The Fall We Fell: A Small Town Friends-to-Lovers Romance (Ocean Pines Series Book 1)

by Victoria Denault

  “That wasn’t my call and that was also…” she pauses and looks away. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you everything. But this is different. You moved away. You weren’t just on vacation or whatever. I had no idea you were ever going to move back and so as far as I was concerned, why would you care about my life anymore?”

  I reach for her hand. “Terra, I never stopped caring about you or your life.”

  We stare at each other. It feels like it’s a really long time but it’s probably only a minute without words. “Can you drive me? I need to go now. Casco Bay Memorial.”

  “Come back inside while I grab a shirt,” I say.

  “No thank you. I don’t need another glimpse of Aspen’s underwear.”

  Right.

  “I’ll be back in a sec.”

  I walk back down the hall and into my apartment. I’m surprised I’m able to do it without tipping over. I’m reeling so hard from this horrible news that I almost feel like I have vertigo.

  7

  Terra

  He emerges from his apartment moments later in a wrinkled forest green t-shirt that he somehow still looks amazing in. We start down the stairs. “Aspen was right there in the front hall, ear pressed to the door trying to eavesdrop, wasn’t she?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Jake, if you tell her any of this I swear to God I will—”

  “I won’t tell her,” he cuts me off. “Just like you didn’t tell me.”

  “I’m telling you now.”

  “As a last resort,” he mutters. Wow. He is really hurt. A heavy lump of guilt starts to form in my gut.

  “Jake, I was going to tell you when you got back,” I tell him. “In my defense you’ve only been home five seconds. Was I supposed to announce it at your welcome home party? At the beach it didn’t feel like the time and I wasn’t about to swing by the station on your first shift and say ‘Hey have a good first day. By the way, I’m dying.”

  “You’re dying?” He gasps.

  “No. I mean, maybe one day if I can’t find a kidney, but not imminently. Right now I’m good.” I am babbling and he still looks positively stricken. Great Job, Terra.

  We hit the lobby of his building and he digs his car keys out of the pocket of his jeans. “But this dialysis you do three times a week, it leaves you so incapacitated you can’t drive?”

  “That’s a big word for you,” I joke.

  “Enough with the snark, okay?” Jake pleads.

  “I’m sorry. It’s a bad coping mechanism,” I admit, my voice softening as we make our way outside. “Everything sucks donkey balls in my life right now, and I’m not handling it well. The no driving thing is just a precaution. I’m always fine. I fainted once, but a couple hours later. At work. But truly, I’m fine. My arms are perpetually bruised and I get these gross lumps sometimes called fistulas which is why I wear long sleeves. It’s impressive you noticed, Sherlock. Maybe you should have been a cop instead of a fireman.”

  “I notice you, Terra. Always have.”

  His tone is serious and so is his face when I glance up at it, all golden and gleaming in the hot sun. Butterflies flutter through my abdomen and I mentally spray Raid on them by reminding myself that his ex-girlfriend is currently half naked in his apartment. “So Aspen…”

  “I was at work all night so that rumpled air mattress you were side-eyeing was all her and Major,” Jake tells me bluntly. “We are not involved again.”

  “Sure. Whatever.” I open the passenger door and climb inside when he unlocks the Jeep.

  “It’s the truth, Terra,” He says. He starts the engine and as soon as my seatbelt clicks, we’re driving out of the parking lot.

  “I told them not to tell you,” I say as he heads towards the turnpike entrance. “Logan and Finn. When they visited you to go skiing in February, I told them not to mention to you that I was having issues. I threatened to disown them if they did. I just didn’t see the point in bringing you into this since you lived so far away. You had just won that medal and gotten promoted to lieutenant and I didn’t want to bum you out with bad news.”

  “You guys love to exclude me and pretend it’s for my own good,” Jake snaps.

  I stare at him. He looks insulted and I know this can’t be about just me. “Are you talking about the Logan thing again?”

  “To start, yeah.” Jake pauses and I can see his jaw tighten as he grinds his teeth, like he’s trying not to say whatever it is he’s thinking. I learned these cues from my schooling.

