Jamie

by Caroline Clemmons

  “Did you save the buttons?” Mama asked.

  “I always save buttons, don’t you? These are tiny but I think Cat can manage them. They match the fabric perfectly. This must have been an expensive creation.”

  Mama sighed and sent her a knowing look. “Everything about Lucy was expensive.”

  By five o’clock, the dress was ready, thanks to the simple design and two women devoting their day to creating magic.

  Olivia took it downstairs and ironed the fabric. She’d finger pressed the tucks as she’d sewn them, but ironing proved she’d been faultless with her stitches. She laid the dress on the table and started to put away the ironing board.

  Milly took it from her. “You’d better hurry. I heard the men ride into the yard. Jamie will be inside within five minutes.”

  “Wish me luck. If Cat changes her mind, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

  But Cat didn’t resist. As excited as Olivia had seen her, the child hurried to get into the new garment. “It is magic. Won’t Papa think I’m pretty?”

  “Of course he will because you are pretty. You look like a princess.”

  She held out her arms and turned around. “Like in my book. Am I as beautiful as my mama?”

  “I didn’t know her, but I’m sure you are.”

  Her eyes were wide with excitement. “I hear Papa on the stairs.”

  “Remember the curtsy I showed you.”

  Cat posed so that when Jamie came by the door he’d see her. He stopped at the door and came into Cat’s room.

  She dipped and held out her skirt. “Look, Papa, I’m a lady like Mama was.”

  Jamie’s face grew stormy. He strode toward Olivia. “Who said you could take that dress? You overstepped your bounds, Olivia.”

  Cat stared at her father and broke into tears. Olivia hugged the little girl but she pulled away. “It’s your fault he doesn’t like me. You said I would be pretty and Papa would like how I look.”

  Olivia glared at him and nodded at Cat. How could he be so insensitive?

  As if suddenly realizing what he’d done, he bent and picked up his daughter. “I’m sorry, baby. I love how you look. You’re pretty as an angel.”

  She wiped her eyes. “As pretty as my mama? She’s an angel.”

  “Even prettier. Your first mama is an angel but now you have two mamas. One is right here in this room.”

  “Does Jake have two mamas?”

  “Yes, you’re both lucky to have one mama who’s an angel watching over you and one mama right here to take care of you every day.”

  Olivia still hadn’t forgiven him for being so insensitive but his last words helped soothe her. “Why don’t we go downstairs and show everyone how pretty you look?”

  Beth gushed over Cat and Ethan told her she’d never looked prettier. Jake appeared a little jealous at all the attention Cat received.

  Olivia told the boy, “Jake, I’m proud of the way you arranged your room so well all by yourself. You’re a very capable young man.”

  He broke into a broad grin, his Fraser blue eyes twinkling. “Did you hear that, Papa? I put my things back in my room just the way they’re supposed to be.”

  “Good for you, Jake. You’re growing up pretty fast.”

  That night in their room, Jamie leaned against the closed door. His face an angry mask, he pointed at Olivia. “You had no right to commandeer that dress of Lucy’s.”

  Dumfounded, Olivia faced him, determined not to be intimidated. “Do you think Lucy is going to need those things? Is that why you packed them away and keep them here in this room? If wearing something of her mother’s gives Cat pleasure, why should you care?”

  He put his hands on his hips and pursed his lips. “I don’t like the reminder.”

  “Well, that’s too bad. Jamie Fraser, your little girl’s needs are more important than misplaced sentiment about a dress. I’m sorry you lost the love of your life, but she’s gone and Cat is here. Until you ruined her surprise, she was excited about dressing up to please you.”

  He plopped into the rocker and leaned his elbows on his knees. With a hefty exhale, he rested his forehead on his hands. “Damn, damn, damn.”

  Before she could light into him for cursing, he leaned back in the rocker and she saw the glisten of moisture in his eyes. “I never meant to make Cat cry. I was caught off guard.”

