Torn: Original Sin Prequel

by Hart, Stella

  We had photos of the explosions and other awful events, as some of the explorers had found functional cameras hidden in the rubble of cities and towns during their journeys out into the Wastelands. The old owners of the cameras must’ve taken the photos just before they were killed.

  My father told us there were some survivors other than us, but they were scattered all over the place. The brave men from our flock who regularly wandered out to the Wastelands—including my father—would trade with these surviving groups for food and other necessities when they came across them. This was fortunate as it ensured we always had supplies to cook with.

  Occasionally one or two of the survivors from other places made their way to us, and if they were found to be compatible with our way of life, they were allowed to join the flock. That was rare, though.

  Despite all the horrors and destruction of the Great Reckoning, our God had been extremely generous with our church. The ranch had been unaffected by the bombs, because He shielded it with a ring of angels and ensured it would be unblemished by the effects of nuclear fallout.

  Still, the men knew they had to do their best to keep the girls safe as our bodies were more fragile and susceptible to radiation damage. Because of this, females were almost never allowed above the surface, just in case. We remained in the confines of the shelter at all times, except for one day in spring every year when the weddings happened, along with the occasional bonfire festival where we would burn effigies of the Devil.

  We were also allowed above ground to watch whenever an execution needed to be carried out. Even in this place, our wonderful paradise, there was still the occasional act of sin which needed to be punished.

  “Jolie.”

  I looked away from the cross to see Elena standing by the door to my room. She was clad in a dark gray full-length long-sleeved dress, an outfit worn by all the wives. I was still unmarried, which meant I had to wear a light blue dress at all times.

  Elena had been married to Elder Landry for three years now. There was once a time when she found his son Adam attractive, but that was long ago. A different lifetime. Adam would become the husband of one of the much younger girls when they finally reached fruition a few years from now. Until then, he would work in the fields outside and occasionally venture out into the Wastelands for supplies.

  “Hello.” I smiled at Elena and stood up. “Sorry, I was just praying.”

  “I saw. I brought you something from the kitchens.”

  “Oh?”

  She held out a small slice of cake. One of the women had made it for the men to celebrate their recent return from the Wastelands. They told us they’d come across a nearby farm with a band of survivors who’d managed to grow wheat in their fields, which had been miraculously spared from any nuclear damage. They also grew cocoa beans and produced powder from this. In return for some of the sugar our men farmed in the fields of New Eden and the eggs our chickens produced in their coops above ground, the outsiders had traded us many bags of wheat flour and a few small bags of the cocoa powder too.

  Chocolate cake was a rare, decadent treat, so we made sure it only went to the boys and men after baking it. After all, they were above us in our world, and they did so much for us. They deserved it.

  “Lauren and I saved you a piece,” Elena explained. “She wanted to come and give it to you as well, but it was her turn to take care of the preparations for tonight’s Joining ritual.”

  Lauren was a friend of ours. When we were children, we hadn’t really spoken to her much, as she’d attended a different school in another town near Amiens, so we only ever saw her at church on Sundays. Now that we lived at New Eden together, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She wasn’t as bright as Elena, but she was the sweetest and friendliest girl I knew.

  My eyes widened as I looked at the cake she and Elena had managed to sneak out of the kitchen for me. “Why? It was for the men.”

  “It was your birthday yesterday. We thought you deserved it,” Elena said.

  She was right. Yesterday marked the first day of my eighteenth year. We didn’t celebrate birthdays here, at least not for the girls or women, so I hadn’t said anything to anyone about it.

  I smiled and accepted the slice before breaking it in half. “I’ll only eat it if you share it with me.”

  She grinned. “Of course.”

  “I just wish Lauren could have some too. Where did you say she was?”

  “Preparations for the Joining. She must light all the candles and ensure the oils, ropes, and punishment tools are ready.”

  “Oh. Of course.” My stomach flopped around in a strange way. The Joining rituals simultaneously fascinated and frightened me. I hadn’t been allowed to participate in one yet, as I hadn’t officially become a woman.

  As if reading my thoughts, Elena tilted her head slightly to the side and spoke up. “Forgive me for prying into your business, but I recently spoke with the Healer about you and your… condition. Sorry. I’m not sure what else to call it.”

  My cheeks flushed with warmth. “It’s fine. My father has spoken with him too.”

  “So you know why you haven’t begun your monthly bleeding, then,” she said with a nod. “Hopefully the cake will help.”

  Most of the other girls in New Eden reached fruition between the ages of thirteen and sixteen. Sometimes even younger. But not me. I grew the breasts and other curves of a woman when I was around fourteen or fifteen, along with hair in strange places, but I still hadn’t bled.

  New Eden’s Healer had examined me after my father took me to him and raised his concerns. Apparently it was very rare for a girl to be in this situation at my age. Fortunately, there was nothing wrong with me. The Healer said it could happen sometimes, especially in very slim girls like me. I had what he referred to as a fast metabolism, and I couldn’t gain weight no matter how much I ate. As a result, apart from my breasts and hips, I had very little fat on my body. Apparently this could halt the bleeding.

