The View from Alameda Island

by Robyn Carr

  Of course Beau had been completely right—the girls lived in the house with them and were aware of the friction, sometimes terrible friction. In Cassie’s view it seemed Brad had a major meltdown about every six months, maybe a little more often, but the rest of the time he was a rigid, difficult man who liked to win every argument and have his way. He was controlling; his daughters frequently pointed that out to him and he responded by asking them what they expected from a man who had to make life-and-death decisions every day, sometimes every hour.

  “I think it’s too late for any hope of an amicable split that will allow the two of you to be together, even for family events,” Cassie finally said. “He won’t change in this lifetime. He will never be remorseful and he will never compromise. Just give up on him, Mama. I have.”

  “Oh Cassie, I didn’t want a hand in you hating your father.”

  “You didn’t. You always tried so hard to buffer his meanness. I’m telling you, it’s no longer necessary. I figured him out long before you did, I think.”

  “But not Lacey?” Lauren asked.

  “Lacey likes her wardrobe allowance and car,” Cassie said. “She’s willing to trade a lot for that.

  “What does Aunt Beth say about this? I’ve seen the way she looks at him sometimes, like she’d like to smack him!”

  Lauren bit her lip. “I haven’t told her or Chip. I’m afraid she’ll explode.”

  “Oh Mama, you have to tell her right away.”

  Lauren reluctantly called Beth and asked her to stop by after work. “I think you should know, I had a serious fight with Brad and he hit me. I’m fine now. I went to the emergency room and except for some ugly bruises and a fat lip, I’m okay.” Beth wanted to drop everything and rush over but Lauren stopped her. “Cassie is here with me—she surprised me with a visit and her timing is perfect. If you could come by after work, that would be great. I’d like to spend the rest of the afternoon with Cassidy.”

  Lauren and Cassie had only had one cup of tea and less than an hour to talk when there was a knock at the door again. The motion sensor made a chime on her cell phone and Lauren checked it. Lacey was back, this time with a bouquet of flowers. “Your sister is back,” Lauren said. “Will you let her in?”

  Lacey was speechless to find Cassie in California.

  “And you didn’t even call me?” Lacey said.

  Cassie stiffened her spine, standing tall even though she was a few inches shorter than her sister. “Frankly, I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to you yet. You said you weren’t sure Mama was telling the absolute truth, yet you saw the security video and you saw her poor face.”

  “I hadn’t seen the video yet, I just heard about it. And I didn’t want to take sides,” Lacey said.

  “There is only one side,” Cassie said. “You can’t make this go away. And you can’t ignore it.”

  “I know, but I can’t help wishing this wasn’t happening...”

  “I want you to ask yourself something, Lacey. If some man pummeled your face, do you think Mama would make excuses for him?”

  “Don’t be so hard on me!” Lacey shouted. “I’m just trying to understand what went wrong!”

  “You knew things were bad with them! We talked about it! We worried about it! Our parents fought a lot and Mama always lost!”

  Lauren watched and listened. This will be the moment that estranges them, she thought.

  “Sometimes!” Lacey shot back. “But I didn’t think it was any worse than anyone else’s parents!”

  “Like who?” Cassie asked.

  “Like most of my friends and probably most of yours! At least half of their parents are already divorced and the rest of them fight all the time!”

  Cassie was quiet for a moment. “Wow,” she said in a near whisper. “Lacey, you seriously need new friends.”

  * * *

  My God, she’s just like me! Lauren thought suddenly. All these years she’d wanted to blame Lacey’s entitled nature on Brad. Had she just not wanted to acknowledge that it was in her shallow nature that Lacey took after her? Lauren hated to think of herself as selfish, but there was no question that years ago she had been like Lacey. Maybe not as obvious, but still, the similarities were there.

