by Debra Kayn
"Katie?"
"Yeah?" She looked through the five dresses he handed her.
"The saleswoman picked these out, too, and said you might want to wear them with the dresses."
She looked toward the door and found three bras on hangers dangling from his finger. Pressing her hand to her over-warm neck, she took them and hung them up in the room. "Uh, thanks," she mumbled.
It was one thing for him to send her new bras in a box to her room at the school and another for him to touch them before she had to put them on. Picking out the black dress with the black bra first, she wondered who picked the outfit. Dr. C or the saleswoman?
She shimmied the material over her hips and slipped her arms through the sleeveless holes. Looking down, she was glad for the black bra because the front was deep. Luckily, the bra dipped and was hidden entirely.
Reaching behind her, she couldn't move the zipper up past her lower back. She tugged, bent, struggled, finally giving up.
"Dr. C? Are you still out there?" she asked.
"I'm here."
"Will you zip me up?"
"Are you dressed?" he asked.
"Mm-hm." She opened the door, and staying in the room, turned around and held her hair up out of the way.
His warm fingers slipped under the material, skimming her back. She shivered and met his eyes in the mirror. His hand stilled against her. Her pulse throbbed in her neck. Self-conscious, she couldn't move away from him.
Britta's accusation about her having sex with Dr. C ran through her brain. Was this what it would be like? Would he make her feel good?
She remembered their deal about asking him questions while shopping, and he had to answer. "Do I look pretty?"
He zipped her the rest of the way up, wrapped his fingers around her wrists and lowered her arms, setting her hair free to tumble around her shoulders.
The area between her legs fluttered. She couldn't look away from his gaze in the mirror.
He placed his hands on her bare, upper arms and whispered, "You're beautiful."
Her body swayed, and her back brushed against him. Trying to breathe seemed impossible. She wanted to turn around. She wanted to press against his body. She wanted to run and think about all the feelings swarming her.
"Go ahead and try on the rest." He stepped away, and the door shut.
She rubbed her arms at the chill left behind even though her body smoldered inside. The feelings going through her were the best in the world. She'd never experienced anything like them.
Chapter 14
The school bell rang. Katie gathered her backpack and strode out of the classroom before the others could beat her to the door. It was finally the weekend.
Dr. Conner had been coming to see her religiously for four years, only missing one time because his mother had passed away—totally understandable because he had a good relationship with her— and today was her sixteenth birthday.
He promised to take her out to dinner to celebrate instead of spending the time talking. With her birthday, came the freedom to leave the school grounds, without an adult, as long as she was back in the dorm at seven o'clock on school nights and ten o'clock on the weekends.
She slammed the door to her room, wiggled out of her uniform, and slipped on a pair of jeans and an oversized, off-white, fisherman's sweater. The weather had changed recently, and it rained more than the sun came out.
Never thinking any place would get worse weather than Astoria, she'd been wrong. The Puget Sound area had more gloomy days with full cloud cover, especially during the -ber months. She put on mascara, lined her mouth with the lip stain she was addicted to wearing, and let her hair out of the messy bun she'd worn all day, knowing it would loosely curl halfway down her back.
Spritzing perfume on the insides of her elbows, she grabbed her wallet-purse that held her cell phone and hurried down the stairs. As she pushed out the front door of the school, she spotted Dr. C's car at the curb.
Not wasting time, she jogged over and opened the passenger door, sliding into the seat. "I hope you weren't waiting for long. I hurried."
"You're right on time." He pulled out into traffic. "Have you had a good day?"
She smiled at him. "One of the best."
"Excellent. That's how birthdays are supposed to be."
He'd changed since she'd met him. More relaxed and not so demanding about asking her questions. She chalked it up to his decision to go into private practice for himself and no longer worked for the clinic. Whether that change came with more stress, which added a few more gray strands in his hair at the temples and deeper lines at his eyes, he seemed happy when he visited her.
She reached over and slid her finger underneath the hair at this collar, pulling it out from underneath his shirt. He still kept his hair a little longer than most doctors, in her experience, and he never seemed concerned about the stubble growing along his jaw.
He glanced at her and smiled. Her stomach warmed. He seemed to like it when she touched him.
"Where are you taking me?" She leaned forward and played with the radio, finding her favorite station. "I wasn't sure how I should dress, but after being in a uniform all day, I didn't want to put on a dress. I hope jeans are okay. I picked a pair without any rips, just in case we were going somewhere nice."
He glanced in her direction, his gaze going down her body. "You look good."
"For a sixteen-year-old?" She grinned. "Can you believe it? Two more years of school, and I am out of there. Goodbye, St. Mary's, hello world."
"You still have college."
She wrinkled her nose. "I'll probably get a job."
He hmm'd as he was prone to do when he held back his opinion. She looked at his Adam's apple. Today, he'd unbuttoned his shirt three spaces and had the sleeves rolled up past his elbows.
"What did you do today?" She sat back and waited for him to fill her in.
"I had a meeting."
