The Pirates of Ersatz

by Murray Leinster

  V

  Hoddan swore from the depths of a very considerable vocabulary.

  "You (censored)--(deleted)--(omitted)--(unprintability)", he roared."Get back up on your horse or I blast you and leave you for Ghek's mento handle when they're able to move about again! Get back on that horse!One--two--"

  The man got back on the horse.

  "Now go on ahead," rasped Hoddan. "All of you! I'm going to count you!"

  The dozen horsemen from Don Loris' stronghold rode reluctantly on ahead.He did count them. He rode on, shepherding them before him.

  "Ghek," he told them in a blood-curdling tone, "has a bigger prize thanany cash you'll plunder from one of his shot-down retainers! He's gotthe Lady Fani! He won't stop before he has her behind castle walls!We've got to catch up with him! Do you want to try to climb into hiscastle by your fingernails? You'll do it if he gets there first!"

  The horses moved a little faster. Thal said with surprising humility:

  "If we force our horses too much, they'll be exhausted before we cancatch up."

  "Figure it out," snapped Hoddan. "We have to catch up!"

  He settled down to more of the acute discomfort that riding was to him.He did not think again of the ambush. It had happened, and it hadfailed. Four-fifths of the raiding party that had fought its way intoDon Loris' stronghold and out again, had been waiting for pursuers atopa certain bit of rising ground. They'd known their pursuers must comethis way. There were certain passes through the low but rugged hills.One went this way or that, but no other. Their blood already warmed bypast fighting, when Hoddan and his dozen seemed to ride right intodestruction, they flung themselves into a charge.

  But Hoddan had a stun-pistol set for continuous fire. He used it like ahose or a machine gun, painstakingly sweeping it across the night beforehim, neither too fast nor too slowly. It affected the rushing followersof Lord Ghek exactly as if it had been an oversized meat-chopper. Theywent down. Only three men remained in their saddles--they'd probablybeen sheltered by the bodies of men ahead. Hoddan attended to thosethree with individual, personalized stun-pistol bolts--and immediatelyhad trouble with his men, who wanted to dismount and plunder theirfallen enemies.

  He wouldn't even let them collect the horses of the men now out ofaction. It would cost time, and Ghek wouldn't be losing any that hecould help. With a raging, trembling girl as prisoner, most men wouldwant to get her behind battlements as soon as possible. But Hoddan knewthat his party was slowed down by him. Presently he began to feelbitterly sure that Ghek would reach his castle before he was overtaken.

  "This place he's heading for," he said discouragedly to Thal. "Anychance of our rushing it?"

  "Oh, no!" said Thal dolefully. "Ten men could hold it against athousand!"

  "Then can't we make better time?"

  Thal said resignedly:

  "Ghek probably had fresh horses waiting, so he could keep on at topspeed in his flight. I doubt we will catch him, now."

  "The Lady Fani," said Hoddan bitterly, "has put me in a fix so if Idon't fight him I'm ruined!"

  "Disgraced," corrected Thal. He said mournfully, "It's the same thing."

  * * * * *

  Gloom descended on the whole party as it filled their leaders.Insensibly, the pace of the horses slackened still more. They had donewell. But a horse that can cover fifty miles a day at its own gait, canbe exhausted in ten or less, if pushed. By the time Hoddan and his menwere within two miles of Ghek's castle, their mounts were extremelyreluctant to move faster than a walk. At a mile, they were kept inmotion only by kicks.

  The route they followed was specific. There was no choice of routes,here in the hills. They could only follow every twist and turn of thetrail, among steep mountain-flanks and minor peaks. But suddenly theycame to a clear wide valley, yellow cressets burned at its upper end, nomore than half a mile distant. They showed a castle gate, open, with thelast of a party of horsemen filing into it. Even as Hoddan swore, thegate closed. Faint shouts of triumph came from inside the castle wallsto the completely frustrated pursuers without.

  "I'd have bet on this," said Hoddan miserably. "Stop here, Thal. Pickout a couple of your more hang-dog characters and fix them up with theirhands apparently tied behind their backs. We take a breather for fiveminutes--no more."