  “Jake, tell me what you’re feeling. No filter.” I prompt.

  “My best friend hits rock bottom and you guys flew him to rehab out-of-state and handled all the fall-out and didn’t even tell me about it,” Jake says as we merge onto the turnpike. “You all acted like it was for my own good. I was away in Orono doing training and you didn’t want to ruin that for me. But the fact is, it was a family problem, and you don’t think I’m family. Because I’m not. But I had been thinking of all of you as family. It was a rude awakening. And FYI I still feel like there’s more about that story with Logan getting sober that even years later, no one will tell me.”

  Wow. This wasn’t just a confession, it was a rant, filled with a lot of pent up emotions. I study his face. He is still so hurt, like this happened yesterday instead of three years ago. I hate thinking about the day Logan hit rock bottom and our family found out. No one talks about it much. In fact we purposely talk around it. The guts of it anyway. But looking at the pain on Jake’s face I decide I need to rip the band-aid off this.

  “You were the first person I wanted to call,” I tell him. “But Declan told me not to because there was nothing you could do. Logan would be halfway to rehab in Florida before you got back from Orono. My brothers think of you as a brother, even Deck. And yes, there is more to the story than you know.”

  His head swivels to take in my expression. My mouth is in a hard line and my eyes are pleading, begging forgiveness for what I’m about to say. “I told you what I could when you got back. What I was allowed to tell. I’m telling you now there is more, but it’s not my story, Jake. And Logan… he may not be in a place to talk about it. I’m sorry. I know that’s award-winning vagueness, but it’s all I can say. And that I’m sorry.”

  His eyes are staring straight ahead now as we slog through the heavy but steady afternoon traffic and he eases into the right lane for the upcoming off-ramp. “One of the lieutenants leading that training in Orono that week was from King’s Rock. He told me they had openings, and I would have a better shot at advancing there than if I stayed in Ocean Pines. I didn’t even consider it until I got back and found out Logan was gone. I felt like, after that, maybe I shouldn’t be so attached to the idea I had reasons to stay in Ocean Pines.”

  My jaw drops. “You left town because of that?”

  “It was a big part of it. But there were other factors. I wanted… I had stuff to work out, and stuff to prove, and needed space to do it. I wanted people to look at me as more than a fucked up foster kid and the Hawkins twins’ sidekick and I didn’t think that would happen if I stuck around.”

  “Why would anyone’s opinion matter more than your own? You know you’re more than that, don’t you?” I ask.

  “That is for another time, Tink,” he mutters. I can’t decipher the expression on his face but I have to admit to myself, I enjoy staring at him while I try. He looks exactly the same as when he left three years ago, tall, dark and perfect. How one man has managed to push all my ‘on’ buttons since I developed turn-on buttons is insane to me. If there’s a Guinness World Record category for longest crush, I’m in the running for the title.

  I decide to change the subject because he clearly isn’t going to elaborate on this one and his silence is creating anxiety in me, which is the last thing I need before a four hour treatment. “I’ve actually been incredibly successful at keeping my kidney problems on the down-low. No one in Ocean Pines has figured it out. Only family knows. And Tom.”

  “H
ave you heard from that ass wipe since the fight?” Jake says as he pulls out of the parking lot.

  Is it wrong that I kind of love how much he hates Tom? Because I do.

  “Break-up,” I correct. I can feel his eyes on me but I keep staring straight ahead. “Nope. And I won’t because I blocked his number.”

  His chuckle is just a huff of air, with a smile. “I should have known. When you hurt Terra Hawkins, you get the emotional guillotine without hesitation.”

  “What on earth is an emotional guillotine?”

  “You don’t push people away. You cut them off. Shut them out. It’s actually both terrifying and admirable,” Jake tells me. “Also hurts like a bitch.”

  “You think I cut you off? When? You’ve been in my life forever,” I argue back, kind of annoyed with his description of me, even though I know he’s not wrong. “Except when you chose to leave.”