"Another evil child needing to prove herself sane?"
He frowned and glanced at her. She laughed. He had two rules. She was never to make fun of herself or try to get him to talk about his other patients.
The older she got, the more she realized how screwed up her life was from the beginning. Going to St. Mary's probably saved her in some ways. It got her out of her mother's house. It also forced her to take control of her schooling and her living situation. The added responsibilities, looking back, weren't a bad thing.
While she used to miss being normal, the longer her mother stayed away, the more she allowed herself to rely on those around her. She made friends. She adapted.
Not seeing her mother in four years was the best thing for her. All she had was two more years to go, and she was home-free. She'd drop out of existence, and her mother would never find her.
Though she doubted her mom would look for her. She'd faced the fact that her mother had abandoned her. With her dad dead, there was no one to force her mother to care about her, and she was okay with that. Most of the time.
"Here we are." He pulled into a parking lot behind a Chinese Pavilion restaurant.
She took off her seatbelt before the vehicle came to a stop. "I am so hungry."
"Chinese food is your favorite." He shut off the car. "Order as much as you want."
The cold air blasted her the second she stepped outside the vehicle. She inhaled almost expecting to get a hint of salt in the air, but there was none.
"How close is Puget Sound to the ocean?" She walked beside him, letting her sweater cover her hands.
He opened the door to the restaurant for her. "Don't they teach you this at St. Mary's?"
"Maybe." She grinned. "Maybe not."
"The Sound is an estuary of the Pacific. You'd need to drive a couple of hours to get to the beach where you can look out into the Ocean. Of course, a lot shorter if you take a boat." He squeezed the back of her neck. "Is that what you're asking?"
She nodded. It was too far to go on her own without a car. Her hope to watch the s
un slip below the water dashed.
Dr. C spoke with the server who seated them. Katie took the chair across from him so she wouldn’t have to keep turning her head whenever she talked to him. Ignoring the menu, she let him order for her. She always had the same thing.
Chow Mein.
Sweet and sour pork.
Shrimp.
"The house tea for both of us." Dr. C handed the menu back and winked at Katie.
Hugging her middle, she leaned against the table. It'd been a couple of months since they'd gone out to eat together.
Years ago, she'd vehemently declared to him that she loved tea when he'd taken her out to eat. The fact that she'd never had it before and hated it enough it upset her stomach hadn't stopped her from proving how grown up she'd become.
Chinese tea had grown on her over time, and every few weeks, he'd send her a packet of different oriental teas to try. For some reason, that personal gift was her favorite over all the clothes he bought and the latest gadgets he surprised her with in her care boxes.
Once they were alone, she leaned forward. "You never told me what you did today. Did you go on a run?"
He shook his head and waited until they received their tea before facing her again. "I had a meeting."
"Yeah, you mentioned that part already."
"About you." He looked over his cup at her. "With your mother."
She sat back and looked away. During all these years, her mother had not contacted Dr. C or her. She'd started to believe that her mother was out of her life, and she was glad about it. There were things she remembered happening, conversations that had brought nothing but pain when she was younger, but hit to the core now that she understood why they were said to her.
Weird enough, during the time her father was alive, she remembered less and less of her mother in her life. Sometimes, she doubted if her mother was even involved in raising her.
Her selective memory validated her belief that her father was an essential part of her life, raising her and doing a lot of the jobs a mother usually was responsible for doing. Like tucking her into bed, reading her stories, and playing with her.
"Katie, don't shut me out."
She looked across the table. "You shouldn't have met with her. I hope you didn't tell her anything about me. She doesn't deserve to know anything."
His gaze softened. "She called the meeting, and it was about you."
She scooted back her chair to get up and leave the restaurant, and Dr. C grabbed her wrist. "Sit."
"I don't want to hear anything about that woman."
"If I promise you that after tonight, you don't have to worry about your mother, will you listen to me?"
She clamped her lips together and sat back down. He could say or do what he wanted. She was her own person. If she wanted to cut her mom out of her life, she would.
Dr. C sat back and ran his hand over his jaw. "It wasn't my plan to lay this on you today, on your birthday."
Birthdays were overrated. She shrugged. Everyone she knew celebrated theirs with family and friends, not their psychologist.
"I'll make this short, and we can discuss this at length after you've accepted the changes." He lowered his voice so as not to be overheard. "Your mother has decided to relinquish her parental rights, and has granted me custody of you until your eighteenth birthday."
Her jaw loosened, and her head came forward. "She what?"
"Relinq—"
"No." She shook her head. "I get that. Why would she make you responsible for me?"
"She didn't. I demanded to be." His gaze softened. "You don't have to worry about any changes. Besides your tuition and the money it takes to live in the dorm—which is paid for until you graduate, I'll continue taking care of all your personal needs. I want you to know that you can come to me for anything you need, not only financially but for support."
He'd already been paying for everything. All the uniforms she'd gone through. All her regular clothes and necessities. He spoiled her with the newest phone, spending money, and sent care packages. Not to mention coming and seeing her twice a week, even when a lot of the times, they talked about life in general for both of them and not just her problems.
