Vampire's Soul

by Joey W. Hill

  Two Weeks Later

  Rand paused, scenting the wind. He looked down the slope of the hill, to where the younger wolves were currently pulling apart and devouring the deer that he, Fane and Stalker had brought down. They had a second one, untouched, they'd bring home, to store the meat the way a human would. Another of the many ways they smoothly straddled two different worlds.

  They had a good setup here. A good life.

  He was miserable.

  He shouldn't be, damn it. Cai's note had been clear. They were friends, brothers-in-arms, if ever he had need of him, he'd be there for him. It was similar to what Cai had said when he'd figured out the infinity mark on Rand's wrist. He'd even drawn a simple replica at the top of the note, a reminder to Rand.

  The vampire had finished up the note with some stuff like how maybe their paths would cross again soon. Blah blah blah. If all that was true, the bastard would have told him that in person, clapped him on the back, indulged one more intense fuck and been on his way. He'd literally fled after that dinner. A dinner where the guy who was as emotionally repressed as a brick wall had put everything out there for all to see. For Rand.

  Rand had wanted to go after him, soon as he received the note, but he'd thought it through and hadn't. Because everything Cai had said, whether it was bullshit on his side of things or not, could very likely be true for Rand.

  These were his people. No question. The ache over Sheba and Dylef and the pups would never be gone. It would hit him hard when he least expected it, and those nightmares would come and go, forcing him to relive it. But during his time with Cai, it had lessened enough that his self-destructive urges couldn't take the upper hand, and he could feel good things about life again. Thanks to Cai, Rand could be part of a pack again.

  His leg was still giving him trouble. Which meant him hunting in a pack wasn't a bad thing, since he doubted he could have caught the deer on his own over open ground. Fane and Stalker had handled the running and directing. Rand had trailed behind--just behind, but still behind--until the kill point, and then Rand had jumped in.

  He'd agreed to the X-rays Sangra recommended and meeting with her alternative healing contacts, but he'd anticipated the outcome. None of them had direct experience with what they diagnosed as the problem. An injury infected with strong magic needed to be healed by a magical healer who understood that specific kind of magic

  The limp wasn't bad, and he managed to pull his weight just fine in the pack, so he asked Sangra to let it be, for now. Even with the handicap, he was considered the next beta in line behind Stalker. At full strength, he would have stepped into the role of Fane's top beta with no objections from Fane's son. They all knew he was really an alpha being a polite pack member.

  But this worked. He had no problem deferring to Fane or Stalker. He trusted their judgment. Rand didn't have to be chief, but he could be if needed, his injury notwithstanding. That knowledge brought Fane peace. Though they'd crafted a pretty safe world here, and were growing a strong pack, Fane only had to look as far as Rand's experience to know it was important to be prepared for the worst to happen.

  With Rand present, Fane's pack now had backup if something happened to Fane, and Stalker needed the mature guidance of an older male. Or even during the times that were more mundane, like Fane being gone on temporary trips with Chad, who worked together with him on his lucrative carpentry business.

  But in his heart, Rand knew he was padding. Overall, their world was decently secure, well connected to the human one where those threads were needed. Stalker was almost equal to Fane in strength. Todd, Cilya and Sangra more than pulled their weight, and the teenagers were only a few years out from being able to contribute in their own way to the pack's overall strength.

  But function wasn't all that a pack was about. It was also about family, and wolves loved a big family. He was accepted with no qualms. They knew girls weren't his thing and no one commented on it. Not ignored, like they didn't want to talk about it. It simply was, and nothing needed to be said.

  He wasn't a monk. He would need male company in time, but he could drive to the nearest town, where there were plenty of opportunities for hook-ups.

  An idea which made him nauseous. He needed that male company now, but he didn't want "male company." He wanted one particular male. One excessively foul-mouthed, cynical, sarcastic, strangely honorable, foolishly brave and touchingly vulnerable at unexpected moments, male. A male whose commanding touch he craved, even as he felt the desire to hunt him down to stay close, protect him from his worst enemy--himself. They had that in common, didn't they? They both needed the occasional reminder to pull their heads out of their asses.

