My Savage

by Ellie Jean

  “I don’t think your mother would have the energy to do it today.”

  Ocean’s limbs twitch in agitation. “Phoebe, you don’t know my mother. She’ll be drinking and wiping herself out, but amidst it, she will be in a frenzy to get everything packed up and forgotten about, so she can move on with their lives in Australia.”

  With purpose, Ocean marches to the headstone and recites it. “The song has ended but you will hear me in the wind and feel me in your heart.” Kissing it, he stands there, head bowed and his shoulders move up and down.

  I wish he would go home and rest, the lines on his face express how exhausted he is.

  With a turn, his face resembles stone. “Let’s go.”

  “You’re so predictable, Mother.”

  Charging out of the car at lightning speed, Ocean waved to the doorman and we’d made our way up to the tenth floor. My legs had to run to keep up with his giant steps.

  “You shouldn’t be here.” The older man speaks gently to Ocean, sadness evident in his eyes. Torn between his wife and child he had no time for.

  “I think it’s you two who shouldn’t be here. When was the last time you visited? It’s been so long, I can’t remember.”

  The gray-haired man walks to me and holds his hand out. “I’m Marcus. Ocean’s dad. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Thudding whacks my chest. I hesitate, split between doing the familiar thing or ignoring him because of Ocean’s dislike for them. I finally find my manners and shake his outstretched hand. “Hi. I’m Phoebe.”

  “It’s nice to meet my son’s girlfriend.” A soft sparkle in his eyes tells me he is genuinely happy to meet someone in Ocean’s life and he’s not talking for the sake of making small talk.

  “I wish it was under better circumstances. I only met Melody once, she certainly was a pure and beautiful spirit.”

  “Yes, she was.”

  Ocean paces around the small living area, there’re some small boxes already filled that he rifles through. “Melody wouldn’t want her to have everything.”

  “I know, son. But she’s grieving.”

  “No, she’s selfish. I want time to look at Melody’s things. Ask her to leave it tonight.”

  Walking around, her apartment is minimal and modern. White, splashed with random colors and gray carpet is fresh and inviting. Photos of the family are positioned on the fireplace mantle. Everyone looks happy. It must have been a long time ago. My feet keep moving and I let Ocean be with his father alone. Ocean needs it. Although he tells me he isn’t close to them, they both need this connection.

  The corridor is long and my feet drift down it, my eyes glancing at the small artworks on the wall. All music-related. Some pen and ink, one is painted, a few photos and a photo of her and Ocean at a concert.

  “That was Melody’s first live concert. She sang and played violin that night.” A soft voice echoes. “We didn’t make it over here for it.”

  “I can imagine it would have been amazing.”

  “The recording was brilliant, but Ocean said it didn’t do it justice. Melody idolized her brother.”

  “I believe the feeling is mutual.”

  Lifting her chin, there’s a faint odor of alcohol on her. “They were inseparable when they were children. My mother used to say, she’d never seen two siblings with a greater bond. They were lucky to have that with each other. At times I was jealous of it.”

  Snapping my head to hers, I raise my eyebrows in question. “Why?”

  “Because they had one another when their father was always away. The love they have is unbreakable. You’ve never seen two siblings fight over getting into trouble before. But they did, always sticking up for the other, both being reprimanded instead of the culprit because they wouldn’t let the other take the heat alone. I was on the outside, left with no one.”

  My subconscious aches for her, but the lasting effect it’s had on Ocean and Melody is unforgivable. She was the adult, and she should have found ways to all be together and not by herself. Any child needs that connection and it’s up to the parents to provide it otherwise their bond will be broken forever.

  “Ocean and Melody wanted your time and affection.”

  “Possibly, but grief and anger can make you see and act differently to the ones you love. Not realizing the damage until it’s too late.”

  I place my hand on her thin shoulder. “You still have Ocean.”

  A saddened smile makes a small appearance. “Unfortunately, that boat sailed a long time ago. We’ve both said and done too much to be forgiven.”

  “While you’re both still breathing, never say never.”

