Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  And I’ve never felt like I ever had much to give,

  And energy’s leaked from me like water through a sieve,

  But my chanced meeting with you has given me reprieve,

  If it was the only thing I could do,

  Know I’d take the fall for you,

  ’Cause you’ve given me something pure, true,

  The love and kind of respect like I never knew,

  I will always be as honest and as sincere as I can,

  Because deep in my heart I want to be a better man,

  And never hesitate to out stretch my hand,

  To raise others up to a more stable stand,

  So trust that I would take your fall,

  ’Cause no one’s treated me as you’ve done before,

  And the peace in my heart has been restored,

  I thank you for seeing past my flaws,

  …However difficult

  Exit Scenario

  “Yeah…I can be rather quite extreme and in many ways. I’m just real, and perhaps too real that some might just think I’m not. There’s so much energy within me – I feel I have to share it before I explode. People will occasionally cringe at the power of expressive emotion I exert. Loud and proud are generally my preferences yet don’t always appropriately suit certain situations. I guess I just feel I’d be damned if I were to follow as a sheep when I feel I can eventually give more of myself very much in the way a leader would. Deep down I feel I have what it takes to lead, the compassion, the virtue – the heart, modesty, and more. I still have a long way to go and my conscience isn’t quite clean but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to ensure the safety, security and stability of those I care about. I would take the fall, I’d be the scapegoat. I’d take responsibility by the reigns and receive the blow for those I feel are undeserved of it…” – Illsequyrie.

  Enter Scenario

  “I’m tired of this never living smug and comfortable bullshit. I’m just as much of a genius as half those fucks out there making it big! Where’s my cut? I’m just as talented as dim-witted shits out there raking it big with shit I wouldn’t call art, I wouldn’t buy it – I know you wouldn’t buy it, yet here we are… what’s so special about that? See? Here – come and take a look at this – now, you see it don’t you? Couldn’t they’ve done more to that? Shit – even when mine are incomplete – mine still look much fuller – this ain’t bloody finished? How would this artist just put something like this out there and expect such a ridiculous price for it – when you look at mine – somewhat decent – man, I’d be like – how do you like that huh? You like it yeah? Yeah I can see it in your eyes, take it for $25 if you want it. yeah, I’m sure, I’m not greedy – that smile means more to me than anything and I know that if I can lighten up your day with a piece of art – that, gesture is what I want to spread around – the entertainment – and the money? A little always helps, but I’m just trying to get noticed…plus, the more I can do for less – in the long run – can only really mean more for later on. There, that’s a rant – what do you think?” – Vellecklain.

  “Well… sound’s fair to me – and with a winning attitude like that – I can imagine you’re really only subject to gain…” – Mooka.

  Subject To Gain

  I’m beginning at the very bottom,

  But I’m clawing my way to the top,

  Some say my methods are rotten,

  But I’m never gonna stop,

  Here I go from nothing to something,

  Started off staggering but now I’m fuckin’ running,

  Got my shit together and slowly getting ahead,

  Failure’s no option until I’m fuckin’ dead,

  My situation’s beginning to change,

  And I am feeling really fucking great,

  At a point where I’m subject to gain,

  Splendid, such a glorious state,

  I’m beginning from the bottom,

  And clawing my way up fast,

  My past position can’t be forgotten,

  But shit’s changing at last,

  I’m makin’ something from nothing,

  Started staggering but now I’m running,

  Got my shit together and I’m getting ahead,

  Failure’s outta the question unless I’m fuckin’ dead,

  My position is beginning to change,

  And I am feeling fucking great,

  At the point where I’m subject to gain,

  AND it’s mighty glorious, man what a state,

  Exit Scenario

  “I’m tired o’ not havin’ nothin’ I should be living it big alongside the greats like; Rob Zombie, Danzig, Static-X, Testament, Ozzy, DevilDriver, Lamb Of God, Pantera, Megadeth, Slayer, Exodus, W.a.s.p. Judas Priest, Iron Maiden – Anthrax, Metallica, Marilyn Manson, DIO and thousands more – thousands more. I send them all thanks for their influence and thanks to those many I haven’t mentioned – mind you birds of a feather… I’d love to influence these folk as they’ve influenced me – give back to them for all the good they’ve done for me – that release we all need when we’re stressed out – but still, I would be honoured, honoured to be thought similar to them – equal to them, chasing the dream – breaking away from the pack to do my own thing. Gather something like a popularity and new bonds with others with similar interests and pursuits. I’ve never really had too much else but an active imagination – and boredom just kills me, so I am never bored – where I can help it. I’ve always wanted more than I’ve ever had and I suppose this could be the core reason why I want to excel, why I have such ambition. I want to entertain; make different folk laugh, cry, and above all be enthralled, feel fulfilled that I’d doted upon my audience with my silver-tongue. I want to give back and be well-loved and admired by millions. When you’ve got so little to be proud about that you can (or can’t) see in yourself but feel you have so much more to give – yet feel you have nothing to lose – you can only be subject to gain.” – Vellecklain.

