Faro Nell and Her Friends: Wolfville Stories

by Alfred Henry Lewis

  X

  HOW TUTT SHOT TEXAS THOMPSON

  "Which they starts the yarn in Red Dog that the shootin' that timebetween Tutt an' Texas is born of sectional feelin', an' becauseTexas is a southern gent, while Tutt comes from the No'th. Sechexplainations is absurd--as Doc Peets well says. Also, I'm yere to goone word further an' state that, while it's like them Red Dogs, idlean' mendacious as they freequent be, to go fosterin' sech fictions,thar ain't a syllable of trooth tharin from soda to hock. Theflareup has its start in them two children, Annalinda Thompson an'little Enright Peets, an' what sentiments of rivalry nacherallyseizes on Tutt an' Texas as parent an' uncle reespective."

  "Still there must have been some degree of sectional feeling amongyou," I said, more by way of stirring my old cattleman up than anynobler purpose; "coming some of you from the South, and others fromthe North, it would have been strange indeed had it been otherwise."

  "Which it's shore strange, then. Them Wolfville pards of mine is onean' all United States men. They ain't Southern men, nor No'thern men,nor Eastern men, nor even Western men. Likewise, the improodent sportwho'd go trackin' 'round, ondertaikin' to designate 'em as sech, wouldget toomultuous action, plenty soon and plenty of it.

  "Why, take Texas himse'f: Thar's a fly-by-night party pesterin' 'roundcamp for a space, who lets on he's from the same neck of woods asTexas. This yere annoyin' fraud is a heap proud of it, too, an' makesa speshulty of bein' caught a lot in Texas' company. He figgers itgives him a standin'.

  "One mornin', when only a few of us is pervadin' 'round, he plantshimse'f plumb comfortable an' important in a Red Light cha'r, an'followin' the 'nitial drink for the day goes to talkin' with Texas.

  "As he sets thar, all fav'rable an' free, thar comes trackin' in aaged Eastern gent, who's been negotiatin' with Armstrong aboutbusiness concernin' the Noo York store. The aged Eastern shorthorngoes rockin' up to the counter, an' p'litely lets on to Black Jackthat he'll licker. As he does so this yere firegilt party who boastshe's of the same range an' breed as Texas speaks up, sharp an' coarse,like the bark of a dog:

  "'Yere, you! I wants a word or two with you-all!'

  "With that for a start he onfurls what he preetends is his grievances,the same bein' because of somethin' the aged Eastern sport does ordon't do comin' over on Monte's stage--which they're fellow passengersthat time, it seems--an' next he cuts loose, an' goes to vitooperatin'an' reecrim'natin', an' pilin' insult on epithet, that a-way, to beatfour of a kind. Which he certainly does give that aged Eastern persona layin' out! Shore; he's jest showin' off at that, an' tryin' toimpress Texas.

  "At the beginnin' the aged Eastern gent stands like he's dazed, onableto collect himse'f. However, he gets his mental feet onder him, an'allowin' he won't stay none to listen to sech tirades, tucks away hisnosepaint an' pulls out.

  "After he's gone the vitooperative party wheels so's to face Texas,an' says--mighty pleasant an' agree'ble, like the object of themeetin's been most happ'ly accomplished:

  "'Thar, that shows you.'

  "'Whatever does it show?' Texas asks, some grim.

  "'Which it shows the difference between a No'thern gent an' a Southerngent. To be shore, that old cimmaron ain't half my size an' is twictmy age, but all the same, Texas, if he's from the South, you bet, likeyou an' me, he'd tore into me, win or lose, if he'd got killed!'

  "'You think so?' says Texas, his eyes becomin' as hard an' glitterin'as a snake's. 'Now let me tell you something, my lionhearted friend.Thar's brave men South, an' brave men No'th. Also, thar's quitters;quitters at both ends of that No'thern-Southern trail who'll go intothe water like a mink. Accordin' to my experiences, an' I've beendallyin' with hoomanity in the herd for quite some time, thar'snothin' in that geographical bluff of yours at all. Moreover, Ireckons that before I'm through, seein' now you've got me goin', I'llprove it. For a starter, then, takin' your say-so for it, you're aSouthern man?'

  "'Which that's shore c'rrect,' the other responds, but feeble; 'youan' me, as I says former, is both Southern men.'

  "'_Bueno!_ Now as calk'lated to demonstrate how plumb onfounded isthem theeries of yours'--yere Texas gets up, an' kicks his cha'r backso he's got room--'I has pleasure in informin' you that you're aonmitigated hoss-thief;--an' you don't dare stand up. Yes, sir; you'reonfit to drink with a nigger or eat with a dog;--an' you'll set tharan' take it.'

