If You Adore Me

by Ciara Knight

  A soft hand touched his wrist like a damp cloth to a fever—a barbaric fever that festered and invaded every part of him. It took several ticks of that damn clock on the wall before he managed to take in a stuttered breath. He released his head and blinked until the blurriness subsided. After another deep inhale, he opened his mouth, but she covered his lips with her fingers.

  “No.” She moved her hands to her side and stepped away.

  His head swirled with too many thoughts to grasp any single coherent word.

  “There are some things that are too painful to say aloud.” She looked at her bare feet and the heels tossed to the side. “You’re right. This isn’t first-date conversation.”

  Ten

  The mountain night air penetrated Knox’s jacket, nipping at his skin like sand flies in the pit. The stinging, irritating feeling snaked into his resolve to forget all that he’d left behind in war. Somehow, Stella had brought it all to the surface again. Yet, when she’d touched his wrist, it was as if she’d grounded him enough to face what he’d tried so hard to forget.

  He bent over the hood of the car in the back lot of the inn and breathed through the onslaught of memories. Thoughts swirled in his mind like a corkscrew, but he managed to keep his breath calm. For the first time since returning stateside, he allowed himself to see that day.

  Hot air rippled over the boulders and buildings in the distance. The odor of diesel from the Hummers left an oily taste in his mouth. Heat of the midday sun, the unseen enemy to the men, seared the ground to a boot-melting temperature.

  Another inhale of crisp, country air kept him from shaking, from running, from screaming. He recalled Stella’s touch once more and forged on into forgotten territory he’d spent so much time avoiding.

  The front door opened. Alima stepped out. No welcoming kiss or holding of hands. No one could see their love in public, but he yearned to take her into his arms.

  She smiled and tugged her scarf around her face. He was thankful she didn’t have to be in a full burka all the time like some women.

  His pulse raced and he glanced at his men around the Humvee. No one said anything, but they all knew he’d fallen for the wrong girl. He wasn’t the first, nor would he be the last to succumb to such a fate during intense times. A little compassion when far from home went a long way to a man’s heart. He didn’t want to care for her, but she’d been sneaking him supplies and looking after him and his men. They’d steal a few moments together during each delivery. After a month or two, they were in love. Six months later, he knew it was time to make arrangements, to find a way to get her family to accept him, and then he’d be able to figure out how to get her out of the pit.

  He’d been young, foolish, and naïve back then. The boy barely of age to balance the RPG long enough to fire before falling over.

  The event that changed him forever fluttered to the surface.

  The swoosh.

  The explosion.

  The silk scarf twisting in the wind.

  He tried to push beyond the same spot his memory stopped at each time. But he couldn’t see the rubble or the aftermath of the explosion. Even in his dreams, it always stopped with the scarf.

  “I thought you were going to be an hour, hour and a half, tops?” Drew’s voice shattered Knox’s concentration. “What’s wrong?” The sound of hiking boots on gravel crunched closer, so Knox stood tall and locked up the compartment of memories.

  “Yeah, turns out Judas Jackie, as the girls call her, pulled a fast one on me, so it took a little longer than I thought to win Stella over.” He locked the car and marched past Drew. “We can go over stuff now, though.”

  “Sure. After you tell me what you were remembering a minute ago.”

  “What?” He kept walking. No way he was stopping for that convo. “Hey, I’m gonna go to my room first. That burrito is like a brick in my belly. This belt needs to be tossed for the night. I’ll meet you in the parlor, or we can head to the office if you prefer.”

  “Parlor’s fine. That way you and I can have a little chat.” Drew jogged to catch up by the time Knox reached the front porch.

  “Yeah, we can. I want to know what the deal is for tomorrow. That garage is nothing to look at, but we might be able to spin this into a Cinderella story.”

  Drew grabbed the screen door handle before Knox could get it. “Not gonna tell me what flashback hit you?”

  “Flashback? Come on. No baggage here, dude. I left all that trash back in the pit. I’m here to have a good time, now.”

