Europa

by Robert Mills

  I said, “Don’t mention it. After all, what are friends for?” But I was thinking, Please don’t let me have to go through anything like this again. We went our separate ways, Marvin to the lovely Liv and I to the reluctant embrace of my ‘loving’ wife. I think that Marvin really did believe what I had said for a time, but inevitably another crisis was just around the corner.

  Two days later there was a message alert on my wrist tablet indicating that Liv wanted to speak to me. I accepted the call with some trepidation and her smiling face appeared on my screen.

  “I know that Marvin has told you about my, our, wonderful news and I just wanted to thank you so very, very much for making it happen. I know I can never repay you adequately.”

  “Liv, we need to talk,” I said, “but not on a comms channel, especially in the office. When can we meet?”

  The smile disappeared. “I don’t see the point,” she said. “We’ve taken a lot of risks in the past, but now we don’t need to anymore. Why push our luck?”

  “There are things I need to say to you; things we need to straighten out. Surely you owe it to me to agree to one last meeting in the circumstances?”

  She grudgingly agreed and a meeting was arranged for the following day at lunchtime, at a coffee shop on the other side of the city. It was a small establishment in a residential area where I thought that it was unlikely we’d be recognised. I decided that it was best for me to travel there by ATV, rather than using my own vehicle.

  I arrived first and noted with relief that there were only a few tables occupied and that none of the people sitting at them were familiar to me. It was an upmarket establishment that employed people to serve the customers. The girl behind the counter smiled at me and asked me what I would like. I ordered a bottle of mineral water and stationed myself at a secluded table where we could talk privately. While I waited I studied the décor, which featured the luminescent walls that were all the rage at the time. The ever-changing patterns of light produced a series of abstract representations of birds and animals.

  Before long Liv arrived wearing dark glasses. Normally when we met she was tastefully dressed, but on this occasion she wore a rather shapeless outfit that had seen better days. I walked over to meet her. “Would you like a coffee or something?” I asked.

  “I’ll just have an orange juice,” she said tartly. “In my condition, I don’t think too much caffeine is a good idea.”

  Once we were settled at our table I came straight to the point. “I’m thrilled about the baby, Liv, but I want to know, I need to know, where the new circumstances leave us.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean, ‘us’?”

  “I mean our relationship, of course. It’s my baby as well, you know.”

  She gave a little half-laugh and fixed me with her large grey eyes. “There is no ‘us’, Symon. I’m really grateful for what you’ve done for me, but now things are going to go back to how they were before. I thought you’d understand that.”

  “And I thought you loved me,” I said desperately. “I thought perhaps we could have a future together.”

  “Don’t be silly,” she said firmly. “You know I love my husband. I’m not going to leave him for you. Whatever gave you the idea I would? I mean to say, Marvin’s your cousin.”

  It was as if I’d woken from a dream to face the grim reality of the real world. Suddenly, shatteringly, I realised how foolish I’d been. I groped in my memory for the actual words she had used: ‘Did you think I’d let you fuck me if I didn’t care for you?’ Love had not been mentioned. I’d assumed she loved me, but she only ‘cared for me’, like an aged relative or a pet dog. How adept we are at self-delusion, how easily the mind distorts the truth to create the image we want to see. I sat speechless, gazing foolishly into my glass. All I could see were the bubbles rising one after the other to the surface of the water only to burst and be no more.

  Liv wasn’t finished with me. “What about Meena and the children? You don’t seem to have given them much consideration.”

  I regained the power of speech: “I did it all because I love you. You must believe me.”

  “I’m touched that you feel so deeply for me,” she said with a half-smile, “but you must see that it wouldn’t work. We can’t go on seeing each other as we have been. I’ve got to think about the baby now above all else. I do hope we can still be friends.” Those words again. The same words that Gardenia had used when she broke up with me all those years before. This time the situation was far more painful. My whole world seemed to be caving in. I was trapped in a loveless marriage and would be forced to confront my former lover in the presence of my wife and cousin and to make polite conversation with her. The only way to avoid this was to commit economic suicide and I wasn’t yet ready for that.

  That afternoon I found it impossible to concentrate on anything. I experienced the same feeling of emptiness and betrayal I’d experienced after I lost Gardenia. It was very much harder to bear this time; my relationship with Liv had lasted longer and had been far more intimate than that which I had enjoyed with her. After all, although Gardenia and I had been magnetically attracted to each other, we hadn’t consummated our relationship. The physical act of love forges a powerful bond between a man and a woman, however much they try to underestimate and dismiss it.

  I also found, rather to my surprise, that I had a curious ambivalence about Liv’s pregnancy. Part of me hoped that she would miscarry so that she would be forced to seek my ‘help’ again. When this thought crept uninvited into my mind, I felt sickened that I could wish for the death of my own child. I was only too aware that the new life growing within her was my own flesh and blood. Despite my powerful love for my existing children, I was conscious that the new life that had come into being within her had come from a more powerful feeling of love within me than they had.

  I spent a sleepless night thinking about my meeting with Liv. I went over all the things I could have said to her and her possible responses to each of them. However many times I replayed the scene the outcome was the same. Then I tried to put her out of my mind, in a vain attempt to get to sleep. Eventually I drifted into a fitful slumber, only to be woken by the alarm.

