“The men, especially the big ones, sometimes take longer to wake up but I promise you he’s fine,” the surgeon smiles down at me. “Would you like to know how you are doing?”
Oh. Right. I nod.
“As I’ve informed the fan club in the waiting room, everything went perfectly,” she explains. “No hiccups or complications in the procedure. Time will tell how we do with rejection and healing, but I’m optimistic.”
I turn my head again and stare at Jake. I wish he would wake up. I just want to hear his voice. The nurse checks my IV and asks me my pain levels. I don’t feel much of anything right now, just a dry throat and a dull ache in my middle.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Water, please?” I croak. “And him.”
She smiles and walks around my bed, rolling it sideways gently so it’s closer to Jake. Yesterday when we checked in they put us in different rooms beside each other, but I requested in post-op that we be placed together because I read they can do that with donors and recipients who are known to each other.
As the nurse walks away to get me some water, I carefully slip my hand through the rails on the side of my bed and lay it on top of his where it rests above the covers. He feels warm but his hand is limp, and I don’t like it. I have this overwhelming irrational need for him to wake up.
“Jake… can you hear me?” I say, my voice still raw. “Can you wake up please before I freak out and pop my stitches or something?”
Nothing.
“I assure you, he’s good,” the nurse promises as she arrives back at my side and hands me the teeniest cup of water I’ve ever seen. “You can only have it in little doses because after anesthesia too much liquid or anything at once can make you vomit.”
I swallow down the shooter-sized amount of room temperature water. Better than nothing, I guess. I thank her and hand her back the cup and my eyes go to Jake. “Do you have a rough idea of when he will wake up?”
“Should be any time now,” she replies. “Don’t worry. Your boyfriend is in good hands.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say softly and then I feel his hand move undermine. I snap my head around to face him and instantly regret the fast motion.
“Tink…” his voice is just as hoarse and rough as mine, but the sound of it makes me cry.
“Jake. Welcome back,” The nurse turns toward his bed and walks over to the other side, so as not to disrupt our hands, which are now joined because he’s turned his around and laced our fingers.
“How do you feel?” I whisper.
“Okay. How are you?” Jake asks. “Did it work? Is everything good?”
“They say yes,” I reply and he blinks away his grogginess a little more and notices my wet cheeks. His dark eyes fill with concern. “Are you in pain? What’s wrong?”
“I’m just so relieved you’re awake,” I whisper.
“I’m not going anywhere, Tink,” he promises, and a drowsy smile pulls at his lips. “I have to stick around and convince you to let people think I’m your boyfriend.”
My heartbeat suddenly gets stronger. “Is that what you want people to think?”
“That’s what I want the truth to be.”
The surgeon comes over and asks Jake the same questions she asked me and then she says, “Your family is anxious to see you both, so we’ll call some orderlies and move you back into your own rooms.”
I feel instantly disappointed. I want to stay here holding Jake’s hand until they send us home. Jake must feel the same way because he replies. “Can we take our time on that part? I kind of like it here.”
He squeezes my hand. I close my eyes, a smile on my lips, and revel in the feel of our intertwined hands. I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, my arm is tucked under the sheets on my gurney and I’m being wheeled into my own room. Damnit.
My mother, Declan and Nova are there to greet me, all smiling but on the verge of tears. I know it’s from relief. I feel it too. Although, my battle is far from over. There’s anti-rejection meds and a risk of infection and a whole bunch of other things to deal with now. My mom pushes my hair off my forehead and places a kiss there. “Dad and the twins are in Jake’s room. We will switch after half an hour.”
I smile and nod, relieved they aren’t all in here with me. And then I see someone in the corner of the room that makes me think maybe the Tramadol drip is a little too generous and I’m hallucinating. Is that… Tom?
“The doc says everything went really well,” Declan tells me. “And Jake is doing great too.”
“I know. I was with him in recovery,” I reply and Tom stands up and walks over. Now he’s standing next to Nova, and I swear I would think I’m imagining it except my mom acknowledges his existence.
