need to speak with Uncle Horace. He has been our buffer against the world, letting us be frivolous and carefree.”

  “He thought he was doing as he should,” Stella said. “It was his place as guardian to take care of you. He gave you into my keeping that you might learn about household matters, and hired tutors so that you would have learning that I could not give you.”

  “Can you read, Stella?”

  “Yes. Well enough that I will always know what is in a contract that I sign. And well enough that I can read to the new maids so they understand both their obligations and privileges. I even read the newspaper and occasionally a book for pleasure. But in this I am very unusual.”

  “So Mrs. Albright gave me to understand. She went over the structure of a household with me today, as well as giving me a contract to read.”

  Edith looked puzzled. “Why would she do that, Penny?”

  “Because I asked her if she could help me find a position with which I could support you and myself.”

  “Oh, dear,” Stella remarked. “What did she say?”

  “Well, she didn’t laugh in my face, although I think she might have wanted to. She asked me about my skills, explained many things, and had me read through a contract. Then she made me an offer, and sent me home to think about it.”

  “What offer? What did she say?” Stella and Edith spoke one over the top of the other.

  “It was a good offer,” Penelope said. “And if things do not play out well, it would provide for me and for Edith, perhaps even for Uncle Horace if things were bad enough. But it would not take care of the estates. Nor will it support the town house and country house, or pay wages. At Uncle Horace’s death, those will go to Cousin Lionel anyway, who by all accounts, is a miserable pinch-purse. Not surprising, considering that he had no idea how to share when we were all younger.”

  “Your father’s youngest sister’s child, as I recall,” Stella said. “A pity that you have no other cousins.”

  “Indeed. But that is how it is.”

&n
bsp; “What was the offer?” Stella asked, once again. “Mrs. Albright is usually fair and even handed in her dealings, but she is shrewd in her business dealings.”

  “To teach at the school. She said that I would be wasted trying to be a maid or a companion, and that I would probably be turned off almost immediately for impudence.”

  Stella looked away, and passed a hand over her face. When she looked back, her face was properly solemn, but her eyes twinkled. “I see that she understands you well. What about Edith?”

  “Mrs. Albright has rooms for the teachers at the school. She says that Lady Agatha is very fond of Edith. Of course, Lady Agatha doesn’t know that Mrs. Albright sent us there with the cat and Edith isn’t getting paid for visiting with Lady Agatha. But Mrs. Albright thinks that if things became bad enough that Edith might have potential as a companion if the Lady was carefully selected, and that Lady Agatha would be likely to give her recommendation.”

  “You do realize,” Stella said slowly, “That being a companion is a great deal more than just visiting with sweet, elderly ladies? It can be quite demanding.”

  Penelope thought back to a shadowy woman who had hovered near a widowed dowager at several gatherings. The poor creature had looked quite hagged.

  “Do you want that for your sister?”

  “Not really. Nor do I want this entire household to be turned out on the street, nor my uncle to be sent to the poorhouse. Stella, I don’t want any of this! But if I don’t accept Steelfrost’s offer, that is what could happen!”

  Penelope had been bearing up bravely, but now she leaned on the mantle, resting her forehead against the wide shelf that ran the width of the stone structure. Her shoulders shook for a moment, but when she turned back, her face was calm.

  “So I have two days in which to decide. Do I give myself into a loveless, and possibly dangerous marriage? Or do I harden my heart against everyone, including my sister and my uncle, and cast them to the winds?”

  “Surely it is not as bad as all that!” Edith exclaimed.

  Stella looked sad. “I would not stake my happiness on your marriage to Lord Steelfrost if you dislike him, dear Miss Penelope. Nor are the members of this household so pitiful that we could not find other work. We might all find ourselves as Mrs. Albright’s clients, but I, for one, do not require your sacrifice.”

  “Thank you, Stella. But I really do need to think about others, not just myself. No, Edith, do not start to cry again. For if you cry, then I will also, then where will we be? I need to think clearly.”

  I need to look beyond my own wishes, something I should have been doing from the start. I scarcely know where to turn.

  Chapter 45

  “Penelope is not here?” Alfred Harrington looked concerned.

  “No, I’ve not seen her today,” Lady Agatha said gently. “Should she have been?”

  “Edith said that she told her that she would come here and play with Indigo.”

  “Indigo?” Benjamin asked.

  “The very sweet kitten the Chapman children and Miss Harrington brought to me. Such very sweet, young ladies. Young Edith is a darling, but Miss Penelope is a spitfire if ever there was one.”

  Benjamin looked at Mr. Harrington. He didn’t say anything, but his expression spoke volumes. The young gentleman wagged a finger back and forth, indicating that now was not the time to ask.

  “Did Miss Edith visit today?” Harrington asked.