  Ever since Cai had left, Rand had to tamp down an anxious pulling in his gut, like Rand wasn't where he needed to be, with the person he needed to be with.

  That could easily be explained by biology. In his note, Cai had told him he'd left Brian what was needed to end the marking. After Rand read the note, he sat there for a while, quelling the desire to search the grounds--as Cai might say--like Lassie frantically trying to figure out where Timmy had fallen down the well. After a time, he'd left his room with its smell of Cai in the bed linens, and gone to find Lord Brian.

  Rand's mind went back to that last night at the mansion, to that conversation and his decision. Which would have been unexpected, except...it really wasn't, was it?

  "We still don't have many of these requests, but it must be requested by the vampire," Lord Brian said. He frowned. "Cai left direction that it would be done, if it was your wish. That he was indifferent to the decision. Which is rather unorthodox and suggests the exact opposite to me. While the nature of that lies between the two of you, a bond remaining between a separated vampire and servant can be problematic, especially where the servant's memory of the bond is not going to be blocked. It requires Council approval. I spoke to Lady Lyssa."

  That caused a spurt of uneasiness in Rand, especially when Brian paused, as if considering what was appropriate to say to a servant.

  "She told me that due to Cai's youth and his relative unimportance, requiring the separation is not as critical to the Council as it would be normally." Brian shook his head as Rand scowled. "I'm not insulting your Master. She meant he isn't a highly placed overlord or one whose servant's unsupervised connection could make the vampire world more vulnerable. The memory block is not required for you because you're not human. You understand the gravity of revealing the nature of beings that humans convince themselves don't exist."

  Translation: If you rat on us, we rat on you. It wasn't said that explicitly or unkindly. More a sensible practicality Rand understood. Unwittingly, Brian had also confirmed that they didn't suspect Cai's magical abilities. If they had known about that, particularly the fertility angle, Rand expected Cai's political importance would have skyrocketed.

  "So the decision remains with you," Brian continued. "There are complications, if you're not having the mark removed and you and your Master won't be together. The mark creates a magnetism, if you will, between the vampire and servant. When separated, you'll experience an anxiety, in greater or lesser amounts, depending on your personality or environmental stressors. Over time, you can learn to manage it, but it will be uncomfortable at first."

  Rand considered. "Does he experience it?"

  Brian hesitated. Debra's head lifted from her microscope at the question, her gaze on her Master unfathomable. "Vampires experience it to a lesser degree, for the most part," Brian said. "Particularly if they view the bond as more functional. But if they have grown attached to their servant, yes, they will experience it."

  Rand frowned. "How can you tell what's from the marking, and what's simply missing each other?"

  Debra suppressed a smile. Brian cast her a wry but fond look and lifted a shoulder. "I deal in science. The realm of the heart is a powerful but completely unquantifiable measurement. I leave that answer to your own speculation. But thank you for the reminder that science can never cover all th
e variables."

  "One day, with the right brilliant mind, it just might," Debra pointed out, letting her smile show. Brian snorted.

  "Time will tell," he said. "But if I had to guess which scientist here would figure out the universal equation, I would have to defer to my servant's intelligence...and female intuition. It has often progressed our work in ways I didn't expect."

  Debra flushed and shook her head at him before returning to what she was doing. Brian looked at Rand. "So, do you wish the mark removed?" He lifted a generous vial of blood. "Cai left this to facilitate things. We've made improvements to the process recently where we create a profile from his blood and your physiology to determine how to tailor the separation serum more closely to your bond. I just need to know if you want us to begin, since that procedure is fairly labor-intensive."

  Rand knew the smart thing to do. What did it matter? Cai could always mark him again, right? If their paths crossed in the future, and things were different, and they both wanted... Though that time it would stay permanent, because it was clear this procedure was a rare and by Council-approval type thing. They didn't do it like returns at Walmart.

