by Rachel Quinn
Briana piled some more peat bricks on to the dying embers of the fire, and they sat around it, Mammy on the chair, the others sitting cross-legged on the floor, waiting for the peat to catch and burn.
‘So, when are you going back to America?’ Mammy said.
‘Oh, we only have a month or so left in Belfast,’ he replied.
‘That gives you time to see to the business in Dublin, I’ll be supposing?’
Marvin frowned, surprised for a second, then said, ‘Exactly.’ He nodded and drew breath. ‘Hey, it’s a shame I didn’t come here in the summer, huh? We could have enjoyed the drive for a little while longer.’
‘Twas grand,’ Aileen said. ‘Mammy doesn’t have too many treats these days.’
‘It was a pleasure to take you out, Mrs Sweeney.’
‘Ah, twas very kind of you,’ she replied. ‘And tell me now, will we be seeing you again before you go back home?’
‘Well, uh . . .’ Marvin smiled awkwardly and gave his head a quick scratch. ‘I was about to mention that. It’s been great meeting you all, but I have a free day tomorrow.’ He turned to Aileen. ‘I was wondering whether you’d like to spend the day with me, Aileen?’
‘Just the two of you?’ Briana said.
Marvin shrugged. ‘I mean . . . if that’s okay . . .’ He addressed Aileen again. ‘If you want to, that is. I mean, if you’re free.’
Aileen hesitated, unsure what this meant for her.
‘I’d understand if you’d rather not,’ he said, his brow straining under a frown. ‘But, you know, we might not see each other again. Ever.’
‘Would you mind?’ Aileen asked her mother.
‘Sure, no,’ Aileen’s mother said. ‘Tis only a day. And where were you thinking of taking her, Marvin?’
‘Well, Dublin, I guess.’
‘Dublin?’ she replied, a hint of fear on her face as she glanced at Aileen.
‘Or . . . or not. I was thinking of a whole day. Tell me if I’m missing something here, but I thought I’d pick Aileen up in the morning. We could go to Dublin for lunch, then visit Phoenix Park – you know, the zoo there. Then I thought we could take dinner and catch a show in the evening.’
‘The theatre?’ Mrs Sweeney asked.
He nodded. ‘Why, sure.’
‘Sounds grand to me,’ Briana said.
‘Well . . .’ Her mother thought for a moment. ‘You could hardly do any of that in Leetown, I suppose.’
‘And all paid for,’ Marvin added. He turned to Aileen. ‘How about it? One last hurrah before I sail back home?’
‘All right,’ Aileen said. She forced a smile; it came more easily than she expected. ‘You know, I think I need a little cheering up.’
‘Really?’ he said, his face appearing to brighten a shade. ‘That’d be just great.’
A few minutes later Marvin had gone, waved away and thanked even as the jeep turned the corner and drove out of sight.
Aileen, Briana and their mother stood outside the cottage for a moment, as if Marvin was likely to come back at any minute and say he’d forgotten something.
‘I’m glad you’re going,’ Aileen’s mother said to her. ‘He’ll help you forget about that other one, so he will.’
‘If anyone can, he certainly can,’ Briana muttered, still staring up the road.
Aileen nodded thoughtfully and addressed them both. ‘You do know he’s only a friend, don’t you?’
‘Wouldn’t we all love to have friends like that,’ Briana said. ‘He’s taking you to a show at the theatre – a show. I’ve never been to a show. You have the actors right in front of you, apparently.’
‘And I know . . .’ Aileen’s mother said, pain cracking her face, ‘I know you’ve had a tough few weeks, Aileen. You’re needing a little enjoyment, so y’are.’
Aileen glanced over to the corner around which the jeep had just disappeared. ‘Maybe you’re right, Mammy. Maybe a treat is exactly what I need.’
Chapter 28
The next day Marvin turned up as arranged, right on the dot, this time in a truck with a covered cabin. As Aileen’s mother noticed him arrive, she remarked on how thoughtful he was – that he’d obviously learned from the chilling they’d received the day before and didn’t want Aileen to get cold, or perhaps that he’d had the foresight to plan for rain.
