Faro Nell and Her Friends: Wolfville Stories

by Alfred Henry Lewis

  XII

  SPELLING BOOK BEN

  "Which it's as you states." The old cattleman assumed the easyattitude of one sure of his position. "Reefinement, that a-way, willevery now an' then hit the center of the table in manner an' form mostonexpected. Thar's Red Dog. Now whoever do you reckon would look forsech a oncooth outfit to go onbeltin' in any reefined racket? An' yetthar's once at least when Red Dog shows it's got its silken side.

  "An', after all, mebby I'm too narrow about Red Dog. Thar's timeswhen I fears that drawn aside by prejewdyce I misjedges Red Dogutter, an' takes for ignorant vulgar'ty what comin' down to cases ismerely noise. It's the whiskey they drinks, most likely. They'readdicted to a kind of cat-bird whiskey over thar, which sets 'em towhistlin' an' chirpin' an' twitterin' an' teeterin' up an' down onthe conversational bough, to sech a seemin'ly empty-headed extent it'scalc'lated to mislead the ca'mest intellects into a belief that thec'rrect way to deal with Red Dog is to build one of these yerestone corrals 'round it, call it a loonatic asylum, an' let it go atthat.

  "Wolfville's whiskey?

  "We-all confines ourselves to Valley Tan an' Willow Run an' OldJordan, all lickers which has a distinct tendency to make a gentseedate, an' render him plumb cer'monious. I in no wise exaggerateswhen I avers that I freequent cuts the trail of parties who, after thetenth or mebby it's the 'leventh drink across the Red Light bar, waxesthat punctillious they even addresses a measly Mexican as 'Sir.'

  "Recurrin' to Red Dog, that silken occasion which I has in mind occurswhen, proceedin' without invitation an' wholly as volunteers, theystrings up the book-keep sharp who bumps off Spellin' Book Ben. Thar'sa brief moment when said action runs a profound risk of bein'misconstrooed into becomin' the teemin' source of complications. Yousee we ain't lookin' for nothin' in the way of a play from Red Dogmore del'cate than the butt of a six-shooter, an' it ain't ontil theRed Dog chief himse'f onlimbers in planations, an' all plenty loocid,that we ketches fully on.

  "Red Dog goes further an' insists on payin' over what money theywagers, an' all as honorable as though that contest which they bets ongoes to a showdown. Enright won't have it, though, none whatever; an'what with one side heatedly profferin' an' the other coldly refoosin',it looks for a time like thar's goin' to be feelin'. Friction isaverted, however, when Peets--who's allers thar with the s'lootion toany tangle--recommends that Red Dog an' Wolfville chip in half an'half conj'intly, to buy a tombstone for Spellin' Book, with ainscription kyarved tharon, the same to read:

  TO THE MEMORY OF SPELLING BOOK BEN. PREFERRING DEATH TO THE APPEARANCE OF IGNORANCE, HE DIED A MARTYR TO LEARNING AND BRAVELY DEFENDING A RIGHTFUL ORTHOGRAPHY. THE LANGUAGE MOURNS HIS LOSS.

  "'Which we simply aims by this yere hangin',' says the Red Dog chiefin makin' them explanations, the same bein' addressed to Enright, 'tosave you-all from a disagree'ble dooty.'

  "'As how?' deemands Enright, who's a heap deefensive by instinct, an'never puts down his stack while the kyards is in the hands of thedealer.

  "'As how to wit,' returns the Red Dog chief. 'Troo, this book-keepmalefactor ain't by rights no shore-enough Red Dogger, seein' he's aimportation of the express company's an' at best or worst no more'n asojourner within our gates. But, considerin' how he trails in yerethis evenin' in our company, we feels respons'ble. Wharfore, allowin'that mebby--you-all standin' towards us visitors, that a-way, in thelight of hosts--your notion of hospital'ty gets its spurs tangled upin your deelib'rations so it impedes the march of jestice, weintervenes. Which I shorely trusts that no gent present regyards RedDog as that ontaught as to go cuttin' in on what's cl'arly a aliengame onasked. Red Dog ain't quite that exyooberantly bumptious, not tosay croodly gay. It's only to relieve the shoulders of you-all from aburden that we strings said offender up.'

