by Olivia Lucas
“My parents decided to move to another town as they wanted to shelter me from the taunts and abuse, they had received. People spat on us. Six months after moving, they split. I lived with my mom, and saw Ben once five years ago. Only one visit in all these years. He then wrote us a letter saying he had discharged himself and told us not to look for him. He did not want to be found.”
“The photo you saw was taken in the garden of the institution of where Ben was staying. That’s my last memory of him,” she said shakily. “He was my brother Jenna, and I can’t apologize enough for the disgusting thing he did to you.”
“Chloe, I…” Jenna stumbled and felt overloaded. “Can you please drive me back to my mom’s?”
Chloe paused and nodded. “You know, I looked for you last night, and saw you at the bar with another girl.”
“Just a friend,” Jenna said, as she looked out the window.
Chloe started the engine, as they drove in silence for a few minutes until they reached Jenna’s house. It was so dark and dreary that Chloe could barely make out the outline of their home.
Jenna had no words. She picked up Barney and walked up to the front door, stepping inside, and closed the front door to the outside world, and to Chloe.
In that instant, Chloe sighed, and knew that she could do no more.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
When Jenna got to her room, she collapsed to the floor and burst out crying. She didn’t care. Finally, she knew everything, everything about that creep, and she was not sure if the world would look differently now. She did not know how she felt about anything anymore, particularly Chloe.
Her mind was still trying to process everything she had told her. She had seen how distressed Chloe had been recounting her story, and she had spoken with such sincerity. Chloe’s tenderness surpassed any human she knew. She shook her head and traced the small scar above her eyebrow. No, do not let your walls down again.
Trying to find some calm, Jenna threw off her clothes and marched herself into the shower. Maybe that would help wash everything way. She let the water tumble down her body, and soak into her every pore.
After she got changed into some fresh clothes, she felt a little lighter. Was this part of the healing process? She had no idea.
She checked her phone, and she noticed she still hadn’t replied to Jess’s earlier message. Maybe she should meet her tonight. Couldn’t do any harm, could it? She had told Chloe she was a friend, and she could use a friendly shoulder to lean on right now. She actually wanted to see Adam, but he was probably with Chloe.
She didn’t have many options, and well, one thing was for sure, she couldn’t stay here all night. She also couldn’t go back to the hotel where she may run into Chloe. She still stirred too much emotion within her.
Hesitantly, she picked up her phone and texted Jess. “What about Percy’s? Meet you there for a drink at 6pm?” Ten seconds later and she had a confirmation. No pussyfooting there. Looked like Jess was a straight shooter. And that was that, she was going to Percy’s tonight.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Chloe was back in her hotel room and, with her arms spread wide like an eagle, threw herself face first on top of the bed. She was completely exhausted and really needed to just pass out after that emotional outpour.
It was the first time, she had told someone her story and somehow, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A weight she had carried around for years, and that followed her everywhere she went.
Her mind drifted to Jenna’s face when she was telling her story. How had things gone so wrong? She looked at her suitcase. Her heart felt heavy. Leaving was going to be hard.
Chloe began to drift to sleep when she heard a knock from the door, not sure if she was dreaming, not sure even what day it was. But maybe it was Jenna, her spirits lifted and she sprung to the floor to open the door.
“Oh hi,” her expression flattened as she saw Adam.
“Expecting someone else?”
“Hoping maybe.” Chloe tilted her head against the door. “Sorry. I am happy to see you though,” she said, as she hugged her friend warmly.
“Was just going to see if you were hungry and wanted to grab a bite to eat downstairs. And I also wanted to see if you are okay?”
“You’re a great friend Adam.” Chloe’s tummy was rumbling. She had lost track of time, and it was now 5pm. She hadn’t had a meal since a blueberry muffin at breakfast and she was famished. “Can you give me fifteen minutes? I’ll have a quick shower and change?”
“Sure. Sounds good. Meet you down there,” replied Adam, smiling and turning at the same time.
Dinner with Adam was exactly what she needed.
◆◆◆
Jenna walked in Percy’s and it was worse than she remembered. Dark, grimy and smelly. Her shoes were sticking to the ground, and it took quite an effort to peel her shoes off the floor after each step.
The air was smoky, with a couple of guys smoking in the corner and playing pool. She wasn’t sure how long she could last in the bar. This wasn’t the place you would start a night, rather the last stop of the night when you were completely blotto, unable to take in your surroundings.
Through the haze, she spotted Jess waving, and walked over to her. They shared a warm embrace.
“Sorry, I forgot how much of a dive this place was.”
Jess laughed. “I am surprised you suggested it. We can go somewhere else if you like?”
“No, no let’s get a few drinks.” Jenna got up and ordered two beers, and two shots of tequila.
“Let’s start with the tequila first?”
“You got it.” She looked down at the drinks. “More girl problems?”
“Just a long, draining day.”
“To a drama free night then.”
“Cheers to that." They laughed and threw back their heads, downing their shots.