Marvin assured Aileen’s parents he would take care of her and return her well before midnight, and they left for Dublin.
After a lunch of potted shrimp and fresh bread, they whiled away the afternoon strolling between the cages of the zoo at Phoenix Park, Aileen entertaining Marvin with more stories of Leetown, but mostly Marvin telling Aileen about the life he was looking forward to getting back to. He talked about the job that was lined up for him in the city, the car he was going to look for – a Chevy Deluxe or perhaps a Hudson Commodore if he could afford it – and the food he was longing to taste again, particularly white hot dogs, grape pie, and pizza of any variety. Aileen hadn’t heard of those, but the talk of food made them both hungry.
Dinner was roast beef at a hotel restaurant where the prices almost made Aileen faint, after which they queued in the rain for the theatre – although Marvin had thoughtfully brought an umbrella and held it directly over Aileen so she didn’t get wet, even though she spied quite a few drops going down the back of his neck.
After Briana’s mention of actors the previous day, it turned out that there were none – it was a variety show, with singers, dancers, musicians and a man telling jokes that Aileen somehow laughed at even though she didn’t understand.
After a quick drink in a pub that they both said was too noisy for any meaningful conversation, they headed for the truck.
Marvin’s walk was more of a lope, and he’d gone a little quiet.
‘Are y’all right?’ Aileen asked.
He smiled, but it was a strained smile under sad eyes. ‘Just a shame it’s all over. I, uh, really enjoyed the evening. Thank you so much.’
‘Tis me who should be thanking you, Marvin. You paid for everything.’
He stopped walking and looked up and down the street with the air of a guilty man about to confess. He took a deep breath, then faced her directly. They were inches apart, and Aileen could sense his eyes searching her face. What he was searching for, she wasn’t completely sure, although she was getting a little fearful.
‘What?’ she said. ‘What is it?’
‘Uh . . .’ He ran the palm of his hand up and down the back of his head, pausing to rub his neck. ‘Hey, could we meet again?’ he said eventually. ‘Would you . . . would you like that?’
‘I thought this was a goodbye evening?’
His face flushed as he struggled to compose a reply.
‘Ah, that’ll be grand, Marvin. Of course we can see each other again. We’re friends, aren’t we?’
She grabbed his arm and held it. ‘I’m awful cold. C’mon and let’s get going.’
They returned to the truck and started the journey back to Leetown, first driving through the city lights, then out into the darkness of the countryside.
The shafts of light in front of Aileen – and within them the flashes of stone, dirt and insects – mesmerized her and let her mind wander for the first time that day. It occurred to her that thoughts of Niall hadn’t entered her head for a whole day, and it made her smile inside with secret pride. Well, that wasn’t completely true. In the morning, waiting for Marvin to arrive, she’d felt a little sorry for both herself and Niall, but that was only natural. And there was also the man in Phoenix Park who she couldn’t keep her eyes off until he turned to face her. Only now did she realize why she’d stared: he looked like Niall from the side. Of course, she’d also thought about him when Marvin had parked close to the Liffey and she’d fondly recollected their walks, arm in arm, along the riverside. There had also been the shoeshine man across the road from the theatre. He didn’t look anything like Niall, but she felt a little guilty about spending money – albeit not her own �
� on entertainment while some people could hardly afford to eat. The sight of him had made Niall’s face pop into her mind for just a second.
So, perhaps she had thought of him. The point of her day had been to forget about her old love and accept that life would go on without him, and that she could still find a happiness of sorts. But that would take time. She’d only seen him five days ago after all – she shouldn’t expect miracles.
A jolt from a pothole brought an apology from Marvin. It also knocked Aileen out of her reflections, and in doing so gave her an odd sensation. She had to forget about Niall, but there was a nagging feeling that . . . well, it almost felt that trying to forget him was somehow a betrayal.