  He would not let any man dismount. He shifted himself about on his ownsaddle, trying to find a comfortable way to sit. He failed. At the endof five minutes he gave orders. There were still shouts occasionallyfrom within Ghek's castle. They had that unrhythmic frequency whichsuggested that they were responses to a speech. Ghek was making a fine,dramatic spectacle of his capture of an unwilling bride. He wasaddressing his retainers and saying that through their fine loyalty,co-operation and willingness to risk all for their chieftain, they nowhad the Lady Fani to be their chatelaine. He thanked them from thebottom of his heart and they were invited to the official wedding, whichwould take place sometime tomorrow, most likely.

  Before the speech was quite finished, however, Hoddan and his wearyfollowing rode up into the patch of light cast by the cressets outsidethe walls. Thal bellowed to the battlements.

  "Prisoners!" he roared, according to instructions from Hoddan. "Wecaught some prisoners in the ambush! They got fancy news! Tell Lord Ghekhe'd better get their story right off! No time to waste! Urgent!"

  Hoddan played the part of one prisoner, just in case anybody noticedfrom above that one man rode as if either entirely unskilled in ridingor else injured in a fight.

  He heard shoutings, over the walls. He glared at his men and theydrooped in their saddles. The gate creaked open and the horsemen fromDon Loris' castle filed inside. They showed no elation, because Hoddanhad promised to ram a spear-shaft its full length down the throat of anyman who gave away his stratagem ahead of time. The gate closed behindthem. Men appeared to take their horses. This could have revealed thatthe newcomers were strangers, but Ghek would have recruited new andextra retainers for the emergency of tonight. There would be manystrange faces in his castle just now.

  "Good fight, eh?" bellowed an ancient, long-retired retainer with a winebottle in his hand.

  "Good fight!" agreed Thal.

  "Good plunder, eh?" bellowed the ancient above the heads of younger men."Like the good old days?"

  "Better!" boomed Thal.

  At just this instant the young Lord Ghek appeared. There were scratcheson his cheek, acquired during the ride with Fani across his saddlebow.He looked thrilled by his victory but uneasy about his prize.

  "What's this about prisoners with fancy news?" he demanded. "What isit?"

  "Don Loris!" whooped Thal. "Long Live the Lady Fani!"

  Hoddan painstakingly opened fire; with the continuous-fire stud of thispistol--his third tonight--pressed down. The merrymakers in thecourtyard wavered and went down in windrows. Thal opened fire with astun-pistol. The others bellowed and began to fling bolts at everyliving thing they saw.

  "To the Lady Fani!" rasped Hoddan, getting off his horse with as manycreakings as the castle gate.

  His followers now rushed, dismounting where they had to. They fired withreckless abandon. A stun-pistol, which does not kill, imposes fewrestraints upon its user. If you shoot somebody who doesn't need to beshot, he may not like it but he isn't permanently harmed. So the twelvewho'd followed Hoddan poured in what would have been a murderous fire ifthey'd been shooting bullets, but was no worse than devastating asmatters stood.

  * * * * *

  There were screams and flight and utterly hopeless defiances bysword-armed and spear-armed men. In instants Hoddan went limping intothe castle with Thal by his side, searching for Fani. Ghek had notfallen at the first fire. He vanished, and the castle was plainly fallenand he made no attempt to lead resistance against its invaders. Hoddan'smen went raging happily through corridors and halls as they came tothem. They used their stun-pistols with zest and at such close quarterswith considerable effect. Hoddan heard Fa
ni scream angrily and he andThal went swiftly to see. They came upon the young Lord Ghek trying tolet Fani down out of a window on a rope. He undoubtedly intended tofollow her and complete his abduction on the run. But Fani bit him, andHoddan said vexedly:

  "Look here! It seems that I'm disgraced if I don't fight you somehow--"

  The young Lord Ghek rushed him, sword out, eyes blazing in a fine frenzyof despair. Hoddan brought him down with a buzz of the stun-gun.

  One of Hoddan's followers came hunting for him.

  "Sir," he sputtered, "we got the garrison cornered in their quarters,and we've been picking them off through the windows, and they thinkthey're dropping dead and want to surrender. Shall we let 'em?"

  "By all means," Hoddan said irritably. "And Thal, go get somethingheavier than a nightgown for the Lady Fani to wear, and then do whatplundering is practical. But I want to be out of here in half an hour.Understand?"

  "I'll attend to the costume," said the Lady Fani vengefully. "You cuthis throat while I'm getting dressed."