◆◆◆
Chloe had just wolfed down the most amazing lamb shanks she had ever eaten. Dripping in rich red wine sauce, the meat was falling off the bone, and was coupled with a buttery mash. D-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s. She made sure she had left nothing behind, not realizing how famished she had been.
Adam looked at her. “You sure you don’t want to finish off the bone too?”
She laughed. “I’m done. Though if you are not going to finish off that mash, I will.”
“Oh, be my guest,” he said, pushing his plate over to her. “I feel like we are reversing roles.” He leant forward on his elbows. “You know, just give Jenna some time. She is head over for heels for you.”
“Thanks, but doesn’t feel that way.”
Adam had been delightful company making her laugh with small talk, often at her own expense. Hell, she did not mind. Not after the day she had. They had shared a few wines mellowing her mood further. They had kept it light and hardly spoke about Jenna. Maybe after five wines, who knows.
“Should I get another bottle?” asked Adam.
“Hmm, maybe we could go to the small bar across the street. Don’t really want to chance any run-ins here.”
“I’m all for mixing things up. After you.”
◆◆◆
“You know Jess, I think we could be very good friends.” Jess was started to look hot, and she wondered if she had drunk too much. Probably.
“I thought we were already friends,” Jess flashed her all American, girl next door smile, and leaned forward, gently touching her leg.
She was definitely cute. And was she flirting with her? She was a little bit handsy, or is that what old friends do. Stop overthinking again. This was her whole problem.
“So, how come you are single? I thought you would’ve been snapped up a long time ago.”
“Just haven’t met the right one. Maybe it’s the small town. Not many options.”
Jenna sipped at her beer. “Come on, we can’t be the only two to still exist!”
“Well, I only know a handful. We haven’t had any more blow in.” They both laugh
ed. Jenna visualized a handful of lesbians blowing in like tumbleweeds.
“You should stick around and boost our numbers. You know Jenna,” Jess leaned forward and grabbed at her leg. “I had a massive crush on you at school.”
“Oh I..” she stammered, sitting up and noticing a very tall man enter the bar. Adam. And he wasn’t alone. Through the smoke, she thought she could see Chloe. Her heart raced as she looked back to Jess. “I’m flattered.”
“Yeah?” Jess then leaned forward and kissed her straight on the lips.
Jenna closed her eyes. What just happened? Jesus, they would’ve seen all of that. Her stomach sank. When she looked over her shoulder again, they were gone.
“Jess, sorry I can’t do this.”
“No completely my fault. Sorry I thought I’d just try my luck.”
“Shit did I give off that vibe? Sorry, I’ve stuffed things up.”
“No, no, it’s cool. We can just be friends. I am sorry I overstepped.” She tapped her on the shoulder. “Let’s finish our beers.”
Jenna exhaled deeply, and suddenly she could not stop thinking about Chloe again. The very person she was trying to block out. She was praying she did not see the kiss. The kiss that meant absolutely nothing. And what Chloe thought meant everything.
◆◆◆
Chloe and Adam crossed the street back to hotel.
“Chloe, I am sorry. I don’t know what Jenna was thinking.”
“I…I’m ok Adam.” Inside, her heart felt like it had been smashed into a million pieces. “It was my dumb idea to go there. I’m just going to go back to my room, if that’s cool?”
“Yeah sure. Um, let me know if you need anything,” he said, as he hugged her tightly.
“Thanks Adam. Night.”
“Night Chloe.”
Chloe wondered back into her room, and let herself fall apart. Her chest heaved as she leant back up against the door. Tears began tumbling down her face, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. She felt like a knife had been stuck into her chest.
Did Jenna really care so little about her? She had poured her heart out to her this afternoon. Poured out every ounce of her soul, then she goes out on a date and kisses someone else.
She could’ve sworn Jenna was out with the same blonde girl last night. She had told her just hours ago, that they were just friends. Did she kiss all her friends? She wanted to vomit at the very thought of it.
Were they really so far apart in how they felt about each other? Were these entire past two weeks just a lie? She had to start to pack her things and get out of this godforsaken town. At first, she folded her clothes with care, but as her mind drifted, her packing became more hostile and she starting throwing items at will, into her bag. She fell to the floor in a heap, crying, with her head in her hands. It was all too much.
She needed to get the hell out of Crawley. The sooner, the better.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Jenna went home to her mom’s and felt like an absolute ass. She was sure that through the thick smoke, she had seen Adam, he was hard to miss. And she was almost certain, Chloe had been beside him. She hated hurting people and she was sure she hurt Chloe.
How could she be such an idiot. She did not have feelings for Jess, and she certainly did not know that she was going to kiss her or she wouldn’t have gone, but she did have an inkling that maybe Jess liked her. Did she do the wrong thing? She wasn’t sure.
She had such mixed emotions, but deep down, it did not sit right with her. She knew her feelings for Chloe were far deeper than she liked to admit, and even if they weren’t together, the last person she would want to hurt would be Chloe.