She told herself not to think that way, that Niall was gone. Niall was gone. She just had to forget him. Otherwise she would end up driving herself mad. Marvin was a good man too – he’d tried his best to cheer her up.
She shuffled along the seat and rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Thank you,’ she said softly.
‘You’ve had a nice day, huh?’
‘Grand.’ She shifted, nuzzling her cheek against his upper arm. ‘Well, much more than grand.’
‘Good,’ he said. ‘That was all I ever wanted out of today.’ He glanced down and tried to flash one of his perfect white smiles.
But things were far from perfect, and in her heart Aileen knew it.
They drove on through the darkness, talking about the best parts of the theatre show – Marvin liked the musicians most as he was planning to learn to play the guitar when he finally got back home, whereas Aileen had delighted in the spectacle of the dancers with their sequinned suits and flawless make-up. The conversation stopped when they hit a patch of dense mist and Marvin needed all his powers of concentration to follow the road.
‘Tis just rolling in across the sea,’ Aileen said. ‘Happens a lot.’
‘I think I need to stop.’
By now they were travelling at little more than walking pace. Aileen peered out at the light thrown by the headlights, most of it now bouncing right back right at her. ‘I suppose that’s the safest thing,’ she said.
Marvin said nothing, but slowed even more, eventually pulling up on to the next level patch of grass by the side of the road. He switched the engine off, gave her a smile, and looked ahead again.
‘Marvin?’ she said.
‘What?’
‘You never had any business to sort out in Dublin, did you?’
He didn’t answer, just leaned back and folded his arms.
‘What’s happening?’ Aileen said. ‘You’re starting to scare me a little now.’
That was a lie. Marvin was as trustworthy a man as Aileen had ever met. She felt safe with him. Always.
‘There’s nothing for you to worry about,’ he said after a few moments. ‘But . . . we need to talk. Well, I need to talk, to say something to you.’
Aileen knew it was likely to be something she didn’t want to hear – at least not yet, not so soon.
‘You’re right,’ he said, still staring ahead into the gloom. ‘About the business in Dublin. I just wanted to see you again. Was that wrong?’
‘Well, we’re friends.’
‘Sure, we are. I just wanted to talk to you, to ask you something. And, uh, I’m not sure how you’re gonna take it.’
‘Can’t you ask me when we get back to the cottage?’
Only now did he turn to her, and she saw a little anguish carving itself on to his face: lips that twitched, eyes a little fiercer than anything she’d thought possible for ‘Square Marvin’.
‘You remember me telling you about Earl?’
‘Earl?’
‘My kid brother,’ he said breathlessly.
‘Well, yes, but you didn’t tell me exactly what happened.’
‘See, when we were young, I was always the straight one, doing the safe thing, not taking risks. When we were kids and climbed trees, he would always have to go higher than me. When we swam in the river he always seemed driven – compelled by something inside him – to go in deeper than me.’
‘You must miss him.’
‘Oh, sure. I’m also still a little jealous.’
‘Jealous?’
‘Even when we got older it was the same. He was always telling me I should live a little, let go before it’s too late, before life passes right on by.’
‘I can understand that.’
‘Father always called him impetuous. By the time I worked out what that word meant the die was set and I knew I’d never be like Earl. Of course, his die was set too. He got used to acting without thinking things through. The opposite of me. And a few years down the line, in the war, when he was fighting in Guadalcanal . . . well, all I can say is, if he hadn’t been quite so impetuous he might still be here.’
‘I’m so sorry about your brother, Marvin, but surely that tells you that you’re fine as you are? You’re a lovely man, so y’are, and you shouldn’t spend your life wishing to be someone you’re not.’
He showed her a sad smile. ‘Thank you, Aileen. That means a lot to me.’ He drew a long breath. ‘I was gonna ask – and go ahead, tell me if I’m being too personal – are you still seeing the guy who joined the British Army?’
‘Niall. His name’s Niall.’
‘Yes. Forgive me – Niall.’
‘And no. I’ll not be seeing him again, so I don’t want to talk about him.’