  She nodded at the unconscious Lord Ghek on the pavement. She disappearedthrough a door nearby. Hoddan could guess that Ghek would have preparedsomething elaborate in the way of a trousseau for the bride he was tocarry screaming from her home. Somehow it was the sort of thing aDarthian would do. Now Fani would enjoyably attire herself in the bestof it while--

  "Thal," said Hoddan, "help me get this character into a closetsomewhere. He's not to be killed. I don't like him, but at this moment Idon't like anybody very much, and I won't play favorites."

  Thal dragged the insensible young nobleman into the next room. Hoddanlocked the door and pocketed the key as Fani came into view again. Shewas splendidly attired, now, in brocade and jewels. Ghek had evidentlyhoped to placate her after marriage by things of that sort and had spentlavishly for them.

  Now, throughout the castle there were many and diverse noises.Sometimes--not often--there was still the crackling hum of astun-pistol. There were many more exuberant shoutings. They apparentlyhad to do with loot. There were some squealings in female voices, butmany more gigglings.

  "I need not say," said the Lady Fani with dignity, "that I thank youvery much. But I do say so."

  "You're quite welcome," said Hoddan politely.

  "And what are you going to do now?"

  "I imagine," said Hoddan, "that we'll go down into the courtyard whereour horses are. I gave my men half an hour to loot in. During that halfhour I shall sit down on something which will, I hope, remain perfectlystill. And I may," he added morbidly, "eat an apple. I've had nothing toeat since I landed on Darth. People don't want to commit themselves tonot cutting my throat. But after half an hour we'll leave."

  The Lady Fani looked sympathetic.

  "But the castle's surrendered to you," she protested. "You hold it!Aren't you going to try to keep it?"

  "There are a good many unpleasant characters out yonder," said Hoddan,waving his hand at the great outdoors, "who've reason to dislike me verymuch. They'll be anxious to express their emotions, when they feel up toit. I want to dodge them. And presently the people in this castle willrealize that even stun-pistols can't keep on shooting indefinitely here.I don't want to be around when it occurs to them."

  * * * * *

  He offered his arm with a reasonably grand air and went limping with herdown to the courtyard just inside the gate. Two of Don Loris' retainersstaggered into view as they arrived, piling up plunder which ranged froma quarter keg of wine to a mass of frothy stuff which must be femalegarments. They went away and other men arrived loaded down with theirown accumulations of loot. Some of the local inhabitants looked on withuneasy indignation.

  Hoddan found a bench and sat down. He conspicuously displayed one of theweapons which had captured the castle. Ghek's defeated retainers lookedat him darkly.

  "Bring me something to eat," commanded Hoddan. "Then if you bring freshhorses for my men, and one extra for each to carry his plunder on, I'lltake them away. I'll even throw in the Lord Ghek, who is now unharmedbut with his life in the balance. Otherwise--"

  He moved the pistol suggestively. The normal inhabitants of Ghek'scastle moved away, discussing the situation in subdued voices.

  The Lady Fani sat down proudly on the bench beside him.

  "You are wonderful!" she said with conviction.

  "I used to cherish that illusion myself," said Hoddan.

  "But nobody before in all Darthian history has ever fought twenty men,and then thirty men, and destroyed an ambush, and captured a castle, allin one day!"

  "And without a meal," said Hoddan darkly, "and with a lot of blisters!"

  He considered. Somebody came running with bread and cheese and wine. Hebit into the bread and cheese. After a moment he said, his mouth full:

  "I once saw a man perform the unparalleled feat of jumping over ninebarrels placed in a row. It had never been done before. But I didn'tenvy him. I never wanted to jump over nine barrels in a row! In the sameway, I never especially wanted to fight other men or break up ambushesor capture castles. I want to do what I want to do, not what otherpeople happen to admire."

  "Then what do you want to do?" she asked admiringly.

  "I'm not sure now," said Hoddan gloomily. He took a fresh bite. "But alittle while ago I wanted to do some interesting and useful things inelectronics, and get reasonably rich, and marry a delightful girl, andbecome a prominent citizen on Walden. I think I'll settle for anotherplanet, now."

  "My father will make you rich," said the girl proudly. "You saved mefrom being married to Ghek!"

  Hoddan shook his head.

