by E. M. Moore
“Hey,” I say.
“Hi.”
I step back, gesturing toward my house. When he doesn’t immediately move, I grab his hand and pull him in. He comes easily. I know my mom’s in the pool, so I stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell to her that Hayes and I are going to my room, only hoping she doesn’t call out again about keeping the door open. Hayes yells out, “Hi, Mrs. Dale.”
“Hello, Hayes,” she calls back.
I drag him up the stairs with a fierce grip. I take him into my room and shut the door partway closed. After I let his hand go, I turn. He’s staring at everything in my room. It dawns on me then that none of them have ever seen the inside of my room. The last time they were all here, we were all on okay terms, but we weren’t on ‘hey, let’s go hangout in my room’ terms.
“I’ve never been in a girl’s room before,” he says, his lip pulling up on one side.
He’s got the most adorable swoop to his dirty blond hair right now. It still has a copper tinge from the summer sun. His blue eyes sweep toward me when I take his hand again and lead him to the bed.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You haven’t invited me over before.”
“Well, to be fair, we’ve only been seeing one another since camp, so…there really hasn’t been a lot of time.”
But that also feels like kind of a copout because there is a reason why I invited him over here. I interlace my fingers with his. I’m sitting cross-legged on the bed facing him. He has his long legs swung over the side, his eyes still roaming around my room. I have a few basketball trophies, but most everything else is this weird mix of girl stuff and basketball. I even have girly basketball things, like a picture of a bright pink basketball with Tessa Dale written over it. Tiff got that for me. I should’ve taken it down ages ago, but I really like it. I can differentiate the friend I had from the person she turned out to be.
“I’m sorry I made you ride your bike all the way here.”
He turns toward me, one eyebrow quirked. “Are you serious? You could ask me to do that ten times a day and I would.”
“I feel guilty,” I admit. “If I was well enough to drive my car, I would’ve picked you up.”
He scoots toward me on the bed. His blue eyes are like dancing stars. He’s excited, so I hesitate to bring up the reason why I wanted him to come here.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
I grab both his hands, even though my cast hand can only grip a few of his fingers and awkwardly at that. “Do you…live with Coach Bradley?”
His face turns to stone. The blue in his eyes quits glistening like he’s lost all his fire. He looks away, jaw ticking. My stomach drops, and I try to think of anything to say that will make this all better. “Who told you that?”
“Ryan. But he thought I already knew, and I told him I already knew. Is it a secret?”
Hayes coolly shrugs his shoulders. “I guess not. I just don’t talk about it much. It’s not really a conversation you just have with people.” He looks up at me. “Especially with you.”
“Me?” My heart flutters. It’s part panic, part budding nerves. I don’t know how he meant that.
“My parents aren’t good people, Tessa,” Hayes says. “It’s hard to talk about. It’s hard to deal with, and I don’t want someone like you getting scared off just because of…things. Of fucking things, okay?”
His voice turns harsh, which makes a solid ice brick slide down my back. “Someone like me?”
He grips my hands. “Someone I care about. Someone I don’t want to give any reason to run away. Someone I’m scared to breathe around just in case they wake up one day and realize they never liked me in the first place.”
I blink at him, my heart sinking that he even feels that way. “Hayes.” I reach up to try to touch his cheeks, but he backs up, and then gets to his feet.
Watching from my vantage point on the bed, he looks so large in my room. He’s taken up all the space, and he’s definitely taking up all my attention. He paces back and forth, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He looks as if he could punch a hole through my wall at any moment.
When he turns back around and comes toward me again, I rise to stand in his way and grab his hand. “Don’t do that. Don’t second guess us. Jesus, Hayes. You were there for me when none of the others were. How could you even think that I’d switch my feelings for you that easily?”
He shakes his head. I can tell he’s grappling with himself inside his own head. “People have done it before.”
“I’m not those people,” I say.
