by Debra Kayn
She took advantage of his hesitation and captured his mouth. The stroke of her tongue on his demolished any self-control. He brought her forward, holding her naked body against him. The tantalizing pressure of her sex pressing down on his hardness caused a violent reaction in him.
A need to prove what he'd always known pulsed through him, forcing him to take what she offered.
He kissed her hard, digging his fingers into her hips, holding her close. A deep throb traveled down his spine. The need to possess her body just as addicting as getting inside her head, owning her thoughts.
She moaned. He swallowed the sound, and with the last of his strength, found the power to push her away.
"No," he rasped.
Katie blinked, wide-eyed at him. Her lax mouth remained open. Before he regretted what happened, he picked her up and set her out of the water.
Walking naked into the house, he went straight to his bedroom and shut the door. She had no idea what was happening and the power he had over her because of his position in her life.
He couldn't cross the line with her.
But he was afraid he already had.
Chapter 23
He sat up on the bed with a start. Thunder shook the house as the beat of rain pummeled the roof. Was it the storm that jarred him from sleep?
"Race!"
Katie. He threw back the covers and slipped his jeans over his naked body.
Astoria had entered the season where storms frequently happened, sometimes weeks on end. As soon as the weather changed and showed the sunshine, the clouds blew in. Lately, Katie was much more affected than usual. He could barely talk her through them without her breaking down.
He hurried out of the room, flipping the hallway light on, and opened her bedroom door. Thankfully, the storm hadn't knocked out the power.
Katie sat against the headboard, hugging her knees. He went to her side, hoping that seeing him home would lull her back to sleep.
"The tide is going out." She stretched out her arms and launched herself at him.
He held her close. "You don't know that. Storms don't control the tide. It's the moon. You're the one who taught me that."
She clung to him. "Make it stop."
He stroked the back of her head. If he could summon the thunder and lightning, he would. For her.
The irrational fear versus fascination with storms stemmed from her father leaving the house on a stormy night, going out on the sandbar, and drowning. His purpose wasn't to argue with her or change her mind about her beliefs, but to understand the valid fears that were deeply rooted in place and give her doses of reality for her to grasp during the times she found herself upset.
"I hope Donna, Cara, and Paige are home and not driving." She tilted her head without leaving his chest. "Should I call and check on them?"
"It's the middle of the night. I'm sure they're sleeping," he said.
The fact that she worried about her coworkers showed progress. Through the panic going on inside of her, her concern for others broadened. She'd expanded her circle. It wasn't only him she became worried over.
"You should try and go back to sleep. It'll be morning soon, and you'll be tired." He kissed the top of her head.
She made no move to let go of him. "Stay with me."
He closed his eyes briefly to stop his body from reacting. "I need to sleep. I have patients to see tomorrow."
"Then, can I go to your bed?" She lifted her head off his chest. "Please?"
"You know why that's not possible." He lowered her down to her pillow and pulled up her covers as if she were twelve years old and not twenty.
She sat up. "No one has to know."
"I'd know." He stood from the bed. "Try and get some sleep."
He closed her door behind him. Knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep, he walked into the living room and looked outside. The lights provided enough glow he could see that the recent rain overnight had added to the pool, and water was running off the backside toward the yard.
Going into the kitchen, he grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and downed half the contents. Lightning flashed as he rounded the island, and he sat down on the couch, prepared to wait out the storm.
Several minutes later, and another round of thunder, Katie walked out wrapped in a blanket and sat beside him. Hip to hip, she covered him with half the cover and snuggled against his side.
Instead of telling her to go to bed, he allowed her to stay.
Fifteen minutes later, despite another round of the storm passing above the house, Katie's head slipped to his chest, and her body relaxed.
She was going to be the only one getting sleep tonight.
Chapter 24
Katie sat down in front of his desk in the cottage. He finished writing in the folder of his last patient for the day and then looked up.
She sat with her legs crossed, and her hands clasped in her lap. "Are you done for the day?"
"Yes." He set the folder off to the side of his desk. "What's up?"
"Do you want to go out?" she asked.