  "I've got my doubts," he said. "He had a scheme to import a lot ofstun-pistols and arm his retainers with them. Then he meant to rush thespaceport and have me set up a broadcast-power unit that'd keep themcharged all the time. Then he'd sit back and enjoy life. Holding thespaceport, nobody else could get stun-weapons, and nobody could resisthis retainers who had 'em. So he'd be top man on Darth. He'd haveexactly as much power as he chose to seize. I think he cherished thatlittle idea,--and I've given advance publicity to stun-pistols. Now hehasn't a ghost of a chance of pulling it off. I'm afraid he'll bedispleased with me."

  "I can take care of that!" said Fani confidently. She did not questionthat her father would be displeased.

  "Maybe you can," said Hoddan, "but though he's kept a daughter he's losta dream. And that's bereavement! I know!"

  * * * * *

  Horses came plodding into the courtyard with Ghek's retainers drivingthem. They were anxious to get rid of their conquerors. Hoddan's mencame trickling back, with armsful of plunder to add to the piles they'dpreviously gathered. Thal took charge, commanding the exchange ofsaddles from tired to fresh horses and that the booty be packed on theextra mounts. It was time. Nine of the dozen looters were at work on thetask when there was a tumult back in the castle. Yellings and the clashof steel. Hoddan shook his head.

  "Bad! Somebody's pistol went empty and the local boys found it out. Nowwe'll have to fight some more--no."

  He beckoned to a listening, tense, resentful inhabitant of the castle.He held up the key of the room in which he'd locked young Ghek.

  "Now open the castle gate," he commanded, "and fetch out my last threemen, and we'll leave without setting fire to anything. The Lord Ghekwould like it that way. He's locked up in a room that's particularlyinflammable."

  The last statement was a guess, only, but Ghek's retainer lookedhorrified. He bellowed. There was a subtle change in the bitterlyhostile atmosphere. Men came angrily to help load the spare horses.Hoddan's last three men came out of a corridor, wiping blood fromvarious scratches and complaining plaintively that their pistols hadshot empty and they'd had to defend themselves with knives.

  Three minutes later the cavalcade rode out of the castle gate and awayinto the darkness. Hoddan had arrived here when Ghek was inside withFani as his prisoner, when there were only a dozen men without and atleast a
hundred inside to defend the walls. And the castle wasconsidered impregnable.

  In half an hour Hoddan's followers had taken the castle, rescued Fani,looted it superficially, gotten fresh horses for themselves and spareones for their plunder, and were headed away again. In only one respectwere they worse off than when they arrived. Some stun-pistols wereempty.

  Hoddan searched the sky and pieced together the star-pattern he'd notedbefore.

  "Hold it!" he said sharply to Thal. "We don't go back the same way wecame! The gang that ambushed us will be stirring around again, and wehaven't got full stun-pistols now! We make a wide circle around thosecharacters!"

  "Why?" demanded Thal. "There are only so many passes. The only other oneis three times as long. And it is disgraceful to avoid a fight--"

  "Thal!" snapped an icy voice from beside Hoddan, "you have an order!Obey it!"

  Even in the darkness, Hoddan could see Thal jump.

  "Yes, my Lady Fani," said Thal shakily. "But we go a long distanceroundabout."

  * * * * *

  The direction of motion through the night now changed. The long line ofhorses moved in deepest darkness, lessened only by the light of manystars. Even so, in time one's eyes grew accustomed and it was aglamorous spectacle--twenty-eight beasts moving through dark defiles andover steep passes among the rugged, ragged hills. From any one spot theyseemed at once to swagger and to slink, swaying as they moved on andvanished into obscurity. The small wild things in the night pausedaffrightedly in their scurryings until they had gone far away.

  Fani said in a soft voice:

  "This is nice!"

  "What's nice about it?" demanded Hoddan.

  "Riding like this," said Fani enthusiastically, "with men who havefought for me to guard me in the darkness, with the leader who hasrescued me by my side, underneath the stars-- It's a delicious feeling!"

  "You're used to riding horseback," said Hoddan dourly.

  He rode on, while mountains stabbed skyward and the pass they followedwound this way and that and he knew that it was a very roundabout wayindeed. And he had unpleasing prospects to make it seem lesssatisfying, even, than it would have been otherwise.