  He said it was only a matter of time until I reached fruition, though, as there was nothing physically wrong with me. Once it happened, I would be assigned a husband for the next spring wedding ceremony. It was actually spring right now, but the weddings only happened on one day in April, and that had already passed. Even if I started bleeding this month, I would have to wait another eleven months until my marriage.

  Girls who were of age but unmarried were obligated to participate in the weekly Joining rituals with everyone else. This served two purposes. Firstly, it satisfied the unmarried men—there were more of them than there were available young women—and secondly, it taught the women more about their role in society and what would be expected of them once they were married.

  It was important that we learn how to pleasure the men during these Joinings. Obviously, women weren’t supposed to gain pleasure from it, as this was a sin, but men had earned the right to feel pleasure during sexual acts as a reward for always taking care of women.

  A married woman could be used by her husband in any way for him to obtain pleasure, including the way which led to babies being born. The women who had reached fruition but were not yet married were only permitted to be used in other ways.

  I’d heard these other ways could be painful, but that was good. Pain meant sin was leaving the body, and as all females were responsible for the origination of sin in this world, it was our job to experience and withstand it. This was why our God had made childbirth painful, among other things which men did not have to endure.

  I was looking forward to my first Joining ritual for this very reason. I knew I needed to feel lots of pain to wipe away the sin from my mind and body, because there was a lot of it. I was practically riddled with it.

  I discovered this when I accidentally witnessed a girl fornicating with her husband a few months ago. She was lucky, because her husband was relatively young and quite handsome, unlike most of the other men in this place.

  I’d walked into the particular room they were lyi
ng in as I’d been assigned with the task of cleaning it. Of course, I didn’t know the man had chosen that moment to visit the women’s wing to be with his wife.

  It was the first time I’d ever seen anything like it. I’d heard about it before, and I’d subsequently pictured it in my head, but usually those pictures weren’t nice as the men were so much older and quite unattractive. This man, however…

  Even now, the memory stirred something deep within. The man was tanned and muscular from working the fields, and the way he gripped his wife’s hips as he roughly drove into her from behind sparked a strange throbbing sensation deep inside my belly.

  In that moment, I wished I was the girl in that situation, submitting to her man. I wished I was the one being held down and thrust into as slapping and grunting sounds echoed throughout the room. I wished I was the one being controlled by the man and forced to cater to his every whim so that he could commune with the divine and reach his climax.

  I knew right then and there that my body was swarming with sin. It was my most shameful secret.

  The worst part was how easily it happened. How quickly the warm sensation flooded my body. It left me with a powerful understanding of how and why so many people had been tempted by lust back in the days before the cataclysm. They had all been punished, though, so at least there was that.

  I had many nightmares after that day, ones in which I was being punished for lust as well. The dreams would haunt me for hours before finally dissolving in my brain as I clawed my way to consciousness, panting and drenched in sweat. Sometimes I even woke up screaming.

  I averted my eyes from Elena, lest she see the shame in my eyes. She’d always been smart, however, and she caught on to my mood immediately. “Are you all right, Jolie?” she asked. “You have an odd look on your face.”

  “I was just…” I grasped for an excuse. “I was thinking about the old world. That’s all.”

  The lie felt like acid on my tongue, but I couldn’t admit the truth. What if she told someone else and word traveled back to my father or one of the Elders?

  Elena nodded slowly. “We aren’t supposed to,” she said. “But I think about it too. All the things I remember. I dream about it too.” She hesitated for a moment. “May I confess something to you?”

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  “Sneaking the cake away isn’t the only sinful act I have engaged in recently.” She paused, as if to gauge my response.

  My heart began to thud. I loved Elena dearly, so I hoped she hadn’t done anything too bad. Sins were punished quickly and severely here, as had been decreed by our God. For example, a month or so ago, a young woman close to our age had her tongue cut out for blaspheming. She was very fortunate, though, as she would still be able to live here and have children. That was the most important thing in our world—producing babies.

  Back in the old times, girls and women had many things to worry about. Too many things. Jobs. Education. Boyfriends. Looks. It poisoned their minds and enslaved them in all sorts of rituals they needn’t have worried about. My father had freed us all from those old societal chains so that we could focus on our true calling, which was to have babies, serve men, and care for the children.

  The young woman who had dared to say bad things against our God already had three children. If she’d said something worse—I dared not even think the exact words of what she actually said, let alone repeat it—she may have been put to death. She had proven her worth to our society with her fertility, though, so as long as she was unable to speak ever again, she would remain a valuable member of the flock and produce many more children.

  “What have you done, Elena?” I asked, my eyes wide.

  Her cheeks reddened. “When I went to speak with the Healer, I told him it was out of concern for you. I was concerned, but I had another motive too. I wanted to see him. He is nicer than the other men. I like to…” She bit her bottom lip. “I like to look at him. But that’s all I do. Look. It makes me feel good.”

  For a second, my tongue was tied. I’d never felt such a flood of relief. I wasn’t the only one thinking sinful thoughts about attractive men.

