Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Our world is gone now,

  And nobody knew any truth of how,

  Ye, all murders of crows that feast,

  Go, go and thank the beast.

  Exit Scenario

  “‘Future memory’? ‘Foresight’? well, now it’s hindsight. Since the extinction began, I suppose we were warned, some of us were the ones to issue the warning, incite the awakening of others. That, this world we have here and now, is only, was only just for the profit of the elite at the expense of many. At the expense of billions. Is it proving enough now? Is it so hard to believe this has all been planned? Maybe not now it’s been and gone. And if, if we ever return our land to its’ once glorious and prosperous, beautiful state – can we trust it won’t happen again? I suppose it may, had every one of us seriously heed the word, listen and take it with sincerity. I have once long said, the world will one-day change – if it wants to…” – Mugdowie.

  Enter Scenario

  Eclipsing into a deadly blinded state of anger.

  Wave after wave of black electricity rippling and streaking through fiery red skies.

  Gaining speed reaching further beyond the point of return, exceeding it and minimizing safe passage through the storm.

  A black hole spiralling out, black electricity magnetizing a pull to its’ centre.

  Flesh suit vessel travelling rapidly, deteriorating, breaking apart, headed for the spiralling black.

  Black against fiery red skies.

  Smokey mechanical digger claws rake as they swing around, reaching out – digging, grab hold and crush tight ’til it’s victims shatter to fibrous shards – and are then scattered before being sucked through the blinding black.

  Lost in a rage, blinded, inward fold. Steam and smoke issuing from cracks and tears and then;

  The nuclear reactor – the soul, explodes.

  And the particles – fragments too, are sucked into the spiralling, endless pit of black.

  A Spiralling, Endless Black

  I’m slipping through the cracks,

  I’ve stumbled a step back,

  And it’ another setback,

  And endless black and creeping attack,

  A nightmare that never ends,

  No hope making amends,

  The spiralling black outreaching, extends,

  Demons are my only friends,

  I’m split and ripped to smithereens,

  Drowning in a silent scream,

  Not one man left on my team,

  An outcome I guess I had coming to me,

  Blending, melding with the black,

  I alone, got my back,

  Feed it back when under attack,

  Looping over and vilely spat,

  And there’s no hope making amends,

  Demons are my only friends,

  Why bother even pretend,

  This nightmare ever ends,

  Split and ripped to smithereens,

  On many levels and all extreme,

  I’m the last man on my team,

  Had this, long coming to me…

  Exit Scenario

  I made my bed, now I lie in it,

  I looped my noose, now I swing from it,

  I dug my pit, now I’m buried in it,

  I ignored the warning signs though I was aware and had ample opportunity –

  no immunity,

  I’d kept going, now I’m not worth knowing,

  And I’m not slowing,

  Succumbed to the abyss,

  Fell in love with it,

  Trapped in the spiralling black,

  The spiralling, endless black…

  Enter Scenario

  “Again, and again…Jesus Christ! How many fuckin’ times have I gotta stand my ground fighting through this bullshit. None of ’em seem to think me or my opinion matter. Okay, okay, maybe my opinion doesn’t matter so much but what if I’m right? They’re forcing their will on me and crushing mine doing so. Those CUNTS! Some days their logic doesn’t make sense to me. Contradictory in fact, but I see it now. It’s all very one way. Man, I gotta get outta here, cause there’s no way I can belt sense into them. HA! I’m young, what do I know?

  More than them fucker’s I tell ya. If only the shoe was on the other foot. They’d fight just like me if I did as they do – No, sometimes, just sometimes, parents are fucking wrong and need to listen to their children. Not all the time – just when the kids make more sense than they do. I’m not allowed to be the me that I truly am inside. They say my attitude sucks, well so does fuckin’ theirs. I wouldn’t be so aggressive half the time if they didn’t fuck with me. People trying to change me – it’s wrong, look in the fucking mirror for fuck’s sake, you’re a fool if you think you need to change someone – especially if you think they’re the one that needs to change. Useless fat fuckin’ bullies. Change yourself for fuckin’ once. Cause if you don’t – you won’t live long enough to learn. Someone else bigger, tougher, meaner – will put you in your place one day. And like always, you’ll play the victim instead of taking responsibility for yourselves. Reap what you sow – and you will whether you like it or not. People will hear me, and some will agree – others won’t but you’ll soon know and begin to see the differences between us then.…” – Cren.

  Acceptance

  Why can’t they take me seriously?

  Why don’t they ever believe me?

  I’m no liar, I’m dreadful at it,

  I grow tired and evermore saddened,

  Can’t I be young AND fuckin’ wise?

  Can’t we even try to treatise?

  Your ignorance blocks my every attempt,

  At any chance to recompense,

  Maybe there’s things I can teach you,

  You’re never too old to learn something new,

  The world we know is rapidly changing,

  All these misinterpretations need a rearranging,

  Can’t you keep an open mind?