  Enter Scenario

  “It’s not the answer, but it’s a good start. I’ll have a good smoke and I calm where I weren’t too rational previously – my whole attitude toward the situation changes. I am soon soothed and can calmly break into thought over my issues. I lose that aggression or annoyance and slowly start to begin solving through all these irritations. The weed doesn’t solve the problem itself but sure does slow the irrational mind and invoke peace, enough peace to be able to work away at any bubbling, boiling pressures eroding away at your insides. It can take me away to a place of sanctuary; elevate me to a stage of enlightenment. Particularly when I am in an environment that needs an acceleration of intellectual appetite. It’s a shame it doesn’t get more credit for what it does. All his conjecture about the bad and negative consequences, people are so poorly educated about such things. If they don’t focus on the positive – they aren’t going to have a too positive lifestyle. And it shows. It shows in everything you do, no matter who you are or where you go. It shocks and appals me whenever the occasional pig-head so happens to put a black spot on the mood with their negative argument over what subject. I’ll admit I get quite passionate about it – but so do they. These folk are so wound tight you could swear that they need a good long session themselves. That, a real good stone – or high, might just loosen them up. Never mind what they say, it works for me, so – I’ll just continue on my path…” – Schuukazei.

  Temporary Relief

  First I try to make you mine,

  Take you home and chop you fine,

  Kill some time and lose my mind,

  Realign with life’s design,

  I know I’ll overcome my grief,

  With your temporary relief,

  I relax and can eventually see,

  The answers I need come flowing to me,

  It was just mere moments ago,


  My stack was about ready to blow,

  I went home and I had a smoke,

  And now I’m not such a scary bloke,

  My mind often races,

  Occasionally it rages,

  But I can decelerate its’ stages,

  With a plethora of hazes,

  I love this temporary relief,

  It never takes long to override my grief,

  I can calm down and safely release,

  Irrational thoughts fall obsolete…

  Exit Scenario

  “Personally, I think there are a lot of people out there who need it more than they think they do. It might be the best way you could ever really get them to chill-the-fuck-out. Get ’em nice and loosened up. But like everything – it only takes a fuckwit to make it look bad – the kind of people you just want to bitch-slap and say shut-the-fuck-up because you don’t know what you’re talking about, and say to the first-timers – it’s cunts like those that make it worse for everybody and ruin it. Those irresponsible kinds of fuckers that can’t handle their piss then go and fuck around in their cars – miscalculate the car under the influence – and misjudge the weather conditions or road conditions and fuck themselves up – and on occasion kill themselves – or someone else. And then you’ve got increased law enforcement. Oh yeah you still get your complete idiots, that smoke and do heavier shit irresponsibly. That bullshit that you just want to shake the shit out of them and say – wake up stupid, you’re making it worse for everybody else. There, whew, rant said – glad I got that off my chest. At least I don’t physically abuse others or try to have it over them. No way, no chance – I’d only ever be a threat to whoever I feel threatened by. No matter who it is, I normally won’t unless it’s provoked. Still, nothing’s ever a big deal after going and changing me attitude. Chill-the-fuck-out, smoke a bowl. Saves me lashing out, centres me and I can still end up rationalizing – actually, a lot better than I would if I were sober. Everything would soon be fine.” – Schuukazei.

  Enter Scenario

  “Now that I’ve quit smoking – I’ve got more cash to my name but been working and keeping myself busy – it’s helped me get back in to a far fitter state. And when I can’t burn off that excess energy at work, I just head over to the local gym I’d signed a membership with. Me striving for my ultimate best is going to make an ultimate me. Get myself out there and make new mates, counselling – therapy to maintain a more stable emotional state and help get back on top of things. Self-defence classes for confidence and esteem building – meet people and spar for sport – wager. Whatever. Loving it (inhales) I choose life and I love it.” – Grault.

  To the Grave with the Crave..