“Tom wanted to see how you were doing,” she explains. “He called me last night to see if he could come and sit with us while the operation went on, and of course we said yes.”
She leans over the side of my bed to glance over at him and smile. He smiles back but his eyes dart back to me. “Terra, I… I know you need rest right now but hopefully we can talk maybe in a couple of days?”
“Maybe,” I reply my tone flat and noncommittal because I don’t want to talk to him about anything. “I am really tired right now and would like to rest.”
“Of course. I just had to know you were through everything,” Tom says and pats my hand. I’m irrationally angry for a moment that he touched the hand that was laced with Jake’s earlier. “I left you some flowers over there.” He points to the vase of carnations on the window ledge.
I muster a smile. He pats my hand again and heads out. Nova scowls at his back as he goes, but Ma looks absolutely dreamy-eyed. Oh great. This is the last thing I need. My mom loves Tom more than anyone because he goes to church. Every now and then he would get up early when he was spending the weekend and go with her, and I would meet them later for brunch. Much to mom’s dismay, none of her kids kept up the church thing—or religion for that matter—once we turned eighteen and couldn’t be forced to go. I never told Ma that Tom ran like a bitch over the kidney problems, but now I realize I should have. She wouldn’t have forgiven him that, but she thinks we just had a tiff or something and she is all about the second chance romance. That’s what my dad was for her.
Once Tom is gone Declan says, “Do you want us to leave you alone to sleep too?”
“You can stay but I may drift in and out,” I say.
And I do just that. Every time I wake, the light in the room is different. It goes from full sun to evening light to no light but there’s always a different family member there by my side. And every time, I ask them if someone is still with Jake. Thankfully they always say yes.
By the next day, I feel much better. Tender as all hell but more alert and they’ve moved me onto a lower dose of pain meds. Doctor Leclerc pops in to check on me and clears me for more movement, not just the two feet I’ve been walking to the bathroom. Nova is with me when I get the news, having convinced my parents to go home and get some actual rest. They’d been here in the hospital for almost twenty-four straight hours. Declan and Finn are back at the restaurant ,and Logan is with River and is going to bring him by later this afternoon if I’m up for it.
“Can I walk with Jake? Is he allowed to walk yet?” I ask the nurse.
I carefully pull myself out of the bed and onto my feet. Nova hands me my robe so that the stupid hospital gown doesn’t flash my ass at people as I go on this journey. The nurse nods his head. “You can walk over to his room and ask him if he wants to join.”
Nova takes my arm gently at the elbow and I let her because I’m a little nervous about this. Jake’s surgery was done laparoscopically, but I had to be opened right up and the incision area is super tender. The nurse follows behind as I slowly but steadily make my way out of the room and turn left.
I’m smiling, excited to see Jake, and I can show it around Nova because she’s kind of in on this. I haven’t told her about anything more
than the first two kisses, but still. I’ve seen Jake since the recovery room only once. He snuck into my room last night after midnight. I was in that weightless pain-killer induced place between sleep and awake. I could barely open my eyes, but I knew it was him who kissed my cheek and whispered my name. I could tell by the scrub of his stubble and the feel of his lips. My Mom was asleep in a reclining vinyl chair by the window when I finally opened my eyes completely and I saw him slip out of the room.
The expectant smile on my lips disappears the second I walk through the wide-open door to his room. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed with Aspen standing in front of him. I know it’s her even from behind because those wild, wheat blond curls are one of a kind in Ocean Pines. If it wasn’t for the hair I might not have known straight away because she isn’t dressed like Aspen. She’s in leggings and Converse and a very oversized, chunky knit sweater that almost hits her knees. Aspen’s style is usually tight, clingy stuff.
Jake sees me in the doorway and the color drains from his face, which makes me feel like he’s guilty of something. I turn abruptly. “Sorry. I’ll see you later.”
“No!” Jake calls out. “Stop!”