  The following day dragged interminably. Each time I tried to concentrate on work, the image of Liv reappeared in my mind’s eye. At one point I became aware that I’d been staring blankly at my smartscreen for over an hour. Whenever I tried to apply myself to the task at hand, I found myself seeking desperately for a way out of my present situation, but I had no more success with this than with checking the invoice data for the previous month.

  That afternoon Marvin called a meeting of all the office staff to have what he called a ‘brainstorming session’ about the future of the company. The session was, to say the least, unproductive and my contribution was negligible. Marvin had clearly expected me to play a major part in the proceedings and gave me reproachful looks when I failed to respond to the cues he was so obviously giving me. Eventually he asked me directly for an opinion and I produced a response that was at best incoherent.

  Afterwards, he came to my office and sat on the corner of my desk. “Are you alright?” he asked tersely.

  “I’m not feeling too well, I’m afraid,” I said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t much use this afternoon.”

  “I don’t think you fully appreciate our position,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “We’re in serious danger of going out of business. We need to be completely focused on the job at hand right now. I can’t do it all by myself. I need you to at least make some sort of contribution.”

  “I’m sorry, Marvin, I’m sure I’ll be alright in a day or so. This company means almost as much to me as it does to you. I’d do anything to make sure it succeeds.”

  “I appreciate that,” he said in a more emollient tone. “Why don’t you take tomorrow off? After that it’s the weekend and you can take it ea
sy and get yourself in shape for next week. I hope you haven’t forgotten that we’ve got that meeting with the people from Europa Construction on Tuesday. That could be a make or break deal for us.”

  “Of course I remember,” I said. “I’ve been working on a presentation for them and it’s nearly finished.”

  “Great, send it to me when it’s finished so that I can let you have my comments.” As he was leaving he turned and smiled in a reassuring way.

  That evening, after the children were in bed, Meena and I sat in the living room listening to music. She was clearly bursting to tell me something. “I ran into an old school friend today,” she said. “She’s called Beatriz Wong; I don’t think you ever met her.”

  “Can’t say I remember the name,” I said.

  “Of course she’s married now; I didn’t realise that they’d settled on Europa. I haven’t seen her for years. Anyway, she was telling me that she saw Liv yesterday in a café on the other side of the city. The thing is, she was with a man. Beatriz thinks she’s having an affair. I told her I didn’t think it was likely, but when she told me what they were saying to each other, I had to agree that it sounded suspicious. What do you make of it?”

  I had to think quickly. “It’s funny you should say that, because Marvin told me he thought she was involved with someone when I met him for a drink last week. I told him it was nonsense, but now I’m not so sure. I still find it hard to believe though; Marvin and Liv are such a devoted couple.”

  “Of course in one way I’m not surprised,” continued Meena. “Liv is very attractive and Marvin works so hard that he sometimes neglects her. She always had a string of admirers when we were young.”

  “I suppose she is quite attractive in a way,” I said dismissively.

  She laughed. “Oh come on,” she said, “I’ve seen the way you look at her. I’ve seen the way lots of men look at her. It was the same when we were young; Liv was always the one who had the boys drooling over her. We were all jealous of her.”

  “Next thing you’ll be telling me you thought I preferred Liv when we first met.”

  “The thought did cross my mind, but the nice thing was that back then you seemed to be the only one who was immune to her charms. You were the first boyfriend I’d had who didn’t give her those ‘I’d rather be with Liv’ looks. I think that’s what made me fall in love with you.”

  “I had no idea,” I said.

  “Of course not, darling; I wouldn’t have let you know something like that at such an early stage of our relationship, now would I?”

  I felt that I’d dealt with this crisis rather well and was feeling pleased with myself, but sadly my pleasure was short lived.

  “It was really nice to see Beatriz,” said Meena, absently. “We were good friends at school. Actually, I’d say we were best friends for a time. I hope you won’t mind, but I’ve asked her to dinner with her husband next week. He’s called Chester; I think he works for a bank. He’ll probably be a bore, but you will be nice to them, won’t you, darling?”

  I’d selected the venue for my meeting with Liv in a part of New Rome where I had not expected either of us to be recognised. Why hadn’t Liv spotted her former school friend and why hadn’t the ‘friend’ made herself known to Liv? It was a nightmare. I would have to find some way of avoiding a face-to-face encounter with this Beatriz at all costs. My problem was to work out how this could be achieved.

  Eventually I came up with a solution. During the afternoon of the day of the dinner party I called Meena to say that there was a crisis at the office and I would have to work late. I said that I would try and be home in time for the main course and failing that the dessert. Meena was clearly surprised and annoyed, but seemed to accept my story unquestioningly. I was thankful that she knew that our business was going through a crisis and that I’d worked late several times over that last few weeks.

  Ever since Liv had discarded me, my concentration had been poor and I had a genuine backlog of tasks to catch up on. That afternoon I tried to apply myself, but my work was progressing at a pitifully slow pace. Around five o’clock Layla, our office manager, knocked on my door to say that she was going home. I explained that I’d decided to work late, in order to try to keep on top of things.

