If You Adore Me

by Ciara Knight

  “She’s going to lose her garage?”

  Carissa blinked at him. “You didn’t know? Of course you didn’t. Would you mind not telling Stella that I told you? Between you and me, she’s my best friend, but I’m still a little scared of her at times.”

  Drew wrapped his arm around Carissa’s shoulder. “We all are. She’s one tough lady.”

  How could one woman be this strong? If Alima had been, she’d be alive today. If only he had convinced her to leave her family and small-town prejudice for the larger city, she’d be alive.

  “You okay?” Carissa reached for him, but he shook off the electricity shooting through him, stealing his breath, and retreated.

  “I’m good.” He broke free of their concerned stares and took advantage of the twenty paces up the front lawn to the flowerbed to regain his composure. How did memories still threaten to take him down without warning? Even the whiz of a bullet or the whoosh of a rocket indicated danger approaching. Remembering tragic events had no caution signs.

  Stella crouched, digging a hole, with flowers stacked around her. The sight of her calmed his inner panic. He’d never had the sting on his skin or the tightness in his chest fade so quickly. Her strength confounded him. The way she faced her past without letting it cripple her and still appear strong enough to hold others up around her confounded him.

  He dodged a man carrying two rakes and hopped over a small bush in a planter. He stood at the edge of the flowerbed watching her dig and toss the soil to the side.

  Stella impaled the ground with her hand shovel, brushed her hands down her overalls, and stood. “You gonna stand there all day, or are you here to help?” She grabbed one of the three remaining coffees and took a sip.

  That wasn’t what he was expecting. Yelling at him and kicking him off the property or throwing dirt at him maybe. But a half-invitation to stay? He’d take it. “Oh, um, sure. I can help.” He held up the last two coffees sitting in the carrier. “I just need to deliver these to whomever ordered them. I see the one says Jake on it. I don’t know who the other one is for.”

  “It’s for me.” Stella held out the cup she’d drunk from. “And this must be yours.”

  “I didn’t order—”

  “Didn’t have to, but now I’ve got an idea of what you like. Mary-Beth only creates the perfect beverage for a person. Although, I don’t know what I drank. Was that cloves?”

  “Something like that.”

  They traded coffees, and he set the tray on the ground nearby. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Go up to the front door, ring the bell, and leave the coffee. At some point, Jake will open to get it. Don’t stand there, though. He’ll never come out if you do.”

  Knox did as instructed, but the door didn’t open even when he reached the bottom of the stairs. “Okay, what’s next? You want me to dig?”

  “I was only joking. I don’t expect the famous Knox Brevard to get his hands dirty.” She squatted and retrieved her shovel.

  No way he’d allow any more distance between them. She held his life in her hands, and he wasn’t about to give up. He knelt by her side, not caring that his khaki pants were going to have permanent red clay knee stains on them. There would be a chance to buy new clothes, but he wasn’t sure there’d be another opportunity to get some semi-alone time with Stella.

  A woman walked by and dropped another hand shovel into a bucket, so he retrieved it and began digging. “You know, this is a good thing you’re doing here.”

  She didn’t say anything. Obviously he had to dig deeper than small talk. He wanted to offer to pay for the plants or therapy for this Jake person, but he knew better than to play financial hero. “It takes a special kind of person to help someone who threatens their dreams.”

  “Who told you? Mary-Beth? She’s going to be wearing the next cup of coffee she makes me.”

  “No, she refused to tell me much.” He retrieved a small yellow flower from the package of twelve and placed it into the ground.

  Stella leaned over him and eyed the hole he’d dug. “Best not let Felecia see that.”

  “What?”

  “The way you’re planting that. You need to dig another couple inches or the roots won’t be covered.”

  He removed the delicate flower and dug some more. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because it was more fun to correct you than instruct you on how to plant.”

  “Not about the flower. I knew the shop wasn’t doing so well, but I didn’t know the situation was so dire.”

  She stopped and raised a brow at him. “I thought you were smart. Have you seen one customer besides Bradley since you’ve been to my garage? No customers, no money. No money, no way to pay the rent.”

  “I’m sorry. If I’d known—”

  “You would’ve what? I’m not taking charity. I told you that on day one,” Stella huffed.

  “Only Bradley’s.”

  “That wasn’t charity. It was a job.” She pounded the dirt down around the roots of the flower she’d planted. “Now I’m not sure I even have that.”

  “What do you mean? I thought you were doing that car he brought here.”

  “That rare Porsche 916 I would have loved to restore, but without money I can’t buy parts.”

  “Tell him you need the money.”

  “I did. He was supposed to send it by this morning, but it didn’t appear in my bank account. He might have changed his mind after your outburst last night.”

  “I’m sorry. I know I overreacted. I should’ve trusted you to handle the situation yourself.”

  “Yes, you should have.” She dropped the shovel. “Now that you know the truth, you can leave. No need to pretend you want to help any longer.”

  “I’m not pretending.” He sat back on his heels and glanced around at the townspeople all working together. “I’ve never seen such a turnout of volunteers to help a neighbor. It doesn’t seem possible. Drew kept telling me how special Sugar Maple is, but I didn’t listen. Now I can see it for myself.”