  “We gonna pretend you didn’t treat me like I didn’t exist or like you wished I didn’t exist from about the time you were fourteen until I left?” Jake says casually, giving me a quick glance. His dark eyes are stern and very, very sexy.

  I refuse to speak of what he is referencing. “No deep conversations before dialysis.”

  He is still staring and my stupid head starts to turn toward him without my consent. If I see pity on his face my heart will break. But it’s not pity staring back at me; it’s a simple, sweet smile.

  “So… can you give me a little more intel on all this kidney stuff?” Jake asks gently. “I can’t exactly Google and drive, and I hate to admit my knowledge of dialysis and kidney problems related to lupus are nada.”

  “Google is not accurate anyway,” I tell him and then take a deep breath and give him the Cliff Notes about how lupus can cause nephritis which is inflammation in the kidneys and it affects their ability to filter waste. How I managed it with drugs for years but those stopped working and now my only options are dialysis or a new kidney. I explain how my brothers and parents have been tested, but no one can donate either because of blood types that don’t match or because of pre-existing conditions.

  “Does the donor have to be family?” Jake asks the question I was hoping he wouldn’t.

  Tom asked it too, and the answer somehow made him feel obligated. I don’t want to pressure Jake for anything. I tried that once in a closet in the Barlowe’s basement, and I promised myself I would never do that again. For any reason. But he keeps glancing over at me, waiting for an answer, and I’m not going to lie. “No it doesn’t have to be family, they’re just usually a stronger match. I’m on the national list to get one from an organ donor. And Nova and Javi are going to be tested. We’re waiting on results. After that Ma wants to tell Mrs. Green so she can blog about it in hopes someone in town will want to get tested and donate if they match. Dear God if I have to give that woman a scoop for her gossip blog to get a kidney...”

  I roll my eyes in frustration. Jake reaches across the seats and pats my hand. “Nobody hates Mrs. Green’s nosiness more than me. Do you know when I was seventeen she came up to me at Illumination Night and told me I had the exact same eyes as the mayor and that he used to frequent my mom’s work establishment when he was… how did she say it? On the sauce.”

  He whispers that last bit in a scratchy voice in a high pitch like he’s impersonating Mrs. Green. My mouth falls open at the story. Ugh. Poor Jake. His mother’s ‘place of employment’ for most of his life was the strip club out by the airport. The mayor was far from a drunk, and also a pale, balding, red-headed man that looked nothing like Jake. “But Tink, if her big mouth finds you a match and saves your life I will never slag her again.”

  “If Aspen heard any of our hallway conversation, Mrs. Green probably already knows,” I grumble.

  Jake squeezes my hand before returning his to the steering wheel. “She wouldn’t tell anyone even if she did hear. In fact she’d want to help you, not hurt you.”

  “I’d take a kidney from the devil before I took one from Aspen,” I say, completely aware the statement is a mix of false bravado and melodramatics.

  “You still hate her that much?”

  I nod.

  Jake shakes his head. “I’m beginning to think this is about more than a prom dress.”

  I snort. “Please don’t say it took you seven years to figure that out.”

  “You wanna share the truth?” Jake asks as he turns into the parking lot for Casco Bay Memorial

  “Ask your roommate.” I reply snarkily and then point. “Park over there, please. I need to go in the main entrance, but I don’t want your truck in plain sight.”

  He does what I ask and parks at the far end of the lot under a massive weeping willow then turns off the engine.

  “Okay…” I dig in my bag. “Shit. I forgot my blanket.”

  “Blanket?”

  “I get cold sometimes during treatment. They’ll give you a blanket but they’re always scratchy so I usually bring my own. Anyway, no biggie.”

  I keep digging in my bag and pull out a baseball cap and my biggest, darkest pair of sunglasses and put them both on. Jake barks out a laugh. “Are we reenacting an episode of The Americans or something?”

  I sigh. “Last time I was here I ran into Patti Gordon, from Patti’s Parlor, the ice cream place. Who knows who else I’ll see today. I don’t want to be recognized. The more I’m seen at the hospital, the more people will start speculating and gossiping. And if I’m here with you, the talk will turn secret baby or something equally absurd. So do not get out of this car until I am safely inside the building.”

