Europa

by Robert Mills

  “My dear fellow,” I said with a huge sense of relief, “I’d be delighted to be your sperm donor, regardless of the fact that it’s illegal. Have you found someone who’s prepared to carry out artificial insemination for you?”

  Marvin frowned again. “We pushed our luck getting investigated,” he said. “Actually having treatment would be far too risky. There was a case recently involving a childless couple and a doctor who tried to help them. All three of them went to prison. What I’m asking is, oh hang it, it’s difficult to get the right words.”

  “Just say it, whatever it is.”

  “OK, what I’m trying to say is: would you be willing to have sex with my wife?”

  At first I was speechless. I certainly hadn’t expected this and was unsure how to react. I didn’t want to seem disgusted by the idea, because that would somehow reflect badly on Liv, but it didn’t seem right to appear eager either. The simple truth was that the idea of being able to make love to her excited me intensely. I knew in my heart of hearts that I’d suppressed my feelings for Liv for a number of years, for Marvin’s sake, and I was alarmed by the intense desire that surged through me when he made his request. It was clear that Marvin hadn’t found it easy raise the matter with me and I certainly didn’t want to make it any more difficult for him than it already was.

  Seeing that I was lost for words he continued, “I know it’s a strange request, but she begged me to ask you. We’ve always had a very special relationship, you and I, and I want you to know that you are the only man in the universe that I would have been willing to ask to do this.”

  “Marvin, I’m flattered, I really am,” I said, “and I’d like to help, but this is so unexpected. Will you let me think about it and maybe talk to Meena? It’s not the sort of thing you can decide on the spur of the moment.”

  “Of course, of course, take all the time you need,” he paused and then added, “You didn’t mind me asking you, did you? I’d hate this to come between us in any way.”

  “Of course not, how could it? It’s an honour to be asked, I’m just not sure I can say yes.” I smiled reassuringly.

  As I drove home I thought about what Marvin had said. On one level it seemed perfectly reasonable. I had something they didn’t and I could share my good fortune with them. After all that Marvin had done for me, surely it was the least I could do. At the same time, the idea of someone asking another man to be intimate with his wife was more than a little bizarre. I wondered if I would find myself thinking about Marvin when I was in Liv’s arms and be unable to give her what she wanted as a result. My experience on Ganymede had reminded me how easily my libido could be undermined by psychological pressures. There were other questions as well: how would Meena feel about Liv and I making love? How would I feel about any child who might result from our union, seeing it acknowledge another man as its father when I knew that in reality it was mine? It was all very difficult.

  Images of Liv started to appear in my mind: Liv in her wedding dress, fresh faced and radiant, Liv on a sun lounger in Miami in her revealing swimsuit, Liv in the tight-fitting dress she had been wearing when I last saw her. I tried to suppress these thoughts, as I didn’t feel that they were helping me to think rationally about my problem. My decision had to be made by a careful evaluation of the facts, not on the basis of unbridled carnal desire. It was only then, I think, that I realised just how much I wanted Liv and that my desire for her had grown with every year that I’d known her. Now that she was within my reach, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to pass up the opportunity to become her lover.

  I considered whether or not I should discuss Marvin’s request with Meena. We found it difficult to talk about our own feelings at the best of times, so how would we be able to talk about this? It was possible that Meena would say no and I would be left with the knowledge that I hadn’t helped my friends because of her attitude. Perhaps I should have taken the view that by doing this Meena would be letting me off the hook, but I couldn’t. I was very clear in my own mind that it should be my decision and that I would make it on my own. Looking back, I can see that this was a coward’s way out, but at the time I was convinced of the nobility of my point of view.

  That night I slept little, tossing and turning as I considered over and over again the arguments for and against agreeing to Marvin’s request. The following morning I arrived at the office, tired and bleary-eyed, and told Marvin that I’d need more time to come to a decision. I also indicated that I’d decided not to discuss his request with Meena at this stage and that I certainly didn’t want her to hear about it from a third party.

  “Of course, I quite understand,” he said. “I thought after we’d spoken yesterday that it might be better if we kept it between the three of us.”

  When I arrived home that evening, Meena was in the kitchen organising our evening meal. The children were in their rooms, so we were on our own. I kissed her on the back of the neck.

  “Hello, darling, how was your day?” she said turning to face me.

  “OK I suppose; much the same as any other really. What have you been up to?”

  “Nothing much; by the way, I’ve invited Liv and Marvin for dinner next Saturday. We’ve seen so little of them recently and I think that Liv needs cheering up.”

  I felt a shockwave of horror surge through me. “Who else is coming?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

  “Just them,” she said. “I think it’s best that way in the circumstances. In any case I want them to see the new décor in the living room now that it’s finished.”

  I didn’t feel able to object to this proposal, but the prospect of the evening filled me with dread. I was still undecided as to what to do about Marvin’s request and spending an evening with the two of them was the last thing I needed.