  “No, neither of the girls did, although one or the other has been visiting regularly. I quite missed having them here, but young ladies do have such busy lives.”

  “Thank you for seeing us, Lady Agatha,” Harrington said gently. “I’ll just go out and see if I can find Miss Penelope. Miss Edith is, uh, feeling indisposed and needs her sister.”

  “Won’t you stay for tea?” Lady Agatha asked hopefully.

  “If you can excuse us for a moment?” Benjamin asked.

  “Of course, my dears. But I do hope you’ll have tea with me.”

  The two gentlemen stepped out of the room. Mr. Harrington beckoned Benjamin into the foyer, away from the doors and windows where they were less likely to be heard by the servants.

  “Edith told me a little of what has happened, Lord Newhorn,” Harrington said in a low voice. “Perhaps it is best that I look for Penelope by myself. I understand that you might want to distance yourself from the situation. But could I make an appointment to speak with you tomorrow? Would you be at home to visitors in the morning hours? It is a matter of some urgency, but not yet without a little time to spare.”

  Benjamin, who was beginning to be a little worried about his Miss Chapman, nodded. “I would be glad to hear what you have to say. You may call upon me at breakfast tomorrow.”

  With that, Benjamin turned back into the parlor, while Mr. Harrington saw himself out.

  When he re-entered, Lady Agatha sighed. “Freddy didn’t stay?”

  “No, I’m afraid not,” Benjamin said. “He had urgent business elsewhere.”

  “Looking for that wild young lady, no doubt. She’s only been to visit me once or twice, but her sister, Edith usually visits every morning. She plays with the cat, and talks to me. She is incredibly charming, and so in love with young Freddy.”

  “Is she now?” Benjamin asked. “In love with him, I mean?”

  “Oh, quite besotted. Scarcely a word comes out of her mouth but it is Alfred this or Alfred that. All very proper, you know. But highly unlikely that anything will come of it. Her uncle seems determined to marry both girls off before the year is out, and young Alfred won’t have trade enough to support a wife for at least another four or five years.”

  “Do you think that the uncle is aware that she had fixed her interest on young Mr. Harrington?”

  “Oh, goodness, no. How could he? I’m sure he would forbid her seeing him at all if he knew. As it is, they meet here in the afternoons, play with the cat and speak to me. I suppose I shouldn’t countenance it, but I do enjoy their company.”

  “I should have come to see you before now,” Benjamin said, remorsefully. “I shall be sure to come more often.”

  “Oh, pish-tosh. Think nothing of it,” the old woman waved one hand. “Why are you really here, Benny? I know you always loved to play with my cats, but I doubt that you have come to visit with Indigo, since you had no idea that I had acquired him.”

  “Right you are, Lady Agatha. Nor did I come to call on you out of the goodness of my heart, although I surely should have.”

  “So then why are you here?” the venerable lady asked bluntly.

  “Lady Agatha,” Benjamin paused, searching for words. “I need some advice.”

  So he explained about initially meeting Edith and Penelope Chapman under the chaperonage of a wizened little footman, and being introduced to the Miss Chapman he had been seeing as Edith, but then, that very morning, learning that all this time he had really been walking out with Penelope. “So what do I do now?” Benjamin asked pitifully.

  “Has she ever addressed you as Benjamin?” Lady Agatha enquired.

  “No.”

  “Have you ever addressed her as Edith?”

  “No, I always called her Miss Chapman. I did think it rather odd, and was thinking of asking to use her Christian name, but the time was never quite right.”

  “Exactly so.” Lady Agatha waved to her butler, and whispered a few words in the old fellow’s ear. The butler nodded, then shuffled away to do her bidding. “You see, my dear boy, if she was becoming fond of you, she didn’t want to lie to you any more than she must. Bad enough to lie by omission, but if you had called her Edith, then it would have been a lie, indeed.”

  “I never thought of that.” Benjamin considered the thought.

  “With Edith’s affections so clearly fixed elsewhere, what could she do but make a clean breast of it, and hope for the best?” Lady Agatha’s eyes twinkled at him shrewdly.

  “And I responded badly,” Benjamin said slowly. “I truly detest being gulled,
and the two of them gammon'd me quite nicely.”

  “But before it truly became an issue. Imagine if you had gone to the altar only to discover that they had pulled a Rachel and Leah upon you.”

  “Rachel and Leah? I don’t understand.”

  “Oh, you know, Jacob’s two wives. In the Bible. Laban, the father, wants to get the oldest, Leah, married off. So Jacob labors for seven years to gain the rights to marry Rachel. Only, when they got to the altar, it was Leah under the veil. So Jacob went back, and toiled another seven years for Rachel. But since the laws of England do not allow bigamy, you would have been in a pretty fix.”

  “Uh, I would have been, at that.” Benjamin considered this point for a minute. “But I don’t really want to marry the real Edith.”