See also shame
born again, 11–12, 17–18
author and, 38, 56, 58
author’s brother and, 38
experience of, 18n
as qualification for date, 2
testimony and, 11, 11n, 241–43
Brain That Changes Itself, The (Doidge), 188–89
brain trap
“focal dystonia” and, 189
sex/shame brain trap, 183–98
what it is, 188–89
Brock, Rita Nakashima
Proverbs of Ashes, 48–49
Brown, Brené, 15–16
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), 15–16, 202
Burke, Edmund, 238n
Burke, Tarana, 31n
Bush, George W., 22, 22n, 281n
C
Camp, Susan, 274–75, 279
Carter, Jimmy, 162n
Catholic church/Catholics, 17, 18–19, 27, 31, 131
religious orders for women and, 120
sexual abuse and, 93
Catholic University, 96–97
Code of Student Conduct, 97, 97n
celibacy, 118, 120, 259
masturbation and, 125
Charismatic churches, 46
Choosing the Best, 63
“Knight in Shining Armor,” 63, 63n
Christian and Missionary Alliance, 19
Christian Broadcasting Network, 260
Christianity Today, 118
Church Too movement, 31–32, 31n
Clinton, Bill, 22, 22n, 25, 219
“collective effervescence,” 47
Community Based Abstinence Education, 22n
complementarianism
abusive dynamics and, 67–69
author’s mother and, 105
communities practicing, 66
confidence, assertiveness as sin, 109
definition of, 62
as divisive church issue, 161
evangelical women leaders and, 166–67
gender expectations and, 166
“Knight in Shining Armor” illustration of, 63
at Southern Seminary, 162–63
woman’s place in marriage and, 70–71
concert of prayer, 2, 2n, 6
Connell, J. P., 278n
1 Corinthians 3:1–2, 41
Covenant Life Church, Gaithersburg, Md., 265–66
D
Devil (Satan), 95, 250
anger, sadness, and, 45
temptation and, 227
wrong emotions and, 47
Dickerson, David Ellis, 234
divorce, 117n, 146–47, 194, 196, 272
purity myth and, 77
Dobson, James, 19, 19n
Life on the Edge, 134–35
Doidge, Norman, 188
The Brain That Changes Itself, 188–89
Duggar family, 235
Dunn, Laura L., 85–90, 93–98
Durkheim, Émile
“collective effervescence,” 47
Elementary Forms of Religious Life, 47
Dutch Reformed Church, 19
E
Echoing Green (nonprofit organization), 98
Elementary Forms of Religious Life (Durkheim), 47
Elliot, Elisabeth
author’s reading and, 5
Passion & Purity, 5, 262
emergent church movement, 270–71
emotions
adolescence and religious euphoria, 47
Christianity and “right emotions,” 47n, 48
cutting oneself and, 201
denial of pain, 48, 49
depression and, 201
disconnecting from or hiding, 46, 48, 202–3
feelings of isolation, 202–3
“joy” mask, 48
suicidal thoughts, 167, 203
suppression of, 44–48, 47n, 108
See also anxiety; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Esther, Elizabeth
#BecauseFundamentalism, tweets of, 266
Girl at the End of the World, 266
evangelical Christianity/evangelical church, 17, 18–19
absolutism and, 144
attitude, demeanor and, 44–46
author leaves the church, 7, 192, 256, 284
black churches and, 260, 264
born again and, 17–18, 18n
“collective effervescence” and, 47
conformity and acceptance, 155, 157
as dementor, 239–40
denominations within, 19–20
distinguishing characteristics of evangelicals, 18
diversity of, 19–20
emergent church movement, 270–71
emotional suppression and, 44–48, 47n, 108
in Europe versus America, 240–41, 243
evangelizing and, 18
gender and sexuality messages of, 2, 4, 7, 12, 13, 60–67, 76, 107, 108, 109, 110–11, 120, 129, 138, 150–79, 200, 234, 259, 270–74