“My mother. My father.” The bite in his words sounds like he could crack through solid marble right now. “If they can do it, anyone can.”
I slip inside his personal space and place my arms around him, hugging him to me. I only come up to chest level on him, but it’s almost a perfect level to feel safe in his arms. But what about the other way around? Hayes does such a good job making me feel safe, how can I do that for him?
I make him sit on the edge of the bed, then I crawl into his lap, so at least we’re somewhat eye-to-eye. Straddling his hips, I face him, then put my arms around him again. I make him tell me about his parents. How they got hooked on drugs and it messed up their brains. How they barely know he even exists or care, and if they do come around, it’s only because they want something. I guess Coach Bradley has had to give them money a couple times throughout the past few years to get them to go away again.
“He believes in you that much, huh?”
Hayes nods. His blue eyes have been dead the whole time he tells the story. He’s talking about it like he was an observer through the whole thing, not like he lived through it. I can tell though, in the tightness of his arms and in the beating of his heart, that he feels every little detail. He may not show it on the outside, but on the inside, he’s in turmoil.
“Tessa!” Mom calls up from the bottom of the stairs. “Is Hayes staying for dinner?”
I jump. I’d completely forgotten to ask him if he wanted to stay. Hayes’s fingers dig into me as I look into his eyes. “Do you want to stay for dinner? Mom says she’s getting Chinese.”
His eyes round a little at the invite. “I’ll stay.”
A smile pulls at my lips. “What do you want? She’s ordering.”
He looks away. “I don’t know. I’ve never had Chinese before.”
“Oh,” I say, a little shocked. Then again, after hearing part of his life story, I shouldn’t be shocked. “I’ll order for you then. You like chicken, right?”
He nods. I slide off him and head toward the top of the stairs. Mom’s dribbling her fingers on the banister on the bottom step. When I get there, she looks up expectantly. “Yes, he’s staying. I’ll have the usual. Can you get him a chicken and broccoli? He’s never had Chinese before, so I think that’s a safe order, right?”
Her eyebrows rise, but she doesn’t say anything. “Sure. Of course. I’ll call you guys when it gets here.”
She eyes me but doesn’t say anything. When I go back to my room, I leave the door open this time. As soon as I step inside, Hayes looks up, “Your mom wanted me to stay for dinner?”
“Yeah,” I say. A weird mix of emotions passes over his face. I take my place on his lap. It’s seriously one of the best places in the whole world. At this point, I don’t know who is comforting who. I level out a breath as I look him in the eye again. “I’m glad Coach stood up for you with your parents. The fact that he asked you to live with him? That’s honorable.” I think I like Coach even more now.
“Ryan wanted to do it, but his mom’s house was so small then. He mentioned something when he found out they were moving, but I don’t know about moving now. I’m kind of settled where I am.”
“Ryan wanted you to move in with him?” My voice is high and tight. I don’t know why this surprises me. It sounds exactly like Ryan. He’s always looking out fo
r the Ballers. It’s the reason why he didn’t give up hope on Lake until he did something that was so unforgivable even he couldn’t look past the fact that he did it.
“Yeah, but then Coach stepped up. Someone had to or they were going to put me in foster care. It turns out if both your parents are arrested at the same time, they don’t just let you stay at home alone when you’re underage.”
“Jesus, Hayes.” I keep racking my brain to figure out when all this happened. Obviously, it was when I was at Broadwell, but it seems like I would’ve heard something at camp. Or from Dad maybe.
“I don’t want to talk about me anymore,” Hayes says. He smiles a little, half-heartedly at best. “I don’t know how you can get me to talk when barely anyone else can. It’s unnerving.”
I shift up on his lap, pressing a kiss to his lips. But one taste isn’t enough. It never is. After pulling away briefly, I lean forward again, this time deepening the kiss. Sometimes I don’t have words either, but I can show Hayes what it means to have him open up to me. I can show him not to be scared when it comes to me and him. There’s literally nothing about him that can scare me away. I’m already a goner when it comes to Hayes Irving. I don’t care about his parents. I don’t care that he thinks he has a terrible temper. I’m here, no matter what.