  Laying a hand on her heart, she softened her tone, “I-I had no idea you’d react so strongly. The clothes aren’t even folded nicely or with care. I didn’t realize they were a sacred treasure.”

  “No, no, you don’t understand, Olivia. That dress is the one Lucy wore when we had a huge argument before...well, she said things I wish I’d never heard, terrible things, and made horrid accusations.”

  Olivia dropped into the other rocker. “Now I feel foolish, Jamie. I’m sorry my actions caused you to suffer an old pain. Please forgive me.”

  He exhaled. “You’re right. Keeping those things packed in the chest is foolish. You’re the mistress of this home and should use any that you feel are suitable. I’ll remember to compliment Cat whenever she wears a dress.”

  Mollified, she met his gaze. “She wants so much for you to be proud of her. Jake does too. They both love and admire you.”

  “You did a nice job sewing.” He offered a slight grin. “You gonna make shirts for Jake that match Cat’s dress?”

  She smiled at his question. “Ruby is bringing flannel for me to make you and Jake shirts alike. Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.” He leaned toward her and took her hand in both of his. “We have plenty of money, Olivia. You don’t have to remake old clothes for my daughter or new ones for Jake and me.”

  She hadn’t understood the financial situation and was relieved to learn there wasn’t a dire need. “The idea is to get Cat to like wearing a dress on Sunday and for dinner each night. Having something of her mother’s is important to her. She’s heard how beautiful her mother was and wants you to think she’s as lovely. And I can’t make her something without doing the same for Jake.”

  He exhaled and leaned back in his chair. “You’re a good woman, Olivia. I’m fortunate Mama chose you to be my wife. Guess the children and I needed someone more than I realized.”

  Hope blossomed in Olivia’s breast. “Thank you, kind sir.”

  Could his need for a companion evolve into love? She prayed that one day her dream would come true.

  Chapter Seven

  The next day, Olivia resumed her duties helping Milly and Mama Fraser. Beth was reluctantly keeping busy milking, gathering eggs, and learning to cook. Clara Zimmerman also helped with milking, the chickens, and laundry as well as helping Beth learn to be a rancher’s wife.

  Clara’s husband, Sam, took care of the swine, the smokehouse, hunting, and slaughtering the meat for the Frasers and their employee’s consumption. Circle F ranch was a well-run homestead where everyone had a job and reaped the benefits of working toward a common goal.

  With all the women pitching in, they had time in the afternoon to relax with sewing or reading or just chatting. Olivia believed she had found a place where she could find happiness and fulfillment. She told herself she was foolish to yearn for more.

  More acceptance from Jake and Cat. More appreciation from her husband. In spite of her head telling her how fortunate she was, her heart longed for Jamie’s love. Already she was smitten with him and thought she could easily fall in love.

  That afternoon, she surveyed the parlor. “You know, I’d like to rearrange the furniture in here. Having the sofa so close to the windows must be nice in summer. This winter, though, makes that a cold place to sit. Why don’t we move things around so the seating is closer to the fireplace and cozier?”

  Beth stood near the fire. “Sounds sensible to me. I’ve struggled to keep warm since I’ve been here.”

  Mama nodded. “Lucy had things arranged this way and I just never bothered to change the furniture back after she died. What did you have in mind?
”

  Olivia explained and the other two women helped her move the furniture to fit with her vision. When they had finished, they all three stood gazing at their result.

  Mama said, “This will keep the traffic from wearing a trail in the rug.”

  “And will be warmer when we sit in here.” Beth hugged her arms.

  Olivia took a seat on the sofa. “Now we can enjoy doing our handwork. I don’t think there’s any danger we’ll become overheated in this weather, do you?”

  Beth sat in the chair nearest the fireplace, leaned back, and sighed. “Much better. Now I’ll be comfortable while I sew.” She sent Olivia a pointed glance. “I wish Ethan and I had a parlor where we could enjoy ourselves in the evenings.”

  Ignoring her sister-in-law’s last remark, Olivia asked, “Mama, are you comfortable with this arrangement? This is your home and it’s important you’re happy.”

