I squeeze his hand. “Hey. Believe her. She has no reason to lie.”
He nods, but I’m not sure he’s taking my words to heart. I really wish he would because then maybe I’d believe them more myself. Nova gets up, leaving her tea on the window sill, her phone now clutched in her hand. “I’m gonna make a call.”
“Don’t let them freak out!” I yell as she slips out of the room, knowing she is about to update my parents.
“Jake, I need to take one last look at your laparoscopy incisions and talk about that extra blood work you requested.”
“Extra blood work?” I repeat and frown.
“Yeah. For work. No big deal,” Jake says and gets up. “See you later?”
“I’ll have to check my schedule, but I should be able to pencil you in.”
“Good to see the snark wasn’t accidentally removed with your bum kidney,” he quips.
The doctor chuckles and leaves, but Jake doesn’t follow right away. He bends down and kisses the top of my head and then he gingerly squats right in from of me as I sit on the bed, he puts his head close to my torso and says. “Hey kidney. I’m not taking you back so might as well get used to it in there and make yourself at home.”
He stands and leaves, giving me a wink as I giggle at his antics.
A couple minutes later, as I settle in my bed, Nova walks back in. She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes, so I know how the conversation went. “Ma is freaking out?”
“Yep,” she admits. “But I called Logan too and he is on the way to her place to talk her off the ledge with all his doctor-speak. He assured me the surgeon is right and this means nothing. Yet.”
Nova leans against the window ledge and picks up the cup she abandoned earlier. “So, Aspen. What was that about?”
“She was checking in on him,” I explain. “She was listed as his next of kin because he didn’t want to put one of us and can’t put his mom.”
“Kelsey Grady is still … around?”
“Maybe,” I reply and Nova looks as shocked as I was. “Anyway … I trust him when he says it’s over with her.”
“I trust him too,” Nova replies without a moment’s hesitation. Then her expression darkens a little. “I happened to notice Aspen on my way back from my little cafeteria jaunt. She looked sad. Like she’d been crying.”
“Over Jake?” I ask and Nova shrugs because she has no idea.
“She was coming out of the obstetrics ward so maybe visiting a friend who had a baby?” Nova says with another shrug. “But definitely sad. Puffy eyes, blotchy cheeks, sad face. Maybe she thought her and Jake would get back together?”
I ponder that. I was so filled with jealousy and rage when Aspen asked Jake to prom and he said yes and then they started dating. I used to lie awake at night and fantasize that somehow, some way, he’d change his mind and leave her and be with me and it would make her cry. At the time, my eighteen year-old heart was filled with joy at the prospect. But now … the idea that it might be happening is not joyful. I don’t feel guilt or remorse. I want Jake and I feel I deserve this happiness. But I don’t take joy in the idea that it might be hurting her, even after what she did to me a million years ago.
18
Jake
I’ve been out of the hospital without Terra for forty-eight hours. It’s been great being at Lucy and Charlie’s. Lucy is waiting on me hand and foot and Charlie is a hoot. He yells at the TV during the Eagles hockey games like he’s the coach on the bench barking orders. But we’re all worried about Terra.
At night I lie awake in Finn and Logan’s childhood bedroom trying to convince myself her body won’t reject my kidney, that the universe won’t be that cruel, but another part of my brain keeps listing all the ways the universe has been a total bitch in the past. Reminding me there’s no reason it won’t be again.
They had also asked us to limit our visits and told me specifically that I should stay home and rest, so I haven’t seen her since I left the hospital. So this morning, when we got the call Terra’s allowed to come home, I insisted on going to pick her up. Now I’m in the back seat of Declan’s car as he drives to the hospital. Lucy is chattering away excitedly in the seat next to him as I watch the Southern Maine scenery whirl by. I want to see her so badly my skin is tingling.