  "'_Bueno!_' replies Enright, followin' a dignified pause, like he'sweighin' the Red Dog chief's eloocidations. 'A gent, onless his handis crowded by some p'int of honor, allers takes the word of a fellowgent. In view of which, the execootion you pulls off is yerebyaccepted as kindly meant, an' as sech is kindly took. I'm preepared onbehalf of Wolfville to regyard the same as performed in a sperit ofdel'cate courtesy. Whatever, Doc, do you-all say?'

  "'Like yourse'f, Sam,' says Peets, 'I grasps an' a'preeciates the RedDog attitoode. Also, I holds that the business thus constrooed iscalc'lated to cement relations between the two camps which, havin'their roots in mutyooal esteem, is shore to b'ar froote in fraternalaffection.'

  "The Doc then goes on an' onbends in flatterin' asshorances thatnothin' could be finer worded than the Red Dog chief's oration, onlessit's Enright's reply.

  "'As a jedge of diction,' he concloods, 'an' a lover of properspeakin', I'm onreserved in the view that the statements of both oughtto be preeserved as spec'mens of English ondeefiled.'

  "Thar havin' been talk enough, an' Enright an' Peets contendin' thatit's Wolfville's treat, both sides goes weavin' over to the Red Lightan' onbends in quite a frolic.

  "It'd shore been better if we had first cut down the corpse, an'tharby dodged the wrath of Missis Rucker. It's certainly a oversight.Bar that single incident, thar arises nothin' to mar the good feelin'which everywhar preevails. Forchoonately, that don't occur none ontilnoon next day; an' by that time the Red Dog folks has all gone home,leastwise all who can go without fallin' out of the saddle. Which ifthem Red Dogs is present, an' able to form opinions, them intemp'rateexhibitions of Missis Rucker, an' what she says an' threatens ag'instus, speshully Enright, would have mortified us to death.

  "As showin' the vagaries of the female mind, Missis Rucker seelectsthat lynchin' as a topic at chuck time, an' she shore does carry onscand'lous. We ain't but jest filed into the dinin' room, when shet'ars loose at Enright like a cyclone in a calico dress. Son, shecertainly does curry our old Lycurgus frightful!

  "What does Enright do?

  "Whatever can he do more'n mootely arch his back, same as a mule in astorm of hail, an' stand it?

  "When Missis Rucker has done freed her feelin's, an' got themreecrim'nations dealt down to the turn, she shakes a finger onderEnright's subdooed nose, an' fulm'nates a warnin'.

  "'I tells you once before, Sam Enright,' she says, 'an' I tells younow ag'in, that you-all drunkards is either goin' to cease pesterin'me the way you does, or I'm bound I'll make some among you plenty hardto locate. Now don't you go tellin' me nothin',' she shouts, asEnright starts to say somethin'; 'don't go harrowin' me up with noneof your fabrications. It's nothin' but your egreegious pompos'ty thata-way, an' a gen'ral deesire to put on dog an' lord it over us porefemales with meals to cook an' water to draw, which sets you-all tohangin' parties to the windmill whar they're plumb in the way. An' allafter me takin' my hands out of the dough, too, the time youStranglers puts that B'ar Creek Stanton over the jump, an' goin' inperson to the stage corral to p'int out a beam which is a heap betteradapted.'

  "'But, ma'am,' expostyoolates Enright, 'you've done followed off thewrong wagon track entire. It ain't us none; it's them Red Dog savages.So far as Wolfville's concerned, him bein' swung to the windmill, thata-way, is plumb fortooitous.'