  “I know I’m married,” she added hurriedly. “And the only man I should want to look at is my husband or Prophet Jacob. But I—”

  I held up a hand. “It’s fine,” I said. “You don’t need to explain yourself. I understand.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you won’t report me?” Her eyes were wide as saucers.

  It was difficult to know what you could tell people at New Eden sometimes, even the other girls you thought of as close friends. You never knew what someone might decide to report to the Elders for investigation, so it was usually best to keep things to yourself if you thought they might violate the doctrines, no matter how small they might seem. Elena had taken an enormous risk by confiding her secret in me.

  “As long as you don’t report me. I’ve also had such thoughts on occasion,” I admitted. It felt good to say it out loud and be brave for a moment, like I used to be when I was a child in the old world.

  Elena’s face fell with relief. Tension seemed to melt from her shoulders. “Thank you. I really needed to get it off my chest. I felt like I might lose my mind if I didn’t.”

  “Believe me, I understand.”

  “Why do you think it happens?” she asked, her voice low and tentative. “I know we aren’t supposed to think things like that about men, but I do anyway. It’s like it’s totally beyond my control.”

  I hesitated. “I believe we have these thoughts because we lived in the old world for several years before we came here. We couldn’t help but be influenced by it, because we didn’t know any better back then. We still carry so much from that time. That’s why my father and the other Elders forbid us to speak or think about it. They need us to forget it all and act like proper women.”

  Elena nodded slowly. I could tell she didn’t believe what I was saying any more than I did. We both knew there was something else behind our feelings toward certain men. Something deeper which stirred that fiery yearning within. Whether it was the Devil or something else causing it, I wasn’t certain. All I knew for sure was that it made me feel a soul-crushing sense of guilt.

  It was filthy. Immoral. Wicked.

  Despite the feelings of guilt and the knowledge of how wrong it was, I would never betray Elena. She was my friend, and it would be hypocritical of me if I reported her, seeing as I had experienced similar feelings of lust toward men. Besides, she couldn’t help her feelings any more than I could help mine. It was a flaw we had as women, natural-born sinners that we were. As long as her husband punished her enough, she would be redeemed in our God’s eyes. It wasn’t up to me to get her in trouble.

  “Are you looking forward to the day you finally reach fruition?” she asked me, eyes bright with curiosity.

  I swallowed a small mouthful of cake. “Yes, of course. I can’t wait to participate in the Joining rituals,” I said as I wiped the crumbs from my lips.

  Elena was silent for a beat. Then another. “You are fortunate that you have been able to wait so long,” she finally said in a low voice. “The pain the men make us endure is not quite as gratifying as you may have been led to believe.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I was torn between the lessons I’d been taught about all females deserving pain and the contradictory words my best friend had just spoken. My father was the divine Prophet, so I knew he wouldn’t spread falsehoods, but at the same time, Elena had no reason to mislead me either.

  Was there some way they could both be right?

  I would have to think it over when I had more time.

  Elena must’ve taken my silence to mean that she’d said something wrong, because her demeanor quickly changed. She stood up straighter and her voice turned somewhat higher. “Of course, it is your duty to endure the pain. Our duty,” she said. “For Him.”

  “For Him,” I echoed.

  “
I must go. The ritual will begin soon. You should go too,” she said. She turned and briskly stepped out of my room.

  As she left, I was struck with the strange feeling that I’d missed something, but I couldn’t think what.

  I quickly finished my slice of cake, said another prayer, and hurried down the narrow hall. As I wasn’t permitted to participate in the Joining rituals yet, it was my duty to watch over the children and babies in one of the larger nursery rooms. I wasn’t alone in my duty. There were several other girls who were old enough to care for children but had not yet reached fruition, so they shared this task with me every week. I was simply the oldest.

  When I arrived, the women who had children were already dropping them off to be cared for. I put the babies in cradles and set the children up on a rug on the floor with some toys and copies of His Word for the older ones to read.

  One of the girls on care duty with me, a thirteen-year-old named Shandie, approached me around half an hour later. “Some of the children are complaining about hunger.”

  “They had dinner. I’m sure they’ll be fine,” I said with a wry smile. Children could be so crafty about obtaining extra snacks for themselves.

  “It’s the boys,” she whispered.

  “Oh, you should’ve said so,” I replied, wiping my hands on the front of my dress. “I’ll go and fetch something from the kitchens for them.”

  Unlike girls, boys had to be fed whenever they said they were hungry. They grew up to be men, who were usually much bigger and stronger than women, so it made sense that they would require a lot more sustenance than us, especially when they were still growing.

  I headed out of the nursery and turned left. The flames of candles held in sconces on the walls flickered in the air coming through the ventilation shafts, bathing the hall in an eerie yellow-orange glow. I shivered and hurried toward the kitchen. I didn’t like fire, even in little candles. It reminded me of how much the people above ground had suffered when all the bombs dropped and ravaged the world. They may have been sinners, but I still pitied them for that terrible pain.