◆◆◆
Jenna did not sleep at all. She tossed and turned all night. She was hot, then cold, almost menopausal. She had a midnight shower, but nothing helped, finally screaming into her pillow in pure exhaustion. Jenna felt out of control, and she hated that feeling.
At 7am, she heard the home phone ring. Who on earth calls at this time? She wondered out to get a glass of water, and also, partially to snoop. Her mom wasn’t saying much. That was unusual for a start, and alarm bells started ringing.
She spotted Jenna sneaking up against the wall. “Right, you come and sit down here,” she said, as she motioned her over with her index finger.
Jenna had that sinking feeling. Something was wrong.
“That was Adam.”
Her mind raced. Did Adam dob her in about the kiss? Surely, he had better things to do than to gossip about her love life. She scrunched up her face.
“He’s down in Dorchester. Ben, Chloe’s brother, passed away yesterday. Chloe got a call late last night, and they drove down shortly after. The funeral is this afternoon.”
Jenna went white. “How?”
“Well he was living in a halfway house, and he wandered onto a busy overpass. Looks like he was on drugs, and jumped over the edge into incoming traffic. He was killed instantly.”
“Oh my god.” Jenna gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.
“I don’t know exactly what is going between you and Chloe, but I suggest you look a little into your heart and be a bit more forgiving. It is her brother, after all.”
Tears ran down her face.
Her mom walked over, and hugged her. “Be kind. You will be okay, and so will she. Life is not always easy.”
She walked over to the kettle. “I’ll make you a hot cup of tea.”
Jenna felt all kinds of sick. Guilt, sadness, worry. That would’ve happened right after Chloe saw Jess kiss her.
A million thoughts raced through her mind. Should she message or was that inappropriate. If she didn’t message, would Chloe think she didn’t care? Ben aside, she couldn’t live with that. She didn’t care about Ben, she cared about Chloe.
She jumped up from her stool, and ran to her room, picking up her phone. She bit the inside of her lip. She had no idea what to write. Her fingers began typing automatically. “I am so sorry Chloe, thinking of you x Jenna.”
She let out a breath, as she let her phone fall from her grasp. She hoped that it meant something. Anything.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here, Chloe? To grieve? I mean, I can finish testing and you can be with your mom?”
“No Adam, really, I want to come. I want to finish what we started. Please. My mom understands. I have grieved enough to last a life time.”
“Okay, but only if you are sure.” Adam looked concerned. “Any point you want to turn around, just hit me.”
“Sure. I’ll hit you as hard as I can.”
Adam grinned.
“Four hour drive. Happy to listen to my crap music? Or you can pick anything you like?”
Chloe smiled half-heartedly. “I kind of like your crap music. The crappier, the better. Put it on.”
She looked out the window and reflected on the past twenty four hours. She felt a strange calmness envelop her body, and it was difficult to explain.
“I can’t thank you enough Adam,” she said, as she reached across and squeezed his hand.
◆◆◆
They had arrived late in the night back at the Old Mill, and surprisingly Chloe had hit the wall, and fallen straight to sleep. Well after so many sleepless nights, it was no wonder.
When she woke the next morning, she felt different, but was unable to put her finger on it. Yes, she felt a heaviness in her heart with the realization that Ben had passed, but something had changed.
She showered and got ready. She had two more days here in Crawley and she was determined to finish what she started. Whatever it took.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Jenna had woken to a beep on her phone. It was Adam. “Chloe has come back to finish the project. Just thought you might like to know. A x”
She had to rub her eyes again to see if she was seeing right. What the actual fuck?
This message sent her head into a spin. Should she contact her? No, she must hate Jen
na. Barney the cat hissed at her as she passed him in the hall, and she hissed back.
She may as well go chat to her therapist. At least the sessions were free. She hadn’t confided this much in her mom, since she was five years old.
“Mom,” she called out.
“In the kitchen.”
Jenna walked around the corner, and found her mom leaning against the kitchen counter sipping a cup of tea.
“What’s up?” she said, as she munched a biscuit with a spray of crumbs.
Jenna sat down on the kitchen stool. “Adam messaged. Apparently, he came back with Chloe late last night.”
“What? Here? To do what?
“I don’t know, probably to finish off her report,” she grumbled. “Not to see me. That’s pretty obvious.”
“Have you spoken to her?”
“No, I sent her a message, but she didn’t reply.”
“Try again.”
Jenna tipped her head against her arm. “Yeah.”
Hannah walked into the room, and marched over to Jenna. She leaned into her ear and yelled. “Call her you weirdo!”
Jenna smacked her leg. “Ow! Idiot.”
Chloe would be going home in approximately twenty seven hours she had calculated, being a bit OCD. Could she really let her walk out of her life thinking that she didn’t care?
◆◆◆
Jenna decided to freshen up and have a shower, however this did not slow her thoughts. She hopped onto the couch flicking through mindless shows with the remote in effort to quieten the chaos in her mind.
The constantly clicking had started to annoy her mom, who was sitting on an armchair close by reading a magazine. She looked over to Jenna and let out a sigh, briefly watching her pattern of behavior.