  Saturday arrived all too soon and Meena spent the day in the kitchen supervising the preparation of an elaborate dinner. As the appointed hour approached I opened the wine so that it could air and poured myself a large glass of whiskey. I was on my second when the guests arrived. Marvin and Liv looked subdued as I invited them into the living room. Marvin made a big effort to be sociable, but Liv hardly said a word. Meena had clearly decided that the best approach was to be bright and breezy and keep the conversation light.

  “Have you booked a holiday yet?” she asked.

  “I’m afraid we haven’t given it much thought. I expect we’ll get one of these last-minute deals,” replied Marvin, a brittle brightness in his voice.

  “We’re thinking of going to Miami again,” Meena continued. “We had such a lovely time there before. We need to find a resort with something for the children to do. If they get bored it could spoil it for Symon and me. I’ve got all the information saved on the smartscreens, you can look at it after dinner if you’d like.” Neither guest looked enthusiastic.

  The evening wore on in a similar vein. I poured more wine to try to relax the party, but the tension was undiminished. I drank more than I’d intended and had to excuse myself before dessert to visit the toilet. When I came out, Liv was waiting to go in. “All yours,” I said holding the door open for her.

  “Symon,” she said, “I want to ask you, to beg you to help me. You’re the only one I can turn to. I know it’s a lot to ask and I wouldn’t if there was any other way.”

  The tone of her voice as she made this request and the look on her face shocked me considerably. It was a look that spoke of misery beyond anything I’d experienced myself. But there was something else in her eyes as well, something I couldn’t identify at the time. Later that night, as I lay awake going over the events of the evening, I thought that I recognised it as desire, but perhaps my imagination was playing tricks on me. At any rate I answered without hesitation, “Of course I’ll help if you’re sure that’s what you want.”

  “Oh thank you, Symon,” she said, kissing me on the cheek. “I knew we could count on you.”

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nbsp; I expected her to go into the bathroom, but she lingered for a moment. She lowered her voice. “Will you tell Meena?”

  “I don’t think so,” I said. “I just don’t know how she’d react.”

  “That’s worried me as well. It’ll be our secret then.”

  She went inside and closed the door, leaving me to contemplate the implications of my promise. I had opened the box of delights, but was yet to find out what effects the contents would have on my life. Above all though, I felt relieved because I’d made a decision at last.

  Chapter Nineteen

  And so it was that a week later I found myself going up in the lift serving Marvin and Liv’s apartment, having told Meena that I was going out for a drink with Marvin. I’d been assured that my cousin would not be at home and in his place I am sure that I’d have made myself scarce. Liv answered the door and ushered me into the living room.

  “Would you like a cocktail?” she said.

  I was understandably nervous and accepted her offer without hesitation. She filled two glasses and offered me one of them. We sat awkwardly on the sofa in silence.

  “What happens next?” I said at length.

  “Surely a man with two children knows what to do?” she said sharply; then continued in a gentler tone, “I’m sorry, I’m just as nervous as you are. This is a very odd situation. Let’s be practical. You need to arouse me if we are to do it successfully. You could start by undressing me.”

  “Here?”

  “No, of course not; let’s go to the bedroom.”

  I’d never been in Marvin and Liv’s bedroom before, but I was too preoccupied to take in any of the décor or furnishings, other than the large double bed, with its opulent coverings. I struggled to remove Liv’s top and took what seemed to be an eternity to undo her bra, but at last we were between the sheets in each other’s arms. At first the kisses were somewhat tentative, but as we began to relax I found myself being kissed in a manner I hadn’t experienced before. Meena was a passive participant in the act of love, but Liv was an active, equal partner, whose passion at times exceeded my own. My fear that I would be unable to perform in these circumstances proved to be entirely unfounded. I responded readily to Liv’s touch and was soon ready and eager to proceed. Our coupling itself was brief and unspectacular, but as I lay back afterwards on my pillow with Liv lying close to me, I marvelled at how special our lovemaking had been. Marvin had asked me to ‘have sex’ with his wife, but I had made love to her and she to me.

  I would have happily stayed beside her all night in the hopes of repeating and perhaps bettering the experience, but I was conscious that I’d done my duty and that it was time to leave. I took a shower and as I dressed, Liv watched me from the bed.

  “I won’t see you out,” she said. “I want to give this the best possible chance of working. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you’ve done.”

  “It’s been my pleasure,” I said, and I meant it.

  When I arrived home Meena was watching a film. “How’s Marvin?” she asked.

  “Oh fine,” I said absently.

  I sat beside her on the couch and she snuggled up beside me. “Shall we go straight to bed?” she said.

  “I thought you were watching this.”

  “It’s rubbish really; I’d rather be tucked up all cosy in bed with you.” She gave me an affectionate squeeze.

  This was a problem I hadn’t anticipated. It was strange enough making love to your cousin’s wife at his request, without then repeating the process with your own wife on the same evening. In any case, I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to manage it again so soon after my encounter with Liv and in these circumstances.

  “I’m rather tired,” I said. “I’m not sure I’ll be much good to you tonight.”

  “That’s not like you,” she purred. “You’re usually the one who wants to do it when I’m not in the mood.”