  "Which that aboosive party, pale as paper, certainly does 'set tharan' take it' preecisely as Texas prophecies; an' after glowerin' athim, red-eyed an' f'rocious for a moment, Texas sticks his paws in hisjeans, an' sa'nters off.

  "It's jest as well. Why, if that humbug so much as curls a lip orcrooks a finger, after Texas takes to enunciatin' them prop'sitions inphilosophy, Texas'd have tacked him to the table with his bowie an'left him kickin', same as them goggled-eyed professors who callsthemselves nacheralists does some buzzin' fly with a pin.

  "'Which, if thar's anything,' Texas explains to Enright, 'that makesme tired partic'lar, it's them cracks about No'th an' South. If I wasrange boss for these yere United States I'd shore have themdeescriptives legislated into a cap'tal offence.'

  "'Sech observations as that narrow tarrapin onbosoms,' commentsEnright, 'only goes to show how shallow he is. Comin' down to theturn, even that old Eastern shorthorn's walkin' away from him don'tnecessar'ly mean a lack of sand. Folks does a heap of runnin' in thisvale of tears, but upon various an' varyin' argyooments. A gent runsfrom a polecat, an' he runs from a b'ar; but the reason ain't thesame.'

  "Thar's no sectionalisms in Tutt's differences with Texas, nonewhatever. Also, while it finds, as I holds, its roots in Annalinda an'little Enright Peets, it don't arise from nothin' which them babiesdoes to one another. Two pups in the same basket, two birds on thesame bough, couldn't have got along more harmon'ous. The moment Nellbrings little Enright Peets over to see Annalinda them children fallstogether like a shock of oats, an' at what times they're onhobbled offam'ly reestrictions an' footloose so to do, you'd see 'em playin''round from sun-up till dark, same as a pa'r of angels.

  "Troo, Annalinda does domineer over little Enright Peets, an' makeshim fetch an' carry an' wait on her; an' thar's times, too, when sheshore beats him up with a stick or quirt some lib'ral. But what elsewould you expect? I even encounters little Enright Peets, down onall-fours, an' Annalinda ridin' him like he's a hoss. Likewise, she'skickin' his ribs a heap, to make him go faster. But that's nothin';them two babies is only playin'.

  "Not that I'm none so shore it ain't this yere last identicalspectacle which gives Nell the notion of them two children marryin' atsome footure day. That, however, is merest surmise, an' in a manneronimportant. What I'd like to get proned into you-all is that Texasan' Tutt lockin' horns like they does has its single cause in themlatent jealousies an' struggles for social preecedence, which is boundto occur between a only father an' a only uncle wharever found. Whichthe single safegyard lies in sech a multitoode of fathers an' unclesas renders 'em common. To possess but one of each makes 'em puffed upan' pride-blown, an' engenders a mootual uppishness which before allis over is shore to man'fest itse'f in war.

  "Thar's one boast we-all is able to make, however. That clash betweenTutt an' Texas is the only shore-enough trouble which ever breaks outamong the boys. You onderstands, of course, that when I says 'boys'that a-way, I alloodes to Enright an' Peets an' them others whoconstitootes Wolfville's social an' commercial backbone. Thar's otherembroglios more or less smoky an' permiscus, which gets pulled off oneway an' another, but they ain't held to apply to us of rights. Forsech alien hookups, so to speak, we reefooses all reespons'bility.Which we regyards them escapades as fortooitous, an' declines 'emutter. Tutt's goin' against Texas is the only war-jig we feels to bereely Wolfville's."

  "You forget," I said teasingly, "the shooting between Boggs and Tutt,as incident to the Washerwoman's War."

  "Which, that?" There was impatience tinged with acrimony in the tones."That's nothin' more'n gallantry. It's what's to be looked for wharthar's ladies ab
out, an' is doo to a over-effervescence of sperit,common to the younger males of our species when made gala an' giddy bythe alloorin' flutter of a petticoat. Boggs an' Tutt don't honestlymean them bullets none. Also, if you-all is goin' to keep on with yourimbecile interruptions, I'll quit."

  Abject apologies on my part, supported by equally abject promises ofreform.

  The old gentleman, thus mollified, resumed:

  "Goin' back to this yere Tutt-Texas collision, thar's no denyin', an'be fa'r about it, but what Tutt has grounds. For goin' on five yearshe's been looked up to as the only father in camp, an' for Texas toappear at what you-all might call the 'leventh hour an' go crowdin'disdainfully into the picture on nothin' more'n bein' a uncle, ispreepost'rous. To prance 'round on sech a meager showin', puttin' onthe dog he does, an' all in a somber, overbearin' way like he'spackin' the world on his shoulders an' we-all's got to be a heapcareful not to do nothin' to him to make him drop it, is inexcoosableto the verge of outrage. No rel'tive in the third or fo'th degree isjestified to assoome sech sooperiorities; an' Enright tells Texas soafter Peets digs the lead out of the thick of his laig.