  The air in the corridor is thick and I find it hard to take in breaths. I smile briefly and walk away from Odette. She’s lived with her own pity and selfishness for so long, I doubt much can be changed.

  Rushing back to the living area, my legs stop in their tracks. Quietness overtakes my senses as I witness Ocean and his dad embracing in silence. My shoulders slump, tension dropping from my limbs as I spy on Marcus running his hand over Ocean’s head like a small child. My back touches the wall, bracing myself to stay here unseen for as long as needed. Thinking of my own father, missing a loving touch from him, I’ve longed to be embraced by a father who had unconditional love for me, knowing very well that day died a long time ago. In front of me is Melody’s handiwork. I believe she is already working her magic from above.

  “Marcus, I’m going to leave this for now.” Showcasing her authority, Odette barges into the intimate scene. “Oh.”

  Ocean rears back and I move directly to his side, wrapping myself around him in case there’s more attacking.

  Her face morphs into a self-righteous bitch. “Actually, no, how silly of me. We need it done, don’t we? We’ll stay here tonight and sort through it all tomorrow.”

  “Why are you being like this to Ocean?” My tongue lashes and my face is burning bright red. “Let him take what he wants of Melody’s. Some of it has precious memories for him. Why would you want to shatter your son?” Appealing to her mothering instincts, I have to try. I’d hoped she listened in the hallway, but her jealousy is a curse.

  Lifting her nose in the air, “It has to be done. So it will be.” Pointing her finger at Ocean, she hisses, “You don’t deserve any of it.”

  Ocean’s body tenses beside me, his fists clench, ready to strike the serpent in front of us. “If you were a man, I would have destroyed you already.”

  “What, like your sister.”

  Cringing, my body spins as Ocean storms from me. My eyes look to his mother and then to Ocean but he’s not there, he’s gone the other way out the door.

  Trying to catch him, he’s too fast and the doors on the elevator close before I can enter.

  Bursting with anger, I re-enter the apartment.

  “You have a chance to make this right between you and your son. You missed your chance with Melody, don’t screw this one up.” Staring at Odette, then Marcus, my legs shake under me, but I keep my back straight and my voice even but commanding.

  Odette’s fake bravado has disappeared again and Marcus nods.

  I pray they listen for once.

  Giving them a last glance, I turn and let out the breath I am holding. My entire body quakes with anxiety, my chest pounds from the confrontation. Another first for me. I haven’t stood up to others before. Raising my eyebrows in disbelief, I march to the elevator, almost collapsing thinking of how I spoke moments before.

  Trying to keep upright, I run out of the building hoping to see Ocean waiting by the car.

  He’s not there.

  Damn.

  Swiveling my head, I search the dimming streets, looking for any sign of him but there’s nothing.

  “Ocean?” Feeling crazed, I yell repeatedly. The street stays empty.

  Opening the car, I start it and drive slowly down the street, stopping to look down side streets but it’s deserted. Ten minutes I circle the neighboring roads, only to be honked at a
nd sworn at. Ocean’s disappeared.

  My anxiety has reached peak levels and my churning stomach is ready to unleash. How must Ocean be feeling?

  Pulling up, I rest my head on the steering wheel and think only of each breath.

  I have to let Slate know. He needs people around him or he might do something stupid.

  Reaching for my cell, I hit Emerald’s number.

  “Phoebe? You okay?”

  “No.” Still breathless, I try and slow down. “Ocean’s gone.”

  “Where?” I can hear the uncertainty in her voice.

  “I don’t know. He had a huge fight at his sister’s place with his mother.”

  “Fuck. Slate, get the guys.” I listen to her voice, organizing everything. “Tell me where you are.”

  “A few blocks from Melody’s apartment. I’ve been circling for a good half hour and there’s no sign of him.”

  “You need to come here now. Slate will handle it. They have ways of finding him.”

  Sighing in relief, I don’t question what she means, but am glad she has faith Ocean will be found. “He’s not in a good frame of mind. Probably worse than the night all of this started.” My voice rises.