So, her mom finally called it quits and got rid of her. She huffed out a burst of air in resentment. It'd taken her long enough.
Lisa Meihoff gave up on being a mother years before she sent Katie away.
"Katie?"
She lifted her gaze. "Why?"
"That's something only she can answer."
"No." She leaned forward. "Why would you want to be responsible for me? Aren't you scared I'll ruin your life? That I'll send you out in a storm? That I'll think about you dying and it'll happen? That I'll—"
"Enough. You're past throwing your fears around as a weapon." He turned and leaned back as the waitress set down the food.
She stared at him, looking for any sign that he regretted her. Her stomach churned, and she picked up her cup of tea and sipped the liquid that'd grown cold.
Once the waitress left, he directed his attention to her again. "Your mother never forced me to sign the papers. She never contacted me over the years to ask me to take care of you. I wanted to take care of you. I want to make that clear."
"You...what?"
Her thoughts circled. He wanted her?
Her vision blurred, and she blinked to keep the tears from falling. All these years, he'd replaced her father, her mother, and became her friend. When she was alone, he was only a phone call away. He'd made sure she had everything she needed and more, and she'd taken that job he'd selfishly accepted for granted.
"You deserve to know how much you are worth, and loved," he whispered. "You deserve more than you've got, and I'd like to give that to you."
He reached across the table and held out his hand. She slipped her hand into his.
The floodgates opened, and she leaned forward, putting his hand on her cheek, cradling his touch. Her stomach clenched as she stifled the sobs quivering in her chest.
Then, Dr. C was beside her, lifting her to her feet. His arm came around her, holding her against his side. She buried her face in his chest as he paid for their uneaten meal and guided her out to the car.
Separated from him in the passenger seat only made her cry harder. Her ragged gulps suffocated her, and she crawled across the center console and curled herself on Dr. C's lap, needing his strong arms around her.
In a tiny voice she failed to recognize, she asked, "Why couldn't she have loved me?"
"Some people have no love to give." He stroked her head, holding her to his chest. "Let it out, sweet girl."
She couldn't stop the pain. It consumed her.
Part Two
Dr. Conner
Chapter 15
THE PRINCIPAL OF ST. Mary's Academy stepped up to the mic on the podium. "Katie Meihoff."
Katie glided down the aisle of filled chairs and walked toward the stage. Race clapped, trying to make up for the lack of family in attendance at her graduation. In a flowing navy colored gown and cap with gray tassel, she regally strolled forward in high heels, holding her shoulders straight and her head high.
He couldn't take his eyes off her. She'd completed her senior year, making the honor roll.
He never had a doubt that she was smart. Wise beyond her years, she'd grown up before she'd physically matured.
She'd gone through more downs than ups, and each time pulled herself to the surface with a thrive for independence. In all aspects of her life, she'd found her confidence.
Her long blonde hair cascaded down her back as she kept her chin level and her gaze straight ahead. Anyone looking would see a strong young woman on the brink of adulthood and never guess that behind the calmness, a storm waited to erupt.
She had an unnatural dependence on him, one he never discouraged. Her emotions swung wildly, going from one extreme to another. She had yet to control herself, but she was trying.
She tried so damn hard it killed him at tim
es to see her struggle.
He'd taken on her case six years ago because he was the newest psychologist at the clinic and handed the clients that no one wanted to invest themselves in. Over the years, he found himself intrigued the deeper she let him in. He'd stepped into a parental role because Katie had no one to fight for her, and in the end, had become her guardian.
Katie reached up and switched her tassel to the other side of her cap before walking off the stage and going back to her seat with the other girls in her class. He sat back down, observing her carefully, trying to sense some kind of self-awareness of what she'd accomplished tonight.
She kept her gaze forward and put the diploma on her lap, folding her hands. A light, floaty feeling came through his chest, recognizing the tight reign she used to control her emotions. She'd done the same proper hand placement as a child, sitting prim and proper to please her mother, so as not to get in trouble or be noticed.
Except, her mother wasn't here. She hadn't been here for the last six years. Once he'd signed the guardianship papers, she'd disappeared from Astoria.
A priest approached the podium and led everyone in prayer. Katie turned her head, looking through the crowd of parents, sisters, brothers, and grandparents, packing the bleachers. He'd come in early, sitting at the end, four rows up, making sure he could see her throughout the ceremony.
Her gaze rolled over him before coming back and connecting with him. She stared at him in the way she had a habit of doing, trying to gauge his feelings—if he accepted her behavior or disapproved.
For how confident and wise she was, she came to him insecure and desperate for affection. A class code 4-90 thru 4-98. Her behavioral and emotional disorders with onset developed in early childhood. Her abandonment and rejection issues were severe enough to permanently scar her.
The mental disorders the school suspected all those years ago were quickly proven non-existent. In all ways, she had full functions and balances. But he couldn't breach her sub-conscious.