  “I’m delighted, dear. Sharing time with two of my new daughters is enjoyable.” She pulled a book from her sewing basket. “This book Anna Karenina you loaned me, Olivia, has captured me and I can’t wait to learn what happens next.”

  Olivia sewed a button on Jake’s shirt. “I hope you’re not shocked, Mama. Tolstoy can be quite…um, frank.”

  Mama chuckled. “I doubt I’ll be astonished at anything these characters can do. After all, I lived with a man thirty years and I’ve raised four boys.”

  As time for the men to return drew near, Olivia hurried to help Cat and Jake clean up for their father. They looked deceptively adorable with their faces washed, hair combed, and wearing clean clothes. They’d barely come downstairs when the men came through the door.

  Mama went into the kitchen to help Milly get dinner on the table. Ethan led the way into the parlor and stopped abruptly.

  Jamie bumped into him so Ethan moved aside.

  The children ran to their father and he hugged them. “Don’t you two look nice? I declare you’re looking more grown up every day.”

  Both Jake and Cat beamed at his praise.

  Ethan rubbed his jaw. “Changed things up a bit.”

  Beth put her sewing away. “Isn’t this nice? I’ve been warm all afternoon. Too bad we don’t have a nice parlor like this where we can sit of an evening.”

  Ignoring her, Jamie strolled over to the fireplace and scanned the room. “Why is the furniture in the wrong places? Did something happen to the floor?”

  Olivia had already learned Jamie did not like change. He’d better learn to adapt because she intended to stamp her mark on this home. And him.

  “Nothing is wrong, we just like the furniture better with this arrangement for the cold weather. Moving things around occasionally is good and we might change it for summer weather.”

  Jamie grimaced. “I don’t see why you moved anything.”

  Jake saved her from replying by telling his father about the barn cats’ latest antics.

  She rose and scooted past the men. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll see if my help is needed in the kitchen.”

  After dinner and the departure of Ethan and Beth, Jamie and Olivia put the children to bed and then went to their room.

  Jamie sat on the bed and pulled off his boots. “I’ll swear, Olivia, is something going to be changed every night when I come home?”

  She chuckled. “Probably not. Still, you might want to be prepared. Did you find the new parlor arrangement objectionable?”

  “Not really, just flustered me that things were so different. Don’t know why you had to change them in the first place.”

  “Jamie, things can’t stay exactly the same. I know you love this place and I’m coming to feel the same way. If nothing changes, though, a situation stagnates.”

  He met her gaze. “Hmph, guess there’s no danger of that since you’ve arrived.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Pfffft. Is that such a bad thing?”

  With a shrug, he grinned. “Too soon to tell.”

  Each time they came together, she derived greater pleasure. During the day, she thought about him and looked forward to their time alone, their time in bed. They were each learning what pleased the other and she reveled in this part of marriage.

  As soon as they each reached a peak, however, Jamie rolled over and fell fast asleep. Once again, she had the terrible sensation of being cheated. She knew he didn’t love her, maybe never would, but by golly, she intended to have more from their intimacy.

  She poked his shoulder. He mumbled but didn’t wake. She poked him again.

  “Whaaat?” He turned on his back and peered at her as if he had trouble focusing.

  “Jamie Fraser, you’re treating me like a harlot. I deserve more from you than you rolling off of me and instantly falling asleep.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? Olivia, I had a hard day. We had to pull two cows and a calf out of a bog. I fell and hurt my shoulder. I need my sleep.”

  “So, ten or fifteen minutes cuddling and talking will make a huge difference in how fit you are tomorrow, is that right?”

  He rolled toward her and put one arm above her head and the other across her waist. “You win because I suspect I’m not going to get any sleep until I give in. Okay, we’re cuddled. What did you want to talk about?”

  Were all men this dense? “Tell me about your day. You hurt your shoulder. What else happened?”

  “Ethan isn’t talking to me because I won’t consent to him getting a new house. I know he’s hurt and I hate I’m the cause. But, I’d be willing to swear that Beth will not stick around and there’s no point building a house when she’s gonna bolt.”