  She looked up at him with a smile brighter than the sunlight reflecting off her shovel. “Are you trying to convince me to agree to your show?”

  “No.”

  “Then the show is off?”

  “No.” He rested his hands in his lap, dirt tumbling down and over his knees. “I mean that I’d still love to do the show if you’d like to do it with me. I’ll even advance you the money so that you can pay your rent.”

  Stella shook her head. “I wasn’t being paid.”

  “Not directly, but since you’ll have more business than you dreamed of once it airs, I know you’re good for it.”

  “No, I’m not.” She let out a long breath and shifted onto her other hip. “I’m not going to try to save the garage. It’s too late. I’m not cut out to be a mechanic on these fancy machines the car companies are producing now.”

  “Then what will you do?” he asked.

  “Don’t know. I’ll figure something out, though. I’m tough.”

  He put a hand on her forearm. “Yes, you are.”

  She slid her arm away. “We better get back to work.”

  “Stella?”

  “Yes?”

  “I do want to help you—not because you need the help, since we all know how strong you are, but because I think you’re an amazing woman who deserves more than she’s been given in life.”

  She cringed away from him, and that’s when he saw the truth behind Lori’s words. If he wanted to connect with Stella, he needed to put them on an even playing ground. Could he tell her his deepest, darkest, most disastrous part of his life? Was he that strong?

  He gripped the handle of the shovel and said a silent prayer for strength. “Stella, I want to tell you something. Something that might show you that you can trust me…or make you run from me. Either way, you’ll know the truth. My truth.”

  She paused, as if waiting for him to tell her more, but he couldn’t. Not only because he didn’t want to relive hi
s past, but there were too many people around to witness his meltdown.

  “Not here. Can you meet me this evening? I’ll bring burritos to your garage and we can talk then.”

  People moved around them, bustling with activity, but he and Stella sat still in the flowerbed for several moments.

  “I promise not to try to save you from someone or feed you meat.” He offered a half smile, and she reciprocated the gesture.

  “Fine. Tonight. At seven.” Stella returned to her work, so he followed her lead.

  They worked all afternoon into early evening. Stella was right about one thing… The mysterious Jake inside had retrieved his coffee at some point when no one was looking.

  The man remained behind the shield of his walls, crippled by his fear. It was time for Knox to let his fear go and live again. It was simple, yet terrifying. He stood on the porch, sweeping away the clippings and listening to the town courthouse bell ring. Each gong was like a punctuation on his past misery. At that moment, he realized the idea of sharing that part of him was too much to ask. He couldn’t do it. Not even for Stella.

  Twenty-Three

  The crowd dispersed by the time the sun began to fade in the sky, but Knox continued to sweep the front porch. Stella had to give him credit… The man worked hard for a showbiz guy. He’d seemed less Internet personality and more wounded soldier all day. Perhaps it was the sun that had exhausted him. It had been a warmer day than normal. Spring weather was always unpredictable. One day hot, calling for shorts and T-shirt; the next day people had to wear sweaters or coats.

  “Time to call it quits,” Stella called up to him.

  A bumblebee fluttered around her and then took off for open air. The new flowers drew all sorts of spring creatures into the landscape. Hummingbirds were her favorite, but they hadn’t made an appearance today.

  Knox rested his broom against the porch steps and joined her in the garden. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours, right?”

  If she were the romantic type, she’d notice the blooming flowers around them, the fading sun behind the trees casting a soothing glow over them, and the sound of crickets. But she wasn’t the romantic type. “If you show, I’ll see you,” Stella said with more agitation than she’d intended.

  “I’ll be there.” Knox strutted down the driveway and out of sight.

  Stella gathered any remaining tools and put them in the wheelbarrow for Felicia to pick up.

  “Whatcha doing out there?” Jake called from inside the doorway.

  Stella froze. Her guilt had kept her moving until the last plant was in the ground in hopes Jake would come out to speak to them. Now that he’d appeared, she didn’t know what to say. “Cleaning up.”

  The door creaked again. “Did you do all this?”

  Stella shook her head. “No. The town did.”

  “Looked like Knox Brevard was here, too.” Jake’s head appeared between the gaping crack in the door. “You know, I’ve seen every one of his shows.”

  “Why?” Stella asked.

  “Someone like me has a ton of time to watch shows and Internet series. I really liked the one he did that exposed that crooked home health organization.”

  “Sounds like a waste of time.” She hiked up the stairs and leaned against the railing.

  The door squeaked closed.

  “You don’t have to run. I’m not going to hurt you,” Stella sighed.

  The door reopened enough for her to see one of Jake’s eyes. “I didn’t want to do it, you know. But with Mama gone and me unable to work, the only income I have is rental properties around town. Trust me, the last person I want to kick out is you.”

  “Yeah, I understand. I don’t blame you for hating me. I know I can be a little…abrasive.”

  “You mean downright frightening.” Jake chuckled. “But that’s part of why I’ve admired you since the fifth grade, when you stood up to the bully on the bus who threatened to pants me in front of the entire school.”

  “Pants you?” Stella tried to recall the memory, but it couldn’t have been that important if she didn’t remember it.