  "'Jest the same,' returns Missis Rucker, who's merciless an' refoosesto be softened, 'you better take heed a heap. This once I lets you getaway with that Red Dog crawl-out. But if ever I finds another partysuspended to the windmill so's I can't get no water, thar's a passelof sots, of whom you, Sam Enright, is the onregen'rate chief, who'llshore get their grub fortooitous.'

  "Peets, at this yere crisis, jogs Enright's elbow, by way of signin'up to him to draw out; an', except from her domineerin' over Ruckermore'n common for a couple of days, she ceases her demonstrations.

  "Not but what Missis Rucker has some rights on her side. What withfeedin' forty of us folks three times a day, she's got a lot on hermind; an' to find some sooper
fluous sport hangin' in her way, when shegoes to fill her bucket, necessar'ly chafes her.

  "An' yet the Stranglers is up ag'inst it, too. Hangin' a culprit,dooly convicted, is a public game; an' the windmill's the only pieceof public property in sight, besides bein' centrally sityooated. Also,thar's nothin' in that corral bluff of Missis Rucker's. The beam shealloodes to ain't big enough, an' is likewise too low.

  "Boggs, who sympathizes with Missis Rucker, once when we has a hossthief we don't need on our hands, su'gests we rope him up to the signover Armstrong's Noo York store. But thar's rival trade interests, an'Enright fears it'll be took invidious as a covert scheme for drawin'custom to Armstrong's emporium.

  "'Personally,' says Enright, 'I favors Dan's idee. But sinceArmstrong's a member of the committee, you-all sees yourselves thatfor us to go execootin' culprits on his sign that a-way, the directeffects of which distinguishes him an' booms his game, would shorebreed jealousies.'

  "'How would it do,' asks Texas, 'if we takes them marts seeriatim,an' one after another yootilizes all their signs?'

  "'With doo deference to Texas,' interjecks Tutt, 'this swingin' roundfrom sign to sign, with deeds of jestice, is a heap likely to subtractfrom the deterrent effects. It's better we stick to the windmill, an'takes chances on beddin' them resentments of Missis Rucker's down.'

  "'That's all right for you, Dave,' retorts Boggs; 'you're a marriedman, an' eats at home. You wouldn't feel so plumb gala about quietin'Missis Rucker if you-all was obleeged diurnal to depend upon thateasily exasperated matron for your _frijoles_, same as us. TucsonJennie's the best cook in Cochise County, an', bein' her husband thata-way, you ain't in no place to jedge.'

  "'Dan's right, Dave,' declar's Peets; 'surrounded as you be, you can'tsense our peril, that is, sense it proper. Admirable as Tucson Jennieis as wife an' mother, an' I says this onbiased by bein' one of twoafter whom little Enright Peets is named, she's still more admirablein her role of cook. For which reason, Dave, you-all, when MissisRucker threatens us, ain't able, as Dan says, to rightly gauge saidmenaces.'

  "Them coolinary compliments to Tucson Jennie placates Tutt. He's halfstarted to bow his neck at Boggs, but they mollifies him.

  "'Mighty likely you're correct, Doc,' he returns, his face cl'arin';'an' I begs Dan's pardon for some things I was goin' to say. My wifeis shore an exempl'ry cook, an' mebby I ain't no fit jedge. None theless, you-all'll find, as to them hangin's, that this yere goin' aboutfrom pillar to post with 'em is doo to rob 'em of their moral side.'

  "'I feels like Dave,' observes Enright, comin' in on the pow-wow.'Lynchin's, to have weight an' be a credit to us, ought not to beerratic. A lack of reg'larity about 'em would shake our standin' as acamp.'

  "Monte starts the business that time when Red Dog astounds us with itsdel'cacy, by comin' bulgin' in one evenin' with word about how theleadin' inflooences in Tucson is broke out in a perfect deebauch ofspellin' schools.

  "'An' I'm yere to remark,' says he, in his conceited, rum-soaked way,'that these yere contests contreebootes a mighty meetropol'tanatmosphere.'