  “I know love. I’ll do my best; just don’t expect too much that’s all.”

  During the next few weeks Marvin was clearly in a state of high anxiety and ill-concealed excitement. Two weeks after my night of passion with Liv he announced that she would normally have started her period on that day, but nothing had happened. “Of course, it’s too early to tell anything, but she is usually as regular as clockwork,” he explained knowledgably. A week later the period hadn’t started and he announced that she was going to take a pregnancy test if nothing happened in the next few days. “Mind you, we’re trying not to build up our hopes too much just in case,” he announced gravely.

  The next few days were an anxious time for me. It suddenly dawned on me that I might not have succeeded in impregnating her after all. What would happen then? Perhaps they would abandon the whole idea, but perhaps I’d be asked to make another attempt. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to bed with Liv again; on the contrary I was afraid I wanted it far too much.

  Marvin had explained that the first test might be negative and that they might need to repeat it. Much to my relief he arrived in the office the following Friday morning beaming from ear to ear. “Liv’s pregnant, I can’t believe it,” he said. “She’s actually going to have a baby!”

  Meena and I were invited round for drinks that evening. “Not dinner, I’m afraid, Liv has to take things easy from now on and I haven’t a clue how to work this new kitchen of ours,” explained Marvin jovially. He opened champagne and charged our glasses before giving Liv a glass of orange juice.

  Meena congratulated the happy couple warmly. “I’ve always thought you’d make lovely parents,” she enthused. “It’s so exciting; I felt like this when I first knew that Richmond was on the way.”

  Liv was transformed, talking enthusiastically about the preparations for the forthcoming birth and her plans for the new arrival. She seemed to be positively glowing with happiness. She’d always been a woman who took a lot of trouble over her appearance, but during the preceding few months she had seemed not to be bothered anymore. That evening she was once again groomed and immaculately dressed.

  Marvin invited me to join him in the kitchen on some pretext or other, leaving the women alone to talk about the long list of items that would need to be bought for the baby and the best places to acquire them. Meena was in her element, now that she had the opportunity to share her experience and expertise with her friend.

  When we were alone he said, “I can’t thank you enough, Symon. You’ve saved my marriage, you really have.”

  “Think nothing of it,” I said dismissively. “I’m glad it worked out OK. There was no guarantee of success, you know.”

  He nodded and raised his glass. “I’m only too aware of that, cheers.”

  “I agree with what Meena said; I think you two will be great parents and Richmond and Charlet will love having a little cousin.”

  “We’re a great team you and I,” he said shaking his head. “It seems there isn’t any problem we can’t solve together. I’m a lucky man to have a friend like you.”

  “I’ll always be there for you when you need me,” I said. “You do know that, don’t you?” He nodded.

  Our lives returned to normal after the announcement of Liv’s pregnancy. During the period prior to this I’d felt that Marvin had become distracted and hadn’t had his heart in our business in the way he had before. However, now he threw himself into his work with renewed vigour and enthusiasm. For my own part, I felt a huge sense of relief. I’d made a potentially risky decision and it had paid off. In the process the two people I cared most about had benefited and I believed that I’d enhanced their relationship when I could so easily have damaged it irrevocably. I felt proud as well, with some justification.

  My state of smug self-satisfaction lasted for a further two months, but one Wednesday evening my illusions were shattered. Meena and I were having dinner when the call came through.

  It was Marvin speaki
ng from the hospital. “Symon, I’ve got terrible news, Liv’s lost the baby.” I felt numb. Of course I was concerned about my friends, but the overwhelming feeling was of personal loss. My child had died.

  Chapter Twenty

  During the period immediately following Liv’s miscarriage I felt strangely numb and detached, but as the weeks passed I gradually became my old self again. I imagine that it would be almost impossible to recover from the loss a child who had come into the world and been part of your life, but in my case it was only the potential for life that had been extinguished. My behaviour must have been obviously out of character, but Meena didn’t seem to notice. This came as no surprise to me.

  Of course, it must have been much worse for Marvin and especially Liv, who had invested so much in her pregnancy. I hardly saw Liv over this period and when I did, she said little. I saw Marvin every day at the office, but he confined his conversation to business matters. Once I tried to bring up the subject but he made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that he didn’t want to discuss it. I respected his wish and said no more. I have wondered whether, if we’d been able to talk about what had happened at the time, some of what occurred later might have been avoided but in my heart of hearts I believe that this is a forlorn hope. I’m not at all sure that I would have welcomed the chance to discuss my grief with my invited cuckold, if I’d been in a similar situation.

  It must have been about three months later that Marvin made another trip to Europa City on business. This time I was left behind to mind the shop. The day after Marvin’s departure, I was sitting at my desk checking our technician’s activity logs when a call came through on my wrist tablet. It was Liv.

  “I need to see you, can you come round after work?” she said. I didn’t feel able to refuse, so I said that I’d visit her around six o’clock. When the call ended, I wondered if I had been wise to agree to her request. She had given no indication as to why she wanted to see me but I couldn’t help feeling excited by the prospect of being alone with her.