  “You know, pull down my pants in front of everyone?” Jake said in an I’ve-got-a-secret voice Stella could barely hear, as if the underwear police were going to arrest him for wearing superman Underoos.

  “That’s terrible.”

  “Right, but you didn’t let him.” Jake sounded sweet and vulnerable. “I’m not scared of everything. It’s just that I’m ill, and as much as I want to go see people in town, I equally don’t want to step out of my home. Maybe I should’ve been brave enough to tell the collectors they could deal with me not paying the bills.”

  “I don’t think that’s the answer.” Stella shifted, causing the banister to creak. She’d be back tomorrow to fix that.

  “I just don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been through enough in your life.” Jake opened the door enough to see his nose and most of his mouth.

  “We all have baggage. Listen, I have an idea. Instead of trying to race out of your home and see everyone, why don’t you wait until I leave and then step out onto the front porch and look at your new garden?”

  “Is it true that you called a Fabulous Five Intervention for me?”

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about. Come out and see it or don’t. But if you don’t, you’ll be missing something. Trust me. It’ll be worth the few steps out to the porch, even if for only minutes. After that, maybe you’ll be able to sit on the front porch and invite me over for coffee. You don’t have to leave your home; just step onto your porch. Take it one step at a time. Tonight, flowers. Can you do that?”

  “Don’t know.”

  There was silence for almost a minute between them, and Stella wanted to stomp her foot and order him out to see the landscape. To see how much the town cared about him.

  “I’ll try. Not only for you, but for me.”

  “Good.”

  “Stella? Do you think you could come back tomorrow and ask me if I did it?”

  “If you think that would help.”

  “I do.” Jake remained in his spot, not wavering one direction or the other.

  Her heart warmed at the thought of the people around Jake’s home, showing their support, and it felt good. Too good. How could she be the one to cause him to lose the one thing he had in the world? She knew what it was like to cling to something from the past, only to feel it slip away. If she couldn’t pay him, she had to tell him to sell. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  She swallowed the dry lump of the past and thought about her own future. “For showing me that I will survive if I lose my grandfather’s shop.”

  “You would give up your garage for me?”

  She shrugged. “I can’t make you wait any longer. I’ve been taking advantage of you for too long. You’re a saint for putting up with me and my sparse payments over the last few years. You have a buyer for the land where my garage sits. You should take the offer.” She pushed her sleeves up.

  “If you do the show, you can make enough and you can pay me. That’s what Ms. Horton said.”

  Stella rubbed her scalp and then dropped her hands to her legs with a loud thwap and headed down the front steps. “If I do the show.” She paused at the edge of the sidewalk near the flowerbeds. “I mean, I know the town is counting on me, but I don’t want to do it.”

  “Why not?” Jake asked.

  “Because it isn’t for me. My parents were the fame-seekers, not me.” She swiped some remaining dirt from the sidewalk, studying the white flecks in the soil.

  “Ha. You sure that’s the only reason?”

  “What else could it be?” Stella asked.

  “Stella and Knox, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Jake’s voice sounded loud and clear, as if he wasn’t cowering behind the door.

  She looked up to see him standing at the railing. “Jake! You’re, um—”

  “Outside. Glad you can still think, despite having your brain mushed up by Knox
. I never thought I’d see Stella turned around by a man. Love looks good on you.”

  Love? No. She wasn’t capable of loving anyone. “What do you think?” She pointed at all the plants and trees. “Do you like it?”

  “Nice avoidance.” He scanned the front lawn, and tears filled his eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.” Stella moved toward the porch. She wanted to comfort him, although she wasn’t sure how. The girls always said that she’d run from a crying friend, or sit with a rigid posture and tap the person on the shoulder. Emotions were…uncomfortable.

  “You didn’t. These are tears of joy. I know Mama is looking down from heaven and smiling on you, Stella. Thank you.” He fidgeted, shifting between his feet. Sweat dripped from his hairline.

  “I’d like to thank the town.” His voice came winded, words rushed. “I’d like to do it myself, but I’m not ready for that.”

  “You don’t have to be scared. I’m here.” Stella moved toward the porch once more.

  Jake retreated a step. “I don’t know if I can. But I also can’t take your garage away. I’m not selling.”

  “You can’t do that. You need the money.”

  “I can and I will. So you better find the money so we can both stay.” Jake disappeared from her vantage point in the garden.

  Her phone buzzed, and she looked at it to discover the money deposited into her account. It was her way out, but she didn’t want a way out. She wanted to be brave like Jake.

  “Tell you what,” she said to Jake. “I’ll do Knox’s show, despite my fear, which might make me enough to pay you for a year, if you let me stay until the show airs and also get out there more yourself, despite whatever fear is holding you back.”

  He darted back inside the house. “Fine. You do Knox’s show, and I’ll start taking my meds and coming outside again. If only a few steps in the beginning.” The door squealed. “Thank you, Stella. You’re a good person, even if you don’t believe that.”

  The door shut again. How could she let Jake down? The man had enough courage to come outside, despite his agoraphobia. Certainly she could face being on camera and dealing with the fame it could bring.