  “If that’s how you want to play it.” Drew opened the door but halted before Knox could make his escape to his room. “Cinderella story? Stella?”

  “Yep, horrible past gives girl strength to hold on to an impossible and deteriorating dream. Now I just have to figure out how she gets her happily ever after for the story segment. You and Lori are the ones who told me this HEA, small-town stuff makes me more relatable.” If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to give one woman a happily ever after the way he hadn’t given Alima.

  “Yeah, but remember this isn’t really your segment. The producer said he had an angle, and that’s what we’re going to run with if you want him to pick up your show. Television streaming deal, remember?” Drew got out of the way, but his words were a serious obstacle to Knox’s goals.

  “Sure, whatever it takes, right?”

  “Except you and I both know that no matter how much you try to act like a carefree person, you like to be in control of everything. What’re you going to do if this sponsor says something you don’t like?”

  “It’s business. I’ll be fine,” Knox told himself as much as Drew. It was part of the business, the ultimate goal to land a streaming deal and move out of Internet, but at what cost? He’d have zero say on his own show. The one he’d had total control in building and nurturing these past years.

  “Lori’s waiting. We need to get our team on the same page.” Drew plopped down in the parlor where they’d already set up the laptops.

  “Before that, we need to talk about something more pressing,” Lori said before Knox could even reach the stairs. The tone of her voice made him stop in his tracks.

  He unbuckled his belt, loosened his tie, removed his jacket, tossed it over the back of his chair, and collapsed into the springy, flower-covered seat. “Shoot.”

  Lori shuffled a few folders around, which told him she was stalling to get her courage up. Not good at all. “You might want to rethink the Cinderella angle you were talking about when you came in. It might be too, um…innocent.”

  A twitch of unease made him cross his leg, resting his ankle on his other knee. “Don’t understand.” He leaned forward, eyeing the folder she held in her hand. “Oh, you’re talking about her father’s arrest. No worries. We can still spin that.” He collapsed back against the chair and stretched. “She already told me all about her mother and father and their less-than-stellar pasts. It’ll only make the story spin better.”

  “You seem to know a lot about Stella for one dinner date.”

  He shrugged.

  “Not denying it?” Drew asked.

  “That I learned some things about her tonight? No. It’s why I went, right?”

  “No, that it was a date.” Lori shrank back with folder placed in her lap. “There’s something different about you.”

  He ran a hand through his over-gelled hair, his fingers catching in a few places. That shower was gonna feel amazing, if he ever escaped this room. “This is it, right? Drew’s chance to abandon me for a better job, you and I rising to the next level of all this. Listen, I know you both have worked hard to make this all work. I might have been difficult at times—”

  “At times?” Lori crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Only because I wanted us all to have a good life that we controlled. None of us wanted to go work for corporate America, right?”

  “Yet, that’s what you’re about to do.” Drew said flatly.

  “No, it’s not.�
�

  Lori quirked her head to one side. “It kind of is. This deal you want to move into streaming, what do you think will happen when you turn your show over?”

  “We’ll have an easier life and better income. We won’t have to beg for followers or always be out promoting this show. You can both slow down a little.” Knox uncrossed his legs and wiped the wrinkles down his pants.

  “You slow down? Not possible.” Drew retrieved the folder from Lori and tossed it onto the table. “Then you’d have to face whatever you’re running from.”

  Knox snatched the folder. “What’s this?”

  “Your Cinderella story.” Lori sighed. “I’m sorry… I didn’t want to find this, but you told me to dig deep. It’s my job.”

  Knox flipped open the folder to a blown-up photo of a young Stella, maybe fourteen, in a mug shot. His mouth went sandpit dry. “What for?”

  “We don’t know. Her juvie record’s sealed. All we know is that she’s been arrested. It could be nothing, but you told me to do a deep dive, so I did.” She studied his face the way she did when he didn’t communicate what he wanted and expected her to guess. “I’m sorry now that I did.”