“Terra, wait!” Aspen adds, her voice desperate. I want to keep walking but Nova has stopped and is still holding onto my elbow. I begrudgingly turn back around. Aspen looks nervous and something else. Sad? Depressed, maybe? She says, “I hope you’re doing okay. You look good.”
I tip my head down and look at my pale green hospital gown and the unicorn slippers on my feet that my mom brought me from home along with my fuzzy blue robe I’m wearing. I also know my hair hasn’t been brushed in forty-eight hours and I don’t have a lick of make-up on, and my lips are slightly chapped. I cock an eyebrow at her. “I look good, do I?”
“Well, I mean… you look healthy. Like you have a hunky new kidney.” She attempts a smile but it’s awkward. “I mean… his insides have gotta be as hot as his outsides, right?”
Her voice raises nervously, like she’s terrified I won’t be able to joke with her. Suddenly, I am reminded of the good times we had together growing up and how her voice would get like that any time we were on the verge of trouble. Like the time we got caught trying to break into the teachers’ lounge because we found out they had Crispy Kremes delivered every Friday. I have to force myself not to smile. Remembering she slept with Jake just three short months ago does the trick. “It’s probably a good-looking organ, you’re right. And so far it’s happy in its new home, thankfully.”
“Good. I’m glad, Terra. Honestly. Happy everything is working out for you. All of it,” she says softly and then grabs her purse from the chair by his bed. “I’ve got to go. See you around when you’re home and stuff. I hope.”
“Bye,” I follow her with my eyes as she walks down the hall and turns the corner to the elevator bank. Something is weird with her. I shouldn’t care but I do for some reason.
“You’re walking? That’s good,” Jake says getting up off his bed. He’s in a pair of gray T-shirt material pajama bottoms and a black T-shirt, both clearly not hospital issued like most of my outfit. His feet are clad in hospital socks with the little grips on the bottom. “Do you want company?”
“That’s exactly why we came,” Nova says before I can answer. She motions for him to come forward. “Why don’t you go with her and I’ll go downstairs and get a coffee. I’m suddenly feeling rundown, like I need a pick-me-up.”
“You don’t drink coffee, Nova.” I remind her flatly.
She grins. “Today is the day I’ve decided to start. See you soon. Don’t overdo it.”
“I hate you,” I mutter but not loud enough for anyone to hear because I don’t really mean it. Jake is now beside me. Instead of taking my elbow, he takes my hand in his.
“This good?” he asks.
“I can manage without help,” I reply and realize the chill in my voice so I pause and take a deep breath. “But yeah, it is good. To feel you again.”
He smiles. “Feels good to feel you too.”
I feel energized by that. Stronger. I start walking with more confidence than I had on my way to Jake’s room, but I still keep the arm rail attached to the wall within grabbing distance. The ache in my side doesn’t get worse, but it doesn’t get better either. He looks like he’s not in much discomfort.
“You seem good,” I say.
“A little achey and all the laparoscopy holes on my stomach make me look like I have gun shots wounds which is weird, but I’m better than I thought I would be,” Jake replies, his thumb is absently skimming back and forth across my wrist.
We reach the end of the hall and turn around to start back.
“She was just here checking on me as a friend,” Jake tells me, clearly not afraid to tackle the elephant in the hallway with us.
“I didn’t know you’d told her about the operation is all,” I reply and slow a little bit. How is this so exhausting? I’m on my feet running around a restaurant all day every day. My steps tracker has me averaging ten thousand steps every work day, but I’m almost out of breath from half a hallway.
“I had to tell her because I needed a next of kin AKA medical proxy,” Jake tells me and I snap my head up to look him in the eyes. I’m shocked he picked her. “Terra, I couldn’t put the twins down or your parents like I’ve been doing since I was a kid because I didn’t want to pull their focus from you if something went wrong. And how guilty would they be if they had to… you know pull my plug because of this? It had to be someone independent and it was her or Kelsey.”