gender roles and, 44, 60–71, 63n, 105, 108, 109, 152–54, 160–63, 164, 166–67, 171, 172, 192 (see also complementarianism)
Good News and, 17, 18
“high on Jesus” and, 58
homosexuality and, 200, 201–2, 204, 214, 231, 270–84
lack of traditional hierarchy, 20
loss of faith and, 143–45
members leaving the church, 7, 155, 162, 162n, 177, 220
purity preaching and, 21–22
rules and regulations, 18, 20, 33, 48, 62, 77, 146, 166, 200, 210, 270–71
sex and marriage, 11, 22, 22n, 23, 24, 25, 116, 122–23, 133–48, 141n, 195n, 211, 223, 261
sexual abuse and, 68–69, 68n, 232–33, 236, 237, 239–40
sexuality education and, 8–10, 21–27, 22n, 76, 195n, 276n, 278
sexual purity message (see purity movement)
shame and, 8–10, 9n, 12–17, 21, 26, 30, 77, 138, 173, 197–98, 209, 214–15, 235, 268–69, 270, 280
single status vs. marriage, 116–17, 117n
as subculture, 11, 18–20, 23, 31, 42, 48, 58, 67, 117, 169, 261, 263n, 265, 276
suffering and, 41–42, 46
term Christian and, 20
unconditional love as conditional, 61
“us” versus “them” messaging, 10–11, 144
as white, conservative Americans, 19, 260, 261, 264
women’s issues and, 160–79
women’s positions in, 163–64
See also shame (sexual shame)
Evangelical Christian Women (Ingersoll), 162
evangelical institutions (colleges, publishing houses, music production houses), 20
See also specific institutions
evangelical Lutheran church, 169
Evans, Claire, 116
Evans, Rachel Held, 41
A Year of Biblical Womanhood, 41–42
Every Young Man’s Battle (Arterburn et al.), 128
Every Young Woman’s Battle (Arterburn et al.), 129n
F
family values, 149–59
church as authority, not family, 157–58
feminism/feminists, 47n, 61, 62, 63, 145
“Biblical feminists” or “evangelical feminists,” 162
self-esteem and, 244–45
Feministing online community, 76
Focus on the Family, 19n
Forbidden Fruit (Regnerus), 78–79
“For What Binds Us” (Hirshfield), 258
Freitas, Donna, 21
Sex and the Soul, 21, 77–78
Freud, Sigmund
author’s experiences as “taboo” and, 3n
Totem and Taboo, 3n
Fundamentalist Christianity, 17n, 19, 282
Winell book and, 140
G
“gap, the,” 178–79
Gasteyer, Ana, 185
gender justice, 8, 261
gender roles, 61–62
abusive dynamics and, 67–69
complementarianism and, 62, 63, 63n, 66, 67, 68, 70–71, 104, 109, 161, 162, 163, 166
egalitarianism and, 108, 161, 162, 163, 167
evangelical Christianity/evangelical church and, 44, 60–71, 63n, 105, 107, 108, 109, 152–54, 160–63, 164, 166–67, 171, 172, 192
“The Lie” and, 67, 69, 69n, 70, 71
male authority and, 105, 109, 163, 171
pride as sinful and, 109
“stained-glass ceiling” and, 160–79
submissive behavior and passivity, 45–46, 67, 68, 108, 129, 145–46, 158, 164
Ghana, 260
Girl at the End of the World (Esther), 266
girls, 154
abstinence education and, 8–10, 21–27, 22n, 76, 195n, 276n, 278
adolescent sexuality and, 26–28
consistent shaming and, 14
emotional health of, 15
emotional suppression of, 44–48, 47n
evangelical values and, 149–59
fear of abandonment and, 15
fighting against her sexual nature, 189
gender and sexuality expectations, 2, 4, 7, 12, 13, 14, 23–24, 60–67, 76, 107–11, 120, 129, 138, 150–79, 200, 234, 259, 270–74
as “good girl,” 43–44, 107–8, 110, 262
man-made girls, 101–14
marriage as career goal, 160
purity culture stumbling blocks for, 30–31, 61–73
purity industry products for, 23–24
purity pledge and, 24
