Victory for the Ops Room Girls

by Vicki Beeby

  ‘I knew you were hiding something,’ he answered. ‘Something that meant we could have no future. I feared maybe you were married. But this…’ He paused, wishing he did not have to express himself in a language not his own. He wanted to be sure there was no misunderstanding. ‘It is important, yes. A big part of you. But it does not stop us being together.’

  ‘It would stop many men. That’s why I’ve never told anyone before. Are all Czech men as understanding as you?’

  ‘Czech men are no different from British men. Maybe what happened to my sister made me see more clearly.’

  It was only much later, after he had seen Jess back to Stanmore and he was on his way to rejoin his squadron that the significance of something he had said hit him. He had said he had feared Jess had been hiding something that meant they had no future together. But now he had real hope the Allies would soon free Czechoslovakia from the Nazis, did that not mean he would return home? What future was there for him and Jess if her life lay in Britain and his in Czechoslovakia?

  * * *

  ‘Are your aunt and Hannah going to be okay?’ May handed Jess a cup of cocoa then perched on the edge of Jess’s bed. She and Evie had just returned from their evening watch and Jess, refreshed from an afternoon spent asleep, felt more able to talk than she had when she had seen her friends that morning.

  When Jess had finally stumbled into Bentley Manor while the off-duty officers were still having breakfast, the Medical Officer had taken one look at her grimy, tear-streaked face and hustled her into a bath, telling her in no uncertain terms that she was suffering from shock and was not going on duty that day. While Jess had sat in the bath, scrubbing the layers of dust and soot from her skin and hair, she had been surprised by a sudden shaking fit. When she’d emerged from the bathroom, the MO had ordered her straight to bed and dosed her with a cup of strong tea, liberally laced with brandy.

  ‘They’re going to be fine. Which is more than can be said for my uniform.’ Jess eyed the torn, grimy tunic and skirt hanging from the back of the door. She feared no amount of cleaning would get rid of the strong smell of smoke.

  ‘We’ll deal with it. Don’t worry.’ Evie perched on the foot of the bed. ‘But don’t think you can pull the wool over our eyes. We both saw the state you were in this morning. Don’t try and pretend you’re only worried about your clothes.’

  Jess blew the steam from her cocoa, breathing in the rich smell of chocolate. It seemed Milan wasn’t the only one to refuse to let her get away with brushing off her worries with a laugh. ‘I don’t mind admitting I was terrified,’ she said finally. ‘When I saw that crater…’ She shuddered. ‘But I mustn’t dwell on what never happened. They’re safe. That’s all that matters.’

  ‘Where will they live?’ May asked.

  ‘Vera’s taking Hannah back to Wales until Uncle Jack can sort out a house. I’m going to see them onto the train tomorrow. With so many people in the East End being made homeless, who knows how long that will take.’ Jess took another breath of the cocoa. ‘Funny. I was so anxious to get Vera to go back to Welshpool, I’m really going to miss them once they go. Now I’ve actually seen the results of the V2s, I can see things from Vera’s point of view. I understand now why she was so reluctant to let the Nazis make her leave her own home. In a strange way, it feels like we’re letting them win.’

  Somehow it was hard to feel too angry about anything. Of course, it would have been different had the worst happened and Vera and Hannah been killed or wounded. But with her mind at ease over her family, Jess couldn’t help her thoughts drifting to Milan and that glorious kiss. Thinking about it now, she smiled as she sipped her cocoa.

  Wait. Cocoa? She frowned at May and Evie. ‘Where did the cocoa come from?’

  Evie grinned. ‘Laura Morgan got it. You know she’s dating that American pilot? He’s been able to get hold of all sorts of things for her. Talking of which.’ Evie pulled something from her pocket.

  Jess stared at it. ‘No way. That’s never an orange.’

  ‘Believe it.’

  ‘You’re ’avin’ me on. That’s a round lump of clay someone’s painted orange.’

  ‘Here.’ Evie threw it to Jess who caught it. ‘It’s all yours. Laura decided your need was greater than hers.’

  Jess held the orange cupped in her hands. ‘I can’t remember the last time I ’ad one of these.’ She held it to her face, caressing the glossy, dimpled skin and breathed in the tangy sweet scent. She moaned with delight. ‘Tell me I’m not dreaming.’