  "'Who orig'nates spellin' schools, anyway?' asks Boggs, whosecuriosity is allers at half-cock. 'Which it's the first time I hearsof sech things.'

  "'Spellin' schools ain't nothin' new,' Peets replies. 'They're ascommon as deelirum treemons in the East.'

  "'Which they certainly be,' corroborates Enright. 'Back along theCumberland, as far away as when I'm a boy, we has 'em constant same aschills an' fever. We-all young bucks attends 'em mighty loyal, too,an' fights to see who-all goes home with the girls. When it comes tobein' pop'lar, spellin' schools is a even break with ganderpullin's.'

  "'Thar's a Tucson kyard sharp,' continyoos Monte, 'over to theOriental s'loon, who tells me them spellin' schools is likewise allthe rage in Prescott an' Benson an' Silver City. That Lightnin' Bugtarrapin' from Red Dog is loafin' about, too, while the kyard sharp'stalkin', his y'ears a-wavin' like a field of clover. You don't figgerthar's a chance that Red Dog gets the notion, Sam, an' takes toholdin' them tournaments of learnin' itse'f?'

  "What Monte says sets us thinkin'. As a roole we don't pay much heedto his observations, the same bein' freequent born of alcohol. Butthat bluff about Red Dog sort o' scares us up a lot. Good can come outof Nazareth, an' even Monte might once in a while drive the center asa matter of luck.

  "'It wouldn't do us, Doc,' says Enright, who's made some oneasy by thethought--'which it shore wouldn't do us, as an advanced camp, to letRed Dog beat us to them spellin' schools.'

  "'I should confess as much!' admits Peets, mighty emphatic. 'Speakin'from commoonal standp'ints, it'd mark us as too dead to skin.'

  "The sityooation takes shape in a resolootion to hold a spellin'school ourselves, an' invite Red Dog to stand in. Sech steps iscalc'lated, we allows, to head off orig'nal action on the Red Dogpart.

  "'Let's challenge 'em to spell ag'in us,' says Texas. 'That's shore tostop 'em from holdin' spellin' schools of their own, an' it'll be assimple as tailin' steers to down 'em. I'll gamble what odds youplease that, when it comes to edyoocation that a-way, we can make themRed Dogs look like a bunch of Digger Injuns.'

  "'Don't move your stack to the center on that proposition, Texas,'observes Tutt, 'ontil you thoroughly skins your hand. Edyoocationain't wholly dead in Red Dog. Thar's a shorthorn over thar, him whokeeps books for the Wells-Fargo folks, who's edyoocated to a razoredge.'

  "'Him?' says Boggs. 'That murderer ain't no book sharp speshul. Puthim ag'in the Doc or Col'nel Sterett, an' he wouldn't last as long asa quart of whiskey at a barn raisin'. Which he's a heap sight betterfitted to shine in a gun-play than a spellin' contest.'

  "'But Col'nel Sterett ain't here none,' Tutt urges, 'havin' gone backto see his folks; an' as for the Doc, he'll be needed to put out thewords. Some competent gent's got to go back of the box an' deal thegame, an' the Doc's the only stoodent in town who answers thatdeescription.'

  "Armstrong, who's happened along lookin' for his little old fortydrops, lets on he knows a party down in El Paso who can spell anyword that ever lurks between the covers of a dictionary.

  "'That's straight,' Armstrong declar's. 'This yere El Paso savant canspell anything. Which I've seen him spell the hind shoes off ashavetail mule for the drinks. He's the boss speller of the RioGrande, so much so they calls him "Spellin' Book Ben."'

  "'Let's rope him up,' Peets suggests. 'Which them Red Dogs never willquit talkin' if we-all lets 'em down us.'

  "'Do you-all reckon,' asks Enright, appealin' to Armstrong, 'you couldlure that El Paso expert up yere to partic'pate in this battle of theintellects?'

