by Jordan Marie
“I know one thing for damn sure.”
“What’s that?”
“I probably wouldn’t have had as many kids.”
A startled bark of laughter forces its way out as she surprises me. How she can make something that has left me raw inside seem funny, I have no damn idea. It’s just part of her charm, and only one of the reasons I keep wanting more and more from her.
“Damn, Lovey,” I finally respond, shaking my head.
“I’m kidding mostly. I couldn’t imagine a world without my children, even if they do drive me crazy.
“They’re good kids,” I tell her, definitely understating how I feel about them.
“They are. They seem to have given up trying to fix us up, which is good.”
“They already know I’m panting after you like an old blue tick hound, begging to have his belly scratched.” She rolls her eyes, but laughs and I close my eyes and let the sound seep into me. “Besides, how do you think I found this place? Definitely not by chance.”
“The kids told you about my favorite spot?” she asks, her voice thick with shock.
“Maggie to be exact. She says this used to be your favorite place for family picnics.”
“Well, it was… I just didn’t realize they knew that.”
“Your kids are very perceptive, Ida Sue. I doubt they miss much, even little Petal.”
“Probably not. Cyan is the rounder. I’ve spoiled him, because he was my boy. He’s way too wild and untamed. I try to keep him reined in, but I’m not sure it’s possible.”
“He’s a good kid. I’m afraid he’s in for some hard truths someday, however,” I agree.
“Yeah,” Ida sue replies, sounding less than pleased.
“There’s no sense biting off more than you can chew right now, Lovey. There will be time enough to worry about Cyan later,” I tell her with a wink, wanting to steer the conversation away from anything heavy.
I lean back on the old oak tree at my back and listen to the water run in the stream across from us.
“You’re right,” she finally agrees, and I feel her relaxing, her grip easing on my hand.
“Why is this your favorite spot?” I ask her, hoping to keep her distracted.
“That old oak tree behind you,” she says easily.
I look to the side trying to see the wide trunk and then I look up. It’s a huge tree, towering over the land and sheltering it at the same time.
“You have hundreds and hundreds of trees on the ranch.” I don’t quite get why this one is special, even though it is impressive. Still, I want to hear from her why it is; I find I want to know everything to do with Ida Sue.
“Maybe. But this tree has stood the test of time. Look at it’s roots? They’re not only solid, they’ve grown into its own surroundings and become part of it all. Do you see how they’ve grown out of the earth, so big you could sit on them? It has history, and you know it’s seen a lot, weathered a lot of storms, and yet it’s still solid. It’s special.”
“Like you,” I murmur, my voice thick, suddenly seeing that old tree as much more than a tree.
“Not hardly, but it’s what I’d like to aspire to be, I suppose. That old tree never fails to make me feel safe and comforted when I’m here. I come down here to contemplate my circumstances,” she grins.
“Contemplate your circumstances? What exactly are they, Lovey?”
“I think it’s a fancy way of saying feeling sorry for myself, but it makes me feel better.”
We laugh together, staring at the tree.
“It’s a good tree.”
“It is. It’s a forever kind of tree, a mighty oak.” She nods. “I wanted to carve mine and Orville’s initials in it once, but he wouldn’t let me.”
“Why’s that?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
“He thought it was silly, and maybe it was. It just felt like putting something on that old tree… might have made it…” she breaks off as if she is searching for words. “Might have made it something that old oak would deem worthy to protect. Make it something that would last. I guess, hearing myself say that, it does sound kind of silly.”
“I don’t think so, Ida Sue. I don’t think so at all.”
“You don’t?”
“Nope. I think we should put our names on it.”
“But we… I mean… According to you, we haven’t even gone out on a date.”
“Ida Sue Lucas,” I chastise.
“What?”
“Are you scared?”
“Of course not,” she rebukes.
“Prove it, then, woman. Put your money where your mouth is.”
She frowns at me.
“I don’t have a knife.”
I help her up and then get up myself, all while reaching down in my pants pocket. I pull out a pocket knife. “Who’s first?” I dare, as her eyes go wide. I don’t know why it’s important but suddenly I want our initials carved in this old tree more than anything I’ve ever wanted in this world.
She takes the knife from my hand and I grin at her. Slowly, her smile appears and her face relaxes.
She turns and carves her initials. I. L.
Then hands me the knife. She can try to wimp out, but I’m not about to let her. I get to work on my carving and it takes me a little longer.
But then I make a heart around her initials and I add a plus sign before putting my own initials under that.
“Jansen…”
“Something sustaining, Ida Sue. Something worth protecting,” I remind her. I watch as the delicate muscles in her throat move as she swallows.
“Something… real,” she answers, her voice barely more than a breath of wind and yet it feels like it gives me wings.
“Something real.”
24
Ida Sue
“Do you want more pot roast?”
Jansen looks up at me with a smile on his face. A smile I’m beginning to love. A smile I already dream about. It’s crazy to me how I’ve only known him a little over a month and my days already revolve around him so much. It’s probably not healthy. I should try to control my feelings and rein myself in.