  ‘You’re not dreaming.’

  Just the smell set her mouth watering. Her yearning to peel it and pop a juicy orange segment in her mouth was so strong she could almost taste the burst of citrusy flavour on her tongue. She gave a regretful glance at Evie and May. ‘You know I would share this with you, don’t you?’

  They nodded.

  ‘But… oh, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but you don’t mind if I give it to Hannah, do you? Poor girl doesn’t remember stuff like oranges and bananas. If she’s got to go back to Welshpool to those ’orrible kids, the least I can do is give ’er the orange.’

  ‘Course we don’t mind,’ May said.

  ‘Can I have one last sniff before you put it away?’ Evie asked.

  ‘Me too.’ May raised her hand like an eager pupil in school.

  Grinning, Jess tossed the orange to May and watched as her friends took turns to breathe in the orange’s scent. ‘Maybe one of us should get an American boyfriend.’

  Evie gave Jess a significant look, her brows arched. ‘Funny. I thought you were more than happy with Milan.’

  Despite herself, Jess couldn’t control the soppy grin she knew was spreading across her face.

  ‘Hah!’ Evie pointed a triumphant finger at Jess. ‘I knew it. Come on, own up. Tell us what happened.’

  Jess settled back against her pillows. ‘He was wonderful.’ Realising she hadn’t yet told her friends anything besides assuring them her family was safe, she described in detail what Milan had done to rescue Hannah and Vera. ‘And then… well, I couldn’t resist. I just kissed him in full view of the whole street.’

  ‘Out of gratitude or because you love him?’ Evie fixed her with a penetrating stare. Sometimes Jess wished Evie didn’t speak her mind quite so freely.

  ‘Love. Definitely love.’ Jess hadn’t been so sure about anything in her life. ‘I’ve been in love with him for ages. I just…’ She paused. Telling Milan the truth about Hannah had been liberating. His understanding had taken a weight off her shoulders. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to tell Evie and May. Not yet. She was nearly certain they wouldn’t reject her. Even so, they would never regard her in the same way once they knew the truth. Jess didn’t think she could bear any change in their friendship at the moment. However, that did make it more difficult to explain why she had held back from a commitment to Milan until now. ‘I wasn’t convinced he really loved me. When I saw him fling himself into a crumbling house for the sake of my family, I knew then that he must love me after all.’

  Thankfully, neither of her friends seemed to have noticed her hesitation. May gave a great sigh and gazed dreamily at the ceiling. ‘Isn’t it wonderful we all have boyfriends now? I was worried you would feel left out before, but now you’ve got Milan.’

  ‘Yes. I’ve got Milan. And we’ve got each other, too.’ It must be the events of the previous night catching up with her, because she had to blink back tears. May and Evie seemed similarly affected. While they might have had boyfriends for most of the time they had been friends, Jess knew their friendship was just as important to them as it was to her. Neither Evie nor May had had any friends before joining the WAAF. Although Jess had friends at school, she had let them drift away during her single-minded pursuit of acting success. Jess knew she would never let another man or her career, however important either were to her, come between her and her friends.

  ‘What about Leonard Steele?’ Evie asked. Jess knew a twinge of discomfort
as Evie went on, ‘Does he know you are with Milan?’

  ‘Leo and I are just friends. And he knows about Milan.’ Jess paused. ‘Well, he knows I’ve been seeing him.’ She couldn’t possibly have told Leo how she felt about Milan when she had scarcely admitted it even to herself.

  May placed the orange onto Jess’s bedside cabinet with a look of regret then said, ‘Does he know you’re not interested in being more than friends?’ Knowing her, despite what Jess had told her friends about Leo mixing with a wild crowd, she probably worried that Leo was secretly in love.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ve made it quite clear. He knows nothing’s going to happen between us.’

  Evie leaned forward and propped her elbows on her knees. The bedsprings creaked as she moved. ‘Why does he still want to take you out then?’

  ‘Oh, thanks! So it can’t be for the pleasure of my company?’

  Evie had the grace to look embarrassed. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. But doesn’t it strike you as odd? Why single out a woman who’s already rejected him when there are no end of rich and famous women who would love to be seen with him?’