  "'It's as easy as playin' seven-up,' Armstrong replies. 'Which I'llwrite him I needs his aid to count up the stock in my store, an' youbet he'll come a-runnin'.'

  "'But s'ppose,' argues Tutt, 'these Red Dog crim'nals wakes up to itthat this yere Spellin' Book Ben's a ringer?'

  "'In that event,' declar's Texas, 'we retorts by beltin' 'em over theheads with our guns. Be they, as guests, to go dictatin' terms tous?'

  "'Not onless they're tired of life,' says Boggs. 'While I can't spellnone to speak of, seein' my Missouri youth is more or less neglectedby my folks, showin' some Red Dog felon whar he's in wrong is ducksoup to me. In a play like that I sees my way triumphant.'

  "'Shore!' Texas insists, mighty confident; 'let Red Dog wag one feebley'ear, an' we buffaloes it into instant submission.'

  "'They can't make no objections stick,' Enright observes, afterthinkin' things over. 'This Spellin' Book Ben person'll be workin' forArmstrong, an' that, as the Doc says, makes him a _pro tem._ citizenof the camp. As sech he's plumb legit'mate. Red Dog couldn't lower itshorns at him as a hold-out, even if it would.'

  "It's settled, an' from then on thar's nothin' talked of but spellin'schools. We issues our deefiance, Peets b'arin' the same, an' Red Dogpromptly calls our bluff. Regyardin' themselves as entrenched in thatgifted Wells-Fargo book-keep, they're mighty eager for the fray. The_baile_ is set two weeks away, with Peets to hold
the spellin' book.

  "After the time is fixed Monte comes squanderin' along an' getsEnright to move it one day further on.

  "'Because, Sam,' the old sot urges, puffin' out his chest like heamounts to somethin', 'that partic'lar evenin' you pitches upon I'llbe at the other end of the route, an' I proposes to get in on thisyere contest some myse'f.'

  "'You?' says Boggs, who overhears him, an' is nacherally astonishedan' contempchoous at Monte's nerve. 'Whatever be you-all talkin'about? You can't spell none no more than me. The first word the Docnames'll make you look like a pig at church.'

  "'All the same'--for Monte's been drinkin', an' allers gets stubbornin direct proportion to what licker he tucks onder his belt--'all thesame, Dan, as to this yere spellin', I proposes to ask for kyards.Even if I ain't no Bach'lor of Arts, so long as the Doc don't firenothin' at me worse'n words of one syllable, an' don't send 'em alongfaster than two at a clatter, your Uncle Monte'll get thar, collarscreakin', chains a-rattlin', with both hoofs.'

  "ONLESS GIRLS IS BARRED," DECLARES FARO NELL, FROM HERPERCH ON THE CHAIR "I'VE A NOTION TO TAKE A HAND." p. 337.]

  "Red Dog not only accepts our challenge, but gets that brash it offersto bet. Shore, we closes with the prop'sition. It ain't no part of ourcivic economy to let Red Dog get by with anything. I reckons, up oneside an' down the other, we puts up the price of eight hundred steers.Texas and Boggs simply goes all spraddled out at it, while Cherokeecalls down one eboolient Red Dog specyoolator for three thousanddollars. It's Wolfville ag'inst Red Dog, the roole to govern, 'Missan' out!'

  "The excitement even reaches the gentler sect.

  "'Which onless girls is barred,' declar's Nell, speakin' from herlookout cha'r the second evenin' before the spellin' school is held,'I've a notion to take a hand.'

  "'It wouldn't be a squar' deal, Nellie,' says Texas. 'With you in,everybody'd miss a-purpose.'

  "'I don't see why none,' says Nell.

  "'For two reasons; first, because you're dazzlin'ly beautiful; an',second, because Cherokee's too good a shot.'