  “Don’t overdo it, Symon,” she said with a faint smile. “I’m off home now, is there anything you need before I go?” I told her I was fine.

  The evening wore on and I became increasingly hungry. I decided that I’d made a serious miscalculation in not eating more at lunchtime, but my state of high anxiety had robbed me of appetite. Now that I was safe in the office, imagining the guests arriving to find me absent, I felt more relaxed. For a while I tried to ignore the pangs of hunger, but they stubbornly refused to abate. At length I left the office and went out into the street.

  Most of the local workforce had long since departed for home leaving an almost eerie silence in the surrounding area, broken only by the sound of the occasional passing transit vehicle. I knew that there was a twenty-four-hour food outlet not too far away and so I headed in that direction. It was a down-at-heel establishment with an illuminated sign that read ‘Eze-Food’. After scanning the rather limited menu, I chose an ‘Eze-burger’, punched in my order and swiped the payment terminal. The only other customer was a youth with weird hair and clothes. He gave me some odd looks that made me uneasy but before long his food slid out of the dispenser and he left.

  Back in the office I ate as much of the rather tasteless burger as I could stomach, washing it down with a bottle of Supa-soda. I checked the time, but it was far too early to head for home. I was uncertain when the guests would leave, but I was determined to err on the side of caution. I tossed the remains of the meal into my rubbish-gobbler and tried to concentrate on my work.

  At around nine o’clock the comms window on my smartscreen opened, indicating that I had an incoming a call. It was Meena: “You can come home now, they’ve gone,” she said.

  “Oh, have they?” I said. “I’ve nearly finished what I needed to do, so I’ll be with you soon.”

  “You don’t need to keep up the pretence,” she said grimly. “I know why you didn’t want to meet them. Beatriz recognised you when I showed her our holiday pictures from last year. She didn’t say anything at first, but I could see that something was bothering her. I managed to get it out of her in the end and the funny thing was I wasn’t surprised. I must have known deep down that it had to be Liv who was screwing up our marriage, just like she screwed up my life before I met you.” The screen went blank.

  I drove home with a heavy heart. It was a relief that I didn’t have to pretend anymore, but I was uncertain what I was going to say to Meena when I got home. In the event I needn’t have worried about that because she did all the talking. Normally she would have met me at the front door, when she heard me come in, but on this occasion the hall was empty when I entered. I found her in the sitting room in an armchair with a cocktail in her hand. She was staring fixedly ahead and there was barely any flicker of recognition as I sat down on the sofa opposite her.

  For a few moments we sat in silence and then she said, “I called Liv after they’d gone. She’s told me what you two have been up to. I actually think she thought I’d feel better about if I knew it was her, rather than a stranger, but I don’t. In fact it’s worse. Oh Symon, how could you do it with my so-called best friend? She’s your cousin’s wife too. I thought you and Marvin were close friends as well as business partners. I just don’t understand how you could be so stupid. We had a perfect life and you’ve destroyed it.”

  “Did she tell you Marvin asked me to do it?” I said. “Did she tell you that?” I was angry now, feeling betrayed by Liv and, to an extent, falsely accused.

  “Oh yes, she told me that’s how it started, but I know you continued behind his back. There’s no point in trying to justify what you’ve done. You’re just like all the
others. They couldn’t wait to get inside her knickers either. It seems she has that effect on men. The sad thing is I thought you were different. What a fool I was.

  “Don’t imagine I’ll give you another chance this time. I have my pride. I’m not here to be messed around by you. I might as well tell you now: I’ll screw you for everything I can get. The children and I aren’t going to suffer because you can’t keep that thing of yours inside your pants. You’ve always had an unhealthy obsession with sex and now you’re going to have to pay the price for your lack of self-control. I’ve made up the guest bed for you, but I want you out of here as soon as you can find somewhere else.”

  A thought occurred to me: “Does Marvin know?” I asked.

  “I didn’t speak to him. He’s bound to ask why we’re splitting up, but it’s up to Liv to decide if he should know the truth or not.” She stood up. “I’m going to bed now, not that I’ll be able to sleep.”

  I was left alone with my thoughts. I sat there for some time contemplating my uncertain future, without coming to any definite conclusions as to what I ought to do next. Eventually I climbed into the guest bed where, to my surprise, I fell quickly into a deep sleep, waking only when the alarm announced that it was time to face the new day.

  And so my life started to unravel. I found myself a small rented apartment in a less than fashionable part of town and moved in with my possessions. I continued to work with Marvin and at first it seemed that things might go on as before. This, of course, was completely unrealistic.

  About six weeks after my ejection from the family home, Marvin came into my office soon after I’d arrived. He looked pale and drawn.

  “I’ve found out what you’ve been up to with Liv,” he said. “Don’t bother trying to deny it, she’s told me everything. God knows you’ve always been irresponsible, but this is something else. It’s unbelievable.” He paused and seemed to be fighting back tears. “Anyway, we can’t go on working together; it’s out of the question. I’ve decided to buy you out of our partnership. I want you to clear your desk right now and get out. I don’t want to see you here again, or anywhere else for that matter.”