  “Phoebe. I need you to come here. Ocean put a key on your car keys, so you can access the elevator and come straight up. I want you here asap.”

  Strong and firm, her voice settles me. I know I’ve done the right thing calling them.

  “Thank you, Emerald.”

  “That’s what we do, girl. We look after our family.”

  Whack…

  Smash…

  Crack…

  My opponent is one of the best. I knew it when I stepped in the ring and was hopeful he would beat the crap out of me, sending me to oblivion for a while. Max had let me slip into a fight. After dealing with my mother, I needed it.

  I didn’t want to scare Phoebe any more than I already had, this was the next option. Killing my mother in front of my beautiful, gentle girl, possibly wouldn’t have been a good idea.

  Sweat drips off my limbs, my arms heavy jabbing into the solid body of the guy. Blood drizzles down my chest. I’m making no impact on my opponent. I know it’s ‘cause I’m fighting emotionally and not strategically.

  But I want to make someone else hurt and wipe myself out, my insides are shredded into tiny pieces.

  Killing Colton relieved nothing, and Melody didn’t come back because of it.

  Nothing can bring her back.

  My arm rears back and I slam it into the guy’s cheek. His head swings back and his feet reel backward. The ref, which is too strong of a word, more like the poor chump who Max stands in the ring to ensure we don’t kill each other, watches him and I take the chance to swallow some air, replenishing my depleted breaths.

  Fighting isn’t my thing, only occasionally having a round or two when I’m bored or frustrated. A heaviness weighs throughout me tonight, my eyes already swollen from the tears I’d shed and now the thumping they’ve taken. Exhausted, I want it to be over. A dwindling fire in my stomach and too much emotional baggage I just want this gut-wrenching day to end.

  A blow hits my side, then another, my arms try to protect me but I’m too slow. A hand rips through my face and then again, battering me completely. My sight’s blurry and my neck is like Jell-O. An uppercut under the chin knocks my feet from underneath means blackness instantly falls.

  I’d accomplished what I had set out to do.

  Annihilate myself.

  “You should have heard her. It was disgusting.” Sipping a hot chocolate, the heat fuels the fire burning within.

  “We’ve heard it before. Melody didn’t listen to a bad word her mother said about Ocean. She knew who he was and what he did. She was proud of him.” Emerald sits across from me at Ocean’s huge table.

  “Did his father back Ocean up?” Lace has dark rings around her eyes, tiredness from being heavily pregnant and an emotional day weighing on her.

  “No, he only stood there and listened.” My hairs spike thinking how he didn’t back his son up once. “But he did embrace Ocean for a few minutes alone. Ocean and he looked at peace in that short time.”

  Crystal nods her head, continuing to rock Jayce in her arms.

  “I don’t blame him for leaving the way he did. She was lucky he didn’t snap there and take her out. No one could have blamed Ocean if he did. My fists were clenched and her hatred wasn’t aimed at me.”

  “It is the best thing they live far away.” Emerald stands and helps herself to another cup.

  “How long do you think they will stay?”

  “They only stay a few days when they come out. The flight time obviously doesn’t worry them, because they no sooner arrive then they leave.”

  “In this instance, I’m glad they’ll be gone soon.”

  The girls were in Ocean’s apartment immediately when I called Emerald telling them I was in the parking lot. I needed a code to come in and I had no clue. My small Mazda looked out of place among the muscle street cars which gave me a small laugh. I’m so out of my league here.

  “Ocean and Melody usually have dinner together when they’re around, but Ocean only goes to please Melody. He’s going to be lost without her.” Lace hugs her stomach and bows her head.

  “We’re all going to miss her.” Crystal wipes her eyes and we all agree.

  “I feel bad, because I’ve been harping to Ocean about not knowing my mother, her leaving me at such a young age and how upset I was because she left. I never considered how hard it must have been for Ocean living with his mother’s nastiness.”

