How to Catch an Earl with Ten Lies: A Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Patricia Haverton

  “Now, then, let’s see what it is that has you in such haste to see me.”

  Harrington withdrew a folder from a capacious coat pocket, opened it and laid out a contract. It was a lengthy document. They sat in silence for some time while Benjamin read through it.

  “Well,” he said, when he had finished reading. “This is an interesting document. How was it exactly that you came by it?”

  “I’m supposed to be copying it, My Lord. Roger Bastion, whose father is the younger of the two senior partners, was assisting Lord Steelfrost with putting it together. He asked me most particularly not to show it to any of the senior partners. Since he is senior to me, I am constrained to follow his directions.”

  “To the letter, if not the spirit, of the intent.” Benjamin smiled gently at Harrington.

  “Quite so, My Lord. Given the content of this contract, I did not feel right keeping still about it.”

  “I can quite see why, and I am glad you have brought it to my attention. It certainly explains a great deal about the behavior of two young ladies and their uncle.”

  “You do realize that neither of them had anything to do with this? I am also certain that if Lord Castlemount had the time to read through this contract, and if he understood all the terms, that he would not sign it. He is in a bad place right now, My Lord. With two ships of his fleet lost at sea, and his nieces being choosy about their suitors, he is in a situation where he desperately needs backing. Since Miss Penelope and Miss Edith played the identity shell game with you, he hears the wolves howling at the door.”

  “Quite so. Tell me, Alfred Harrington, are you seriously hoping to make an offer for Edith Chapman’s hand?”

  “The real Edith? Yes. I am very fond of her. She is sweet and gentle, quite accomplished in her own way.”

  “The needlework is hers.”

  “Yes, Lord Newhorn. Penelope can sew, and does it well enough to mend a hem or tack up a waistband that has come loose. But Edith is a true artist who uses thread as her medium, rather than paint.”

  “You’ve known them for a while.” Benjamin watched Harrington’s face.

  “Not so long as that. But my cousin, Lola Harrington, whose father owns the Harrington estates, is close friends with Edith. I rescued Lola and Miss Edith from a gang of young toughs who were abusing a black cat.”

  “I’ve heard about the cat. Lord Castlemount is reacts badly to them, I believe.”

  “Quite, I’m afraid. Poor Edith would love to have one, but it is not possible around her Uncle. Her dearest wish is a place in the country to raise all sorts of animals and a flock of children.”

  “Ah. So the place in the country is her desire. I did not think that was quite the style of the Miss Chapman who was picnicking and riding out with me.”

  “Oh, I think they would both like something of the sort. But Miss Penelope is more likely to cultivate red herrings than kittens.”

  At this, Benjamin laughed heartily, feeling better by the moment. “Yes, that is quite her style. She writes, I believe, if I’m picking the pieces out of her narrations correctly.”

  “So Edith tells me. Penelope also loves her sister dearly and would do almost anything to shelter her. I am not certain that she has not exacerbated Edith’s natural shyness, but I cannot fault Penelope on grounds of caring for her sister.”

  “Nor can I. I was angry, but now that I read this, and realize that Steelfrost is taking base advantage of observing our outings . . . I truly cannot hold onto my ire. What a brave little thing to take on one whom she felt to be a true ogre to protect her sister.”

  “Oh, indeed. She had taken you for quite the Bluebeard.”

  “Hardly flattering.”

  “No offense meant, My Lord. If I am not mistaken, she has changed her opinion. But if you do not do something quickly, she is likely to sell herself to the real article in the name of saving her family.”

  “Quite so. Let me see if I am reading this thing correctly. If I were to marry Edith, and both of us were to die without issue, or even if there was a child, then control of the Newhorn estates as well as Castlemount would somehow pass to Penelope and thence to Steelfrost?”

  “I believe that is the intent, Lord Newhorn.”

  “Does he realize that neither estate would fall to the ladies? Castlemount goes to a distant cousin at Lord Horace’s death, and Newhorn is similarly entailed should I not have an heir.”

  “I am not sure that he has thought these things through, although he did say something about having the Prince’s earOr perhaps he believes that if Edith or Penelope were to have a male child, that he could control the estates as regent. Or, just perhaps, he has the cousin in his pocket and plans to use him as a puppet.”

  “I had not considered that.”

  There came a tap at the door. Mr. Harrington quickly folded the papers and put them out of sight.

  “Come in,” Benjamin called.

  Grantham stood outside the door. “Letter for you, My Lord,” he announced. “The messenger said it was urgent, and that he would wait for a reply.”

  Benjamin accepted the creamy, white note, folded into an envelope and sealed with Lady Agatha’s personal seal. “Interesting,” he remarked, sliding a letter opener under the wax seal. He opened it and read:

  My dearest Benny,

  I request your presence at dinner this day. I have something you will find of great interest to share with you. Please, do not be late.”

  Yours always,

  Lady Agatha

  “How very interesting,” Benjamin repeated.

  “Yes, isn’t it?” Mr. Harrington commented. “I received a similar missive at my lodgings this morning.”

  “Will you be attending?” Benjamin asked.