  Her mind took her back to her engagement to Brad, how bossy he was, how hard to please, how willing he was to spend money to make things perfect. If he’d bullied Lauren or her mother or sister, he was quick with the gifts and excuses. Well, she’d grown up poor! She loved what she misinterpreted as his efforts to make amends for his thoughtfulness. She loved the status that he was a surgeon. He was difficult but rich and offered the kind of security she’d never known. Her mother and sister were even drawn into that state of mind. Brad represented safety. They wanted Brad as much as she did.

  For a while.

  Then Beth and Honey figured him out. They heard him say dismissive and unkind things to her. Saw that he was moody and angered easily. Pointed out how he made amends with money or that which money could buy. And he had an ego the size of Montana. They’re talking about me all over San Francisco. Some people are saying I’m the best young surgeon in the Bay Area. They warned her, saying, “Lauren, this does not bring happiness, it brings struggles. Rethink this. At least live with him first.”

  “I love him,” she said. But it was a lie. She wanted to be a part of his world. She had seen the house he bought and helped pick out the furniture. She didn’t want to live in a rented room in some old lady’s house or jammed into an apartment with four roommates, just getting by until she could save enough money for something decent. Honey had never quite gotten there, though they scrimped their entire lives. Lauren had been trying to find a good job after college, one that had real career potential, but with Brad, she didn’t even have to work! She knew he had his rough edges but she believed she had the ability to provide him with the comfort and kindness that would smooth out their relationship. Soon, he would have no reason to be cross!

  She had wanted life to be easy. She had ignored her mother’s warning, If you marry for money, you’ll earn every cent.

  And that’s what Lacey was doing right now, defending a man who would beat a woman. Defending him because she thought that man held her perfect future in his checkbook. She was denying his character was dangerous because she had plans! Her plans included her dream life as the daughter of a semi-famous surgeon and it was wrong of her parents to mess it up with their bickering.

  Lauren knew that she had been nearly the same way when she was younger. And she’d been managing to do exactly what Lacey was doing by laying low, keeping peace by being quiet, flying under the radar.

  “Oh, this has to stop!” she said, drawing the attention of both of her daughters.

  “We’re not fighting,” Cassie said. “We’re not going to fight, I promise. But I’m not accepting this attitude that Daddy is difficult and that’s okay. He passed difficult when I was two.”

  “Not you two,” Lauren said. “Me. This will stop with me. I am done pretending. And I’m not going to be controlled or manipulated anymore. I’m finished with protecting him. And I won’t be controlled and manipulated by you two, either...”

  “Protecting him? You called the police and put him in jail!” Lacey accused.

  “I didn’t,” Lauren said calmly. “I called for help and the police put him in jail. I wasn’t even asked to press charges and won’t be asked to testify against him. I was warned it will probably be a misdemeanor first offense or dismissed, but it’s not my case to pursue. He did it to himself. There are consequences when you assault people, when you hurt people. I stayed with him for all the wrong reasons and look what it got me.”

  “She did it for us, you dumb-ass,” Cassie said.

  “You two fight it out or work it out, I really don’t care. My sister is coming over in about an hour and I’m going to get a shower.”

&nb
sp; “What about these flowers?” Lacey asked. “They’re from Dad.”

  Lauren looked as though she’d been hit by a truck. Lacey checked on her dad.

  “You can have them,” Lauren said. “Or throw them in the trash.”

  With that, she left them and closed her bedroom door.

  * * *

  Lauren stood under the spray of the shower for a long time, thinking. The blow-dryer and the circular brush hurt when she touched certain places, but she got the job done. Her lip was disfigured and she was bruised, but she tried a little makeup. Not for Beth. For herself.

  She didn’t hear the girls fighting. Maybe they were talking. Maybe Lacey had left and it was just Cassidy. Yes, they were like Lauren and Beth had been. Lauren and Beth had fought like tigers when they were young.

  But Lauren and Beth had forged a truce after Lauren was married and they learned to tiptoe around the subject of her pathetically dismal decision to marry an egomaniac. Beth was Lauren’s biggest champion now. Maybe, down the road, if Lacey matured a little, Cassie and Lacey would become close. Time would tell.