Hayes moans, then checks himself midway, sending a wide-eyed look at the door.
“I don’t think she’ll come up here,” I tell him.
“Think?” he asks.
“Well, I can’t promise anything, but we’ll hear her footsteps on the stairs, so—”
His lips capture mine, and in one swoop, I’m drowning in Hayes. His large frame ensnares every cell in my body. They’re all attuned to him and his every movement. He thickens underneath me the more we kiss. His hardness presses against my inner thigh until I let out a breath. Having four boyfriends is truly difficult. It seems like I’m constantly in a state of arousal.
“I’m sorry,” he says, after locking gazes with me.
I peek at the door. He better not be saying sorry for what he’s packing, that’s for sure. I’m so curious about it. “Can I…look at you?” I ask. My eyelids flutter on their own accord, and I’m suddenly shy despite what I’m asking of him.
His body freezes. My heart makes a stutter step until I sit back on his knees and stare down. He’s bulging out of his pants. “Don’t look at me like that,” he says, his voice tortured.
“I can’t help it.”
My hands move up his thighs. Then, I feel dumb, for feeling him up with my cast, so I move that aside, but I cup him with my left. “Oh fuck,” he groans. His pupils are dilated when he looks back at me. “This isn’t a good idea.”
I ignore him. “Has anyone ever told you how big you are?” I sigh at the feel of him in my palm. “Damnit. Don’t answer that question, I don’t want to know.”
For a split second, I’m freefalling through the air until Hayes is hovering over me on the bed. He wraps my legs around his waist and then presses down until he’s near my throbbing center. I make a small cry, but then he waits until I’m looking at him to say, “If you ever allow me to make love to you, you should know that there’s never been anyone else, Tessa.”
My mouth drops. “But—”
He presses into me again, cutting me off. “No one else.”
Holy fuck. Is he telling me he’s a virgin? He has to be.
“I’ve kissed girls. I’ve done other things to girls, but they haven’t touched me unless they drape themselves over me, which they like to do. But it’s just for show with them. None of them have actually cared about me. They’ve liked Ryan or Sloan or Lake or Alec. I guarantee you no one has ever felt this before.” He presses into me again, and I squirm at his touch.
“Oh, God, Hayes,” I say, loving the friction he’s making between us.
He drops his forehead to mine. “I’ve never wanted anything more than you. That’s why I’m so scared you’re going to get taken away.”
I close my eyes, letting his words drop down on me like rain. They’re like the greatest caress. I slide my hand between us and place my palm on his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere, Hayes. I promise.”
We just stay there, staring at one another, caught in a web of emotion, until my mom calls us for dinner. Hayes stands, then he helps me up from the bed. It’s hard not to notice his thick erection in his shorts. I press up on my tiptoes, and even then, he has to lower himself to kiss me. “I’ll tell my mom you had to go to the bathroom.”
At the bottom of the stairs, I run a hand through my hair and try to relax. My mother most definitely doesn’t need to know how badly I wanted to have sex just then. The fact that Hayes isn’t as experienced as the rest of the guys only makes me want him that much more. It makes me feel as if I’m on equal terms with at least one of them. I’m not a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I’m a vixen either. I know what goes where. I know the motions, but I don’t know much about the wild feelings that surge inside me when I’m with one of my Ballers. That, I’m looking forward to exploring more, but with Hayes, we can just discover one another without me feeling like I’m a rookie.
When he comes down, he’s back to normal. He’s even combed his hair, so it’s not sticking up all over the place. When he walks in, my mom smiles up at him. “We didn’t know what you liked, so I bought a little of everything so you could try it.”
She’s not lying. The table is filled with takeout boxes with every dish. His face is full of awe as he looks over everything. For once, I think I see nerves in his motions as he sits down. “Thank you,” he says.