  “Of course! Lady Agatha sets a magnificent table, and her dinner parties are never dull. Somehow, I have a feeling that this one will be exceptionally lively.”

  Chapter 49

  Lady Agatha was gleefully going over the list of invitees for her evening dinner party and writing out the last invitations. She had arisen at first light, and was in the process of setting her entire household on its ear.

  “Now, Humphrey,” she said, waving her quill pen in the air, carelessly disregarding the spatters of ink that Brigette made haste to mop up, “I have invited both the Chapman girls. Such nice young ladies. Indeed, how can I not when the dinner shall be in their honor? Oh, and let’s see, Bertie, of course, and that nice young lady that he wed, what was her name again?”

  “Lady Elaine,” Humphrey said ponderously, keeping a perfectly straight face in spite of having narrowly missed being sprinkled by ink droplets.

  Lady Agatha brought the nib of the pen to bear on the blank invitation before her and wrote in the young lady’s name, then signing her own name with a flourish.

  Indigo, who had been sitting on the arm of the chair, swiped one paw at the feathered end of the pen as it passed by his nose.

  “No, no, silly kitten! Now, look what you have made me do! I have broken the nib, and ruined this card. Humphrey, do please get some more out of the drawer.”

  “At once, Lady Agatha!”

  Humphrey scooped up the kitten, brought a freshly trimmed quill to Lady Agatha, along with a fresh card, tucked the small cat into the nook of one arm, and waited for the next request. All achieved without loss of dignity or even looking harried.

  Lady Agatha continued planning her dinner party. “I’ll have Lord Steelfrost and Lord Newhorn, of course. I’ve already sent for Lord Newhorn, and we must find some means to be sure that Lord Steelfrost will attend. You must contrive to keep them apart until dinner, Humphrey. It will not do for them to meet before the appointed time.”

  “Of course, My Lady. All should be in disarray otherwise.”

  “Quite so.”

  “Now, for below the salt. I’ll have Mrs. Albright. She has far too much valuable knowledge of this affair to be excluded. And I’ll invite her Major Domo to keep the numbers even.”

/>   “Won’t that create a social stir, My Lady?”

  “Perhaps. But the fellow has excellent manners, speaks perfect English, and was some sort of prince before his kingdom was overrun with barbarians.”

  “I think those ‘barbarians’ were Englishmen, My Lady.”

  “Precisely so, Humphrey. Precisely so. We’ll let him get a little of his own back by spoiling this nefarious plot.”

  “Are you sure he will see it that way?”

  “Quite certain of it, Humphrey. I do believe Steelfrost was involved in his humiliation.”

  “Ah…understanding begins to dawn.” Humphrey nodded. “Are you sure he does not see the rest of us in similar light?”

  “Possibly. But it will gain him nothing to entertain thoughts against me or Mrs. Albright. He is quite the discerning fellow, and skilled with herbs and the like as well. You’ll recall that he kindly made up that physick for my aching old bones that does more for them than any of the physicians who have hung out their shingle.”.”

  “Then by all means, do invite him, My Lady.”

  “Finally, I shall have Mr. Alfred Harrington, and his cousin Lola Harrington. They will balance the numbers and help keep Lord Steelfrost and the Major Domo from over-setting my plans.”

  “Will you not have any guests on your list besides your principles?” Humphrey asked.

  “I might have one or two,” Lady Agatha admitted, “But their attendance is by no means certain. I should love to have Lady Jersey here, for her tongue is hinged in the middle and wags on both ends. She would be better than a broadsheet for spreading news of the event as it unfolds. And I shall have Mrs. Albright’s young ladies take care of the service, just in case we need a wee bit of muscle at some time during the evening.”

  “I know just the ones you mean,” Humphrey agreed sagely. “The inn keeper’s daughter, the hostler’s daughter, and that unfortunate child who was found back of the . . .”

  “Indeed, you do take my meaning,” Lady Agatha said, signing the last invitation with a flourish. “Now, do get these delivered and do not let the recipients send no for an answer. I shall be quite put out if that happens.”

  “Your wish is my command, My Lady.” Humphrey bowed deeply, collected the invitations, and gave the purring kitten back to Lady Agatha.

  “Oh, Humphrey, we shall have such fun!”

  “Quite so, Lady Agatha. Shall I have Brigette bring in your tea before your nap?”

  “Yes, indeed. I do believe I’ve worked up quite an appetite. This shall be a dinner that will be the talk of all London!”

  Chapter 50

  Lady Agatha was all aflutter as she prepared to receive her guests. The first to arrive were Edith and Penelope, who were, as requested, a little early.

  “Miss Edith Chapman and Miss Penelope Chapman,” Humphrey announced in a quiet, unofficial voice. “Are you ready for them, Lady Agatha?”

  “Yes, yes, please bring them in at once, Humphrey. Seat everyone at the table immediately so that I do not have to deal with moving from one room to another.”

  “Of course, m’lady,” Humphrey replied.