  Lauren didn’t think of her childhood as bad but she was well aware of the difficult parts. Her mother always worked. Always. Lauren and Beth spent a lot of time with their grandparents, sometimes with friends and neighbors, and when they were finally old enough, alone. They were fed and clothed, but there wasn’t money for extras and they learned to help with all the household chores when they were very young. Grandma and Grandpa lived a few houses away so there was always someone they could rely on but poor Honey was constantly on the run to her first job, second job or somewhat later, night classes. It was not surprising that their mother was seldom cheerful.

  There were things Lauren was able to do with her children that Honey couldn’t—like playing games, helping with homework and reading together. In adolescence, when kids were sometimes cruel and always competitive, Lauren and Beth relied on their own part-time jobs to buy clothes or go out with friends. They didn’t have the use of a car. Once in a blue moon they could talk Grandpa out of his. And while both of them achieved partial scholarships, college was brutally hard—they worked their way through and of course they had to live at home.

  By the time Lauren graduated from college, Honey Verona had achieved her own degree, but hers came through years and years of part-time school. Honey had worked job after job, leaving one job for the next if the pay was higher. She worked in a library, nursing home, self-serve gas station, convenience store, as a secretary on a military base and even in a police department motor pool, washing and cleaning cars. When Lauren was twenty-two, Honey had a degree with a teaching certificate and taught freshman English. But she also started working at an upscale cosmetic counter at a department store—two nights a week and weekends.

  That job was perfect for her. She looked amazingly young and fit until the day she died. When she retired from teaching just two years before the accident, she kept her job in cosmetics. She had a discount at the department store, wore her own makeup like a pro, dressed beautifully in casual chic clothes, even taught her granddaughters how to apply their makeup so they wouldn’t look cheap or inexperienced. Beth had never cared that much but Lauren had always made good use of her makeup lessons, as did Lacey.

  Lauren remembered having rich fantasies about how her life would be different from Honey’s when she was grown up. She would have an easier life and there would be luxuries now and then. And travel. And good clothes and a cleaning lady and a nice car.

  She laughed softly. “And didn’t I just manage to get all that. And how exactly was it better?”

  Dressed in jeans and a comfy chambray shirt, she opened the bedroom door. There sat Cassidy alone on the couch, texting or writing emails on her phone.

  “I thought it was pretty quiet,” Lauren said. “My other daughter and her flowers are gone?”

  Cassie put her phone aside. “Yes, but she didn’t go quietly. I made her cry.”

  “Oh Cassie, why?”

  “Because she’s selfish and spoiled and never thinks of anyone but herself.”

  Lauren sighed. “That’s pretty normal in a young woman her age. She’ll grow out of it. Hopefully.”

  “I don’t care whether she does or not,” Cassie said. “I decided a long time ago that I was just too unforgiving and everyone else in my family had more tolerance for Daddy than I did, but now what I realize is we all let this happen, let him build up momentum until he went too far. I’m done with him.”

  Lauren was saddened by the fact that that made her feel good. She hadn’t planned to throw him under the bus to his daughters, even if he deserved it. “So, you’re not feeling forgiving?”

  “Oh, maybe I’ll forgive him eventually, if he asks. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be spending time with him. Wouldn’t you say he’s crossed the line now? He’s a selfish and dangerous bastard. Don’t you dare go near him. I’m just terrified to leave you here alone.”

  “I’ll be okay now. I outed him. I have friends and family here.”

  “I’m terrified you’ll cave-in and go back to him!”

  “Oh no, Cassie, no. I have my lawyer working on a restraining order. In fact, she said I’d have it today.”

  “That’s a relief. For a nickel I’d kidnap you and take you back to Boston where I can watch over you and be sure Daddy hasn’t somehow manipulated you into thinking you can’t leave him!”

  Lauren attempted a smile, but she was sure it was hideous. “And here I was worried that you were too timid to practice law.”

  “I’m not timid, I’m quiet. You should watch the quiet ones,” she said.