  That gave Jess pause for thought. She had been so occupied in justifying her friendship with Leo, persuading herself it was good for her career, that she hadn’t considered what Leo stood to gain. Then she dismissed it with a wave of the hand. ‘Probably just the novelty of a new face. I’m sure he’ll drop me once the film is finished.’

  ‘So you’ll carry on seeing him for now?’

  ‘I’ll have to. I’ll still be needed for film business.’ Seeing how unhappy Evie looked, Jess added, ‘Look, I admit I was flattered by his attention at first and maybe got swept away by the glamour of filming.’

  ‘Maybe?’ Evie arched her brows.

  ‘Okay, definitely. But I’m over it now.’ She couldn’t deny filming had been fun and a welcome break from routine. Nevertheless, it would be good to be back in the Filter Room. Back in the centre of the action, where she knew her work was important.

  ‘Glad to hear it.’ Evie gave her an approving nod. She picked up a copy of the Times that she had brought for Jess. ‘Now, who wants to help me do the crossword?’

  Jess only put half her mind to unravelling the clues. The rest of her thoughts were occupied in reliving Milan’s kisses. Could she finally leave her past behind and dare to think he could be part of her future?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Autumn merged into Winter. The days grew shorter and darker, and when the girls went for walks on the common, their path was strewn with thick piles of crisp bronze leaves, rimed with frost. The film company recalled Jess a couple of times to film some extra scenes and do voice recordings, all fitted, as they had agreed, around her regular duties. When the last of the extra sessions were over, she had expected to hear no more from Leo. To her surprise, however, he had invited her several times to join the rest of the film crew in the same night club as before.

  Evie and May had disapproved, she could tell, although they said nothing. Jess had just sensed their silent reproof each time she did her hair and makeup prior to Leo collecting her. If they had asked, she would have pointed out it was hardly a date as they would be mixing with the entire crew – it wasn’t as if they were going for an intimate dinner for two. As they didn’t ask, Jess held her tongue.

  Sometimes, when she lay awake at night, she could almost hear Evie’s voice asking: what does Milan think? The truth was, Milan didn’t know she was meeting Leo so regularly. If she told him he would want to know why, and Jess couldn’t explain to herself why she couldn’t cut off all ties with Leo. He certainly wouldn’t like to know that she enjoyed the stir that seemed to follow her when she was on Leo’s arm.

  ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’ she asked Milan one afternoon in early December. They were walking arm in arm around Brewer’s Ponds on Stanmore Common. Their breath misted and mingled in the cold air, and Jess was enjoying the excuse to snuggle close to Milan.

  ‘I expect it will be a day like any other,’ Milan said with a shrug.

  ‘I suppose you’re right.’ The Allies were not advancing as fast as they had hoped. After D-Day, everyone had hoped the war in Europe would soon be over, yet the Allies still hadn’t managed to retake much of Belgium and France. The V2 rockets still fell on London and eastern England and would continue to do so until the Germans had been pushed out of range.

  ‘You sound disappointed. Were you hoping for time off?’

  ‘No. I suppose not. I doubt I would get it after having all that time off for the film.’ She tried to keep the disgruntlement from her voice. It was unfair to expect Milan to pull off some kind of magical gesture for Christmas, especially when he was flying endless missions to support the advance.

  Milan pulled her closer. ‘We will have our victory sooner or later. There will be time to celebrate then.’

  Jess leaned her head on his shoulder with a small smile. It seemed Milan understood her better than she had thought.

  There were times, though, when she wished she understood herself. After she and Milan parted at the entrance to Bentley Manor – Milan needing to return to his squadron – she was about to find a seat in the anteroom to write a letter to Hannah when Laura Morgan stuck her head around the door. ‘Telephone for you, Halloway.’

  Jess hurried out into the hall, her spirits reviving. It couldn’t be Milan and the only other person who ever phoned was Leo. That must mean he had plans that would make up for Milan not committing to spending Christmas with her.

  ‘What are you doing on the Saturday before Christmas?’ Leo asked with little preamble after Jess had taken the call. ‘Tell me you’ve got the evening off.’

