by Jordan Marie
“What does it feel like?”
“Like you might be trying to seduce me.”
“Is it working?”
“Probably, but it’s been a while for me, I’m probably not much of a challenge. I’m currently thinking about getting into a committed relationship with the rinse cycle on my washing machine.” I tell him with a frank honesty that would probably be better stifled.
It obviously surprised him because I watch as his eyes widen, then those full lips of his spread into a smile on his rugged face and a bark of laughter explodes. It’s such a beautiful show, I instantly wish I could replay it over and over.
“That’s real damn good to know, Lovey,” he says, still laughing.
I shake my head and turn to look at the ballgame. Jansen moves in closer, and I feel his arm go around me. I hold myself perfectly still for a minute and then slowly relax into him.
He surprises me by kissing the top of my head.
“You’re quite a woman, Ida Sue.”
I ignore the quickening of my heartbeat and the small voice inside of me that says Jansen is one hell of a man himself.
21
Jansen
“Where did you park?”
I’m walking hand in hand with Ida Sue toward the parking lot. The game was a good one and Green showed that he is definitely the star of his team. I enjoyed the night, but mostly because Ida Sue stood by my side and in my arms through most of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve held a woman that close and it was so much better than I can ever remember. Although, to be honest, I’m sure that mostly had to do with the fact that it was Ida Sue.
When we first met and even up until lately, the woman was wrapped up so tight I would have thought she was going to explode. Now, even though she’s still timid, I’m starting to see other qualities, traits that she kept hidden. Traits that answer something deep inside of me. She somehow feels new and exciting while feeling familiar and welcomed altogether.
Like coming home.
Not sure I’ve felt like this since I lost my parents.
“I didn’t,” she says, bringing my attention back to the present.
“How did you get here?”
“I walked. The ballfield is literally a twenty-minute walk from the house I was cleaning.”
“You walked alone?”
“Well, yeah,” she laughs. “I had a good time tonight, Jansen.”
“It’s dangerous for a woman to walk alone, Ida Sue,” I mutter, not liking the idea of her being alone and unprotected. Not liking it at all.
“I’m a grown woman, Jansen. I can take care of myself.”
“I don’t like it. Where’s your truck?”
“Maggie wanted it for the night.”
“Ida Sue—”
“Will you stop? I’m a grown woman. I’m fine. Stop being annoying and ruining our date.”
“Our date?” I ask, allowing her to distract me, but only for a little bit.
“Well, you had your arms around me most of the night and we’re holding hands. I’m a little rusty at the whole dating thing, but I think this qualifies.”
“I’m a little rusty too, but in my day a man picked a woman up and took her out for a nice meal for it to be qualified as a date.”
“Well, you did buy me a hot chocolate and a chili dog,” I remind him.
“If that’s what you call a good meal you’re the easiest woman I’ve ever met.”
“I’ve been called that before,” she mumbles and I want to kick my own ass.
“Ida Sue, that’s not what I meant.”
“I’m just stating a fact. Don’t get your knickers all bunched up.”
“There’s two things you need to know about me, Lovey.”
“What’s that?” she asks as we make it to my truck.
“First of all, it might be old fashioned, but in my world a woman doesn’t walk alone anywhere. It’s too dangerous and some people are evil to the core.” Her face jerks up to look at me and there’s something in her gaze that I can’t name, but I don’t think I like it.
“What’s wrong, Lovey?”
“I think I just discovered that I like old fashioned,” she whispers.
“That’s really good,” I murmur, leaning down to take her mouth.
I didn’t plan on kissing her, not right now in this crowded parking lot. Not with all the people around that already love gossiping about her. I just can’t seem to stop myself.
This kiss is different from our others. Every kiss with Ida Sue is good, but they’ve been slow and sweet. Ida Sue has been tentative and I haven’t wanted to rush her. This is different because she opens for me immediately, her tongue moving inside my mouth, searching. My hand wraps in her hair, curling the long lengths around my grip and holding her as I take over. I explore her mouth, urgently. It’s been a long time since I’ve needed to kiss someone as much as I need Ida Sue. I’m not a young kid anymore, not someone who is just kissing because it feels good. This kiss has everything to do with hunger, hunger for Ida Sue.
I feel her hand move along the side of my face, and her fingernails teasing against my scalp as she tries to pull me even deeper into our kiss. She needn’t have bothered. We can’t get any closer. Our tongues are dancing, ravishingly mating.
Without thought my hand drops down to her breast and I slide along the underswell, stretching my thumb up to seek and find her nipple. It’s hardened, tight and pebbled against her shirt and although I know she has a bra on I moan at how good it feels, despite the fabric in my way. I press against the nub, wishing I could taste it.
I force myself to break away, my eyes still closed as I hold her close, and listen to the way our ragged breathing combines into a rhythm that sounds beautiful to me.
“I really like old fashioned,” Ida Sue murmurs against my chest.
My lips stretch into a smile.
“I’m really damn glad to hear that.”
“What was the other thing, Jansen?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said there were two things I needed to know about you,” she reminds me.
