by E. M. Moore
A smile lights my face. I’m pretty happy with the way we handled Rhonda. I’d like to do that over and over again. She deserves to be taken down a peg or two. As far as being here goes, I don’t know. “I’ll get used to it,” I tell him, being vague on purpose. My thoughts concerning all this have nothing to do with Ryan, and I don’t want him feeling weird about it.
“You can talk to me about it, Tessa. The last thing I want is for this to come between…” He hesitates for a split second. “Us,” he finally says, his eyebrows moving up and in as he settles on the word.
I swallow. My heart beats hard in my chest. “I’m dealing with it,” I tell him, being a little more forthcoming.
“If it’s too weird for you, I’ll walk you home.”
“No,” I say automatically, almost a little stunned by his words. “I want to be here with you guys…unless you don’t want me to be.”
His hard face returns. The Ryan Linc I’m most used to seeing. The one with the emotion written in his molten gray eyes while his jaw is clenched so tight I think it might break. “You’re ours now. How many times do I have to say it? You don’t ever have to worry about us not wanting you around.” He moves closer, capturing me in between his body and the kitchen island. “In fact, I think you and I need some alone time soon. We have shit to work through that doesn’t involve the rest of them.”
Nerves prick my spine. Alone with Ryan?
“Promise me we’ll get that time.”
“I—.” I clear my throat and nod instead of finishing that sentence. I don’t trust my voice right now.
He leans over and kisses the curve of my neck. It’s just a bare brush of lips against heated skin, but it ignites a fire between my legs.
Afterward, he steps away, leaving me gripping the island behind me for support as he turns to start opening cupboards. It’s evident he has no idea where anything is. With a deep breath, I turn and start on the other end of the kitchen until I find the snack cupboard. “Ryan, here’s the chips.”
A cupboard closes and then I hear him behind me as I reach for them. His body presses into me as he reaches over my head, grabbing the very same chips I was about to grab, except I’m way too preoccupied now. I stiffen, and my eyelids flutter closed at the contact. He chuckles softly at my reaction, then promptly steps away. With the chips in one hand, he opens up the fridge and grabs a twelve-pack of soda. He motions with his head to follow him back toward the living room. “Come on.”
My heart feels like it’s teetering on the edge of a very big cliff. It’s excited and nervous, and the whole thing makes my limbs shake as I go back out to the living room. Ryan throws the chips down on the table in the middle of the room and then sets the twelve-pack down as well. Everyone helps themselves, except for Alec, who pulls me down into his lap. When everyone looks at him, he shrugs. “I won a game today. I deserve it.”
Sloan shrugs like that’s a decent explanation for Alec getting me in his lap. Hayes obviously has no tells to what he’s thinking, but Ryan’s eyes narrow at Alec as he pulls me against his expansive chest.
On the TV, announcers are calling a college football game, so I try to relax and enjoy it, but a chuckle from Sloan calls my attention as he types on his phone screen. I lean over and see a brief glimpse of a picture that looks like my mom. “Is that my mom? Did you take her picture?”
Sloan angles the phone away, continuing to smile.
“Sloan, what the hell?” I try to grab the phone from his hand, but he stealthily moves it out of the way.
“Oh, calm down, Daddy’s Girl,” he says. “I told you I was going to text her where we were, so she didn’t worry.”
I reach out to take the phone from him, but he moves it away again. “What are you saying? Why are you laughing?”
“She’s just telling me to make sure you’re safe.”
“Why didn’t she text me?”
Sloan ignores me and my question. “She really likes me,” he says, smiling at his screen.
“Sloan! What are you guys saying?”
“I just told you.” He turns the screen off and slips it into his pocket. He then reaches out and forces my feet under his thighs. “For the record, I like her too.” He pauses. “It’s a good thing to like your future mother-in-law, right?”
My mouth hangs open. Ryan chokes on the other side of the room.