  Can’t you try to relax and unwind?

  Let it go and have faith that it’ll all work out,

  I don’t want to have to fight but rather talk it out,

  Everybody learns at their own pace,

  And sometimes we all need our own space,

  We all need a gentle guide and a little sensitivity,

  And every one of us needs to claim responsibility,

  Nothing’s ever worth arguing about,

  So, what if it didn’t work out?

  Life is so fleetingly short, there is no last resort,

  An acceptance is all that I’ve ever sought…

  Exit Scenario

  “I wished I could’ve told them to get a handle on their own shit before they tried to control me, but there’s no telling someone set in their ways. And there’s no controlling someone like me, I’m a free spirit and free spirits will always fight the more fierce the more they feel someone’s trying to have it over them. They’ll fight the more they feel threatened. I’ve been captive against my will before, but it never did both parties any good really. I always wanted to just be let be, left alone to do my thing and excel at it on my own terms. I always broke the rules when I thought they were fucking ridiculous and unfair or unjust. I just wanted to be myself and learn my own way. And I always knew better. I was always aware of the consequences. Sometimes I felt they kept me down in the dumps because they were jealous, jealous that I could’ve done a lot more than they ever could and gotten to place’s they’d only ever dreamed of. They might’ve had their reasons, but it still never made any sense to me. They either couldn’t or wouldn’t explain it. I only wanted to be myself – and it was never good enough for them. They say we’re born to the family we have been for a reason, but why do parents seem to think that they can’t learn from their kids? Fucks me, but I have a daughter myself and
I know for a fact I’d listen to her no matter what. I’d teach my daughter all I could, but I’d still willingly learn from her without hesitation. And I’d never force her to be somebody she doesn’t want to be or to be someone I’d prefer her to be better. I’ll love her no matter what and accept her for her, no matter what. I’d let her do the things that make her happy and just instruct, inform or guide her gently. If she ever told me she smoked weed – I’d ask her to get me some. I most definitely wouldn’t condemn her for it but rather want to know if she’s being safe and responsible about it. She might not but either way as long as she’s safe and sound and always in a good environment with good influences, I know I’ll be at peace. But regarding some of the family I grew up around – I’d prefer the distance between them and my daughter. I’m not having those bullies influence my daughter with such a poor environment they’d given me – I just won’t have her face the same fuckin’ bullshit that I did. But if she turns out to be more like me than I thought, I just know mine and her bond will be that much stronger.” – Cren.

  Enter Scenario

  “A killing of innocence in all matters – all meaning of the term is sinister and should be frowned upon. I use the term loosely for you see over time I feel I have died in thousands of different ways. Pieces ripped from me without a consideration of my well-being. Pieces dying that I really shouldn’t have ever been without. Parts of me stripped, declining the nature of my character. Valuable traits lost only to have to find and repair and rebuild in me. Traits, attributes of mine that made me a gentleman at only just a young age. Traits I have had to learn the ways of over again. And upon such separation of these traits, so too had deadened in me the respect, all respect I had had for such horrendously vicious, vindictive kin. Should that manipulation be so just on me – karma too will be so just upon my related assailants.” – Vedtte.

  Assertion of Division

  Rid the World of what is dead,

  The sensitive young boy in my head,

  Let the unheard of be said…

  Tear the memories from my mind,

  Flesh from bone, cut away my bind,

  Bleed the love from my heart,

  Practice at dark, make it art,

  And watch my freedom,

  Watch my soul

  Soar from the wings of a dove

  Then fade…

  Though I might burn through the flames of Hell,

  I’ll laugh at how broken I’d made you felt,

  For all the pain that you’d cost,

  I’d always felt you were worth the loss,

  I consistently put up with all of your shit,

  So why I should miss you that one little bit,

  No family I’ve met do what you did to me,

  I’m kicking myself now that I never did leave,

  One day I’ll go and piss on your grave,

  Slinging shit and befouling your name

  And until that day…I’ll wait

  Exit Scenario

  “I may never know the cost or ache it was on them after I left but I know I wasn’t ever the same afterwards. It continued to anger me that not once had they tried to understand me. Not once could I genuinely feel comfortable telling them everything nor the reasons I did as I had done. I was angered that once upon a time I was what most would call a sweet kid. Once upon a time I wasn’t monstrocized. Once upon a time I was an Angel, and innocent but supposing all things do end, my ending began there. This was my assertion of division.” – Vedtte.

  Enter Scenario

  ““What do you think you’re doing?” My step father shouted in disbelief that made me jump a mile high.

  “Jesus! I’m working, you scared the livin’ fuck outta me!” I replied in a voice sounding more surprised than I meant.

  “Looks like you’re just fuckin’ around with these bullshit drawings and rambling writings, you could be cleaning up around the place, the backyard needs mowing, the pool needs a rake out of all the crap..” he started.