His mom. Wow. He hasn’t brought her up since he got back to town. “You know Kelsey isn’t the right person to contact in an emergency so it had to be Aspen.”
I try to take my heart out of this equation. It’s hard, but I do it, and realize that Aspen, unfortunately, makes sense. But I still say “You could have put down Nova.”
“Are you kidding me? That bleeding heart would have kept me alive at all costs, even if all hope was lost. She’s too much of an optimist,” Jake says with a smile. “I thought about making it Declan for like two seconds.”
“Yeah he would totally pull your plug without batting an eyelash,” I reply. “Unless there was a way to monetize your coma or whatever. Like if it could help sell lobster rolls.”
We both laugh, because we know we’re kidding. Mostly. But laughing makes my guts ache right now so I force myself to stop. He squeezes my hand. “I want to kiss you right now.”
“So do it.”
He looks around. “Is there a closet somewhere we could borrow?”
I open my mouth to laugh but he covers it with his own. The kiss is gentle, tame and short but absolutely perfect. When we break apart, we continue to walk.
As we get closer to my room, for some reason, I think about the conversation I had with Logan the night he drove me home from Jake’s, about our defense mechanisms. “I’m sorry Aspen just makes me irrational. I always saw her as perfect in all the ways I wasn’t. She was gorgeous and ballsy and an extrovert and healthy. For a long time I just felt grateful she would even be friends with someone like me. When she went after you and you actually started dating her, it reconfirmed she was better than me.”
“She never should have done that. And if I knew any of that history I never would have gone to prom with her let alone date her. But the girl I really had a thing for was off-limits and I’d pissed her off so she refused to even acknowledge my existence,” he reminds me and he’s grinning that easy, lazy smile that’s always turned my heart into a gold medal gymnast on a set of uneven bars flipping around like her life depended on it.
I take a deep breath. “A part of you lives inside my body, so ignoring your existence is an impossibility now,” I say as we reach my room.
We walk inside and I head straight for the bed. I’m tired and hot. He sits in the chair in the corner. “I didn’t give you a kidney to make you like me.”
“I know. But I was actually talking about the part of you t
hat lives in my heart now,” I reply and study his face.
Yeah, I’m telling him I love him without telling him I love him. I’m still too scared to throw it right out there.
He looks me straight in the eye. He looks vulnerable, and it takes my breath away more than the walk did. “I was a damn fool for waiting this long.”
“Yeah, we both were,” I smile and he laughs for a second but then winces.
Nova appears behind him in the doorway. She waltzes in and perches on the window sill, a paper cup of what’s probably an herbal tea in her hands. Her brown eyes slide back and forth from Jake to me and her smile is smug. “Good walk?”
The surgeon appears in my doorway before either of us can answer Nova. “So I’ve got good news and bad news.”
The light, calm feeling that had filled me disappears completely. Jake pulls himself out of the chair and walks over to my bed, sitting beside me. “Okay… shoot.”
I reach for Jake’s hand as the surgeon explains. “Jake, you’re going home this afternoon.”
“Just me?”
She nods. “Terra, you’ve still got a fever.”
Oh no.
Jake reaches up and presses a palm to my forehead. His eyes lock with mine and he knows I know. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I was hoping it was nothing.”
“It might be,” Dr. Leclerc explains. “It’s not ideal but it’s not uncommon.”
“But it’s also a sign of rejection according to Google,” Jake says.
“Google says a lot of things,” Dr. Leclerc gives us a smile. “It’s like a drunk uncle at thanksgiving. Spews advice on everything whether it’s facts or not.”
“So it’s not a sign?” Nova interjects and I already see her hand slip into her bag, no doubt looking for her phone so she can update my family.
“It’s not necessarily a sign,” the doctor replies. “Most of the time it’s just the body working overtime to help the organ settle in, for lack of a better word.”
Jake frowns.
The Fall We Fell: A Small Town Friends-to-Lovers Romance (Ocean Pines Series Book 1) Page 19