  This is my ‘Fuck You’ to friction,

  Cause I just beat all my addictions,

  I’m free from the shit in my system,

  And all of its’ unhealthy affliction,

  Death had better beat me up in the morning,

  I was born to piss the world off scorning,

  No way will this cunt leave other fucker’s mourning,

  And guess what bitches, my day is dawning,

  It’s when the need becomes compulsive,

  The nervous system convulses,

  It’s more than just indulging,

  The urge needs absolving,

  But I just ain’t got it anymore,

  Feel way fuckin’ better than I did before,

  And I’ve finally just slammed the door,

  No longer scoping for the score,

  I’ve got more cash to myself,

  Feel way fitter than I’ve ever felt,

  More time and energy to be better dealt,

  Thank fuck I’m finally freed of that hell,

  I once was reckless and ill behaved,

  If I wasn’t smashed I could rant and rave,

  So I’m never again gonna be the slave,

  I say to the grave with the crave,

  It’s when the need becomes compulsive,

  The nervous system convulses,

  It’s more than just indulging,

  The urge needs absolving,

  Exit Scenario

  “But it wasn’t all so easy – it’s different for everyone yes – but for everyone here can you tell us – describe for us and all the viewers watching from home – some of the most intense times where you were withdrawing?”

  “Well for me, I behaved very badly toward people I’d cared about – people I’d loved and I hurt them saying very cruel and upsetting things. Friends and family almost all completely abandoned me through those – quite physically painful situations.”

  “Misbehaviour?”

  “Withdrawals always pained me so that I’d often insult quite critically the people in close range. Piercing pain – headaches – blinded my ability to be aware of what was really going on…”

  “How do you mean – like a black-out?”

  “Kind of, but just that it was being irrational, particularly – not listening to anyone, inconvenient, distressing on others. Cranky – fidgety, twitchy, mainly – emotionally unstable – and a majority of the time – I really didn’t know I was doing it. I couldn’t see it until someone pointed it out to me, friends, family, but then I would know – I’d realize and then the shame would hit me. I’ll never forgive myself for the chain of events following….”

  “Deep mate, deep, we’re going to take a short break and be right back after these commercials – don’t go anywhere…”

  Enter Scenario

  “Nothing comes easy, and if it did – it probably wouldn’t be worth having. It’d be more of a convenience but it will more than likely have some kind of price, toll or condition. There’s almost always a condition for everything, some sort of fine print, whether written or unwritten, spoken or not – a level of expectance for something in return of what you gain. Love is one of them. Love comes from all different angles, all sorts of various varieties and requires all sorts of work to refine and define what it stands for or what it does – wherever it comes from. We might feel from time to time, what we do for others is further out of our way than what we’re given in return for our devotion. Sometimes, we might not be fulfilled in the sense of what we’re working toward – some of which we’re working for or toward won’t endow us with the richness of what is desired but a lot of the time, we take more than we realise from our endeavours. Things we didn’t think we’d needed nor wanted, but still something more than we’d originally planned or hoped for. We might gain a personal growth of a kind we didn’t think we’d achieve until we’d gotten through these dense situations. Thing’s we wouldn’t have even realized we needed, things we’d never had accounted for before we began. We think we’re going after what we want, we might even get it but we gain a little more than what’s generally expected. We might even feel we’re losing something even, but in its place – something else forms. We are unaware of it at first but upon the presence of another – and their remarks, we find we’ve gotten through more than we’d first intended, and it may very well take the attentions of another to bring it to your own attention, outside perception of third parties can often inform us better and make us aware of it. Discipline and tough, hard love of others will eventually define the substance behind the character you’re growing to be. And character is measured by what we do and how we show we handle the things that happen to us. Not what is happening to us – but what we do regardless. Sometimes we might need a swift kick up the arse, or a smack up the back of the head – or another to really scowl and scorn at us before we realise.” – Netheil.

  Tough Love

  You’ve got what it takes to go far,

  It’s just sad that it’s got to be hard,

  Sometimes the right push is one that’s tough,

  And to our irritation it’s by someone that we love,

  Gotta keep
your head in the game,

  Put a reputation behind the name,

  Push on through all forms of shame,

  Lasso destiny and whip it tame,

  The occasional leaning shoulder may go cold,

  Incentive to harden up and get more bold,

  At time’s there’s no easy way to be told,

  Except just to face it and grip a firm hold,

  Sometimes it takes a real good burn,

  For any of us to really learn,

  It may take someone getting stern,

  But don’t forget they’ve had their turn,

  Gotta keep your head in the game,

  Put a reputation behind the name,

  Push on through all forms of shame,

  Lasso destiny and whip it tame,

  Times may yet get tougher still,

  Accept the challenge – rise to the thrill,

  Do your ultimate best and be fulfilled,

  And midst the process gain new skills,

  Make sure you see it through to the end,

  New found knowledge will help you ascend,

  Read tough love for what it intends,

  Fresh new foresight and growth to make amends,

  You’ve got what it takes to go far,

  It’s just sad that it’s got to be hard,

  Sometimes the right push is one that’s tough,