  "Which we gets orig'nal notice about Annalinda, when a passel of us,as is our custom followin' first drink time in the evenin', driftsinto the post office. Some gets letters, some don't; an' Texas, who,as a roole, don't have no voloominous correspondence, is sayin' thathe has the same feelin' about letters he has about trant'lers, asbein' a heap more likely to sting you than anything else, when thepostmaster shoves him out one.

  "It's from Laredo, an' when Texas gets a glimpse at the mark on it helets it fall onopened to the floor.

  "'It's my former wife!' he says, with a shudder. 'Yere she is,startin' in to get the upper hand of me ag'in.'

  "'Nonsense!' says Peets, pickin' up the letter, 'it's from somelawyers. Can't you see their names yere up in the corner?'

  "'That don't mean nothin',' Texas whispers--he's shore a heap shook;'it'd be about her speed, as she goes plottin' afresh to ondermine mein my present peace, to rope up a law-wolf to show her how.'

  "Bein' urged by Peets, an' the balance of us asshorin' him we'll standpat in his destinies come what may an' defend him to the bitterfinish, Texas manages to open the envelope. As he stands thar readin'the scare in his face begins to fade in favor of a look of gloom.

  "'Gents,' he says, at last, 'it's my brother Ed. He's cashed in.' Weexpresses the reg'lation reegrets, an' Texas continyoos: 'Ed leaves mehis baby girl, Annalinda--she's my niece.' After a pause he adds:'This yere shore requires consideration.'

  "'These law sharps,' explains Texas, when we're organized all sociablein the Red Light, an' Black Jack's come through on right an' reg'larlines, 'allows it's Ed's dyin' reequest that I take an' ride paternalherd on this infant child.'

  "'But how about its mother?' urges Enright.

  "'Which it ain't got none. Its mother dies two years ago. Now Ed'spacked in, that baby's been whipsawed; it's a full-fledged orphan,goin' an' comin'.'

  "'Ain't thar no rel'tives on the mother's side?' asks Nell, from overback of Cherokee's lay out.

  "'Meanest folks, Nellie,' says Texas, 'bar none, between the Coloradoan' the Mississippi. You see they're kin to my Laredo wife, me an' Edboth marryin' into the same tribe. Which it shows the Thompsonintell'gence. Thar ain't a Thompson yet who don't need a guardeenconstant.'

  "After no end of discussion that a-way it's onderstood to be thegen'ral notion that Texas ought to bring Ed's orphan baby toWolfville.

  "'But s'ppose,' says Texas, 'that in spite of Ed wantin' me to cast myprotectin' pinions over this yere infant, its mother's outfit,thinkin' mebby to shake me down for some _dinero_, objects?'

  "'In which case,' says Boggs, who's plumb interested, 'you sends forme, Texas, an' we mavericks it. You ain't goin' to let no sech callousan' onfeelin' gang as your wife's folks go 'round dictatin' about Ed'sAnnalinda child, be you, an' givin' you a stand-off? Which you'reonly tryin' to execoote Ed's dying behests.'

  "It's settled final that Texas, ag'inst whatever opp'sition, has gotto bring on Annalinda to us. That disposed of, it next comesnacherally up as a question how, when we gets Annalinda safe toWolfville, she's goin' to be took care of.

  "'Which the O. K. Restauraw won't do,' Texas says, lookin' anxious outof the tail of his eye at Enright an' Peets. 'Mind, I ain't hintin'nothin' ag'inst Missis Rucker, who hasn't got her Southwest equal atflapjacks, but I submits that for a plastic child that a-way, at atime when it receives impressions easy, to daily witness the way shemaltreats Rucker, is to go givin' that infant wrong idees of what'scoming to husbands as a whole. I'm a hard man, gents; but I don't aimto bring up this yere Annalinda baby so that one day she's encouragedto go handin' out the racket to some onforchoonate sport, which myLaredo wife hands me.'

  "'Thar's reasons other than Missis Rucker,' Enright is quick toobserve, 'why the O. K. House ain't the fittest place for infancy,an' any discussion of our esteemable hostess in them maritalattitoodes of hers is sooperfluous. S'ppose we lets it go, withoutelab'ration, that the O. K. House, from nursery standp'ints, won'tdo.'

  "Cherokee thinks that mighty likely a good way'd be to have Annalindalive with Tutt an' Tucson Jennie.

  "Peets shakes his sagacious head.