  He'd thought about it ever since reading Cai's note. Waffled on the way here. Thought about all the variables, even during Brian's explanation. But when it came down to it, Rand trusted his wolf more than he trusted his human side. So he asked that part of his heart, and the wolf's answer came without hesitation.

  "Thanks," he said. "But I want to keep the marks. Um...can I have the blood, if you're not going to use it?"

  With a neutral look, Brian handed it over. "Thanks." Rand nodded. "I'll be leaving shortly. Is there anything...do I need to sign out?"

  Brian's lips twitched. "No. If your Master has already departed, then your business here is concluded. Do you have transportation to where you're going?"

  "Yes." He'd probably take the offered limo ride to get back to the national park in West Virginia. Convenience and all. If he didn't decide to track Cai down, damn it all. "Thanks."

  Rand held out a hand, before he realized that vampires and servants might not shake hands. But Brian took his hand in an easy, strong grip.

  "Good luck, Rand. And thank you for answering my earlier questions about shifters. I have plenty more, so if you ever feel like it, I'd like the opportunity to continue our discussion."

  He'd answered some of Brian's high-level questions, but hadn't gone more in-depth. Until he'd shown up, vampires had thought wolf-shifters were myth. Lyssa had mentioned an improvement in Fae relations. There were Fae, deep forest dwellers, who walked between earth and their own world and knew of the small enclaves of shifters. But knowing the suspicion and dislike the Fae had felt toward vampires until apparently recently, Rand doubted they'd be volunteering that awareness. Maybe it was best to keep it that way for now. He didn't feel comfortable taking it upon himself to enlighten the vampire race about his own.

  "Okay." Rand nodded courteously to Debra and headed for the door. However, he paused at the threshold. "If it's okay to ask, what did you have for him? Lyssa said you needed to give Cai something."

  "The prosthetic fang," Brian responded. "It had a permanent adhesive to hold it in place, almost as securely as a rooted fang. I offered to install it, since it's easier to have someone else do it, but he declined. He took it with him, however."

  "The fang was designed by a dentist who works with our kind," Debra said, an intriguing twinkle in her eyes. "He's an artist, of sorts. Kibler personalized the fang with an emblem very appropriate to your Master's...personality."

  "There's a skull-and-crossbones etching on the widest part," Brian offered.

  Despite the heavy weight in his chest and gut that hadn't abated, Rand felt a slow smile cross his face. "Cai will like that. I'm sure he appreciated the fang...even if he didn't say so."

  Brian's expression sobered, his intelligent gaze suggesting he understood a lot more about the situation Rand was facing than he was saying. Debra's even more so, and with enough sympathy to tell Rand he needed to take off before he embarrassed himself. He gave them one more nod and took his leave.

  His intent was to get back to the room, collect his small bundle of belongings and go...somewhere. He wanted to go after Cai, wanted to make the hard pounding in his heart, head and loins stop. But every word of Cai's note had been as subtle as a sledgehammer on a railroad spike.

  Rand needed to think, even if his wolf didn't want to think at all. Just wanted to track. He'd find where Cai had gone to earth, because they weren't too far off from dawn. He'd lay on top of that mound of earth, until...

  Back in their room, Rand sighed and laid down on the bed, on Cai's spot. There was no one to see, anyway, and he couldn't feel Cai in his mind. Which didn't mean he wasn't, but he knew Cai well enough to believe the vampire had closed himself off, at least for now. Emotionally suppressed asshole.

  Rand uncapped the vial and closed his eyes at the scent of the blood. Until Cai, blood had been what he associated with prey. But Cai's blood was different. It was an offering, a reminder of the bond between them. Rand put it to his lips and downed the few meager swallows. His fist clutched the vial as he savored the taste.

  Cai had said it before. They really hadn't known one another long, and there was a hell of a lot of things they still didn't know about one another. But for wolves, relationships were built differently. Non-shifter wolves only lived ten to fifteen years in the wild, on average. So when they mated, that connection had to happen far more immediately than was required by a longer expected lifespan.