“What?” Sloan asks. He’s full on smiling now. He just can’t help himself. “Are you saying you wouldn’t marry me?”
“Oh. My. God,” I force out. “You are—.”
“Handsome? Amazing? Sexy? Good in bed?”
“Crazy,” I tell him. “You’re crazy.”
“But you are blushing.”
Alec’s body vibrates underneath me, and I realize he’s chuckling, but trying to hold it back. I glare at him. “Traitor.”
I push off him and stand in the middle of the room. Alec and Sloan are full on laughing now. Hayes has a small smile on his lips. I turn toward Ryan, who still looks like he’s trying to comprehend what Sloan just said. He’s staring at his friend wide eyed. Apparently, the thought of marriage hasn’t crossed his mind yet.
Not that it should’ve crossed anyone’s. Fucking Sloan! I rub both hands down my face.
I could sit on Ryan’s lap. I’m sure he’d let me. I bite my lip. But I have a feeling if I did that, we’d probably both spontaneously combust. With so much uncertainty spiraling around us, sitting with him wouldn’t be relaxing. I’d spend the whole time wondering what he was thinking, and if he liked the feel of me on him.
I go to sit on the floor, but Alec’s hand shoots out. “Come on. Don’t do that. I’ll make Ivy behave himself.”
He tugs on my good hand, so I go willingly into his lap again.
As the football game goes to halftime, I look around. Being here, even in Alec’s lap with the other guys around, feels so normal. It feels good. It’s not the house, it’s my Ballers. The fact that we can just sit here watching a football game, eating and talking mindlessly about what’s going on, spreads a warmth through my chest that I’ve been craving. I know if I walked up to any one of them right now, they’d pull me in for a hug or kiss, they’d wrap their strong arms around me, or maybe even more. They’d accept me. There’s no question of that anymore.
I have the team I’ve always craved.
And the likes of Lake and Rhonda won’t fuck it up for me again.
5
When I meet my dad outside for a morning run, Ryan’s there, too. My steps falter for a moment before I recover in time. It’s not that I don’t want him to run with us. I’m just not used to him being a part of our routine.
“Good morning, Pumpkin,” Dad says, pulling me in to kiss the side of my head. The sun has just come up, so there’s a slight chill in the air that’ll be long gone by the time midday rolls around.
“Morning,” I say, glancing at Ryan.
We’re out in front of the big TD on my house. The irony isn’t lost on me. I feel like asking him if he wants to transport it to his new house that way no one’s confused as to where he actually lives now. I’m not sure how far along my parents are in their separation proceedings, but I know they’ve started. I tell myself that making it official really doesn’t change anything because it’s been this way for months now, but there’s still something about an eventual signed piece of paper that will make it all the more real. Something that even the new house hasn’t done.
Mostly, I think I’m just worried for my mother when we get to that stage.
“Morning,” Ryan says.
I smile at him but try not to smile too wide in front of my father. I don’t need him wondering what’s going on between us.
We start out at a casual jog. I’m watching the ground like a hawk, so that I don’t trip and hurt myself even worse, but there’s no reason I can’t do this. I need to keep myself somewhat in shape before basketball starts. I can’t shoot right now, so this and weight training are all I have.
Dad and I take our usual rou
te further up the mountain. That way when we come down at the end of our run, it’s a little easier for us. If I really want to torture myself, I do it in reverse. I go down the mountain and then come back up it after I’ve already ran a few miles. It’s pure torture.
“I heard back from the doctor,” Dad says.
“Yeah?”
“He told me everything looks good so far.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good, Dad.”
“You’ll be back to normal before you know it, Tess. I know my girl, and I know she’ll do everything in her power to make it happen.”
