by E. M. Moore
We don’t break apart right away. Alec slows the kiss, then only pulls a breath away before he says, “I want so many more, just like that, that it’s scary.”
I know what he means. My heart thumps against my chest as he stands and then helps me to my feet. At that moment, I don’t care what he chooses to do with basketball or baseball because I know that whatever he chooses, I’ll be a part of it.
18
This year at Sign-Ups I feel the same pit of excitement-slash-dread in my stomach. I’m not worried I’m going to piss off the Ballers this year. In fact, I know they have my back one hundred percent. What I am worried about is Lake. Today would be the perfect opportunity to trash Ryan’s mom in front of people who adore him.
Plus, today also feels like the culmination of everything that’s happened so far. Finally, my Ballers are going to be on my side, and everyone will know it.
I can’t even tell you what happened during the school day. It went by in a blur as I prepared myself for the actual Sign-Ups. My dad will be there, of course. I’ll have to stand next to him during the beginning and through his speech just like before, but then he wants me with my team when they announce the starting lineup with the lights and the music. My fingertips buzz with the emotions spreading through my body.
I wore a simple dress, something that will complement my father, but also doesn’t look too ordinary when I’m next to one of the guys. Dawn can sense I’m on edge, so she walks me to the court herself just like last year. Sure, Hayes is trailing behind us by a few feet, but Dawn doesn’t care about that. She’s got a big enough bite herself that I’m not sure Hayes would have to do anything if someone messed with me right now. Not that anyone will. Things have actually been a lot better since the guys started hanging around me. The only people I have to worry about are the ones who are on Team Lake, and that basically boils down to Lake, his brother, and all the Baller bitches because I took away their playthings.
Before we can enter the glass doors with the words Timothy Dale Court typed across them, Coach calls the whole team to the side. Dawn slinks away while we surround him. In a hushed voice, he says, “The media is here. We know that. It’s not different from any other Sign-Ups Day. We need to have a united front. No outside shit on that court, you understand me? You’re a team. Act like it. If anyone says a disparaging thing about their teammates and I hear one of you had something to do about it, you’ll have to deal with me, and I can promise you that it won’t be pleasant.”
With that, he leaves us all standing there while he takes his place a few places down from my dad. I grit my teeth and follow. I know exactly what he’s talking about. He wants to make sure the media doesn’t get wind of the rift between the starters. If they do, it’ll be all over the papers, and if you don’t think other teams’ coaches check the papers, you’d be wrong. They’ll use whatever they can to get their team riled up to beat us. So, when Lake walks through the doors with the rest of the Ballers, I have to just swallow the huge lump in my throat. Fortunately for me, I’m able to stick close to my dad for the beginning of this.
This time, I’m not looking at the Sign-Ups table with a panicked expression. There’s almost more at stake now, and it’s deeper than just pissing people off.
Dad and I play the usual routine, shaking hands with the people who enter through the Timothy Dale Court glass doors, including the Ballers. I don’t even bother when Lake passes by, though he doesn’t even look at me either. He does shake my dad’s hand though. I watch like a hawk, and I’m pretty sure my dad squeezes his hand tighter than the others. I smile at that.
Next, it’s the principal and vice principal who shake my dad’s hand, and then more as others make their way into the room for the celebration. There’s the same set up as last year with the marching band playing in the corner. There’s a food table that I didn’t eat anything from the previous year, the DJ, and the Sign-Up table.
After we greet everyone and the DJ announces Dad, I follow him to the podium just like I’ve done so many times before. When we’re up there, I see Leslie in the front row clapping, and I’m suddenly grateful she didn’t accompany us up here either. My mom’s not here, though, and I don’t blame her. Now that I don’t have to be here to sign up, it seems like a pointless routine because it’s pretty much just crowing about how awesome the RHS Warriors are. Not that I mind that, but there are bigger things to worry about. At this point, we should all be looking toward college and after. We can enjoy these times, but we also know that high school isn’t the end of the road, it also shouldn’t be our glory days. Not at all.