  "'Dave'll onderstand my p'sition to be purely scientific,' he says,glancin' across at Tutt, 'when I states that sech a move'd be a error.Tucson Jennie, as wife an' mother, is as fine as silk. But she's alsoa female woman, an' owns a papoose of her own. Thar's inborn reasonswhy woman, as sech, while sympathetic an' gen'rally speakin' plumblovely, is oncapable onder certain circumstances of a squar' deal. Inthis yere business of babies, for example, thar's existed throughoutthe ages a onbridgable gulf in her eyes between her offspring an'other folks' offspring; an' while disclaiming all disloyalty to TucsonJennie, I'm obleeged to say that as between Annalinda an' littleEnright Peets, she wouldn't be cap'ble of a even break. Do Ioverstate the trooth, Dave?'

  "'None whatever,' Tutt returns. 'What you discovers scientific, Doc, Ilearns more painfully as husband an' father. I fully agrees that whenit comes to other folks' children no female mother can hold theonbiased scales.'

  "'Thar's French an' his wife?' chirps Nell, her elbow on the lay-out,an' her little round chin in her fist; 'thar's the Frenches, over tothe corrals? French an' Benson Annie ain't got no children, an' they'dbe pleased to death at havin' Annalinda.'

  "'But be they competent?' asks Texas, over whom a feelin' ofse'f-importance is already beginnin' to creep like ivy on a wall. 'Idon't want to be considered a carper, but as I sees it I'd be doin'less'n my dooty as a uncle if I fails to ask, Be them Frenchescompetent?'

  "'You'll have to rope up a nurse some'ers, anyhow, Texas,' Boggs putsin. 'Thar's dozens of them good-nachered fat young senoritas among theMexicans who'll do. The nurse would know her business, even if theFrenches don't.'

  "'Two nurses,' declar's Tutt. 'Bein' a father, I savvys the nursegame from start to finish. You'll need two; one to hold it, an' one tofetch it things.'

  "'But about them Frenches?' inquires Jack Moore. 'Ain't we goin' alittle fast? Mebby they themselves has objections.'

  "'Which they'd look mighty well,' observes Cherokee, riflin' the deckan' snappin' it into the box plenty vicious, 'to go 'round objectin'after Nellie yere's done put 'em in nom'nation for this trust.'

  "'Not that they'd reeject it haughty,' explains Moore; 'but, as Texashimse'f says, who's to know, they bein' mighty modest people, thatthey'll regyard themselves as comp'tent? The Frenches ain't had nopractice, an' thar's nothin' easier than a misdeal about a youngone.Thar's a brainless mother saws her baby off on me over in Prescott oneday, while she goes cavortin' into a store to buy a frock, an' you-allcan go put a bet on it I'm raisin' the he'pless long yell inside ofthe first minute. This takin' charge of babies ain't no sech pushoveras it looks. It's certainly no work for amatoors.'

  "'Thar's nothin' in them doubts, Jack,' Boggs chips in confidently.'Even if them Frenches ain't had no practice, an'
the nurses shouldfall down, thar's dozens of us who'll be ever at the elbow of thathousehold; an' if in their ignorance they takes to bunglin' the playwe'll be down on 'em in the cockin' of a winchester to give 'em theproper steer.'

  "'I reckon, Nellie,' says Texas, lookin' wistful across at Nell,'that if some of the boys yere'll stand your watch as lookout,you'd put in a day layin' in a outfit of duds? You could be doin'it, you know, while I'm down in Laredo, treating with them hostilesfor possession.'

  "'Shore,' an' Nellie smiles at the prospect. 'Which I'll jest gostampedin' over to Tucson for 'em, too. How old is Annalinda?'

  "Texas gives Annalinda's age as three.

  "'She'll be four next fall,' says he; 'I remembers Ed writes me she'sborn durin' the beef round-up.'

  "'In that case,' comments Enright, 'she ought to stand about eighthands high. In clawin' together said raiment, Nellie, that'll give yousome impression of size.'

  "'An', Nellie,' continyoos Texas, 'my idee is you'll want to changein say a thousand dollars?'

  "'Why, Texas, you talk like you're locoed. One hundred'll win out allthe clothes she could sp'ile, w'ar or t'ar to pieces in a year.'

  "'Shore,' coincides Tutt; 'take little Enright Peets. One hundred_pesos_ leaves him lookin' like a circus.'

  "'But Annalinda,' objects Texas doubtfully, 'is a She. It costs morefor girls. That Laredo wife of mine'd blow in the price of sixty headof cattle, an' then allow she ain't half dressed.'

  "'One hundred'll turn the trick,' Nell insists.

  "All that night we sets up discussin' an' considerin'. The more wetalks the better we likes that Annalinda idee.