His praise tightens the resolve in my stomach. I’ll be ready by the time tryouts roll around. I know it. I was scared shitless when it first happened, but things aren’t as bad as they could’ve been. I mean, they’re not great either. Great would’ve been Lake minding his own fucking business and playing the game like a man, but that’s not what happened.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you guys,” Dad says. A car slows down to pass, so we all move into a single file line before moving back into a group. I exchange a look with Ryan, but it’s apparent he has no idea what my dad’s about to say either. “First day of school is tomorrow. I want game faces on from the beginning.” He stares out in front of us while he’s talking. He feels more like a coach now than my dad. “Work hard. That’s what it all comes down to. Get me your college choices. I’ll do what I can, but it’s ultimately up to you both. Ryan wants to go to State. Have you decided yet, Tessa?”
Everything feels so overwhelming in that moment. I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to play this season or not, let alone go to college to play.
“I know you were thinking about State once, too.”
“State’s still on the table,” I tell him. The truth is, with everything else that’s happened, I haven’t been focused as much on how and when to take the next step.
“Good,” Dad says. “We’ll probably get interest from colleges soon after the season starts. Ryan, your mom said I can help guide you through this, but it’s up to you. You just let me know.”
I swallow. Once upon a time, it was just me my dad was worried about, but Ryan deserves to have someone like my dad on his side. He’ll know his best options and just because I know the Ballers have been thinking State since they were little kids doesn’t mean that’s who they should go with. There are so many other factors. Will they get playing time as Freshman? What about the school itself? Are the academics up to par? Teammates?
Ryan looks to me. I give him a short nod. His gaze moves to my dad who’s sandwiched between us. “I’d like that.”
“Excellent,” my dad says, smiling. “This is going to be a whirlwind year for you both. Play it smart. And Ryan, I’m counting on you to stick up for my little girl at school when I can’t be there. I don’t want any more of those prissy bitches calling her a skank.”
“Dad,” I chastise. I don’t know if I’m just shocked he called Rhonda and her friends prissy bitches, or if I’m mad that he thinks I can’t handle it myself.
“It won’t be a problem,” Ryan says. “The guys and I will handle it.”
Dad side eyes me. “Colleges don’t want problem people on their teams, Tess. They want the all-American type. Good grades, good personality. We don’t need a reputation you shouldn’t even have getting out into the collegiate world. The colleges interested in you will come out to see you play. Or at least get game tapes. We can’t have those petty girls making trouble for you again.”
I know he’s right. Sure, we’re not banking on scholarships or anything to pay my way through college, but a basketball scholarship to play at my choice school would feel like a dream come true, whether I need it or not. Knowing Dad, we’ll just pay the money forward. Whatever I get in scholarship money will be rewarded to a female athlete from his scholarship fund in my name. So, the better I do, the more I can help someone who deserves it.
“I’m glad you guys are on the same team,” Dad says finally. “Work hard. Play smart.”
Those are my dad’s four favorite words. I’ve been hearing them ever since I was a little girl.
I look past my dad toward Ryan and see a matching look of fierce determination on his face. I can’t imagine how Ryan’s gotten to be as good as he has. I know my dad has a lot to do with my success. But he—and the other Ballers for that matter—just did it on their own and with regular coaches who probably didn’t give a shit. They at least didn’t give as much of a shit about them as my dad did with me.
I smile. It’s crazy that they’re all still almost an enigma to me.
“No secrets this year, either,” Dad says. “If something starts to go down, tell me about it right away. I’ll do whatever I can.” Dad twists his head toward me. “Especially about the bullying. I’m pretty sure I have the principal by the balls on that one, and I don’t mind squeezing if he doesn’t do shit about it this year.”
My eyebrows disappear into my hairline. My dad’s serious about this. Not that he shouldn’t be, but I haven’t heard him use language like that in front of me…um, ever.
“The guys and I will take care of it,” Ryan says again.
His voice is flat, willful. I know he means what he says.
“Good looking out,” my dad says. “But you know where I am if you need anything.”
It feels like my dad’s grooming us for the mafia. I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned. I’m going with impressed for now.
He’s right. This year is the first big step in our careers. We have to go to the right college. In the Ballers’ cases, they need generous scholarships. If they still want to play for the same team, they have some serious finagling to do.