  "'Shore,' says Boggs, plantin' a stack of reds open on the high kyard.'Them contestants'd all lay down to you, Nellie. You certainly don'treckon Cherokee'd set thar, him all framed up with a Colt's .45, an'be that ongallant as to permit some clown to spell you down?'

  "Nell don't insist, an' the turn fallin' 'king-jack,' she nacherallymoves Boggs's reds to the check-rack.

  "On the great evenin' Red Dog comes surgin' in upon us, snortin' an'prancin' an' pitchin'. Which it certainly is a confident band ofprairie dogs. Wolfville's organized and ready, Armstrong's Spellin'Book Ben party havin' come over from El Paso three days prior.

  "Seein' how mighty se'f-possessed them Red Dogs feel, Boggs begins togrow nervous.

  "'You don't reckon, Dave,' says he, speakin' to Tutt, 'that themmiscreents has got anything up their sleeve?--any little thing like aace buried?'

  "'Which they wouldn't dare. Also, since you brings the matter up, Dan,I now gives notice that for myse'f I shall regyard success on theirpart as absoloote proof of perfidy. That settled, I sacks that hamletof Red Dog, an' plows an' sows its deboshed site with salt.'

  "'That's the talk!' says Boggs. 'Let 'em win once, an' you an' me,Dave,'ll caper over in our individyooal capac'ty, an' lay waste thatRed Dog hamlet if it's the last act of our lives.'

  "The spellin' school is schedjooled for the r'ar wareroom of the NooYork store, whar the Stranglers convenes. All Red Dog is thar,dressed up like a hoss, their Wells-Fargo book-keep in their exultantmidst. Enright calls the meetin' to order with the butt of hissix-shooter; our old warchief allers uses his gun as a gavel thata-way, as lookin' more offishul. Also, since the dooty of apresidin' officer is to preserve order, it's in line to begin with ashow--not too ondecorous--of force.

  "Enright states the object of the gatherin', an' Peets, spellin' bookin hand, swings into the saddle an' in a moment is off at a road gait.The words falls thick an' sharp, like the crackin' of a rifle. Whichthey shore does thin out them contestants plenty rapid! Boggs goesdown before 'Theery,' spellin' it with a extra 'e.' Tutt lasts throughthree fires, but is sent curlin' like a shot jack-rabbit by 'Epitaph,'which he ends with a 'f.' Texas dies on 'Definite,' bein' misled bywhat happens to Tutt into introdoocin' tharin a sooperfluous 'ph.'

  "'I ain't none astonished,' Texas says sadly, when Peets informs himthat he's in the diskyard; 'since ever my former Laredo wife acquiresthat divorce, together with al'mony an' the reestoration of her maidenname, the same bein' Suggs, I ain't been the onerrin' speller I oncewas.'

  "Cherokee has luck, an' lasts for quite a time. It's the 'leventh wordthat fetches him. An' at that thar's a heap to be said on the side ofCherokee.

  "The word's 'Capitol,' as Peets lets it fly.

  "'C-a-p-i-t-a-l,' spells Cherokee.

  "'Dead bird!' Peets says, plenty sententious.

  "'Whatever kind o' capital?'

  "'Capitol of a State.'

  "'Then I misonderstands you. Which I takes it you're referrin' to abankroll.'

  "The Doc, however, is obdoorate, an' Cherokee shoves back.

  "'I think,' says Nell, whisperin' to Missis Rucker an' Tucson Jennie,who, with little Enright Peets, is off to one side--'I think the Doc'sa mighty sight too contracted in his scope.'

  "Monte falls by the wayside on 'Scenery,' an' is that preepost'roushe starts to give Peets an argyooment. Monte spells it 'Seenry.'

  "'Whar do you-all get your licence, Doc,' he demands, when Peets tellshim how it's spelled, 'to jam in that misfit "c"? Me havin' drovestage for twenty years, I've seen as much scenery as any gent present,an' should shore know how it's spelled. Scenery is what you sees."S-e-e" spells see; an' tharfore I contends that "S-e-e-n-r-y" spellsscenery. That "c" you springs on us, Doc, is a solecism, an' as muchout of place as a cow on a front porch.'