Dad gives his speech that is mostly the same as every other year. I smile and clap with everyone else until Coach Bradley takes our spot. Again, he gives the same speech about being so proud of our win last year and that he can’t wait to repeat it again this year. When he’s done, my dad pats my hand, letting me know that I can go toward my teammates now. I gather with the rest of them in the middle of the court as the DJ starts his loud, thumping music. The sound bounces off the walls, practically kickstarting my own heart. The bass even rattles my ribcage.
The starters retreat just inside the locker room as the lights go down. Hayes winks at me. Ryan is completely and totally stoic. He’s eyeing Lake’s back as they head inside. Alec and Sloan are leaning toward one another talking. As I watch them, I’m struck by just how handsome they all are. Yes, even Lake, though I loathe to admit it. I could definitely go for a Baller sandwich right now with them looking so fine in their suits.
This year, the DJ calls Lake’s name first. I don’t even bother to clap, but the rest of the school goes nuts at the sound of one of their kings’ names. Next, Sloan comes running onto the court just as the DJ draws his last name out. “Ivyyyyyyyyyyyy!” The strobes in the room go nuts as he jogs onto the floor. He slaps hands with the other players. I made sure to position myself at the end, so when he gets to me, he squeezes my good hand, his look saying so much more than what his actions say. He stands next to Lake, but apart enough so that it’s apparent to me that he’s only doing it because Coach told him to.
Alec is next. I’ve always loved the way the DJ says his name. It’s almost as if he infuses the Greek origins of his last name until it stutters my heart into gear. He looks like such an old pro as he runs out. He’s so easy, carefree, and the way the crowd reacts to him is ridiculous. I won’t be upset with him no matter what he chooses: baseball, or basketball and baseball. His green eyes gleam as he high fives the rest of the team and then gets to me. He does the same thing Sloan did, squeezing my fingers with a look that makes my heart thump wildly. I don’t know if anyone else is picking this up, but it’s definitely melting my heart.
Before they call Hayes’s name, I look to the stands and find Dawn. She’s standing on her feet right where she was last year, David by her side. She waggles her eyebrows at me, and I know for a fact it’s not just my imagination, the Ballers are claiming me in public. It’s subtle, but for anyone who is truly paying attention, they’ll get it.
The DJ spins another tune, then calls out the Ice Man. Hayes walks out onto the court, his gaze steady in front of him. He doesn’t look at the rest of the team as he holds his hands out for their waiting hands. He doesn’t even look at me until he’s right in front of me. He does the same, his hands twisting in mine for a second before moving next to Alec. Afterward, he stares straight ahead while the rest of the team claps with the beat. He’s as stone-faced as ever.
“Ryan Linc!”
His name rebounds around the room, echoing with finality as he jogs out looking every bit the stoic player he is. His chin is held high. He’s casually chewing gum like this whole thing means nothing to him. Like the others, he stops in front of me, winks, and then squeezes my fingers before turning to the other Ballers. He and Sloan leap into the air and chest bump one another. With the music still going, they get in a circle, still giving Lake a wide berth before they do their usual chant, “On three,” Ryan yells.
&nb
sp; “One, two, Warriors!” they all say in unison.
The crowd dances in the stands until the song plays out. It’s all perfectly timed. The lights fade away, too, and then it’s just us, standing in the middle of the court, the facade and the hype drizzling down. For me, I’d rather be with my Ballers this way. Yes, I want to be next to them when all of the exciting things happen. When they’re calling their name for highest points scored and celebrating their achievements, but I also want to be there for the little things. For having dinner at Alec’s parents’ house and going with Sloan to dinner at the country club. Being there for Ryan when he needs me and cuddling next to Hayes on the couch.
Who am I kidding? I want to be there for all of it.
It hits me then that this all might be ending soon. College decisions are coming up quick. I know my dad has been working on it for me and Ryan, but what about the others? If they’re intent on State, I need to go there, too. I don’t want to give any of this up.