I’m not doing that, however, and right now I’m not sure I can.
I think it might be too late.
“Lovey,” he says, leaning back, his hands on his stomach. “I think if I tried to eat another bite, I’d explode.”
I grin at him and we share a smile.
“I’ll have more, Mom,” Blue says and I ladle a heaping serving out to my boy.
“Me too,” Black says.
“You already had three plates full,” Maggie mumbles.
“I’m a growin’ boy. Besides I think I’m going to try out for the wrestling team this week,” Black says, around a mouthful of food.
“Black, don’t talk with your mouth full,” I chastise automatically. I always do, and it never does a bit of good.
“Sorry, Mom,” he mutters—his mouth exploding with roast, potatoes and carrots, I might add. I just shake my head. With kids, you have to know when to pick your battles.
“You wouldn’t make it on the wrestling team,” Blue grumbles.
“I’ll show you little brother.”
“Stop calling me that moron, we were born at the same time,” Blue mutters.
“Blue, stop calling your brother a moron,” Maggie reprimands, sounding like a mini-me.
Damn I really have been relying on her too much lately.
“You always say that, but we weren’t born at the same time. We know I came out first and obviously got the good looks.”
“Too bad you didn’t get the brains,” Green mutters and gives Blue a high-five. Jansen pretends to cough to hide a laugh.
“Whatever,” Black mutters. “Blue’s just scared I’ll beat him,” he adds and then looks over at Blue. “It’s okay, you should be scared. I’m totally going to whip your ass,” Black brags.
“Don’t say ass,” I tell him, before Maggie can. Jansen grins and shakes his head at me.<
br />
“You will not.”
“Will too!”
“Fine, if you think you can, let’s prove it right here.”
“Fine bring it on,” Black says standing up. Blue rises up slowly too, his face somber, eyeing his brother like prey and he’s a wolf.
Shit.
“No. Absolutely not. Do you two not remember what happened last time you wrestled in my kitchen?”
“Aw, Mom. Come on.”
“I said no. You want to be dummies, go outside, but you are not ruining another table. It might be plastic and on its last legs, but at least it works.”
“Fine. Let’s go outside.”
“It’s cold out there,” Black whines.
“Either you’re tough enough to wrestle or you’re not,” Blue reasons. I swear sometimes I think that child might be a grown man inside a child’s body.
“Fine. We’ll wrestle outside,” Black mutters. “Who’s going to judge us? Jansen?”
“Uh…”
“Nope. Jansen is helping me with the dishes,” I tell them, speaking up. Jansen jerks his head over to look at me and smiles.
“Dishes? But, Mom! Jansen’s a man. You can’t make him do women’s work!” Green complains.
“Women’s work? Where do you get off calling it women’s work, you moron,” Maggie yells, offended for all of womankind. I should probably remind her that she just got onto Black for calling his brother a moron. But Green’s asinine comment did make him sound like a moron so I let it go.
“I like doing dishes,” Jansen, speaks up.
“You do?” All the kids ask this in unison, clearly not believing him.
“You give me a choice between doing dishes with a pretty girl or going outside to watch you two roll around on the ground when it’s barely forty-five outside, I’ll pick dishes any day of the week.”
“You think Mom’s pretty?” Cyan asks.
“Prettiest woman I ever saw,” Jansen says, looking at me.
“I think he’s been hooked,” Petal whispers—loudly.
“Petal—”
“Well, that’s what you said, Green,” Petal responds. “You said Mom’s the bait and we got to get Jansen on the hook and reel him in slowly.”
Green looks really uncomfortable and I might take pleasure in it, if I wasn’t currently able to glow in the damn dark. My kids are going to be the death of me.
“Petal—” Green tries to quieten her again, but he doesn’t get very far.
“And I think he’s hooked! Hey Jansen?”
“Yeah, pretty girl?” Jansen, says laughing.
“Are you going to be our new daddy?”
“And, that’s enough. The lot of you go outside or to your rooms,” I speak up, my face so hot that I could fry a damn egg on it. “Maggie you take Petal up and get her ready for bed, while I clean up.”
“Okay, Mom,” Maggie says, taking her sister’s hand. “You really need to learn how not to be a blabbermouth,” she chastises.
“I’m not a blabbermouth,” Petal denies. Then she runs to Jansen and jumps into his arms. “Night, Jansen!”
“Night, little one,” he says, hugging her tight. He kisses the top of her head and something about that makes my heart hurt… but in good ways.
“Who’s going to decide who wins the wrestling match?” Black says demanding attention again.
“Yeah,” Blue agrees. “We need a referee.”
“Yeah, come on Jansen! Come ref for us!” Green says.
I shrug at Jansen, when he looks at me—letting him decide.
“I better not. I need to spend more time with your Mom. Make sure I’m on the hook really good,” he says with an easy grin. My mouth falls open slightly. I should tell him that encouraging my kids is dangerous, but I can’t find it in me to warn him.
“What are we going to do for a ref then? Maggie’s with Petal,” Black says, clearly upset he can’t try and prove he can out wrestle Blue.