We get there and I’m almost ready to run to her room and offer to carry her out instead of them wheeling her out in a wheelchair, but of course I can’t do that because I’m still healing. And more importantly, that would cause everyone to ask questions we don’t want to answer right now. I smirk to myself as we enter the lobby and I think about how long I forced myself to ignore my feelings for her. A fucking decade. It wasn’t easy then but now that I’ve given into them, pretending they don’t exist again is absolute torture.
“I’ll go get her,” Lucy says. “Declan can you head to billing and see what we need to do there.”
Declan nods, his expression grim. He heads in one direction and Lucy heads in the other. I stay in the lobby and wait impatiently. A couple minutes later Declan appears from the hall he disappeared down, but he’s not alone. Tom is with him.
“Tom you remember Jake,” Declan points as they stop in front of me. “He’s Terra’s donor.”
“Right. Of course,” Tom extends his hand and I reluctantly shake it. “Dude, thanks so much for everything.”
“Terra’s my… she’s my family. I’d do anything for her.” I say, staring him straight in the eye. “You don’t need to thank me for helping your ex.”
He blinks and stands a little straighter. I don’t know if it’s because of the purposeful pregnant pause in my first statement that gets his back up or the use of the word ex. I’m good with either reason. Declan feels the tension building and seems confused, his pale eyebrows knitting. “Tom just did the most amazing thing. He paid Terra’s insurance deductible on the op.”
“What?”
Tom shrugs, my shocked reaction making him more relaxed as he lets go of my hand. “It was nothing. She has really good insurance it was just a few grand. I couldn’t be her donor, but I could do this.”
“And it’s an amazing help, Tom, honestly,” Declan tells him, grasping his shoulder and squeezing it in gratitude. “We had to remortgage the restaurant a few years ago due to a financial crisis. And of course we’d pay anything to get Terra healthy again, but you just saved us having to dig out from under even more debt. Really, thank you.”
“Seriously, Deck. I don’t want to be thanked,” Tom replies as I start to feel bile swirl in my stomach. “I’d do anything I can for Terra. I love her.”
Declan’s cell buzzes and he pulls it from the pocket of his suit and double-takes at the number. “I’ll be outside. I have to take this.” He walks towards the door, smiling again at Tom.
Tom nods and stays right there next to me as Declan heads out. We stare at each other. Neither of us are holding onto pretenses and our smiles evaporate. He knows I don’t like him. He might even know I like Terra. I give zero fucks. “You waiting for a receipt or something?”
“I’m waiting to see Terra,” Tom explains. “I’m hoping she lets me drive her home.”
“She won’t.”
Tom blinks again, shoulders pushing back ever so slightly. “You think you know her so well, don’t you?”
“I know I know her,” I reply, my voice is oozing confidence. “She’s over you.”
“With all due respect, I’m not going to take your word for it,” Tom replies.
“That’s cool,” I say like I don’t care when inside I’m actually trying to figure out if I’ll do any damage to my healing body if I punch him in the face. It’s irrational but I’m seething that he’s here and that he wants her back.
Terra and Lucy appear at the end of the hall, with an orderly pushing her as she sits in the wheelchair. Her eyes land on me, and her smile is brighter than an August sun. And then they see the guy beside me is Tom and not Declan and her expression clouds over immediately, which make
s the tension in my body slip down a few notches. She’s got this.
Lucy looks thrilled at the sight of him and she opens her arms and pulls him into a hug. “Tom, you sweet thing! We timed it perfectly.”
Timed it?
Tom grins down at her as she lets him go. “Thanks for helping me out, Lucy.” He turns to Terra. “You look good, T. I’ve missed you but I’ve tried to give you the time you needed to heal.”
“I’m not done healing, Tom,” Terra replies, her tone cold and eyes flat. I smile and cover it with my hand when Lucy notices.
“Terra, sweetie, Tom is trying to make amends,” Lucy pats her daughter’s shoulder. “Tom gave you a gift sweetheart. Let him tell you.”
“Let me drive you home and we can talk about it,” Tom smiles confidently which makes Terra’s frown deepen.
She looks up at the orderly and then at me and Lucy. “Can you guys all give us a minute?”