After that, the Ballers’ attention is divided between different media outlets. Some are reporters from local newspapers and others work for TV channels. They have huge cameras in their faces, with lights on top that make Hayes squint. I walk off with the rest of the team to grab something to eat from the refreshment table and am joined quickly by Dawn and David.
It doesn’t take long for the DJ to break into the music to announce that River O’Brien has signed the sheet.
Big surprise.
I hold back an eyeroll. From the corner of my eye, I see Lake stop whatever interview he’s doing and clap while his brother finishes writing his name down on the sheet.
He’s not the only person who signs the list. I hadn’t even bothered to ask my dad who else he thought was going to, but there’s one more throughout the night who steps up and writes his name underneath River’s. He’s skinny and lanky. If I had to guess, I’d assume he was going for Center.
I hope the two of them know what they’re up against next. The trials are no joke. It’ll be interesting to see it from an outsider’s point of view this time. Will the Ballers be as hard on these two as they were on me?
A hand comes down on my shoulder, and I almost choke on the cookie I’m nibbling. When I look over, I see Shawn. I quickly swallow the piece I have in my mouth and smile at him. “Hey, Shawn. How are you?”
“Good,” he says. “You?”
His gaze drops to my purple cast. “Been better,” I say.
“Are you going to be able to play this season? I was sick when I heard about what happened.”
His question strikes me as funny. I hardly played last season, but for whatever reason, that’s just what people ask. “I hope so. I’ll know more soon. I just can’t wait to get this damn thing off, so I can start going to PT, you know?”
Shawn goes on to tell me how he broke his wrist when he was in middle school. His talk isn’t encouraging me much. He had a cast on for eight weeks. Eight weeks would take me past tryouts. It’s not that I think Coach won’t take my broken wrist into account, but I don’t want him to have to. I want to make the team on my own.
Hayes walks up. He slides his arm around me as easy as can be. He nods at Shawn who says, “Hey, Hayes. What’s up?”
Hayes doesn’t answer. Not because he’s trying to be rude, it’s just the way he is. Shawn stays there a little while longer until Sloan shows up. That’s when he decides to leave. My face heats, remembering the argument they got into, but Sloan just smiles like nothing’s wrong in the world.
Dad comes up then. His face is tight. “A moment, Tess?”
I walk away with him. He leads me next to Ryan’s mom, and out of nowhere, Ryan’s there, too. My heart plummets like it took a dive off a ragged cliff. He looks at the two of us as Leslie stands next to him. “I was just informed that they stopped a group of girls from coming in here just now. They had a blow-up doll.” His eyebrows rise as he appraises us.
Ryan’s gaze turns hard. I want to roll my eyes. Real original, Rhonda. Haven’t you already done that before?
Though, I am surprised she would try it again. She got in trouble before, but there’s nothing she likes more than being the center of attention. She’d risk it just for that. She probably thinks she’s cool when she picks on me. To me, she just looks like a sad, sorry person.
I sigh. “Well, I’m glad people are handling things this year.”
Dad nods. “Yes, I guess it was Vice Principal Holder who saw them and stopped them.”
Ryan’s mom lifts her chin. “They probably just don’t want you to sue the pants off them.”
That could be true, but I’m also sure they don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my father’s gifts to the school. He does a lot for RHS.
“What’s this girl got against you, anyway, Tess?” Dad asks.
I shift from foot to foot. I look up, meeting Ryan’s gaze. I don’t know how to answer this question. “Well, I think—”
“Rhonda and I used to date,” Ryan says simply. “I think she noticed I’m spending a lot of time with Tessa and she’s jealous.”
Leslie barks out a laugh. “Jealous of you and Tessa? Why? Because me and her dad are together, which forces you two to spend time together?”
My face blooms red. I catch Ryan’s eye, but he doesn’t answer his mom. I have a feeling we’re going to have to come clean about a few things sooner rather than later. Now that Ryan and I have taken our relationship to the next level, it’s hard to hold back the slight touches or full on kisses that I want to give him. It feels like sneaking around, and I don’t want that.