religiosity and identity, 67
role as cheerleaders for men, 44, 160
same-sex oral sex, 79–84
sex education and, 107, 151–53, 152n, 155
sexual experimentation among children and, 79–81
sexual guilt and, 27
shame’s effect on self-esteem, self-worth of, 15, 59–61, 154, 161
shaming messages, impact on brain of, 14–15
smiling Christian personality and, 44–46
“stained-glass ceiling” and career goals, 160–79
submissive behavior and passivity, 45–46, 67, 68, 108, 129, 145–46, 157–58, 164
virginity fetishism and, 76–77
See also gender roles; shame (sexual shame)
Goldstein, Valerie Saiving
“The Human Situation: A Feminine View,” 109
grace, 33, 148, 201, 241
Graham, Billy, 163
H
“half-kiss,” 13, 13n, 70
Harris, Joshua, 262, 263n, 265–66
childhood sexual abuse of, 266
evolution of thinking of, 266–67
I Kissed Dating Goodbye (IKDG) (Harris), 261–62, 263, 263n, 264, 265, 266–68, 267n
megachurch of, 265–66
Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is), 116
Hebb’s axiom, 188
Hell, 47n, 253
people bound for, 61
slippery slope leading to, 134
Highlands Church, Denver, Colo., 271–80
adolescent sexuality education, 276–79
inclusive ethos of, 272, 272n
sermon excerpt, 273–74
Hirshfield, Jane
“For What Binds Us,” 258
Holiness groups, 19
homeschooling, 80, 81, 82, 154, 231, 262
“Human Situation, The: A Feminine View” (Goldstein), 109
I
I Kissed Dating Goodbye (IKDG) (Harris), 261–62, 263, 263n, 264, 265, 266–68, 267n
Ingersoll, Julie, 162, 167
Evangelical Christian Women, 162
interviewees, 69n, 150, 150n, 251n
about, 31, 31n, 291–93
message for readers from, 289–90
pseudonyms, 31, 150n, 293
Intimate Behaviour (Morris), 134–35
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) (Brown), 15–16
J
John 16:12, 282
Jones, Blue, 101–3, 104, 109
Joy, Emily, 31n
K
kissing, 2, 5, 11, 13, 119
as being impure and, 12
first kiss, ideally from husband, 8, 13, 24, 77, 135–36
“half-kiss,” 13, 13n, 70
“kissginity,” 175
lack of, woman in late twenties, 121
purity and, rules for, 77–78
shame and, 6
Klein, Linda Kay, 244–45
adolescent sexuality of, 2–3, 3n, 4, 39–40
approval sought by, 54–55
in Australia, study abroad program, 42–44, 104
born again, 38, 56, 58
breaking free and, 33–34, 198, 252–53, 257
“church” at home and, 284–85, 287
denial of pain, 48, 49
denial of sexual passion and, 4–6
desire to be pure and breakup with boyfriend, 2–3, 4–6, 39–40, 156, 156n
diagnosis of IBS then Crohn’s disease, 44, 48, 49–50, 55
eczema and, 183–84, 187
evangelical church left by, 7, 192, 256, 284
family joins evangelical church, 38
fear of pregnancy (without having sex), 7, 183–84, 188, 189–90, 191, 195
fears and anxiety, linked to church’s messages, 7, 33, 183–84, 186, 187–88, 191–92
gender and sexuality expectations and, 109, 110–11
as “good girl,” 107–8, 110
identity as Christian/evangelical, 38, 56–58
investigation of impact of purity movement on women, 7–8, 31–32, 31n, 193
living at home, at age thirty and unresolved shame, 249–54, 257
mother’s religion and, 37, 251, 253, 254–56, 258
in NYC choir, 285–87
pleasing God as sacrifice and denial, 1–2, 1n, 40
prayer and, 37–38, 39, 41, 47
relationship with God, 33–34, 38, 47, 255–56
religious upbringing of, 37–39, 250–51
at Sarah Lawrence College, 104, 105–6, 109–11, 184–86, 185n
self-awareness and, 110–14
self-discovery of, 40–41