“What about Green?” Jansen asks.
“He’ll cheat,” Black says.
“I’m sure he won’t—”
“Yeah, I probably will. Blue doesn’t brag if he wins at something. Black never shuts up,” Green admits.
“Cyan can be the referee,” I tell them. “And if they don’t listen to you, spray them down with the garden hose,” I tell him.
“Heck yeah!” Cyan screams as the boys go running from the kitchen.
“You yahoos be quiet before you wake up Mary,” I warn, knowing it will be falling on deaf ears. I stand up when Jansen does and he comes over to me, putting his hands on my hips and grinning down at me.
“You realize he’s totally going to spray all of them with the water.”
“That’s what I’m counting on. Dang kids are going to be the death of me.” I mutter. “I’m sorry they are trying to hogtie you into—”
He stops me from talking by kissing my lips, his hands moving to cup my ass, and push me against him. I can feel his erection through his jeans and my body instantly softens to him. He pulls away a mere inch and our gazes lock.
“You don’t hear me complaining one damn bit, Honey Girl,” he whispers and before I can second guess myself, this time when our lips meet it’s me who’s doing the kissing.
I don’t even have to think about it.
Jansen definitely has me hooked.
25
Jansen
I look down at the table leg I’m sculpting. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked with wood and I’m missing the workshop I used to have. Still, it’s not half bad and I think Ida Sue will like it. I bought some oak wood at the local sawmill and I’m using that. I’m hoping she’ll see the significance. I stare at the wood in my hand, but my vision mostly tunes it out as my thoughts turn toward Ida Sue. Instead, it’s her face I see.
I’m gone for that woman.
There’s no other way to put it. I wouldn’t have thought that was possible at my age, especially with my past.
But I am.
There’s not a single thing that I don’t like and admire about her. She’s strong, probably the strongest woman I’ve ever met in my life. She’s funny as hell when she comes out of her shell. She says and does the most off the wall things that it makes being around her… fun. Shit, I can’t remember the last time I had fun. I’m not sure I have since I was a kid, fishing with my old man. I never realized it was missing in my life before now. But being around Ida Sue, being around her kids… I definitely realize it now.
I’m moving things slow with Ida Sue. She’s been hurt a lot. I can see it, even if she hides it well. I’m fighting myself, because I want to just rush in and claim her as mine. I never thought I’d ever get married again. I want marriage with Ida Sue. I want her tied to me. I want to be cemented so deeply in her life that she’ll never be able to see a future without me in it.
It seems that old dreams don’t die, they just hibernate, because here I am at forty-four wanting a home and family again. Only this time the want is so much more… this time it just might be everything.
“Hey Jansen, what are you building?”
I turn to see Green standing at the door to the barn.
“It’s a little late to be down this way, ain’t it, son?”
“Probably, but I had too much on my mind. I needed to talk.”
Green is young and he wouldn’t understand. Chances are he’ll never understand because he won’t be my age without having a family or anyone to depend on him. But, the simple fact that he had crap on his mind and I’m the one he sought out to talk to, makes my chest grow tight. It might not have started out this way, but this family is mine. I feel it from the soles of my feet to the top of my head.
It took me a hell of a long time, but I finally found exactly where I belong.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask him, clearing my throat because there’s so much emotion running through me right now that I have to lock it down to contain it.
“Girls,” he says with a sigh.
/> I hide my smile. He sounds so damn forlorn. I hate to break it to him, but the mystery that is women doesn’t get any simpler with age.
“That’s a broad category, Green.”
“I asked Kayla to the homecoming dance.”
“She turn you down?”
“Yeah.”
My eyebrow cocks up at that news. I didn’t expect it.
“How come?”
“She said she wasn’t going to be a stand in for Cynthia.”
“Well now. Let me ask you this, son. Would she have been?”
Green frowns. He looks down at the ground like he’s sorting through everything in his mind.
“I don’t think so. I mean, Cynthia and I have a history. I like her…. And… Can I tell you a secret, Jansen?”
“You can tell me anything, Son. Anything.” Suddenly that emotion threatens again and I clear my throat.
“You won’t tell anyone?”
“Whatever we talk about will always be between us, Green. I promise you that. The only time I would ever break that confidence is if whatever it is might cause you harm and then I’d tell your Momma.”
His face stares straight at mine as if he’s gauging what I say to determine if I’m being truthful. I hold his gaze and wait.
“Everyone thinks that Cyn and I have already had sex, but we haven’t. I… well I haven’t done that with anyone.”
“Why do they think you have?”
“That’s the thing. They just assumed it. I didn’t tell them I didn’t. I was going to, but Cynthia wouldn’t let me. She said having the other cheerleaders thinking we were doing it, made them look up to her. So, I just played into it, instead. Now, everyone thinks we have.”
I frown. “And this Cynthia wants it that way?”
“I don’t know, girls are weird. Cynthia’s older than I am. I mean I’ll be sixteen this year. But, she’s seventeen, so, maybe girls just think you have to have sex to be in a relationship. I probably should I guess. All my friends have.”