It takes me a minute to think about our conversation and when I do, I pull away and lift her face so her gaze is on me.
“I don’t wear knickers,” I respond with a grin.
She gives me an exasperated look as if she’s rolling her eyes at me.
“Boxers, briefs, whatever, Jansen.”
“Don’t wear those either.”
Her eyes go wide and then drop down to the crotch of my jeans. I don’t know if she can tell through the denim, but my cock is definitely hard and pressing against my zipper.
“Damn, Cowboy,” she says, looking back into my eyes, making me laugh despite being so hard I could hammer nails.
I shake my head and help her into my truck.
“You’re one hell of a woman, Ida Sue Lucas. One hell of a woman,” I tell her, giving her a quick kiss before closing the door.
I’m starting to believe coming to Mason, Texas was the best decision I have ever made in my life.
The very best.
22
Ida Sue
“Does this count as a date?” I ask Jansen as he spreads the blanket I brought with us. He puts it under my favorite oak tree. It’s a huge oak out from the small stream. It happens to be my favorite place on the ranch. When Orville was alive, I’d pack up a huge basket of food, make it big enough for a meal with the kids, and we’d have lunch with him. It’s some of my best memories.
“Technically not, since you provided the food, but I think we’re definitely getting closer,” he jokes with a wink, making me laugh.
“Well, whatever. I’m glad you asked me, just the same.”
“You dressed up for me,” he says, and damn if I can’t feel myself blush. A woman at thirty-eight, shouldn’t be able to blush—not if you’d lived my life.
“Not really,” I halfway lie. I don’t normally wear dresses. Today I’m actually wearing a soft pink t-shirt and a w
hite skirt which flows out in layers. It falls about mid-calf. There’s nothing sexy about it. Then again, I don’t own sexy clothes. I never have. The urge to wear those died in me when I was raped. Still, I wanted to look nice for Jansen and I did try. It feels good that he noticed.
“You look beautiful,” he says and there goes that blush again.
“I hope you’re hungry. I packed enough food in here to feed an army,” I tell him, trying to distract myself by pulling the basket over to open it.
“I’m starved,” he responds, his voice so deep it sends chills over me.
I instantly stop what I’m doing and look up at him. He’s bending down to sit on the blanket beside me, his eyes boring into me and heated. Anticipation runs through my system like a wildfire and I can feel my heartrate increase.
“Jansen…”
“Definitely not for food, Lovey,” he murmurs, the same intensity in his voice, but it drops down in volume, making it more seductive. He reaches over, grabbing the basket and moving it to the side as he settles in and pulls me into his arms.
I go willingly. I’m not sure I can do anything else. I’ve completely fallen under Jansen’s spell. I don’t know how it happened. I have no idea how he slid under my defenses. There’ve actually been men that have tried since Orville died. Some were probably good men, I just didn’t want men in my life anymore. I had my babies and that’s all I needed… all I still need. It’s just, Jansen reminds me that I’m a woman. He even manages to somehow remind me of the girl I once was… before life beat me.
And it did beat me.
“I’ve been wanting to do nothing but kiss you for two days straight. Ever since I brought you back from that baseball game,” he murmurs, his lips so close that his breath feathers across my skin.
“Why didn’t you, Cowboy?”
“The only time I’ve seen you, you’ve had your children with you. So, I’ve been biding my time, slowly going insane.”
“We’re alone now,” I murmur.
“That we are, Lovey. That we are.” His hand moves under my hair to slide against the side of my neck as he pulls me the small distance between us. He kisses me, gently at first—which is always Jansen’s way. Then, quickly, the kiss intensifies, growing heated as he takes over my mouth.
Somehow, in the midst of tangling tongues, pressing lips and teeth crashing as the kiss grows fiercer, I find myself lying with Jansen over me. His body stretched over me, heated, warm, commanding.
Finally, we break apart, and I do it gasping, dragging oxygen in my lungs. Jansen’s breathing is just as ragged, but he buries his head in the curve of my shoulder, his beard tickling against my neck.
“Better than I remembered,” he says in between small kisses on my neck.
“Definitely.”
I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I’ve managed to pull Jansen’s shirt from his pants where it was tucked, and my hands are underneath it, holding him to me, my nails dancing gently back and forth on his back. I think I can feel his heart beating rapidly, but that could be mine—because it’s definitely running away from me.
Jansen keeps kissing my neck before tenderly moving to my shoulder, kissing it, letting his teeth drag against the sensitive skin.
“You’re a drug, Lovey, and I’m definitely becoming addicted,” he murmurs into my ear. “Your skin is so soft and sweet, it tastes like honey.”
“Do you like honey?” I ask, inanely.
“Never doubt it, Honey Girl. Never doubt it,” he says pulling back to look at me. His eyes are crinkled, he’s wearing a relaxed smile and, in that moment, I know.
Jansen will be the one man I never recover from.
Because, one day he will leave.