  "At sun-up, b'arin' the best wishes of all, Texas cinches a hull intohis quickest pony, an' hits the trail for Tucson to take the railroadkyars for Laredo.

  "'Which, onless they gives me more of a battle than I anticipates,' heremarks, as he pushes his feet into the stirrup, 'I'll be back by tendays.'

  "'An', Texas,' says Boggs, detainin' him by the bridle rein, 'you-allbeat it into that baby that I'm her Uncle Dan. It'll give yousomething to do comin' back.'

  "'Which, jedgin' from what I goes through that day in Prescott,'remarks Moore, mighty cynical, 'Texas'll have plenty to do.'

  "Texas don't meet up with no partic'lar Laredo opposition, themrelatives appearin' almost eager to give him Annalinda. One of 'emeven goes the insultin' len'th of offerin' to split the expense, butwithdraws his bluff when Texas threatens to brain him with asix-shooter.

  "Boggs, hearin' of this Laredo willin'ness, can't onderstand it nohow.

  "'It's too many for me,' he says. 'If it's me, now, I'd have clung tothat blessed baby till the cows come home. They must shore bedeeficient in taste, them Laredo yahoos!'

  "As exhibitin' how soon bein' moved into cel'bration as a uncle beginsto tell on Texas he ups an' in the fullness of his vanity deecides,even before he arrives at Laredo, ag'inst the scheme which the camp'shalf laid out about the Frenches an' Annalinda, an' arranges to havea 'doby of his own. It's a blow to the Frenches, too, for since wenotifies 'em, they has set their hearts on the racket.

  "But Texas is immov'ble.

  "'Ed's dyin',' says he, 'an' namin' me to be reespons'ble forAnnalinda, creates a sityooation best met by me havin' a wickeyup ofmy own. I'm sorry to disapp'int, but after matoore reeflection, thata-way, I've conclooded to play a lone hand.'

  "While he's away Texas goes projectin' 'round an' cuts out a couple ofold black mammies from a day nursery over in Dallas, an' brings 'emalong. They an' Annalinda rides over from Tucson in the stage; but,bein' more familiar with the saddle, an' because he's better abletharfrom to soopervise an' go dictatin' terms to Monte, he himse'fcomes on his pony.

  "'An', gents,' whines Monte, as, throwin' down the reins, he heads forthe Red Light bar, 'between us he ain't the same Texas. ThatAnnalinda child has shore changed him turrible. All the way fromTucson, when he ain't crowdin' up to the wheel to give orders to themSenegambians about how to hold or when to feed her, he's menacin' atme. That's why I'm three hours late. At rough places it looks likethar ain't no name mean enough for him to call me; an' once, whenthe front wheel jolts into a chuckhole an' Annalinda sets up asquall, he pulls a gun an' threatens in the most frenzied way to shootme up. "You be more careful," he roars, "or I'll blow you plumb offyour perch! Childhood, that a-way, is a fragile flower; an' if youfiggers I'll set yere an', in the tender instance of my own pers'nalniece, see some booze-besotted drunkard break that flower short offat the stalk, I'll fool you up a whole lot." An' do you-all know,'Monte concloodes, almost with a sob, 'he never does let down thehammer of his .45 ag'in for most a mile.'

  "Annalinda is plumb pretty. The whole camp goes her way like alandslide. Tucson Jennie approves of her--with reeservations, ofcourse, in favor of little Enright Peets; Missis Rucker finds time tosnatch a few moments, between feedin' us an' bossin' Rucker, to go seeher every day; while, as for Nell, she's in an' out of Texas' 'dobymornin', noon an' night to sech extents that half the time Cherokeeain't got no lookout, an' when he has it's Boggs.

  "HIM AN' ANNALINDA SHORE DO CONSTITOOTE A PICTURE. 'THAR'SA PA'R TO DRAW TO,' SAYS NELL TO TEXAS, HER EYES LIKE BROWN DIAMONDS."p. 281.]

  "Nell brings over little Enright Peets, an' thar's no backin' awayfrom it him an' Annalinda shore do constitoote a picture.

  "'Thar's a pa'r to draw to!' says Nell to Texas, her eyes likediamonds.

  "Bein' romantic, like all girls, an' full of fancies that a-way, Nellindulges in playful specyoolations about Annalinda an' little EnrightPeets gettin' married later on. Not that she intends anything,although Texas takes it plenty serious, which shows how his egotism isalready workin' overtime.