  “For fuck’s sake dad, I’m working in here, what about me sisters and brother? I’m sure their limbs aren’t just painted on and they got a heartbeat.” I spat, irritated.

  “Your room looks like a bloody bomb’s gone off in there, and what’s that smell, fuck, get your shoes outside now,” he retorted again, I could see a bastard of a smirk forming in the corner of his mouth.

  “Why the fuck are you pickin’ at me, the others are just as lazy,” I yelled.

  “They do what I ask of them,” he smiled back.

  “They don’t do fuckin’ shit!” I yelled again.

  “Don’t raise your voice at me again, get out of your room and go find something to do out in the back yard,” he said raising his voice to dominate mine.

  “I was busy with something in here, I’m on a roll, I’m onto something exciting, I’m not in the mood to go outside there and do it right now,”

  “Well, you had better get into the mood because you’re going out there whether or not I have to drag your sorry arse out,” he yelled pointing his finger at me then out the door.

  “Fine! But I’m not fuckin’ happy about it,” I said much lower.

  “Stubborn little shit, you’re just like your stupid fuckin’ mother,” he retorted with a smirk.

  “Another fuckin’ ‘Black Sheep.’”” – Korogg.

  Black Sheep Branded

  I’ve been accused,

  Of using my sickness as an excuse,

  But what simply do you do,

  When others use it against you,

  Allow me to elaborate,

  The extent they take,

  To manipulate…

  The visions I’d viewed,

  The voice I’d heard,

  No matter how crude,

  All thought be absurd,

  A psychoactive substance induced evolution,

  Perhaps mangled with traumatic mental contusions,

  Made a rogue reckless renegade,

  Disgraced to disobey and equally betrayed,

  Before I’d even realized,

  Things had gone awry,

  I began to pick up little lies,

  Their arrogance denied,

  The families’ darkest secret,

  O’ how I brought them shame,

  Tire’d and confused ’til I’d regret,

  Drained of energy ’til I’d tamed,

  I became quite gullible, forever second guessed,

  A victim of control to much of my detest,

  Family always lied even though I knew the truth,

  The deceit was so transparent I didn’t have to sleuth,

  They’d argue black and blue,

  That what I saw or said,

  Wasn’t true and to be thrown askew,

  For it was all just in my head,

  Never any faith nor ever any trust,

  Beating me completely was entirely a must,

  Could I really have repulsed them to the point of their disgust?

  To want to tread upon me, like sand or dirt or dust?

  I was for a long time emotionally stranded,

  My hope and will were broken and battered,

  Any fragment of stability to remain was shattered,

  Never any favour to me being the Black Sheep Branded.

  Exit Scenario

  “As you know I am an artist, I am often surrounded by a cluster of my works in progress, it is a mess, but I am comfortable with the disarray and chaos and disorder.

  I am fortunate enough to have many various spontaneous ideas for projects; pictures/drawings, poems/ limericks, at strange times. And even more fortunate still to have these ideas come and go rather frequently.

  I could almost say I’m like a magnet to Gods’ creativity when it comes to my art practices. I am fortuna
te to have been given a talent to be able to replicate these images in my mind to scale on paper.

  I call it a close and intimate connection with my own body occasionally. A special link from the brain to the wrist and hand to the fingers through the extension of a pen, pencil, brush.

  I think a lot of my family members were jealous of me. A lot of it could have been fear, no, a lot of it was fear. And not far to follow behind that was hate, and I gotta tell ya, this fuckin’ jealousy, fear and hate bullshit was fucked to live through.

  Why? Just Why?

  Was I too difficult to understand?

  Was I smarter than you?

  Or were YOU just too lazy?

  And this argument would and still could go on for days. Weeks. Months. Ignorant of what they inflict and too unprepared for wisdom or insight of mine, or another’s perspective. Well, if it weren’t on their side or in their favour…And sheer snide arrogance…ugh!…” – Korogg.

  Enter Scenario

  “Here’s something one might feel during the course of a collapse, or at least I had. A brain on fire, hot, electric. Cooking overworked – overloaded on stress and pain, enduring an agony in perilous times – and the brain may begin to slow – yet overheat at the same time. And imbalance will throw out the average working order of the mind. You begin to shut down on the overload, and for the next few days while you’re trying to reset, nothing makes sense. Even the easiest of chores, duties or activities are fumbled and you can’t function with the ease you’re used to – flawlessly executing thought, rationale, response, reaction. You feel like a machine – outside your own body – or mind, a slight disconnection and you try to function, but you see yourself fumble. And it aggravates you worse that you can’t function properly but until you rest – until you recover sufficiently, you can’t have proper control over your mind, or body. It will upset you and/ or anger you and there’s really no point doing anything until you rest and fully recover. And sometimes, it might just be what you need.” – Velb.