  But they came, at last, to a narrow defile which opened out before themand there were no more mountains ahead, but only foothills. And there,far and far away, they could see the sky as vaguely brighter. As theywent on, indeed, a glory of red and golden colorings appeared at thehorizon.

  And out of that magnificence three bright lights suddenly darted. Instrict V-formation, they flashed from the sunrise toward the west. Theywent overhead, more brilliant than the brightest stars, and when partwaydown to the horizon they suddenly winked out.

  "What on Earth are they?" demanded Fani. "I never saw anything like thatbefore!"

  "They're spaceships in orbit," said Hoddan. He was as astounded as thegirl, but for a different reason. "I thought they'd be landed by now!"

  It changed everything. He could not see what the change amounted to, butchange there was. For one thing--

  "We're going to the spaceport," he told Thal curtly. "We'll recharge ourstun-pistols there. I thought those ships had landed. They haven't. Nowwe'll see if we can keep them aloft! How far to the landing grid?"

  "You insisted," complained Thal, "that we not go back to Don Loris'castle by the way we left it. There are only so many passes through thehills. The only other one is very long. We are only four miles--"

  "Then we head there right now!" snapped Hoddan. "And we step up thespeed!"

  He barked commands to his followers. Thal, puzzled but in dread of acidcomment from Fani, bustled up and down the line of men, insisting on afaster pace. And the members of the cavalcade had not pushed theseanimals as they had their first. Even the lead horses, loaded with loot,managed to get up to a respectable ambling trot. The sunrise proceeded.Dew upon the straggly grass became visible. Separate drops appeared asgems upon the grass blades, and then began gradually to vanish as thesun's disk showed itself. Then the angular metal framework of thelanding grid rose dark against the sunrise sky.

  * * * * *

  When they rode up to it. Hoddan reflected that it was the only reallycivilized structure on the planet. Architecturally it was surely theleast pleasing. It had been built when Darth was first settled on, andwhen ideas of commerce and interstellar trade seemed reasonable. It washalf a mile high and built of massive metal beams. It loomed hugelyoverhead when the double file of shaggy horses trotted under its lowerarches and across the grass-grown space within it. Hoddan headedpurposefully for the control shed. There was no sign of movementanywhere. The steeply gabled roofs of the nearby town showed only thefluttering of tiny birds. No smoke rose from chimneys. Yet the slantingmorning sunshine was bright.

  As Hoddan actually reached the control shed, he saw a sleepy man in theact of putting a key in the door. He dismounted within feet of that man,who turned and blinked sleepily at him, and then immediately looked thereverse of cordial. It was the red-headed man he'd stung with astun-pistol the day before.

  "I've come back," said Hoddan, "for a few more kilowatts."

  The red-headed man swore angrily.

  "Hush!" said Hoddan gently. "The Lady Fani is with us."

  The red-headed man jerked his head around and paled. Thal glowered athim. Others of Don Loris' retainers shifted their positionssignificantly, to make their oversized belt-knives handier.

  "We'll come in," said Hoddan. "Thal, collect the pistols and bring theminside."

  Fani swung lightly to the ground and followed him in. She lookedcuriously at the cables and instrument boards and switches inside. Onone wall a red light pulsed, and went out, and pulsed again. Thered-headed man looked at it.

  "You're being called," said Hoddan. "Don't answer it."

  The red-headed man scowled. Thal came in with an armful of stun-pistolsin various stages of discharge. Hoddan briskly broke the butt of one ofhis own and presented it to the terminals he'd used the day before.

  "He's not to touch anything, Thal," said Hoddan. To the red-headed manhe observed, "I suspect that call's been coming in all night. Somethingwas in orbit at sundown. You closed up shop and went home early, eh?"

  "Why not?" rasped the red-headed man. "There's only one ship a month!"

  "Sometimes," said Hoddan, "there are specials. But I commend yournegligence. It was probably good for me."

  He charged one pistol, and snapped its butt shut, and snapped openanother, and charged it. There was no difficulty, of course. In minutesall the pistols he'd brought from Walden were ready for use again.

  He tucked away as many as he could conveniently carry on his person. Hehanded the rest to Thal. He went competently to the pulsing call-signal.He put headphones to his ears. He listened. His expression becameextremely strange, as if he did not quite understand nor wholly believewhat he heard.