My dad and Leslie leave soon after. He tells Ryan to watch out for me. It makes me smile because I’m sure my dad wouldn’t approve of the way Ryan wants to watch after me. When the DJ is packing up and everyone else is about to leave, Lake marches up to us. Ryan sees him coming, and his jaw tenses. Hayes moves in front of me, not being the least bit casual about it. He steps in front of me like he’s telling Lake to back the fuck off before he even makes his move.
Standing in front of us, Lake locks gazes with every single one of his old friends. “Coach was right earlier. We need to let this shit go so we can go back to being the strongest starting line up in our division.”
“Depends,” Ryan says. “Have you been working on your apology?”
Lake actually looks like he’s going to be sick. “Not fucking happening.”
Not that I would accept it anyway.
“Trials start now, and we need to work together on this. And Alec, have you made a decision about basketball? We need to know now whether you’re in or out.”
“Fuck you,” Alec spits.
Lake’s gaze turns hard. “Fuck me? In case you all didn’t notice, I’ve kept my fucking mouth shut. I have shit on all of you that would bring you to your knees.” He stares at each one of them individually. “Remember that when you’re wondering who your friends are.”
“And we don’t?” Hayes asks. “How’s the pill popping going, Lake?”
Two steely eyes turn toward him. “You don’t think I know you said something to fucking Coach? Just remember who was there for you when your parents left you in that filthy fucking house all alone.”
Hayes’s shoulders bunch. “And yet, you’re just like them. Look at what you’re fucking doing. Look at what you fucking did!”
I grab one of Hayes’s hands, but he tears it away from me. Sloan gives me a slight nod to let me know I should stand next to him now.
Lake sneers at my purple cast as I move to stand next to Sloan. “I’d do all that and more for us,” he says, his voice as cold as an arctic breeze.
“You did it for yourself,” Ryan says, his voice pure sadness. For the first time, I see what being separated from Lake is doing to him. I know he doesn’t miss the Lake standing in front of him now, but he misses his old friend Lake. “Just be smart, Lake.”
Lake backs away. “Just fuck all of you. How about that? I’ll run the fucking Trials, I’ll do everything.”
He spins on his heel and joins River who watches from the big glass doors that lead back into the school. I run my hands through my hair. For the first time, I don’t think this has really anything to do with me in particular. He might place his hate on me, but it has to be something so much more.
Because of that, I’m beginning to worry about our basketball season now. Maybe I’m like Lake. Maybe I don’t want anything to come between us and basketball wins. I don’t know how they’re ever going to play on the floor together with the amount of hatred going on right now. The division between them seems impassable.
19
The day starts off terrible.
Friday. It’s homecoming weekend. Tonight’s the homecoming dance, so it’s been exactly one year since the Ballers put up a picture of me with the dick on my face for everyone to see. It feels like a lifetime ago. I no longer fear my Ballers are going to do anything like that to me, but Lake is another story. He’s a ticking time bomb.
I didn’t sleep well the night before with everything marching through my brain. I had a nightmare that the guys erupted into fights on the court during Championships, so instead of beating the team we were a shoo in to win, everyone got ejected and we lost. That was worse than watching from the sidelines last year because in my dream, every college pulled their scholarships because of the ejections, and all of us sat bleary-eyed, our dreams taken away all because we let Lake get to us.
Lake can’t run the Trials by himself. Who knows what kind of shit he’ll pull with them? River and Lux, the other Freshman, need the others, too. I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s not eating at me.
By the time I get into Ryan’s Jeep in the morning, I’m already in a foul mood. Mom slept in, so she wasn’t around to help get me out of it, and now Ryan’s silent too. I know today was when the Ballers started Trials last year…right after the dance. Maybe that’s why he’s quiet because he’s thinking about it. I sigh and throw my head back against the seat.