  “Ocean is a fixer. He wants to save and fix any problems of the people he loves. This includes you, Phoebe. It’s in his blood. The only thing he wants is for his family to be happy and safe. Ocean doesn’t show his hurt. He bottles it up. This is why you will need to watch him for a while. And call us anytime you think he’s going to explode.”

  I take in Emerald’s words.

  “Ocean may act fine, laugh, get on with work but he takes on everyone’s emotions, and at the moment this will be too much for him.”

  A rattle at the door stops us.

  “We found him.” Caden holds the door open and Slate and Tanner prop Ocean up under his arms, helping him to walk. My stomach flips, worry creases my face looking at him. My hands start wringing on my lap. I can’t stand, my legs are shaking.

  “Are you sure that’s him?” Crystal says what I am thinking, a little in jest but also a genuine concern. The blood, dirt, and his messy hair hangs on his face. His clothes are hanging from him.

  “Yeah, our man here is a little drunk, he decided to have a fight at Max’s, and it didn’t end too well. We all had to help him dress back in his pants and shirt from earlier, his loaned fighting gear, too messy for my car,” Slate deadpans.

  “They weren’t that bad, S,” Ocean slurs and I’m relieved he’s coherent.

  “Man, they reeked of sweat and had blood all over them. I don’t know whose they were before you, but they aren’t getting them back. They’re trash now.” Tanner keeps walking with Ocean and Slate. “We will put him in the shower.”

  Caden sits with us, hugging his beautiful wife. “He’s going to be sore for a few days. He was badly beaten. We’re lucky the fight ended when it did, or he could be in the hospital now. I’m sure that’s what he was aiming for.”

  Clutching my chest, I close my eyes. I have to be strong for him.

  “How do I help him?” My voice is weak. I have no clue how to help such a strong-willed man, who’s broken and in such deep darkness.

  “Be here for him, Phoebe.” Lace smiles gently. “Give him your time, your love, and your warmth.”

  “And don’t take any shit from him. He needs to rest and recuperate.” Emerald is stern but she is correct. “If he doesn’t listen to you, let me know and I’ll come and talk to his stubborn ass.”

  Smiling, I nod. “I’ll try.”

  “Ocean may heal on the outside quickly, but
inside will be another matter completely. He’s not going to get over his loss for a long time. All you can do is support him and show him how much you mean to each other. Remind him you are in this together and in hard times you’re going to stay around. Make sure you have this right in your head and believe this as well before you start this journey, Phoebe. He’s not going to deal with more heartbreak if it becomes too hard for you.”

  “Okay. I understand.” What Emerald doesn’t know is how Ocean saved me a long time ago, and now it’s my turn to help him. I won’t let his parents bully him and I won’t have anyone tell me to leave except Ocean himself. I know Emerald is saying this out of love for him, but I love him with everything. “You have to know I’m in this for the long haul. Your friend Ocean is my soul mate. I truly believe it and he does too. We’ll get through this. I’ll make sure of it.” Confidence brims and my body straightens feeling stronger with my words.

  Emerald smiles and comes to give me a hug. “I know you two will work it out. Your destiny was written a long time ago. Now you both have a second chance to make it forever.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Boy, he’s a stubborn mule. He’s currently sitting on the floor of the shower, taking in the heat of the water. He won’t let us get him out.” Tanner runs his hands through his hair.

  “He’ll get out when it runs cold.” Slate walks straight to Emerald and grabs her by the waist. “Let’s go.”

  “Call if you need anything.” Emerald smiles and leaves with her man.

  “Thank you all for finding him.”

  “Anytime. That’s what we do.” Tanner and Crystal leave with Jayce, Caden, and Lace behind them.

  “You can do this, Phoebe. We want to see you both happy and it will happen. Sometimes life deals us lemons, but we have to turn it into lemon meringue pie.”

  “Yeah, it does. I’ve had enough of the lemon part. I want and need the pie. Take care of that gorgeous baby and you also.”

  Shutting the door behind them, my eyes roam the living area. There’s a handful of photos spread throughout. I want to make lifelong memories with Ocean starting tonight.