  His smile drops like a lead balloon suddenly. “Umm… yeah. Okay. Whatever you want.”

  “What is it?” I ask, because something about what I just said changed his whole mood in the blink of an eye. “Are you insulted I don’t want people to think I’m having your secret baby?”

  His mood does not lighten. He shifts in his seat. “So, four hours? And you’ll meet me back here?”

  I nod. He nods. And then I get out of the car and make my way inside. It’s becoming routine now, and that’s kind of sad when I think about it. I know all the nurses in the Dialysis Center by name and they know me. I could go through the set-up with my eyes closed. I’m twenty minutes into the treatment when Doug, one of the nurses, walks over with a bag and a smile. “Someone very tall, very dark and very handsome walked up to check-in desk and asked me to give this to you.”

  “Thank you,” I smile and then focus on the bag as he walks away. I use my arm not full of tubes to reach inside and pull out the contents which is a fleece blanket he clearly got in the gift shop by the maternity wing because it’s a bold pink and has a giant Tinkerbell on it. That little fucker. Why can’t he just be a jerk so I can stop crushing on him?

  I smile through the rest of my treatment.

  8

  Jake

  I get to the firehouse an hour before my shift starts as Logan requested. He is on the opposite shift today and he asked if I could swing by to see him before everyone else arrives for the shift change. It’s been a week since I took Terra to dialysis. The family knows I know about her situation now and none of them seem perturbed. In fact they all seemed relieved, even Declan. But no one has flat-out asked me to get tested. To help her. They asked Nova and Javi and they’re talking about asking strangers via Mrs. Green’s gossip site, but they haven’t asked me. I’ve been trying to figure out how to not take that personally. Old Jake would have just run away. Literally. I want to be new Jake on this.

  Logan’s stretched out on the couch in the lounge. The TV in the corner is playing some movie I don’t recognize with the sound muted. Despite lying down, he looks anything but relaxed. His jaw is clenched and he’s looking at his phone screen, held up in front of him.

  “Hey.” I say as I lean on the archway that separates the long room from the hall.

  He moves the phone from in front of his face at the sound of my voice. “Good to see you. Have you been avoiding us? You haven�
�t been to the restaurant in a few days.”

  “No. I’ve been busy setting up my new place. Unpacking.” It’s a half-lie. I’ve been purposely occupying myself with unpacking and new apartment chores so I could avoid going to the restaurant.

  Logan sits up as I walk farther into the room. “Thanks for coming in early”

  “Honestly, I wanted to talk to you about Terra anyway,” I say and I drop down on the opposite side of the couch. “Thought you could put on your doctor hat and give me the lowdown.”

  “It’s half a hat,” Logan gives me a wry smile. “Only finished two years of med school remember?”

  “Well I barely passed high school biology, so you win,” I joke. “Why is it the family can’t donate?”

  “In order to donate a kidney the blood types have to be compatible. I’m AB. Terra is A neg. Finn is obviously AB too. Twin thing,” Logan explains. “Ma is B positive. Dad is A though but his age and his diabetes make him a no-go. Too risky for both of them. Deck has A blood type too, and good tissue typing, but … the rules around people with mental health issues donating is left up to individual hospitals and Casco Memorial isn’t big on the idea. And then there’s the way Declan tried to kill himself.”

  I grimace at the memory. When Declan was in his senior year of high school and the whole family was out of the house, he went into the garage, got in his mom’s car, rolled down the windows, and turned it on with the garbage door closed. He almost succeeded too, but Terra and Aspen decided to skip band practice after school and found him. He spent a month in the hospital and three more in a mental health facility. It was a horrible time for the whole family. Finn and Logan didn’t want to talk about it then, so I just tried to be there for them by covering as many shifts as I could for them at the restaurant. Terra cried when she didn’t think I was around. Lucy spent every waking hour she wasn’t at church with Declan. Charlie looked just plain tortured. Now, as an adult, I know how complicated mental health is but at the time, I remember being confused that Declan would try and throw away a life I would give anything for.