by Jordan Marie
“Jansen,” I whisper, because his words smooth over my fear and leave me without words, other than his name.
“I’m going to make you come for me, baby. Make you come and then bury myself in you so I can feel you climax against my cock.”
In all my years, sex has been an act, a mostly silent one. I’ve had good and I’ve had bad. With Orville, I could only describe it as good in its own way, but it was an act to show my love and gratitude. Jansen? Jansen is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I love the way he talks to me, his voice deep and threaded with hunger. He doesn’t hide his desire, and his words make me feel… beautiful.
Never.
I’ve never felt that way. Not since the day I was violated.
Not once.
It’s silly to think that one man can heal a wound so deep that nothing has been able to even touch it, but right now that’s what it feels like with Jansen.
Beautiful and safe.
29
Jansen
I slide my fingers into her wet, heated depths. I can feel her walls flutter around me, opening, letting me in… trying to pull me in deeper. She’s as skittish as a young foal and I don’t want to scare her. I suspect that she’s been hurt in the past. Something in her eyes gave that away. Now, I’m more convinced than ever that she has been. I want to go slow, to take my time and be gentle with her.
That need wars with the one that makes me want to bury myself so deep inside of her that she won’t be able to walk without remembering how I felt between her legs. My cock is so hard that it’s painful, the shaft pressed so tight against my jeans that I can feel the cold metal of the zipper pressing painfully.
“Hold your breast out for me, baby. Offer it up to me,” I encourage, wanting her to be a part of our lovemaking, wanting her to give herself to me in every way.
Slowly she does, her face a deep pink—a mixture of hunger and shyness. I’ve never seen a woman more beautiful than she is right now. I suck the wanton, little nipple back into my mouth at the same time I begin moving my fingers in and out of her pussy. Her hips follow the slow but steady rhythm I set. I let my thumb graze against her clit. It’s throbbing and so covered in her juices that I moan with the need to taste her.
“Look at me, baby,” I command.
Her head is back, her eyes at half mast, her breathing ragged and she’s completely lost to the sensations of her body. I drink it in, but I need her eyes on me.
“Ida Sue. Look at me,” I repeat, making my voice harder, filled with authority.
Her head tilts upward to look at me, as I lift my hand from her body, her sweet little pussy trying to keep me inside. I tilt away from her body just enough, so I can bring the two fingers I had buried inside of her toward her upturned breast. I use them to paint her nipple, coating it in her juices and making it glisten, all while my gaze is locked on her face. She watches me, biting on her lip the entire time.
“Jansen…”
Before she can say anything else, I suck her nipple back into my mouth. I do it while I thrust my fingers back into her pussy. I keep my thumb pressed against her clit while I tunnel them in and out of her. I do it almost violently. There’s nothing slow about the way I finger fuck her, nothing gentle about the way I ravish her breast with bruising force.
I can’t go easy, not with the taste of her in my mouth, not while swallowing her sweet honey and taking it inside of me, and definitely not when I know she’s marking me as hers so deeply that it will last a lifetime.
“Jansen,” Ida Sue says again. Her fingers move through my hair, her nails scoring into my scalp and she pulls my head hungrily into her breast. “Don’t stop,” she gasps.
I groan, my mouth too full of her tit to reply, and I’m just unwilling to let it go.
“It feels so good, Jansen. Don’t stop,” she moans into my ear. I feel her lips move to the space where my neck and shoulder meet and then her teeth bite into me.
Jesus, fuck, that feels good.
“Can’t stop, baby. I need inside of you. I want to make you come. I want to feel you come while I’m fucking you.”
My voice is hoarse, guttural and full of a hunger so intense that it hurts to breathe. I pull away from her. Ida Sue is right there with me, grabbing her shirt and bra that I bunched up, getting ready to lift it over her head. I’m already undoing my pants, unable to wait another minute and then…
“Jansen? You up there?”
I hear Green call out to me from below.
“No…” I hear Ida Sue cry softly.
I want to cry with her.
“Fuck.”
Ida Sue’s head drops down as she pulls her bra and shirt back in place.
“Jansen! I came down to the barn to help you work on…
We’re scrambling. I’m rebuttoning my pants, as Ida Sue tries to pull hers up just as Green pops up at the door.
“Ew! Gross! You’re porking my mom!”
“Watch your mouth, Son,” I growl.
“I’m going to have to burn my eyes out now,” Green whines.
“Green, get out.”
“Mom.”
“I’ll be in, in a bit. Get your ass down this tree and mind me before I give you something to whine about,” she orders.
“Geez. Fine. I thought you said we weren’t supposed to say ass,” he mutters, moving back down the ladder.
“It’s in the Bible, but I’ll ask Jesus for forgiveness later, about the time I’m asking him to forgive me for setting your ass on fire and making it shine so bright the astronauts can see it from space, because you’re backtalking me.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” he complains, before disappearing out of sight.
“Lovey—”
“Welcome to life with kids, Jansen,” she sighs. “The damn little cockblockers,” she mutters laying back down on the pad I had on the floor.