  She wasn’t sure she agreed with his assessment of Beth, but she didn’t want to argue about other people. This was about her and Jamie. “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. What are your plans for tomorrow?”

  “We’re going to break some horses so we’ll be here. We don’t just raise cattle. A part of our business is breaking wild mustangs to sell. Also they make really sturdy stock for us to ride.”

  “When did you break your first horse?”

  “I was about fourteen.” He nuzzled his head into her hair. “Mmm, your hair always smells really good. Thanks for leaving it loose.”

  “You running your fingers through like that is soothing.” She closed her eyes as he rained kisses on her neck and shoulder. “Ahhh, so’s that. No, soothing isn’t the right word.”

  His manhood lengthened and poked her hip. “I see the benefit to this cuddling.”

  Surprised, she turned toward him. “I don’t think that’s supposed to happen. We’re just supposed to snuggle until we both fall asleep at the same time.”

  A deep, rumbling chuckle came from him. “Honey, you can’t close Pandora’s box once it’s open.”

  As she surrendered to her need for her husband, she reminded herself that Pandora saved one thing from escaping the box. Pandora had slammed the top on the box in time to save hope. From myth to reality, Olivia locked hope in her heart.

  ***

  Jamie tucked in his shirt with a smile on his face. Danged if being married to a passionate woman wasn’t working out for him. “What do you have planned for today? More changes to confuse and confound me?”

  Olivia smiled at him as she adjusted her skirt, her blue eyes twinkling. “You’re safe today. Jake is going to have school this morning.”

  He fastened his pants and adjusted the buckle. “So, he’s the Fraser male who gets picked on today? He hates schooling but not as much as Cat does. Glad you’re taking over that duty.”

  She did that quick twist thing with her hair that captured the glorious blond locks into a bun at her nape. “I’m looking forward to it. Engaging children’s minds is a wonderful experience. Jake and Cat are intelligent and should do well.”

  He figured he’d love his children regardless of whether or not they were smart, but he couldn’t help being proud of their brains. “Oh, they’re smart all right. Getting them to sit still and study is the problem. They’re still
young, though, so there’s plenty of time.”

  She turned to face him. “Jamie, there will never be a time when you think they’re ready until we’re too late to help them. Mama said you could read at Jake’s age.”

  Surprised, he tried to recall exactly when he learned his letters. He remembered reading to Caleb when Gideon was a toddler, so he guessed he could read by the time he was six. For sure by seven. “Yeah, I’ve always enjoyed reading, and I read to my children sometimes.”

  She fastened a brooch on her shirt. “That’s nice and pleases them, but they need structure and discipline. I intend to see those needs met and we start today.”

  He paused while brushing his hair and used the brush to point at her. “Look, I don’t like other people telling my children what to do. I know you’ve made them sit in the corner but I’m not sure I approve. Disciplining them is my job.”

  She rolled her eyes. “But you don’t. You let them run wild and act like heathens and never teach them how they’re supposed to act. They’re brats and it’s your fault because you’d rather be their pal than their father.”

  His brow furrowed and his face grew red. “Hey, that’s uncalled for. Jake and Cat are good children.”

  “They are, but no thanks to you. They have no respect for other people and no boundaries. Have you forgotten Cat was almost killed because she didn’t mind? You told her specifically to stay away from the pig pen. If Beth hadn’t been nearby, Cat would have been severely injured or killed.”

  He almost shivered but forced himself to refrain. The memory of his daughter sobbing and covered with mud and pig shit was forever ingrained on his memory. “She won’t go near there again.”

  She took a step toward him, her hands extended at her side. “Right, but she’ll do something else she’s been forbidden or Jake will. Eventually, one or both of them will suffer because you don’t enforce your edicts.”

  She was getting too pushy, dammit, and he was tired of her harping at him. She was as bad as Mama. He strode to her. “Listen here, those children are not the monsters you make the out to be. I thought you planned to love them.”