  “Yeah, so I’ve heard,” she said, thinking of Beau. “And how are things in Boston? Now that you’re sharing your flat.”

  “You know one of the main reasons I love Jeremy?” Cassie asked earnestly. “He’s nothing like Daddy. He’s a good man who would never disrespect me. He would never lay a hand on another human being except to defend himself. He doesn’t even verbally spar with me. He’s honest, brilliant, tender and strong. I will have children with him, Mama. And he will be the best father in the world.”

  Lauren nearly grabbed that cut lip in her teeth as she finished Cassie’s description in her head. They won’t have to listen to their father belittle and yell at their mother. Our children won’t see their father trip their mother, then lie about it. “Cassie, I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “I know there were times...”

  “Stop,” she said, placing a hand on Lauren’s arm. “Lacey was right. Don’t tell her I said that, okay? But she’s right, a lot of our friends are from divorced homes and some of them have really shitty family situations. I managed to weed through and find some stable people to hang with, Jeremy being one. I knew you were putting up with more than you should. But honestly? I thought you’d put up with that forever.” She got tears in her eyes. “I wish he’d gotten better. I so wish he’d gotten better.”

  But Lauren asked herself, Could I have loved him if he’d gotten better? I could have stayed, but could I have ever loved him again? Because abuse kills love. And the real tragedy was—that wasn’t always the case. Some women, bruised and bloody and fearing for their children’s lives, will say, But I love him. Just as Lauren had oh so many years ago.

  It was not yet six when Beth arrived. She took one look at Lauren and said, “Oh baby Jesus!” Then she pulled Lauren into her arms. “If Honey were alive, she’d kill him!”

  “It looks worse than it is,” Lauren said.

  “I doubt it,” Beth said. Then she hugged Cassie. “You came to your mother. You’re a good daughter.”

  Beth examined Lauren’s face more closely. “That’s it,” she said. “I’m going to have to kill him and leave my sons motherless while I rot in prison!” She sighed and said, “I brought wine. Not enough, that’s for sure.”

  “Actually, I happen to have wine
, too,” Lauren said. “But you’re driving.”

  “There are ways around that,” Beth said. “I’ll call Chip. Or Uber my way home.” Then she smiled. “Are you taking any drugs?” she asked Lauren.

  “No, I’m fine. I’m pretty tired now, if you want the truth. It’s been quite a day. Lots of surprise visits. First Lacey. Then a priest I know. Then the guy who drove me home from the ER brought me a bagful of soft food. Then Cassie. Then Lacey again, with flowers from her father. As you can imagine, it’s emotionally exhausting...”

  Beth and Cassie were frozen in place, speechless. Quiet enveloped them for a good minute, which seemed like forever. Lauren could read their minds. Priest? Guy? Flowers?

  Beth cleared her throat. “You have that wine open yet?”

  * * *

  It was the best evening in forever. That made no sense at all and yet absolute sense. It was rare for Lauren to have this kind of evening with her sister and daughter and absolutely unheard of that her barriers were down and she was completely frank about her husband. She kept thinking, this is not Brad’s house. She could say whatever she wanted to say. As soon as the shock and horror passed, they seemed to relax. They all felt it. This is it; this nightmare will finally be over.

  Having her sister and her daughter together in her house with not a single thought toward needing to get home or expecting her husband to come home and disrupt the gathering, this was perfect. They had a glass of wine and talked honestly about what had happened. Then Cassie called for Chinese takeout—egg drop soup and mild lo mein for Lauren, spicy shrimp and garlic pork and egg rolls for those without stitches in their lips.

  * * *

  Beau leaned back on his sofa, feet on the coffee table. After their hamburgers, Drew had gone out to meet some of his friends at a driving range, sharpening his skills to eventually whip Beau and Tim on the golf course. Drew had to be up by four for work but he was eighteen—he didn’t need much sleep. There was still plenty of daylight. Beau vaguely remembered having that edge of youth. He flipped through the channels, looking for something to watch with a ball in it. Anything would do.