  "Enright raps Monte down. '"Scenery" is spelled any way which the Docsays,' declar's Enright, his eye some severe, 'an' I trusts no gent'llcompel the cha'r to take measures.'

  "'Say no more,' responds Monte, plenty humble and prompt. 'What Iurges is only to 'licit information. I still thinks, however, thatonder the gen'ral wellfare clause of the constitootion, an' with anonfenced alphabet to pick an' choose from, a sport ought to have theinalienable right to spell things the way he likes. Otherwise,whatever is the use of callin' this a free country? If a gent's to becompelled to spell scenery with a fool "c," I asks you why wasYorktown an' wharfore Bunker Hill?'

  "Monte, havin' thus onloaded, reetires to the r'ar, coverin' hischagrin by hummin' a stanzy or two from the well-known ditty, 'Bill,of Smoky Hill.'

  Bill driv three spans of hosses, An' when Injuns hove in sight, He'd holler "Fellers, give 'em hell! I ain't got time to fight."

  But he chanced one time to run ag'in A bullet made of lead, An' when they brung Bill into town, A bar'l of tears was shed.

  "While Texas an' Boggs an' Tutt an' Cherokee an' Monte an' the rest ofthe Wolfville outfit is fallin' like November's leaves, them Red Dogbandits is fadin' jest as fast. If anything, they're fadin' faster.They're too p'lite or too proodent to cavil at the presence ofSpellin' Book Ben, an' by third drink time after we starts thar's nogents left standin' except that Wells-Fargo book-keep sharp for RedDog, an' Spellin' Book for us. It's give an' take between 'em formebby one hundred words, an' neither so much as stubs his orthographictoe.

  "The evenin' w'ars into what them poets calls the 'small hours.'Missis Rucker is wearily battin' her eyes, while little Enright Peetsis snorin' guinea-pig snores in Tucson Jennie's lap.

  "Thar comes a pause for Black Jack to pass the refreshments, an' Nelltakes advantage of the lull.

  "'Hopin' no one,' says Nell, 'will think us onp'lite, we ladies willretire. Jedgin' from the way little Enright Peets sounds, not tomention how I feels or Missis Rucker looks, it's time we weakervessels hits the blankets.' />
  "'Yes, indeed,' adds Missis Rucker, smothering a yawn with her hand;'I'd certainly admire to stay a whole lot, but rememberin' the hour Ithinks, like Nellie, that we-all ladies better pull our freight.'

  "Enright settin' the example, we gents stands up while the ladieswithdraws, little Enright Peets bein' drug along between Nell an'Tucson Jennie plumb inert.

  "Peets resoomes his word-callin', an' them two heroes spells on for ahour longer.

  "At last, however, the Wells-Fargo book-keep sharp commences to turnshaky; the pressure's beginnin' to tell. As for Spellin' Book Ben,he's as steady as a church.

  "'By the grave of Moses, Dan,' Tutt whispers to Boggs, 'that Red Dogimposter's on the brink of a stampede.'

  "Peets gives out 'colander'; it's Spellin' Book Ben's turn. As hestarts to whirl his verbal loop the Red Dog adept whips out his gun,an' jams it ag'inst Spellin' Book's ribs.

  "'Spell it with a "u,"' says the Red Dog sharp, 'or I'll shore sendyou shoutin' home to heaven! Which I've stood all of your dad-bingederyoodition my nerves is calk'lated to endoore.'

  "Spellin' Book Ben's game, game as yaller wasps. With the cold muzzleof that book-keep murderer's hint to the onconverted pushin' into hisside, he never flickers.

  "'C-o,' he begins.

  "But that's as far as he ever gets. Thar's a dull roar, an' poreSpellin' Book comes slidin' from his learned perch. It's done soquick that not even Jack Moore has time to hedge a stack down theother way.