  "When Monte puts up them groans about how Texas is changed, we-alllays it to the complainin' habit which, on account of whiskey mebby,has got to be second nacher with him. He's always kickin' aboutsomething; an' so, nacherally, when he onbosoms himse'f of that howlabout Texas, we don't pay no speshul heed. It ain't three days,however, before it begins to break on us that for once Monte's right.Texas has certainly changed. Thar's a sooperior manner, what you'dcall a loftiness, about him, which is hard to onderstand an' harderto put up with. It gets to be his habit constant to reemark in awearied way, as he slops out his drinks, that we-all'll have toexcoose him talkin' to us much, because he's got cares on his mind,besides bein' played out on account of settin' up all night withAnnalinda.

  "'Which she's sheddin' her milk teeth,' he'd say, 'an' it makes herpetyoolant.'

  "After which he'd turn away in dignified tol'ration, same as if we'retoo low an' dull to a'preeciate what he has to b'ar.

  "Or, ag'in--an' always before the draw--he'd throw down his hand in apoker game, an' scramble to his feet, sayin':

  "'Heavens! I forgets about that Annalinda child!'

  "An' with that he'd go skallyhootin' off into space, leavin' usplanted thar with a misdeal on our hands, an' each one of us holdin'mebby better than aces-up, an' feelin' shore we could have filled.It's nothin' less'n awful the way he acts; an' that we lets him getaway with it exhibits them sentiments of Christian charity whichpermeates our breasts.

  "Thar's the way, too, he goes hectorin' at Boggs! Two occasions inpartic'lar I reecalls; an' it's only Boggs' forbearance thathostil'ties don't ensoo. One time when Annalinda's out for a walk withher two old black mammies Boggs crosses up with the outfit an' kissesAnnalinda. Wharupon Texas yells out from across the street, like he'sbeen bit by a rattlesnake:

  "'Don't do that, Dan! You'll mebby give her something. In MotherShrewsbury's "What Ails Babies and Why" it's laid down emphatic thatyou mustn't kiss 'em.'

  "'But you kisses her,' retorts Boggs.

  "'Me? But I'm her uncle. Besides, I only kisses her hands. Which I'llpermit you-all to kiss her hands, Dan, if that'll do you. Only don'tyou go to overplay it none. Don't forget that hands is the limit, an'it's thar whar you gets off.'

  "'Which I ain't none shore,' says Boggs, who's some hurt, as he'stalkin' the thing over with Enrigh
t an' Cherokee in the RedLight--'which I ain't none shore but Texas is right; only he oughtn'tto throw out them rooles of health of his so plumb offensive. You'dhave reckoned from the row he makes I'm eatin' Annalinda.'

  "Another time Boggs gives Annalinda his six-shooter to play with, shehavin' deemanded it with screams. Texas comes steamin' up.

  "'Dan,' he cries, grabbin' the weepon from Annalinda, 'sometimes Iasks myse'f in all ser'ousness be you got common sense! Is this yere asnare you're settin' for this innocent child? Do you-all want her toblow her head plumb off?'

  "'But, Texas,' Boggs expostyoolates, 'thar ain't a chance. How'sshe goin' to cock that gun, an' the mainspring fifteen poundsresistance?'

  "'But she might drop it.'

  "'Which, if she does, it can't go off none; I sets the hammer betweentwo shells on purpose.'

  "'Whoever's bringin' up this yere baby, you or me?' Texas deemands, ashe tosses Boggs his gun. 'Please don't pass her no more artillery. Ifit's got to whar her existence is goin' to be a failure onless she'sfoolin' with a gun, I as her uncle preefers to furnish said hardwaremyse'f.'

  "Shore, Boggs stands it, it's so evident Texas is onhinged.

  "'An' if you look at it straight it ain't no wonder, neither,' saysBoggs, who's mighty forgivin' that a-way. 'It's apples to ashes if youwas to suddenly up an' enrich any of us with a niece like Annalinda,we-all in goin' crazy over her 'd give Texas kyards an' spades.'

  "Texas, who's always readin' medicine books, likes to go bulgin''round eloocidatin' about measles an' scarlet fever an' whoopin'cough, an' what other maladies is allers layin' in wait to bushwhackinfancy. At sech moments he's plenty speecious an' foxy, so's to trapus into deebates with him. Mebby it'll be about the mumps, an' what'sto be done; an' then, after he gets us goin', he'll r'ar back theactchooal image of insult an' floor us with 'Mother Shrewsbury.' Itain't no overstatin' a sityooation to say he pursoos these yeretactics ontil he's the admitted pest of the camp, an' thar ain't oneof us but would sooner see a passel of Apaches comin' than him. Hecan't confab two minutes about Annalinda but he grows so insultin' yousimply has to hold onto your manhood by the scruff of the neck not togo for him.