Terra’s chocolate eyes land on me. Now she doesn’t look so stern. She looks conflicted. Does she want to go with him? I must look as worried as I feel because she shakes her head and asks again. “Just a couple seconds?”
I motion for Lucy to join me. “Declan is outside. Let’s go wait with him.”
Lucy nods hesitantly and follows me to the main doors. I hold the door open for her and as soon as we’re both outside she lets out a sigh that’s heavy with frustration. “That girl of mine is more stubborn than a mule. I get that Tom isn’t perfect but no man is and he’s trying to make amends.”
“I don’t think he’s a good fit.”
Lucy looks shocked for a second and then she smiles and reaches out and squeezes my arm. “That’s because you don’t know him. He treats her really well, Jake. He’s a good boy. He’s got a good job and his family really loves her. They’ve got this lovely lake house on Sebago and we all went up there for a weekend and it was so great. I could literally see her getting married up there one day. It would be so lovely. And I know something went wrong between them but he must realize he made a mistake because he’s back and he’s trying to make up for it.”
“What if Terra wants someone else?”
Lucy chuckles softly at that. “Terra doesn’t know what’s best for her. She gets hurt and shuts down. I don’t fault her that. I was the Queen of cutting people off for their mistakes. Ask Charlie. I wasted years holding a grudge against him.”
Declan hangs up on the call he was on and walks over. “Did Jake tell you? Tom paid all her medical bills.”
“I already knew. He called me last week to ask if he could,” Lucy explains. “I’m the one who told him when to be here so he could meet up with her when she was discharged.”
They’re all conspiring against me but I can’t even hold it against them because they don’t know it. And I also can’t explain it to them. I’m suddenly really agitated. My life feels like a web of secrets and I’m not the spider who built it but the fly stuck in the middle of it, unable to break free.
“I don’t like him,” I declare. “Not for Terra or in general.”
They both stare at me, stunned. But before they can say anything more the hospital doors open and Tom is wheeling Terra out of the building. When he stops, she stands and, to my horror, she hugs him. Well, he hugs her and she lets him. I guess she’s not able to slug him without pulling her stitches. At least I hope that’s her reason.
If she walks toward his car, I am going to stop her. In front of everyone. Even if it means I get banished to Declan’s room in the attic or get sent to my own place to recuperate alone, I don’t care. I’ll deal with that better than watching her drive away with him. But thankfully, they part there on the sidewalk and Terra walks over to us.
“I’m tired and don’t want to go home with Tom,” Terra says calmly as she approaches. “I told him we’ll talk later.”
Lucy looks so disappointed it wounds me. Declan just shakes his head. “You know Ter, it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich college professor from New Hampshire as it is a poor dude from Ocean Pines.”
“I’m going to fall in love with someone who doesn’t make me feel like I’m a worthless burden,” Terra snaps as Declan pulls out of the parking lot. “And that’s exactly what Tom did. He volunteered to get tested to donate a kidney, then chickened out and tried to make me feel like I’d pinned him down. I didn’t.”
No one says anything at that information. Lucy gasps though, which I take as a good sign. Terra throws her hoodie on the back seat between us, over my hand resting there, and slips her hand under it to hold mine. I glance over at her and smile but it feels forced. She turns back to her family in the front seat. “And I do not want to talk about Tom ever again, okay? I need to get better and talking about him doesn’t help me.”
They honor her wishes, and I do too, and Tom’s name never comes up again for the rest of the day or night. Later, I still have a gnawing uneasiness I can’t shake. Even after everyone has gone to bed and the bathroom door creeks open and she crawls under the covers with me.
“So… Tom,” I say after she lays a long, hot kiss on me.
“Are you serious?” she whispers back. “We’re talking about this now?”
“He paid for your medical expenses because he’s trying to win you back,” I say. “I’m pretty sure no matter when we talk about it, it’s going to be awkward.”
“He could pay my medical bills, my college loans, and my parents’ mortgage and he’s still not getting me back,” Terra replies flatly. She falls back beside me, and gingerly rolls onto her side, her head in the crook of my arm. Her hair feels silky on my bicep. “Do I look like someone who can be won by a wallet?”