There’s one more thing up in the air about that: Alec. What will he decide? What if his baseball dreams take him away from the Ballers? Or from me?
For the rest of the run, I play it safe. Instead of sprinting the last mile, I stay at the leisurely pace we set from the beginning. My lungs still work though, and my legs are stiff by the time we finish, so I’m feeling good that I did it. The only thing I don’t like is the throbbing in my wrist. As soon as I get back inside the house, I take a pain reliever and head up to the shower. My dad wants me to go over to his house later for lunch. I hate abandoning my mom for my dad, so I told him I wasn’t sure what I was doing.
I wrap my cast in cellophane and shower, washing the sweat off me so I can enjoy the last day before school starts. By the time I get out, almost every single one of my Ballers has texted me, either asking how I’m doing or asking what I’m up to today. I fall back on my bed, a smile on my face. After unwrapping my cast, I pull clothes on, which is super difficult to do when you don’t have full range of motion of your right arm and wrist. Eventually, though, I’m dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top before I head downstairs. Before I respond to anyone, I’m going to talk to my mom and see what she has planned for the day.
I find her in her room. She’s headfirst in the closet, rustling through things. “Hey,” I say, tentatively.
She starts, yelps, and then backs out. “Jeez, Tess. I thought you were in the shower still.”
“Sorry,” I smile. I eye the closet. “What are you doing?”
She lifts her shoulders. “I don’t know. Your father asking for some of his things made me want to go through the closet to see what else I could find. It’s not like he needs anything here anymore.”
My eyes travel down to the carpet, and I see a box at her feet. It’s already half full. My heart twinges for a moment. “You don’t have to do this, Mom. Do you want me to?”
She shakes her head. “I’m almost done. It wasn’t bad at all, actually. Kind of freeing. Now when I look in here, all I see is my stuff. I don’t need to be reminded of him every morning when I go to change.”
I walk up to her and slide my good hand around her waist. “You’re so strong, Mom.”
She pats my back. “Me? Look at you.”
I shake my
head. “You know what I mean.”
“Well, it’s no big deal. I’ll start on the other rooms tomorrow. Lissa asked me to go to lunch with her today, so I’ll probably do that.”
“You should,” I tell her.
“You won’t care?”
I shake my head. “Dad asked me to eat lunch with him anyway. I was just waiting around to see what you were up to.”
Her smile tightens. “You’re such a good girl.” Then, her smile brightens. “I’m glad your dad wants you to spend time with him. I know how important he is to you.”
“As important as you are to me,” I tell her.
She shakes her head. “You don’t have to do that, Tess. I know you love me. I know you love your dad. It’s not a competition. Sometime this week we should have a girls’ night. We can order in, I’ll buy some chocolate, and then we can watch movies that make us cry.”
“The Notebook?”
“Duh. Of course, The Notebook.”
I tighten my hold on her. “Sounds perfect.”
She lets me go, rubbing my shoulder absentmindedly. “Your dad told me what the doctor said. Did he mention anything to you?”
“Yep. On the run this morning.”
“Okay, good. Good news, huh?” Her eyes twinkle. “I’m so glad.” Her gaze drops to my cast, but then she lifts it again right afterward. “Soon.”
“It can’t come soon enough,” I tell her, still thinking about tryouts. I need to make the team again to even hope of getting schools to come look at me.
She kicks the box she’s been working on further into the closet and then closes the doors. “I better get ready for lunch.”
“Okay. I’m going to walk over to Dad’s then.”
“Do you want me to drive you?”
I shake my head. “No way. I’ll be fine. It’s only a few houses down.” I lean forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. She tells me goodbye and then flops down on the bed as she eyes the closet. I walk away but turn back once I’m out of the room. She looks fine. She actually doesn’t look like she’s about to break down, but there’s still a heaviness in the air that I can’t tell if I’m giving off, or if it’s coming from her.