  "Even Enright ain't exempt. It comes out casyooally one evenin', asTexas goes layin' down the law about how he's r'arin' Annalinda, thatEnright's mother was wont to sooth an' engage his infantile hours witha sugar-rag an' a string of spools. Which you should have shore seenTexas look at him! Not with reespect, mind you; not like he's heardanything worth while or interestin'. But like he's sayin' to himse'f,'An' you sets thar offerin' yourse'f as a argyooment in favor ofsugar-rags an' strings of spools! On the back of sech a warnin' youdon't figger none I'll go givin' sugar-rags an' strings of spools toAnnalinda, do you?' While he's thinkin' this he grins that patronizin'it'd set your teeth on edge.

  "Texas in a simple sperit of vain-glory'd take advantage of Tutt bein'a father that a-way to back him into a corner; an' then, ignorin' therest of us as belongin' to the barb'rous herd, he'd insist ondiscussin' skunk oil as a remedy for croup. An' the worst of it is hefinally has Tutt, who's bad enough before, gyratin' 'round, his addlednose to the sky in redoubled scorn of childless men. From the twosociablest sports in camp it gets so that the uncle in one an' fatherin the other so far supplants an' shoves aside the mere man in 'emthat Job himse'f would have had to make a new record for meekness an'long sufferin' to get along with 'em. Which we-all suffers from bothto that extent that when they does start to bombardin' each other theeepisode in some of its angles appeals to us as a welcome relief.

  "Even Peets goes after Texas. It don't do no good. He's become thatopinionated he ain't got no more reespect for Peets than for Monte.Texas mentions that Annalinda's got a ache some'ers, an' asks Peetswhat's his idee.

  "'Thar's nothin' onder the firmament, Texas, the matter with thatbaby,' says Peets, 'but you. Which if you'd ever got to him as ayearlin' you'd a-killed Hercules himse'f! Quit yore fussin', an' giveAnnalinda a chance. Take a lesson from the cub coyote. Roll Annalindaout in the sand, an' let her scuffle. That's the way to bring ayoungone up.'

  "'Mother Shrewsbury don't agree with you,' says Texas. 'Also, thar'snothin' in them cub coyote claims of yours for r'arin' children.'

  "'Mother Shrewsbury,' retorts Peets, 'is nothin' but a patent med'cineoutfit, which feeds an' fattens on sech boneheads as you.'

  "'Excoose me, but scattered throughout that invalyooable work is theendorsements of doctors of divinity.'

  "'Shore! Half the time a gold brick comes to you wrapped in a tract.All the same, Texas, the way you're carryin' on about Annalinda isfast bringin' your sanity into doubt.'

  "Texas snorts his scorn at this, an' goes back to 'Mother Shrewsbury.'

  "As I've already s'ggested, however, thar's a bitter drop in Texas'cup, an' Tutt's the drop. As a ondeniable father, Tutt can put it allover Texas or any other mere uncle whenever he feels like it, an' deepdown in his heart Texas knows it. He struggles to hide the feelin',but any one can tell that the very sight of Tutt is wormwood to him.

  "Likewise, Tutt fully ree'lizes his sooperiority, an' in no wiseconceals the same. It comes as easy to Tutt as suckin' aiggs, hehavin' had plenty of practice. Ever since little Enright Peets isborn Tutt has conducted himse'f in a downhill manner towards all ofus, an' been allowed to do so; as why not? This manner has become somuch a part of Tutt that even after Texas inherits Annalinda an' setsup house for himse'f, while it makes the rest of us look up to himsome, it don't he'p him none with Tutt. Tutt's too thoroughly aware ofthe difference between bein' a father an' bein' a uncle. Likewise, helets Texas see it at every twist in the trail.

  "That time Nell takes to pa'rin' off little Enright Peets an'Annalinda, an' in a sperit of lightness speaks of how mebby some daythey'll wed, she springs the notion on Texas, as stated, an' asks himwhat he thinks. Texas, who always has to have time to make up his mindabout anything with Annalinda in it, is onable to say, first dash outof the box, whether he feels tickled or sore. He grows plenty solemn,as I mentions, grunts mighty elevated an' austere, an' mumbles aboutsome things bein' a long shot an' a limb in the way, an' the wisdom ofnot crossin' a bridge till you gets to it.

  "Ten minutes later, while he's still got Annalinda an' little EnrightPeets on the skyline of his regyard, Texas comes upon Tutt, who'stalkin' pol'tics to Armstrong. Armstrong has tossed off a fewweak-minded opinions about a deefensive an' offensive deal withRussia, an' Tutt's ag'in it as solid as a sod house.

  "'Yes, sir,' Tutt's saying; 'I'm ag'in any sech low alliance. I'd beashamed to call myse'f a white man an' consent to sech open-eyeddisgrace.'