  The young ladies entered and seemed surprised to find themselves seated one chair down on either side of Lady Agatha, Penelope on her right hand and Edith on the left. “Greetings, my dear young ladies,” Lady Agatha said. “Thank you so much for coming on such short notice. I do understand that there are many things going on in your lives right now, but it is my hope to bring some order to chaos tonight.”

  “Thank you, Lady Agatha,” Edith murmured.

  “Thank you, but…order to chaos?” Penelope could not keep from asking.

  “All things in good time, my child.” Lady Agatha waved her right hand in the air. “All things in good time. You do not want the surprise to be spoiled, do you? Besides, I am not certain myself how things will play out.”

  “Mrs. Cynthia Albright and Mr. Majarib Qawiun Adom Nour Al'Amir Al'Aelaa, most commonly known as Adom Nour.”

  “Welcome, welcome,” Lady Agatha called from her seat. “Do please sit at your name card. I hope you do not mind anchoring the lower end of the table for me, Mrs. Albright.”

  “That is quite all right,” Mrs. Albright replied, as she settled in just below the salt with Mr. Nour seated on her left hand, just one chair from the end.

  “We shall endeavor to keep the lower table calm and in good order,” added Mr. Nour, his cultured voice with its slight accent a soothing balm to the ear.

  “Not try too hard, Mr. Nour. I am hoping to shake a few chestnuts out of the trees tonight.”

  “Quite so, Lady Agatha. Perhaps I should have brought my boar spear with me?”

  “Hopefully not. We are hunting bo-ores rather than boars tonight, Mr. Nour.” Lady Agatha drew bores out almost into two syllables. “But your skills might be needed.”

  “Your point is well taken, My Lady.”

  Next in were Sir Bertram Johnson and Lady Elaine, his beloved wife. When shown to his seat at Edith’s left, he glanced with amusement at the two empty chairs nearest the head of the table. “Someone is in for a roasting tonight, I see,” he remarked. “You’ve given over my usual spot.”

  “Oh, Bertie, pray be a good sport about it. I really must have my principals for this play close at hand.”

  “I am not at all sorry to be excused from the hot seat, Aunt Agatha. I just wonder who might be the lucky gentlemen to be seated there.”

  “You shall simply have to wait and see,” Lady Agatha chided him.

  The Harringtons, Alfred, Lola and Mr. Harrington were next to arrive. Mr. Harrington nodded at Mr. Nour, and took his assigned seat across from that gentleman, while Lola sat at his left. “Are we expecting trouble tonight?” Mr. Harrington looked at Mr. Nour, but addressed the room in general.

  “No more than usual,” said Mr. Nour, at the same time that Lady Agatha remarked, “Of course not, Mr. Harrington. Thank you for coming to my little dinner.”

  Scarcely were they seated when Alfred arrived. He started to fly to Edith, but stopped when Penelope beckoned him to her side, leaving a single empty chair between him and Mr. Nour.

  “What is going on?” he whispered to Penelope.

  “I’m not quite sure,” Penelope returned. “I feel as if we were being positioned for a stage play.”

  “A comedy of manners, perhaps,” said Lady Agatha, proving that aging ears often caught comments that younger people thought would be inaudible to their elders.

  Lord Steelfrost entered, tugged along by a petite lady, the friend of Lady Jersey who was likewise a friend of Lady Agatha.

  “I am so sorry,” she piped in a flutelike, childish voice. “Lady Jersey was otherwise engaged, so I am here on her behalf.”

  “Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule, Lady Mary,” Lady Agatha gushed, “Everyone, I hope you have met Lady Mary Sommerville, assistant to Lady Jersey. Lady Mary, if you would be so kind as to sit next to Mr. Nour and Miss Penelope Chapman, Lord Steelfrost will then be able to sit next to me.”

  There was a flash of revulsion on Penelope’s face, but she quickly schooled it into polite blankness, holding her skirts aside so that Lord Steelfrost could be seated.

  The next two guests came in with a rush, almost on Humphrey’s heels. “I found him, Lady Agatha,” Lord Newhorn said, encouraging Lord Castlemount to enter, “but . . .”

  “Excellent,” said Lady Agatha, exerting her power and privilege as hostess. “Lord Castlemount, would you be so good as to take the foot of the table, and Lord Newhorn, I have reserved for you the seat to my left, right next to Miss Edith Chapman.”

  Lord Newhorn paused, but Lord Castlemount nodded to him, and he went on up the table to take the indicated seat. Humphrey closed the ponderous dining room doors behind them.

  “I do apologize for this being a small party,” Lady Agatha continued, as if nothing were out of the ordinary. “But my current residence is somewhat smaller than my former estate. While it will take som
e getting used to, I am in nowise displeased, for it means that my nephew, Sir Bertram will be taking up residence in the great hall along with his bride, Lady Elaine. They have graciously agreed to assist in tonight’s celebration.”

  “Just what are we celebrating?” Alfred whispered to Penelope.

  Penelope, who was just as mystified by their hostess’s performance, lifted her right hand from her lap to just below table height and wagged her index finger side to side to indicate that he should be still. She thought she was being discreet, but Lady Agatha caught the movement.