“I guess the moment is over, huh?” I ask, moving to lie beside her, my balls throbbing.
“Yeah,” she says, her eyes closed, her arm thrown haphazardly over her face. “Maybe this is a bad idea. I’m too old for a relation—”
I stop her with a kiss. It’s quick and hard, but definitely effective. I pull back just enough so she can look into my eyes.
“If you think for one minute, Ida Sue Lucas, that I’m going to let you walk away from me after the sweet taste I just had of you, you better damn well think again.”
“Jansen—”
“I’m not letting you go. I want you, all of you. I even want your crazy kids. That’s not going to change, Honey Girl.”
She watches me closely, her eyes appraising me. I feel like I’m holding my breath. I was serious when I told her that I wasn’t giving her up, but it sure as hell would make things easier if she didn’t fight me on it. Her hand comes up and rests on the side of my face.
“You could find a woman it’d be simpler to have something with, Jansen,” she says gently.
“I’d rather have something with a woman that I know was worth all the bullshit that goes along with a relationship, Lovey.”
“All the bullshit?” she questions with a smile.
“You’re not walking away from me, Ida Sue. I won’t let you.”
“I should. It’d be easier for both of us.”
“I don’t like easy. Give me complicated any day of the week and twice on Sunday if that means it’s you I’m kissing and you who I’m buried deep inside of when the morning sun comes up.”
“What am I going to do with you Jansen Reed?”
“Keep me.”
“I don’t suppose you’re giving me a choice,” she says, her head dropping down.
I wrap her up in my arms, kissing the top of her head.
“Now you’re starting to understand,” I murmur softly against her hair.
I hold her like that. I don’t know how long. Long enough for the ache of unfulfilled need to leave us both. Long enough to recognize that after all this time I’ve finally fallen in love.
&
nbsp; For the last time in my life.
30
Jansen
“And what are you doing?”
I turn to see Ida Sue grinning at me. She has her hair pulled up today and she’s wearing a soft yellow dress, holding a sleeping Mary in her arms. She’s enough to take a man’s breath.
“Well, it’s Saturday and I finished riding the fence lines, so I thought I’d rope the boys into helping me on a project.”
“What kind of project?”
She has a saucy grin when she asks me that. If I wasn’t surrounded by all of her kids, I’d tackle her to the ground. It’s been barely two days since our evening in the treehouse, but it feels like forever. If I don’t have her soon, I’m going to go insane.
“I have this girlfriend who is afraid of heights, so the boys and I have decided to build a new playhouse.”
“It’s a clubhouse, Jansen,” Black complains.
“Yeah man, you’re messing with our street cred calling it a playhouse,” Green adds.
“Petal has more street cred than you do, dumbass,” Blue mutters.
“Mom, Blue called me a dumbass,” Green whines.
“That’s because you’re being one, dear,” Ida Sue answers, giving me a wink.
“Yeah, you’re being one!”
“Cyan, stop it before I wash your mouth out with soap.”
“Yeah, stop,” Green says, pushing his brother.
“How about all of you stop and run into the house and get us some waters while I talk to your mom?”
“Yeah, let’s go. They’re probably going to get all kissy-faced,” Green mutters, the first one to run away. Ida Sue holds her head down.
“Mom and Jansen sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Cyan sing-songs, following the rest of his brothers in the house.
“It’s amazing how that boy can spell to irritate the piss out of me, but flunk his tests in school that ask him to spell the word box,” she says with a sigh.
I laugh.
“Where are you two headed today?”
“I was going to see if you wanted to go into town with me. I wanted to take Mary and find some shoes. She’s outgrown her last pair and she needs some to support her feet now that she’s walking so much.”
“She sure is getting big, she barely fits in your arms now.”
“Don’t I know it? This child is a chunk. Really, I was just hoping to spend some time with you. You look busy, though. Why are you building a playhouse?”
“Because you’re afraid of heights.”
“I’m not following.”
I wipe my hands on my pant legs and reach out and take Mary. Even over the sweat and heat of the day, I smell her little baby smell and it wraps around my heart. Ida Sue lets her go with a sigh.
“Shew, she was starting to break my arms. Now tell me what you’re talking about.”
“You’re afraid of heights. What happens if one of the kids get up in that tree and needs you? And what about little Petal? She’s starting to go up in there more and more. It’s not that high up, but she could still get hurt. Plus, there are a lot of boards on that thing that need replaced. It’s not entirely safe.”
“I know. It’s just nothing I’ve been able to fix on my own.”
“So, I’m fixing it for you.”
“You’re fixing the treehouse by building a playhouse?” she laughs.
“I’m going to tear the treehouse down and use the good wood, along with what I have to build a bigger playhouse for the kids. That way everyone is happy and you aren’t worrying yourself to death.”
“And the boys agreed to this?”
“I can be very persuasive,” I brag and I’m rewarded with Ida Sue’s blush.
“You don’t have to tell me twice, Jansen Reed. Trust me, I already know.”
“Then, you might like to know that I’m making it big enough that you and I can stand up in it.”
“Umm… okay?”