  "Texas turns white. It's among his deefects that he can't escape thefeelin' that the whole world is always thinkin' an' talkin' aboutwhatever he himse'f is thinkin' an' talkin' about. Overhearin' whatTutt says, he concloodes that Tutt's declarin' his sent'ments as tolittle Enright Peets marryin' Annalinda, an' is out to reeject allsech alliances as a disgrace to the Tutts. An' Texas foomes. To be eatup by Tutt's sooperior station as a shore father is bad enough! An'now yere's Tutt, aggravatin' injury with insult! Which it's too much!

  "'Draw your weepon, Dave,' calls out Texas, bringin' his own gun tothe front. 'Your bein' a father don't overawe me none, you bet!Likewise, if you're a Tutt I'm a Thompson, an' I've stood about allI'm going to.'

  "Tutt, as a old experienced gun-player, sees at a glance that he ain'tgot no time to throw out skirmishers. For reasons onknown, buts'fficient, thar's Texas manooverin' to plug him. Wharupon, Tutt takessteps accordin', an' takes 'em some abrupt. So abrupt, in trooth, thatTexas ain't got through oratin' before his nigh hind laig has stoppeda bullet midway above the knee. Shore, he gets a shot at Tutt, but itgoes skutterin' along in the sand a full foot to one side. Thar's onlythem two shots, Enright, Armstrong an' Jack Moore gettin' in between'em, an' nippin' any further trouble in the bud.

  "It's two hours later, an' Enright has come 'round to beat some senseinto Texas.

  "'Accordin' to the Doc yere,' says Enright, as Pe
ets ladles theinvalid out a hooker of Old Jordan, 'that laig'll be so you can rideag'in in a month. Pendin' which, while I don't preetend to savvywhat's been goin' on between you an' Dave, nor what insults has beengive or took, I no less tells you, Texas, that you're wrong.'

  "'As how?' growls Texas, gulpin' down the nosepaint.

  "'As to them airs which of late you dons. You know you can't defend'em none. Dave's been the sole onchallenged father in this yere outfitfor crowdin' nigh five years; an' for you to come swaggerin' up,insistin' that he divide the pot with you an' you holdin' nothin'higher than a niece, nacherally exasperates him beyond endoorance.Which you'd feel the same yourse'f in Dave's place.'

  "'But you don't onderstand, Sam. It's him connivin' round an' archin'his neck ag'inst them babies marryin' each other when they're growedup--it's that which sets my blood to b'ilin'. Wharever does Dave comein to get insultin' action at sech a prop'sition? It'll be a cold daywhen a Thompson ain't equal to a Tutt, an' I'll make that good while Ican pull an' p'int a .45.'

  "'Which Dave,' interjecks Peets, as he goes cockin' up Texas' foot ona gooseha'r pillow, so's the shot laig'll feel it less--'which Davethinks right now, an' so informs me personal, that you-all starts tomussin' with him on account of pol'tics, an' him havin' been areepublican back East. Armstrong b'ars him out, too.'

  "'Pol'tics?' gasps Texas, full of wonder. 'Whatever do I care aboutpol'tics? I shore ain't no nigger-lovin' reepublican. At the sametime, I ain't no cheap hoss-thief of a democrat, neither, even if Idoes come from Texas. Why, Doc, takin' jedge an' opposin' counsel an'the clerk who records the decree, on down to that ornery auctioneer ofa sheriff who sells up my stock at public vandoo for costs an' al'monythe time my Laredo wife grabs off her divorce, every stick-up among'em's a democrat. An' while I don't know nothin' about pol'tics, an'never aims to, you can go the limit on it I ain't nothin' them banditsbe. Which I'd sooner be a prohibitionist!'

  "Enright an' Peets an' Texas keeps on discussin' ontil themisonderstandin' is laid bar', an' Texas is quick to admit that he'sbeen mistook. Tutt, who's willin' an' ready, is brought in, an' thepa'r reeconciled.

  "'An', old man,' says Tutt, usin' both hands to shake with Texas, 'I'don the level feel a heap better if it's me who gets busted in thelaig.'

  "'Don't mention it, Dave,' returns Texas, who, now he reelizes whathe's done, is deeply affected. 'I was plumb wrong; I sees it now.Also, if in the fullness of time Annalinda declar's in favor ofweddin' little Enright Peets, I yereby binds myse'f to back themnuptials for a thousand head of steers.'

  "'Texas,' an' the water stands in Tutt's eyes, 'while it's the first Ihears of sech a racket, yere's my hand that I'll go with you, steerfor steer an' hoof for hoof.'

  "What Peets calls 'the logic of the sityooation' p'ints to licker allaround; an', as we-all drinks to the onclouded future of Annalinda an'little Enright Peets, Texas an' Tutt ag'in shakes mighty fervent forthe second time."