My mother and I watch him try each and every one. We do the same. There are some on the table we’d never dared try before, so we spend the rest of the evening making faces and judging the different dishes. Though Hayes still doesn’t speak a lot, he speaks enough, and he’s always respectful toward my mom. At the end of the night, my mom drives him home, chauffeuring us from the front seat like we’re two young teenagers on our very first date. If he hadn’t told me already that he lived with Coach, I’d know now from the box letters that spell out Bradley on the mailbox.
As we wave goodbye to him when he walks up the front sidewalk to the modest ranch, Mom says, “I don’t know how you’re going to choose between Hayes and Sloan. They’re such good boys.”
My lips peel apart at that. “Why choose, Mom?”
She laughs, throwing her head back in an easy way that makes my heart clench. I haven’t seen her do that in a long time. And I’m most certainly sure she thought I was joking.
I’m not.
11
The rest of the week goes by without any incidents. Lake avoids me. Rhonda’s put into detention because of her antics at lunch, and I’m pretty sure everyone at the table who was sitting with her was spoken with too. Despite the nasty looks I receive, they don’t come near me.
It feels like heaven.
It’s exactly what I want. To be free from the haters. To just be able to do what I want to do…and that’s basketball. Now, all I need is to get this freaking cast off and start rehabbing my wrist. Hopefully, that happens soon. I probably still have a few more weeks with the cast, though it’s up to the doctor to tell me when I’m getting it off. It could be earlier, it could be later. He’s set me up with frequent x-rays to check on its progress. When he thinks the cast is ready to come off, he’s going to put me into physical therapy right away to help strengthen my wrist before the season starts.
The first week of school comes to a close. Ryan’s been taking me back and forth to school just like Dad wanted in his new-to-him Jeep Wrangler. I have a feeling Ryan doesn’t mind playing my Uber driver though. When he drops me at home after school on Friday, his hand slides down my good arm and squeezes my fingers. He doesn’t ever come into my house anymore, and he doesn’t ever do anything more than just touch me affectionately when we’re anywhere near my house. It’s like he thinks my mom is constantly looking out the windows to watch what I’m up to.
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Dad stops by to say goodbye at about seven o’clock that evening. He and Leslie are on the way to the airport to catch a flight to whichever city his promo stop is in. I didn’t even ask, to be honest. It’s been a long time since I joined him on one of those. My stomach twists into knots. Not because he’s leaving, but because I know Ryan is throwing a party in his house, and I know about it and haven’t said anything. I’ve stayed out of the particulars of planning. I don’t know who’s coming. I don’t know if they’re going to have beer. I don’t know anything. Plausible deniability. Yes, I stole that from Independence Day, and I’m rolling with it too. My Ballers are definitely the kind of guys who throw awesome parties, but people just started being nice to me, so I have no experience in this realm whatsoever.
I tell Mom I’m going to hang out with Dawn, so when Dawn and David come to pick me up and I’m a little more dressed up than I would be for school, she doesn’t bat an eye. I just hope she doesn’t notice the abundance of cars a few doors down. I brought that up with Ryan, but he said he wasn’t worried about it.
Again, not butting my nose into anything.
When Dawn, David, and I show up to the house, my guys are already here, of course. In fact, there are a lot of people already here. Cars are lined up and down the street just like I feared, though the street is so congested it isn’t as if anyone could pinpoint which house the people in the cars all ended up at. David finds a place to park his mom’s beat up Buick about a quarter of a mile up the road, and then we walk up the long drive. The good thing about our neighborhood is that none of the houses are close to the street. They all sit back, so even though anyone can tell something’s going down at one of the houses, they can’t hear any of the music or shouting from the street. No, we only pick that up about halfway up the driveway.
I stop midstride when I see people spilling out of the house. It looks like the entire freaking high school is here. Dawn grabs my arm, her nails digging into me. “I’m so freaking excited! I’ve never been invited to a party before!”