I shake my head but then I find myself saying. “You know I have some savings. I can lend it to you if you want to pay him back.”
She sits up abruptly and then winces. I sit up too and flick on the bedside lamp, worried she hurt her incision somehow. I reach out to touch the hem of the t-shirt she’s wearing but she pushes my hands away. “So I do look like someone who can be won by a wallet.”
“No. Of course not,” I sigh and lean back against the headboard which is hard wood shaped like a ship’s wheel. Logan and Finn have had the same bedroom furniture in here since they were twelve. “Fuck, Terra, I don’t like that he’s still around and that your family thinks he’s such a good fucking match.”
“Well I don’t think it,” Terra leans forward and kisses me again, her tiny hand cupping my jaw. “And they won’t either when they find out about us.”
Is she right? I don’t know. I mean he didn’t realize it when he said it, but I’m that poor guy in Declan’s analogy earlier, not the rich college professor. She tilts her head to the side, her golden hair glinting in the dim moonlight filtering in from the window. As she leans even closer. “I mean I will wake them up right now and tell my parents about us. About how much you mean to me and have always meant to me if it will make you feel better. Or I can do this…”
I feel her other hand slip under the covers and curl around the half hard-on I’ve had since she snuck into my room. She presses down on my length and gives it a firm rub. My eyelids flutter. “Maybe we should wait to tell them.”
She lets out a breathy giggle. But then I place my hand on hers and stop her. Our eyes meet in the dark room. “Did he take the hint?”
“No. He says he’s not ready to give up on us,” Terra admits after a second. Then she lifts my hand off of hers so she can rub me again. “But trust me, my mind and heart are made up.”
She kisses me and I tangle my hands in her hair and kiss her back, my heart clenching as my brain tries fruitlessly to convince me that Terra won’t reconsider her choice if that paternity test I took the day I left the hospital comes back positive.
19
Jake
Charlie’s snoring. Loudly. That’s our cue! I peel back the covers, get out of Logan’s childhood bed, and make my way across the room. I had left the curtains open so the moonlight could guide me. Last night I
hit the desk chair with my foot and almost broke my baby toe. It was worth it, though.
It’s been three days since Terra came home. She had a check-up today and her blood and urine work is great. She’s definitely on the mend. The first night, after she snuck through the bathroom that joins our rooms and had the Tom talk, we just held each other and made out like horny teenagers. Last night started the same but she rubbed my hard-on through my pajama pants and I slipped a hand into hers. She came around my fingers and I had to bury my face in my pillow as I came into my pajama bottoms.
I’m about to open the door to the bathroom to see what amazing sexual adventure tonight brings us when Terra opens it from the other side. She’s wearing a loose, soft pink T-shirt and matching pajama bottoms. It’s turned cold this week, finally, with the temperatures dipping drastically at night. Lucy and Charlie keep the house warm enough, but her nipples are still hard. I can see them in the pale light. She smiles up at me. “I thought I would save your toes and come to you tonight.”
“How are you feeling?” I ask her reaching out and taking her hands in mine as I take a step closer. We’re almost touching. The soft cotton of her shirt brushes my tank top.
“I’m ready to go home,” Terra replies. “I love my mom, you know I do, but I need less hovering and more time to myself.”
I start to take a step back. “I can give you space.”
She scurries right up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, rising up on her tip toes, and pressing her whole, perfect little body against mine. “You know I’m not talking about you.”
She’s pulls my face down to hers and I’m not about to stop her. My mouth grazes hers, teasingly, before committing to the kiss. It doesn’t take long for it to get heated and within minutes we’re tangled together on the bed. This whole no sex thing is becoming ridiculously hard, and we are only a little over a week post-op. I’m so hard right now I feel like I could break boards with my dick.
The Fall We Fell: A Small Town Friends-to-Lovers Romance (Ocean Pines Series Book 1) Page 20