  “Your job?” He cleared his throat. Why did Stella not tell him? He’d asked, and he’d thought she was strong enough to be honest. “Why?”

  “Because, Knox, you want to work with this woman, despite how much you’ve protested about it. Despite how much she’s different than any woman you’ve been around since I’ve met you. Despite the fact that you’re actually still sitting here considering this Cinderella spin, even with the evidence in your hand.”

  He closed the file and tossed it back onto the table. “You’re both the ones who said that the producer wants this, so that means I don’t have a choice. A producer whose name I don’t even know.”

  “Bradley,” Lori said.

  “If the Cinderella spin doesn’t work, I’ll find another angle. It’s what I do. I’ll impress this Bradley person like I wow my fans on a regular basis.”

  He’d heard enough of this disaster they’d brought him into. “You’re the ones who insisted this town had all the answers. Well, all I’m seeing is a ton of questions.” He snagged his jacket and stood.

  “Don’t worry, Knox. I’ll figure this out. I’ll go talk to Stella tomorrow,” Lori offered in her sweet, I-got-your-back tone.

  “Or I can ask Carissa,” Drew offered, but as much as Knox didn’t love losing his friend to a woman, he knew that would put a rift between a new budding relationship. One that made his best buddy happy.

  “No, my show. I’ll ask.” He retrieved the folder. “This stays between us for now. Got it?”

  “Got it,” they answered in unison.

  “Anything else?” Not that Knox wanted any more bad news in one evening.

  “Just one more question.” Drew stood and rounded the table to face Knox. “Do you want our silence to protect the show or to protect Stella?”

  Eleven

  The cold garage floor sent a chill through Stella’s feet. Thank goodness it was getting warmer out and she wouldn’t have to pay for heating the loft. She could survive no air conditioning, sleeping in the hammock down in the garage bay with the door open most nights in the summer. Someday, maybe she wouldn’t have to rob the electric company to pay the water bill.

  She shuffled to the coffeemaker and recoiled at the smell of day-old coffee. There wasn’t time to make it into town for a caffeine run, so she’d have to make do since she was out of coffee grounds. At least she had a full belly from last night’s dinner. She’d slept better than she had in a month.

  “Hey, open up! I’ve got a special delivery from Mary-Beth,” Felicia’s voice called through the side window. The coffee whisperer must’ve known Stella needed a fix.

  She unlocked and opened the door and then snagged the proffered cardboard cup, ripped out the stopper, and guzzled a few gulps.

  “Glad you’re happy to see me.” Felicia came in and set her purse and jacket on the counter.

  “Sorry. I’m just desperate to wake up quick before this meeting today.” Stella set her cup down, pulled her hair away from her face with a band, and then resumed drinking at a slower, more enjoyable rate. “Mmm, cinnamon and cocoa powder. Perfect. How does she do it?”

  “Wish I knew.” Felicia cradled her cup between her hands and inhaled. “Fresh mint for me today. A shot of calming wake-me-up.”

  “What are you doing here?” Stella hopped up on the counter and crossed her ankles, pointing at the lawn chair to invite Felicia to stay for a minute.

  They’d been close once, but even after the regrouping of their old girl gang, the tension had remained.

  “We chewed Jackie out. What she did was wrong to both you and Knox.”

  “Everyone?” Stella eyed the mediator of the bunch.

  “I’m the one who busted her.” Felicia raised her cup and took a sip. “You know she did it out of jealousy. Everything the girl does is out of jealousy.”

  Stella tapped her lid. “What does she have to be jealous about? She was raised on the right side of town, had parents who doted on her, a career in New York City, and money. Even now, with a failing business, she still manages to buy whatever she wants. I don’t know how she does it. It’s like she has a Mary Poppins bag of money.”

  “Divorce,” Felicia said, as if talking about ordering new spark plugs.

  Stella choked, spitting her coffee into droplets next to the oil stain. She wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve and looked at Felicia. “Say what?”