  There was no need to look up her duty schedule. She had already done so before meeting Milan. ‘I have. I come off at four.’

  ‘Excellent. The film company are throwing a Christmas party for the cast and crew. I’ll pick you up at seven.’

  Before she could respond, he was gone and Jess was left listening to the dial tone. She hung up the receiver and turned to see Evie and May coming downstairs.

  ‘Who was that?’ Evie asked. ‘I thought you were seeing Milan today.’

  ‘I was. That was Leo.’

  ‘What did he want?’ Evie radiated disapproval.

  Jess accompanied her friends into the anteroom and flung herself into an armchair beside the fire, affecting nonchalance. ‘Oh, he was just letting me know about a Christmas party the film company are throwing.’

  ‘Are you going?’ Evie sat on a sofa opposite. Instead of curling up as she usually did, she leaned forward and fixed an unwavering gaze upon Jess. May took a seat beside her, making Jess feel as though she were being interviewed.

  ‘Course I am. You don’t expect a girl to pass up an opportunity like that.’

  ‘What about Milan?’

  ‘He’s not invited.’ At that, she felt a stab of conscience. She hadn’t even tried to get Milan an invite. Now she came to think of it, surely she could have invited a partner to the party as a cast member herself, rather than going as Leo’s partner? It struck her that she had allowed Leo to browbeat her. She pushed the thought aside with a wave of her hand. ‘Anyway, I asked what he was doing for Christmas and he said he would be busy. And he wouldn’t enjoy the party.’ He hadn’t exactly said he would be busy. And she had asked about Christmas, not the Saturday before, which was two days before Christmas. Again, Jess pushed aside the nagging voice of her conscience.

  Evie frowned. ‘What are you doing, Jess? Any idiot can see you love Milan, and he’s crazy about you. Please don’t throw it all away.’

  There was no condemnation in Evie’s tone or expression, just concern. If anything, that made Jess feel worse. ‘You’re sounding terribly Victorian all of a sudden, Evie. I’d have thought you of all people wouldn’t expect me to sit around at home if my boyfriend’s not able to take me out.’ Carried away on a wave of righteous indignation, she held up a finger and started to count off her just
ifications for going. ‘First of all, it’s not a date with Leo, it’s a party for the whole cast and crew. Second, as I’m a member of the cast, it would be rude not to go. It would be like not joining in with celebrations in the mess. And third—’ Jess groped for another reason. She was starting to wish she hadn’t counted them, because if you were going to do that, you needed at least three reasons. Two was just feeble. ‘And third, what I do with my free time is nobody’s business but my own.’ She could only hope she sounded more convincing than she felt.

  Evie didn’t look persuaded. She continued to look at Jess, eyebrows raised.

  ‘Oh yeah.’ Another thought struck Jess. ‘I need to consider the future. Maybe I’ll hear about more acting work at the party.’

  Evie tilted her head. ‘Have you definitely decided to go back to acting?’

  ‘Well, it’s the only job I know.’ Yet again she envied Evie and May for having their futures mapped out.

  Evie’s expression softened. ‘You’ll succeed at anything you turn your mind to.’ She sat back and curled up into a more comfortable position. ‘Anyway, as you say, it’s none of my business how you spend your free time. I don’t want to see you hurt, that’s all.’

  ‘It is your business.’ Jess felt a heel. ‘We’re friends. Sorry for biting your head off. It means the world to me that you and May care enough to worry.’

  She hesitated. She always seemed to be on the defensive with her friends these days, probably because the truth about Hannah weighed on her mind now Leo was back on the scene. Evie and May had proved several times over that they wouldn’t be judgemental, so why did she still hold back? She wiped suddenly damp palms on her skirt. Should she tell them? It would be a relief to have it in the open at last.

  ‘I…’ Her throat closed. It was no good. How did you fling a bombshell like that into a conversation? You know my niece, Hannah? Well actually she’s my daughter. Surprise! And you’ll never guess who her father is.

  No, she couldn’t do it. Not yet. Evie and May were waiting for her to speak, though. After floundering for a moment, she remembered she had been talking about her future career. While she felt unable to tell them the truth about Hannah, she could at least be open about her feelings on this subject. ‘To be honest, I don’t know if I want to be an actress again or not.’