  "'It's too late, Doc,' says pore Spellin' Book, as Peets stoops overhim; 'he gets me all right.' Then he rolls a gen'ral eye on all.'Gents,' he says, 'don't send my remainder back to El Paso. Boot Hilldoes me.'

  "Them's Spellin' Book's last words, an' they does him proud.

  "It's the Lightnin' Bug who grabs the murderin' book-keep sharp, an'takes his gun away. Then he swings him before Enright.

  "'He's your pris'ner,' says the Red Dog chief, actin' for his outfit,an' Enright bows his acknowledgments.

  "Son, it's a lesson to see them two leaders of men. Enright nevershows up nobler, an' you can wager your bottom peso that the Red Dogchief is a long shot from bein' a slouch.

  "Jack Moore takes the Wells-Fargo book-keep homicide in charge, whileEnright, who declar's that jestice to be effectyooal must be swift,says that onless shown reason he'll convene the committee at once. Headds, likewise, that it'll be kindly took if the Red Dog chief, an'what members of his triboonal is present, will b'ar their part.

  "In all p'liteness, the Red Dog chief deeclines.

  "'This is your joorisdiction,' he says, 'an' we Red Dogs can onlyreturn the compliment which your su'gestion implies by asshorin'you-all of our advance confidence in the rectitoode of what jedgmentsyou inflicts.'

  "'Speak your piece,' says Enright to the Wells-Fargo book-keepculprit, when stood up before him by Moore. 'Whatever prompts you toblow out this Spellin' Book Ben's candle that a-way?'

  "'Let me say,' exclaims the Wells-Fargo book-keep murderer, an' hismanner is some torrid, 'that I has five hundred dollars bet on thisyere contest----'

  "'That is a question,' interrupts Enright, suave but plenty firm,'which will doubtless prove interestin' to your execooter. This,however, is not the time nor place. I asks ag'in, whatever is yourreason for shovin' this yere expert in orthography from shore?'

  "'Do you-all think,' returns the Wells-Fargo murderer, 'that I'llabide to see a obscoority like him outspell me?--me, who's theleadin' speller of eight States and two territories, an' never scoresless than sixty-five out of a poss'ble fifty? Which I'd sooner die.'

  "'So you'd sooner die?' repeats Enright, as cold an' dark an' short asa November day. 'Well, most folks don't get their sooners in thisworld, but it looks a heap like you will!' Turnin' to Moore, he goeson: 'Our friends from Red Dog'll hold your captive, Jack, whileyou-all goes rummagin' over to the corral an' gets a rope, thecommittee havin' come onprovided.'

  "Moore gives the Wells-Fargo homicide to the Red-Dog chief, an'tharupon, we Stranglers bein' ready to go into execyootive session,all hands except Enright an' the committee steps outside. We're inconfab mebby it's ten minutes, an' Enright has jest approved ayoonanimous vote in favor of hangin', when thar's a modest tap at thedoor.

  "It's the Lightnin' Bug.

  "'It ain't,' he says, when we asks his mission, 'that we-all aims todisturb your deelib'rations none, gents, but the chief'd like toborry Doc Peets for five minutes to say a few words over the corpse.'

  "Upon this yere hint we-all gambols forth, an' finds what's left ofthe Wells-Fargo book-keep murderer adornin' the windmill. Thar's whartheir del'cacy comes in; that's how them Red Dogs saves us from adisagree'ble dooty.

  "We plants Spellin' Book Ben on Boot Hill as per that sufferer's lastrequest, an' Red Dog graces the obsequies to a man. Thar Spellin' Booklies to-day; an' the story of his ontoward takin' off, as told on thattombstone conj'intly erected as aforesaid by Wolfville an' Red Dog, isanyooally read by scores of devotees of learnin' who, bar'-headed an'mournful, comes as pilgrims to his grave."

  THE END