sexual naïveté and dysfunction, 6–7, 184, 186–87, 198
sexual shame triggered in, 191
shame and self-image of, 6, 7, 101–3
study of songwriting and performance (with Blue Jones), 101–4, 109, 110–14
suffering and, 42, 48, 54
surgeries of, 37, 50–51, 52, 53, 103, 106
as taboo, 3n
term stumbling block seen as double standard by, 3–4
voice of (squeaky girl), 101–2, 104, 108, 110–11, 114, 255
“woman-power song” by, 111–13
wounds and scars and, 258
writing her book, 249–54, 256–57
years as an evangelical, 38–39
as youth group leader, 106–7
youth group retreat and identifying with subculture, 56–61
youth pastor of, discovered to be a sexual predator, 43, 53, 104
Knowles, Solange, 150n
L
LaHaye, Tim, 135
Latter-day Saints (Mormons), 27, 237
Leaving the Fold (Winell), 140
LGBTQ+ individuals and community, 47n, 61, 127, 158, 200, 201, 201n, 213, 270–84
acceptance and, 204, 209
church’s reaction to, 201–2
Eli, formerly Elizabeth, and purity movement’s messages for girls, 199–210, 200n
ex-gay ministries, 200, 201, 204, 214, 231
Highlands Church, Denver, Colo., 271–80
lesbian Pride parade, NYC, 285–86
LifeJourney Church, Indianapolis, Ind., 280–84
“Many Voices” group and, 261
sex and, 209–10
sexuality and identity, 275, 279
sexual violence against, 236n
LifeJourney Church, Indianapolis, Ind., 280–84
Life on the Edge (Dobson), 134–35
London School of Theology, 116, 116n
Lotz, Anne Graham, 163
M
man-made girls, 101–14
marriage, 22, 22n, 23, 24, 25, 116–17, 117n, 122–23, 133–48, 141n, 195n, 211, 223, 261
example, sexual ignorance and intercourse, 133–37, 140
premarital sex and, 28, 194
as primary goal for women, 160–79
purity movement and sex within, 137–38
sexual difficulties in, 133–48, 141n
sexual enjoyment and, 122–23, 137–40
tiger/lamb language and hypersexuality, 139–40
masturbation, 122–27, 140, 235
as being impure and, 12
Christian teaching on, 127–29
double standard for women, 128–29, 129n
as sex play, 147
shame and, 128, 145
Matthew, Gospel of
22, 273–74
22:46, 274
McClair, Rachael, 270–74
McKenzie, Keisha, 264–65, 268
Mennonites, 19
Merzenich, Michael, 188
Me Too movement, 31–32, 31n
Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC), 282
Milano, Alyssa, 31n
Miller, Jean Baker, 202–3
Miner, Jeff, 270–84, 283n
modesty doctrine, 30, 92, 166
Morgan, Jenny, 271–72
Mormon church, 27, 237
Morris, Desmond
Intimate Behaviour, 134–35
N
National Association of Evangelicals (NAE), 17, 20
National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, 27, 78
19 Kids and Counting (TV show), 235
nondenominational evangelical churches, 19
No Shame Movement, 259–69, 259n
O
Obama, Barack, 25, 95
object lessons, 8–10, 9n, 21, 23, 152–53, 237–38
OKCupid (online dating site), 220, 229, 229n
One Punk Under God (TV show), 156
Otto, Rudolf, 47
Our Whole Lives (OWL) program, 152n, 276, 276n, 277n, 279
P
Paasch, Hannah, 31n
Pagitt, Doug, 23, 26
Parker, Rebecca Ann
Proverbs of Ashes, 48–49
Passion & Purity (Elliot), 5, 262
Pathways Church, Denver, Colo., 270–71
Paul of Tarsus, Saint
Romans 14 and, 29–30
Peretti, Frank, 19, 19n
Piper, John
What’s the Difference?, 164
pornography, 11, 125, 127, 135, 136, 231, 232, 235, 277, 277n
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 8, 16, 171, 172
prayer, 148
communal, 47
group, or concert of, 2, 2n, 6
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