  "Odd," he said mildly. He considered for a moment or two. Then herummaged around in the drawers of desks. He found wire clips. He beganto snip wires in half.

  The red-headed man started forward automatically.

  "Take care of him, Thal," said Hoddan.

  He cut the microwave receiver free of its wires and cables. He lifted itexperimentally and opened part of its case to make sure the thermobattery that would power it in an emergency was there and in workingorder. It was.

  "Put this on a horse, Thal," commanded Hoddan. "We're taking it up toDon Loris'."

  The red-headed man's mouth dropped open. He said stridently:

  "Hey! You can't do that!" Hoddan turned upon him and he said sourly:"All right, you can. I'm not trying to stop you with all those hardcases outside!"

  "You can build another in a week," said Hoddan kindly. "You must havespare parts."

  Thal carried the communicator outside. Hoddan opened a cabinet, threwswitches, and painstakingly cut and snipped and snipped at a tangle ofwires within.

  "Just your instrumentation," he explained to the ap
palled red-headedman. "You won't use the grid until you've got this fixed, too. A fewdays of harder work than you're used to. That's all!"

  He led the way out again, and on the way explained to Fani:

  "Pretty old-fashioned job, this grid. They make simpler ones nowadays.They'll be able to repair it, though, in time. Now we go back to yourfather's castle. He may not be pleased, but he should be mollified."

  He saw Fani mount lightly into her own saddle and shook his headgloomily. He climbed clumsily into his own. They moved off to return toDon Loris' stronghold. Hoddan suffered.

  * * * * *

  They reached the castle before noon, and the sight of the Lady Faniriding beside a worn-out Hoddan was productive of enthusiasm and loudcheers. The loot displayed by the returned wayfarers increased therejoicing. There was envy among the men who had stayed behind. Therewere respectfully admiring looks cast upon Hoddan. He had displayed, infurnishing opportunities for plunder, the most-admired quality a leaderof feudal fighting men could show.

  The Lady Fani beamed as she and Thal and Hoddan, all very dusty andtravel-stained, presented themselves to her father in the castle's greathall.

  "Here's your daughter, sir," said Hoddan, and yawned. "I hope therewon't be any further trouble with Ghek. We took his castle and looted ita little and brought back some extra horses. Then we went to thespaceport. I recharged my stun-pistols and put the landing grid out oforder for the time being. I brought away the communicator there." Heyawned again. "There's something highly improper going on, up justbeyond atmosphere. There are three ships up there in orbit, and theywere trying to call the spaceport in nonregulation fashion, and it'spossible that some of your neighbors would be interested. So I postponedeverything until I could get some sleep. It seemed to me that whenbetter skulduggeries are concocted, that Don Loris and his associatesought to concoct them. And if you'll excuse me--"

  He moved away, practically dead on his feet. If he had been accustomedto horseback riding, he wouldn't have been so exhausted. But now heyawned, and yawned, and Thal took him to a room quite different from theguest-room-dungeon to which he'd been taken the night before. He notedthat the door, this time, opened inward. He braced chairs against it tomake sure that nobody could open it from without. He lay down and sleptheavily.

  He was waked by loud poundings. He roused himself enough to saysleepily:

  "Whaddyawant?"

  "The lights in the sky!" cried Fani's voice outside the door. "The onesyou say are spaceships! It's sunset again, and I just saw them. Butthere aren't three, now. Now there are nine!"

  "All right," said Hoddan. He lay down his head again and thrust it intohis pillow. Then he was suddenly very wide awake indeed. He sat up witha start.

  Nine spaceships? That wasn't possible! That would be a space fleet! Andthere were no space fleets! Walden would certainly have never sent morethan one ship to demand his surrender to its police. The Space Patrolnever needed more than one ship anywhere. Commerce wouldn't cause shipsto travel in company. Piracy-- There couldn't be a pirate fleet! There'dnever be enough loot anywhere to keep it in operation. Nine spaceshipsat one time--traveling in orbit around a primitive planet like Darth--afleet of spaceships.

  It couldn't happen! Hoddan couldn't conceive of such a thing. But arecently developed pessimism suggested that since everything else, todate, had been to his disadvantage, this was probably a catastrophealso.

  He groaned and lay down to sleep again.