  While shifters lived to a human old age, they had that same trait. Usually the first impression was all that was needed to figure out the shape of another's heart and soul. From what he'd learned during his short time at Fane's, Sangra and Idris had been married within a month of meeting one another. Todd had known upon his first meet with Zelda, though Zelda, being human, had needed longer to make up her mind. He and Dylef, Sheba and Sylvan, Lynn and Fane...they all had similar courtship stories.

  Rand had had a lot of his own shit to deal with when he and Cai met. It had interfered with what he really thought of the vampire, that first key scent-and-soul impression, but his instincts had won out. Every time his human side had suggested he needed to get rid of the vampire's company as soon as possible, his wolf had stuck. Even followed him into hell.

  So why wasn't he following him now? Rand turned his face into the pillow, inhaling deep. Maybe because he couldn't give straight answers to the questions Cai's note raised. Even if he had bonded with Cai, could Rand handle being without other shifters, not part of their pack and what they gave to his soul?

  He sighed. Time to go. He'd figure out the answers along the way.

  As he put the nice clothes Jacob had said he could keep in a backpack Lyssa's servant had provided, Rand's gaze kept returning to the pillow. Maybe Cai had been a bad influence on him, but hell with it. Rand stripped the case, folded it up and tucked it into the pack with the rest of his clothes. He had the secondhand jeans and shirt Cai had worn but left behind. However, Fane's scent was too strong upon them, interfering with Cai's.

  The actual pillow would hold Cai's scent even longer, but Rand couldn't fit that in the pack, and he was pretty sure walking out with it might be frowned upon. Add that pillow to Mr. Rand's bill...did we get a credit card from him at check-in? No? Just take a few extra pints from him as payment, then.

  His weak sense of humor was even picking up Cai's cadence. It made the aching worse.

  Rand read the letter again, then slid it into the folds of the pillow case. He dialed command central for the house servants, wherever that was, and learned the limo and driver were standing by and could be ready to go in a few minutes. Good. And bad. It was too much like a sign.

  Shouldering the pack, Rand looked around the room, took one last deep breath and left it. He nodded courteously to the few staff members he encountered as he reached the top of the stairs and moved through the house. He stoppe
d himself from assigning meaning to their speculative looks. A servant whose vampire had left without him...

  But he had that third mark bond. He was keeping it, God knew why. Maybe he'd regret it in a few days, but he had plenty of regrets. He had room for one more.

  As he stepped out the front door, he saw Jacob leaning against the limo, a large brown paper sack sitting next to him on the back trunk. Bran, the Irish wolfhound, lay nearby. At the sight of Rand, his lip curled, but Jacob spoke a word and he subsided, his head thumping down on his paws in belligerent acquiescence.

  Rand came down the steps. Jacob handed him the bag.

  "Some food for the road. From the weight of it, you made quite an impression on the house staff. You're welcome to reach out to us again if you have need of us." Jacob's eyes showed amusement as he glanced toward Bran. "You'll be welcomed by my Mistress, even if the dogs don't agree. As you probably picked up last night, good relations between different species has recently become a higher priority to the Council."

  With dwindling numbers, their allies were few in a dangerous world. Rand got that. Having a pack brought a sense of safety, of balance.

  "My brother respects you and would feel the same, if you cross paths again," Jacob added. "I know he's sorry he killed Cai's friend. Things have changed a lot for him since he bonded with Daegan and Anwyn."

  Life was like that. Made up of love and loss, and wisdom often so hard-earned it rode hand-in-hand with guilt, regret and nightmares.

  "Rand." Jacob had put a hand on his shoulder. The contact was welcome. Too welcome.

  "He just left. Left me a goddamn note."

  Rand bit back the words too late. But the servant merely nodded, more understanding in his face than Rand could handle. Just like Debra.

  "Vampires aren't different from any other humanoid species when it comes to relationships. They think they're above it all, but they aren't. They're just blessed with an overabundance of the control freak gene. Which means when they care, they're not only overprotective. They think they know every damn thing that's best for you. You have to push back sometime. And push back hard."