  Felicia settled on the counter next to Stella. “There are a few things you don’t know about Jackie that she swore me to secrecy when she returned. The only reason I’m telling you this now is because I don’t want you to hate her again. Our friendships and our town can’t handle another rift in the Fabulous Five.” She leaned over and shoulder-bumped Stella. “Besides, I don’t want you to kill her at the dress shop later.”

  “Her store? Why would I go there?” Stella abandoned her seat, downed the last of her coffee, and then slammed the cup on the counter at Felicia’s side as if she’d shot whiskey instead of a latte. “Not happening. I’ve got a busy day trying to schmooze some uppity-up while dealing with this show and saving my garage. There’s nothing you can say that’ll get me into her store now or any other day.”

  Felicia slid her purse strap over her arm and headed for the door. “It’s for Ms. Horton’s wedding. Remember her? The lady who is a second mother to us all?”

  “That’s today? The wedding isn’t until fall.” Stella grimaced and tossed her empty cup into the trash, wishing she had another drink.

  “It’s today.” Felicia pointed to the oversize wall calendar the girls had put up over her sink to make sure she didn’t forget any important dates after she was a no-show for their last two girls’ night outs.

  Stella glanced at the red script in Mary-Beth’s swirly handwriting. “Fine. I’ll be there. Can I call her Divorcee?”

  “No, but she knows that I told you. After she heard that her plan backfired, she surrendered to the truth.”

  Stella headed for the loft to change for the big meeting in an hour. “What truth?”

  Felicia slid her purse strap over her shoulder and headed for the door. “You’re not ready to hear the truth. Don’t worry. I’ll keep Jackie out of the way for you.”

  “Don’t even start with me. I’ve already got too much stress in my life. Keep her out of the way of what? What is that woman up to now?”

  “Nothing. That’s the point, and she won’t be interfering. I mean, after I heard at the coffee shop this morning from Lori how great the date with Knox went last night, I sent Carissa to make Jackie stand down.”

  Stella gripped the banister. Knox had told Lori they’d had a good date? Did that mean there would be another one—a real date this time? The coffee threatened to rise up in protest for being guzzled instead of savored. “Business dinner.”

  Felicia held t
he door open but didn’t leave. “Call it what you want, but someone likes you.”

  The thought of a man like Knox Brevard liking her was the most ludicrous thing she’d ever heard of…and pathetic. She wouldn’t be the poor little girl the rich guy saved. “We have nothing in common. Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Opposites attract.”

  “We shared a burrito.”

  “Hey, love has to start somewhere.” Felicia waved over her shoulder but retreated at Talladega speed.

  Stella didn’t have time to contemplate the musings of Felicia and the girls, so she showered and changed while she thought about the gentleman who’d hung out in her garage and opened up to her last night. A man nothing like who she’d expected. Maybe he would come through on this show and she could save her abuelo’s garage after all.

  A pounding on the front door startled her, causing her heart to race. “Who’s there?” she called out, running down the stairs and eyeing the wall clock. She still had twenty minutes before Knox and the sponsor would arrive.

  No one answered. The person only pounded again. She hesitated. The only person who had ever beat on the door like that had been her father—a man she never wanted to see again—but he was in jail for a long time.

  “Open up. We need to talk.” Knox’s voice penetrated the metal barrier.

  Stella unlocked the door and found Knox dressed in a perfect suit, with perfectly gelled hair, but he wasn’t wearing his perfected smile.

  “What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Stella asked, stepping out of the way as Knox marched through the doorway, into the center of the garage, halted, and faced her.

  “You said I could trust you.”

  Stella shut the door, feeling like she’d been called to Ms. Horton’s office in ninth grade for setting the trash can on fire. “I don’t know what this is about, but I’m an honest person. Abrupt but honest.”

  “Then why’d you lie to me?” His gaze looked more hurt than angry, the way his eyes softened, but his voice sounded harsh.

  Her hackles raised at his tone. “I don’t lie, and I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is this a new game you’re playing?”