“That way when I do get you to myself again, we don’t have to waste time. I’ll just push you up against the wall and take you,” I tell her, my voice dropping down.
I watch her eyes dilate, her face fill with heat and I can read the hunger on her body clearly—maybe because it mirrors my own.
“You better make it extra sturdy then, Jansen.”
“Already working on it, Lovey.”
“Good,” she says leaning in to kiss me.
“Mom! Jansen! Come quick!”
Both of us freeze and turn to look at Maggie who is running toward us with panic in her voice. Kayla and Petal are running just behind her. I hand the baby back and walk to them, Ida Sue close on my heels.
“What’s wrong girls?”
“We were walking out by the creekbank, close to the Mighty Oak,” Maggie says, using the nickname that everyone calls the oak tree that now holds mine and Ida Sue’s initials.
“We were looking at the new calves in the pasture and there’s this gunky black stuff bubbling in their pond. They can’t drink that, Jansen! It will make them sick!” Kayla adds, out of breath.
“I don’t want the baby cows to die, Jansen,” Petal cries.
“They won’t die, baby,” I tell her leaning down to wipe a couple of her tears away. “I better saddle up Duke and see what’s going on,” I add.
“Maggie, you take Mary. Jansen and I will take the truck and see what’s going on.”
“Ida Sue—”
“It’ll be quicker and besides you might need my help.”
“But your dress, you might stain it—”
“There are other dresses. Let’s get going. Those calves put food on our table. Maybe someday they might even provide a table,” she jokes, handing the baby over to Maggie.
I grin. I have her table done. I just need to put the final varnish on the benches and then I’ll show her. I wish it was already Valentine’s Day, because I really want to show her now.
I take her hand and we head out towards the shed on the side of the barn.
Soon, I can give her the table and the ring.
I just hope she says yes…
31
Jansen
“You made this?” Gray asks as him and White walk into the barracks where I’ve been staying. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I find myself getting nervous. Things have been crazy since Kayla and Maggie discovered oil was bubbling up by where I had put in some fence posts the day before. I’m not expecting much from it. I suspect I tapped into an old line that was run through the pasture while Orville was alive. Ida Sue doesn’t have any idea about that kind of thing. Still, it is all that’s been on everyone’s minds here, including Ida Sue’s. Which means, I haven’t had a chance to talk to her alone—at least about us. I think we’re on the same page, but I would have liked a little more time with her before popping the question tomorrow.
I guess in some ways I might be jumping the gun kind of quick. The thing is, it doesn’t feel quick to me. I’ve spent most of my life alone, feeling like I had nothing in this world that mattered. The moment I saw Ida Sue my attention was captured. After talking to her, I felt… centered. Spending time with her, kissing her, laughing with her, watching her with her children and a million other little things have made it clear that Ida Sue is my future.
I’m forty-four and I don’t want to waste another moment of my life. I want to begin our lives together.
I can only hope Ida Sue feels the same.
“Yeah. Do you think your Momma will like it?” I ask, hoping I’m hiding my nerves, at least a little. I made a huge table. It’s not anything special. Without my work shop, I couldn’t put a lot of special touches on it. I did a dark stain and made sure it was big enough to fit a family the size of this one and could even fit a little more as the kids get older and have families of their own. I carved small flowers into the legs. Basically, it was small flowers climbing up the legs on a vine. There’s a lotus flower, a magnolia blossom and a marigold. I even added in a buttercup, because it’s looking more and more like
little Kayla will end up living here full time. Her mother is extremely sick, and Kayla’s stepfather shows zero interest in the little thing.
At the top of each leg, I’ve carved a lily and I colored it a soft pink which reminds me of Ida Sue. I’m hoping she likes it, that she understands what I’m saying with the table. Most of all I hope that she understands that she means everything to me. I tried to show her with this gift.
I took special care with each of the flowers and stained each a different color. Pale black, soft blue, a white wash, a light green, and a medium gray. Cyan was the tricky son to pin down. I’m not even going to lie, I had no idea what that color was. When I looked it up and discovered it was a mixture of green and blue, I had a hell of a time getting it to turn out. I finally got close I think. The sales lady called the stain a silky teal. I don’t know about any of that, but it’s pretty and blended in well with the others.
Because I was crunched for time and spent way too much making the flowers and colors mean something, I ended up just making large benches instead of chairs. Each bench has the letter I engraved in the wood. I started to add a J, but I didn’t want to overstep.
“Damn Jansen, this is beautiful. You built this in just a couple of weeks?”
“Yeah. I used to do a lot of wood working. It came pretty easy,” I tell them, underplaying it. The truth is, I worked nonstop. I’d get up two hours early every morning and work before I went out on the ranch and checked the fields and the pastures. Then, I’d come back after dinner and I’d work until I was literally falling asleep. If it wasn’t for Green’s help, I’m still not sure I would have gotten it done.
“Mom will love it,” White says, looking at me strange.
“What?” I ask, knowing what’s coming next.
“When you called last night and asked to talk to me and Gray alone, I won’t lie Jansen. I thought maybe you were planning on leaving.”
“We didn’t want that—just for the record,” Gray adds.