Everyone always leaves…
23
Jansen
I didn’t see it coming. This pull I have for Ida Sue, hit out of the blue. I thought I could control it. I thought I could explain it away, but it’s clear I can’t. The more time I spend with her, the more I lose myself. I wasn’t lying to her when I told her I was becoming addicted. She’s the first thing I think of when I rise in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. Her laughter seems to live inside of me and I can hear it at the oddest of times, despite being completely alone. Her smile lives in my head and when I close my eyes… it’s there. Smiling bright.
For me.
I’m not much to look at. Don’t have a pot to piss in anymore. Got some money in the bank, but mostly I live from paycheck to paycheck. I gave my ex the house, the land, my cattle and even my damn dog. I couldn’t have kids, the woman I loved didn’t want me because I was half a man. There was no point in holding on to anything. So, I walked away from everything and I never mourned it, not for a minute. Right now, I find myself regretting it. If I had kept the land, kept the house, I would have had a good place, a refuge for Ida Sue and her kids. I’d have had things to offer this beautiful woman, who deserves the world.
Instead I have nothing but me. And again, I’m not much. I’m much less than she deserves, than those crazy kids of hers deserve.
“What are you thinking, Cowboy?” she asks, her voice soft and lazy.
“That you deserve better than some broken down old cow poke with nothing to offer you,” I respond truthfully.
Her hand comes up to brush against my face and she lets her fingers play in my scruff. I like it. I like it anytime she touches me, but I decide right now with her eyes soft, her lips bruised from my kiss and her teeth nibbling on the corner of her full lip… I like it even more.
“Have I asked for anything?”
“Maybe you should,” I tell her.
“Tell me about you.”
“Me?” I asked, surprised.
“I want to know.”
“Not much to know, Lovey,” I tell her moving my body off of her so I don’t hurt her. Then, I move, positioning us so that her head is in my lap and I’m sitting up while she’s lying down. It gives me the best view in the world. She reaches up and grabs my hand and our fingers slide together, resting on her chest, near her breast…
Near her heart.
“Tell me anyway,” she says smiling up at me. I think, if she keeps smiling at me, I’d tell her anything—do anything.
“I’m not much more than a drifter, Lovey. Been that way since my marriage broke up and that’s been more years than I can count. Been searching ever since.”
“What are you searching for?”
“Now that’s the million-dollar question,” I laugh.
“What’s the answer?”
“I was raw after my marriage broke up. Took a lot of years to break away from it, I guess. Even when I did, it left scars that I suppose will always be there.”
“You still love her?”
“Nah. That horse has been dead a long time.”
“Then, what scars?”
“She wanted kids. I couldn’t have them. She found someone who could give her what I couldn’t.”
I watch as what I said registers with Ida Sue. Her soft face shows shock, and her body goes solid for a minute, tensing up. Then, she blinks and her eyes narrow.
“She left you because you couldn’t… because you…”
“Shoot blanks,” I answer and it’s weird, but even after all these years that still hurts. I would have said once that I had no ego, but I know now that’s wrong. No man wants to be thought of as less, and that’s how my ex thought of me and in many ways, that’s how I think of myself. I can’t help but wonder if that’s how Ida Sue will see me now.
“Your ex is an idiot.”
“I think that sometimes, but the truth is she wanted kids.”
“Then, you search for a solution or you adopt. You don’t leave a good man, because it’s not possible the old-fashioned way.”
I stare at her a minute, feeling surprised all the way to the tips of my boots.
“What?” she asks, when I can’t help but continue to stare at her.
“I’m just surprised y
ou feel that way.”
“You shouldn’t be,” she says shaking her head. “I’m a lot of things, Jansen, been accused of even more, but one thing I’m not or could never be called is shallow.”
“But, obviously, having children was important to you,” I remind her.
“I love my children, I’m not saying I don’t. I’d lay down my life for any of them in a heartbeat and not ask questions. But, each time I had a child, it was because I was looking for something to heal a wound made inside of me that I figure will never get healed. Especially, since I kept looking in the wrong places.”
“Tell me about the wound.”
“I don’t want to upset you, but… I’m not ready to go there just yet, Jansen. I’m not sure I ever will be,” she says so quietly that I have to strain to hear her.
“One day you’ll tell me and one day, Lovey, I’m going to find a way to heal you.”
“That’s a really nice dream,” she says her face a little lost… and a lot sad.
“It’s a promise,” I correct her.
“Do you think anyone can heal you, Jansen?”
“I’m forty-four, Honey Girl, not sure it’s possible to teach an old dog new tricks.”
“Then—”
“But, if anyone can do it, I think it’d be you, Ida Sue.”
She holds my gaze for a minute, and then lowers her eyes to look at our joined hands. She squeezes mine a little tighter and when she looks back at me there’s some unnamed emotion that I really wish I could pinpoint.
“I wish I’d have met you when I was younger,” she murmurs.
“Maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything,” I tell her, knowing in my heart that it would have.
“Maybe it would have changed everything,” she says and I kiss her, not deeply, but I kiss her, because I have no words to tell her how deeply that affects me.
She seems to understand, because when we break apart there are unshed tears in her over-bright eyes. I clear my throat from the sudden onslaught of emotion I’m feeling and Ida Sue seems to recognize that too, because her grin instantly becomes sassy.