Now there was some relief on his face, those square shoulders of his settling down, relaxing. ‘But what if I can have those things my brother had?’ he said. ‘What if I can change?’
‘People don’t change that much, Marvin. And like I say, you’re fine as you are.’
‘And what about you, Aileen? Could you change?’
She tried to blot out the question, shaking her head to throw the thought off, and settling her gaze outside. ‘I think the sea mist has just about rolled by,’ she said. ‘Should we, ah . . .’
‘You wanna go now? Is that it?’
‘Oh, it’s not because of you, Marvin. It’s just that it’s a bit dangerous parked on the side of the road like this.’
He took a long sigh through his nose, the sort Aileen’s father often performed to calm himself down. He nodded, stopped as if he wasn’t quite sure how to start the engine, then reached across and turned the key.
‘Thank you for the talk,’ he said.
‘Well, thank you for the day out,’ she replied.
The truck pulled out into the road, the talk ended, and Aileen told herself the lack of conversation was somehow comforting. Like best friends, she and Marvin didn’t need to talk.
Twenty minutes later the truck pulled up outside the cottage.
‘Would you like to come in?’ she said after he walked around to open her door.
He kept his head bowed. ‘I’d better scram,’ he said, helping her down. ‘It was, uh, a lovely day.’
‘It was lovely for me too, Marvin. I . . . ah . . . I hope we can still be friends.’
‘Sure,’ he said, smiling but not looking at her. ‘Goodbye then.’
‘Oh, right. Goodbye, Marvin.’
He climbed into the truck and drove off.
Aileen watched the truck’s tail lights disappear around the corner and wondered whether that was the last time she would ever see Marvin. If so, it would be a crying shame. Perhaps she should have said more. Perhaps she should have told him the reason why she couldn’t talk about Niall – that tomorrow he too would be leaving for America.
It was a painful coincidence. There were two men in her life. One who she wanted to be with so badly it made her very soul weep, but who she had to forget. Another who she just wanted to be friends with, but who clearly couldn’t accept that.
Both were bound for America, and she might never see either of them again.
By this late hour everyone in the Sweeney household had gone to bed, so there were no lights. Aileen stumbled in the darkness, taking careful baby steps toward the back of the
house, to the toilet shed. She used it with the door open so what little moonlight there was stopped her being in complete blackness. She stumbled back to the house, dark and silent as a mausoleum – without even any snoring tonight – and got into bed with Briana.
‘Did you have a good time?’ Briana whispered.
‘I’ll tell y’about it in the morning.’
And with that, Aileen was alone with her thoughts once more.
Tomorrow was going to be hard to take. She’d hoped today would help her forget about Niall, forget about his ship leaving Dublin, but it was wishful thinking. Broken hopes and dreams would not allow themselves to be put aside so easily. Perhaps the Lord would help?
Please, God, can you make it so that tomorrow morning doesn’t exist, that I sleep until the afternoon, that whenever I wake up the morning hasn’t happened, that I don’t have to know anything about it.
Why had her life become so complicated? Perhaps it was for the best that both Niall and Marvin were leaving. Perhaps now she could concentrate on getting a job, earning some money and helping the family survive. It had worked for Briana; she didn’t have a man in her life and she seemed happy enough.
Of course, with Marvin – if she’d liked him ‘that way’ as Mammy would put it – she would never really need money. He would take care of her, would pay for everything. And he would treat her well. She was sure of that if nothing else. That was nice, what every girl wanted. He was, as Mammy and Briana kept pointing out, kind and generous as well as a handsome, fine figure of a man.
But what a mess, what a loss, and what a storm whirled around in Aileen’s mind as she stilled herself in the damp darkness. The storm raged for an hour or so before, exhausted, she finally fell asleep.
Chapter 29
Aileen awoke to daylight, and within seconds her closing thoughts from the night before returned. Oh, for some respite from those thoughts, for something else to occupy her mind.
But the daylight fighting its way through the curtains told her it couldn’t have been that early. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and lifted her head. She was the only one in the bedroom – Briana and their three brothers were already up.