"Not tonight." He leaned back in his chair. "How about I order us a pizza and have it delivered? You can even add mushrooms if you want."
She smoothed the front of her sundress and sat straighter. "Will you go out with me? I'll buy you dinner."
"You don't need to spend your money." He took in the loose hair, the blush on her cheeks, and tint of sheen on her lips.
She was all dressed up. Fancier than she usually went to the real estate office. The top of her dress showed the fullness of her breasts, and the length of the hem landed mid-thigh.
She puckered her lips and exhaled slowly. "I want to go on a date with you."
"A date?" At her nod, a heaviness settled in his chest. "What do you think a date will do that you already don't get from me by living in my house?"
Her gaze narrowed slightly. "Don't treat me like a child. You know what a date is and what happens on one."
"You're not a child." He leaned forward. "But, I'm not the person who should be taking you out and showing you a good time."
"Why not?"
She continually questioned his reasons. "Because we don't have that kind of relationship."
"But we could if you let yourself." She scooted to the edge of her chair. "Don't act like I'm clueless. I can see. I can feel. It's so hard, Race. I want to show you how much I love you."
She showed him how she felt in many different ways, he literally walked around the house aroused seventy-five percent of the time.
"You're at the age where you should be dating lots of boys." He regretted the advice as soon as the words left his mouth. As a psychologist, he needed to explain how her feelings toward him were natural. "You think you love me in that way, but you can't confuse security, attention, and our living situation for the love you would find...say between a boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife. You need relationships built on intimacy, shared experiences, and vulnerabilities."
"Are you kidding me?" She blinked wide eyes at him. "Listen to what you're saying."
Caught. He never looked away from her, letting her know he accepted his part in their personal relationship.
She stood and walked over to the window. "Have you ever loved a woman?"
"A few, in different ways, I suppose." He watched her back. "That's part of getting to know someone, caring about them, and giving yourself permission to go through all the emotions that come with getting to know another person better."
"Do your psychology books tell you that love hurts?" She faced him. "Because it does."
The confession aimed at him, hit him square in the chest.
"I don't understand why you're fighting how you feel about me." She cupped her neck. "I understand how I was young, and you were older, but I'm not a child anymore."
He exhaled heavily. She trusted him too much to believe he would hurt her, and he held all the power in his hands to destroy her. No explaining would convince her otherwise.
&
nbsp; "Someday, you'll understand," he whispered.
She whirled around and stormed out of the office. The door at the front of the cottage slammed as she left.
He fisted his hand. There were many times, he wanted to push away everything he'd worked for and prove to her she wasn't wrong in her feelings. Show her the ways that love could be beautiful, forgiving, and exciting.
As the days and years had passed, he'd thought she would get over her crush on him. He'd been wrong to wait her out.
She was old enough to know her mind, understand her feelings, and act on them.
His mistake was thinking her emotional connection to him would evolve, and she'd understand that loving him would lead to heartbreak.
He rubbed his hands over his face. It was getting harder to force her to snuff out her emotional connection to him. She'd graduated to physical attraction.
When she was in the same room as him, dressed to appeal to him, she came with an agenda. He was getting damn tired of taking out his frustrations on not acting on his feelings. Hell, lately he'd developed callouses on the palm of his right hand.
Even now, his cock throbbed, wanting her, wanting to let her discover what she thinks she wants from him.
Not able to let her go and suffer through him turning down a date, he ordered pizza, then closed up the cottage for the night. He'd keep things simple and clear. Hopefully, a platonic night at home in front of the television, eating pizza, and talking would get her mind off his rejection.
Walking over to the house, he let himself in through the sliding door in the backyard. In the front of the house, a door shut.
Curious, he walked to the foyer and looked out the window. Katie's old car backed out of the driveway. He exhaled heavily.
She'd gone out. Dressed like a young woman looking for attention.
Upset at him, she probably wanted to make him hurt as much as she was over his lack of letting her have her way.
He took his phone out of his pocket and called her. Thankfully, her voicemail came on. He wouldn't want her talking on the phone and driving.
"Call me." He paused. "I want you to come back home."
He turned from the window, hoping she'd get his message before she made a terrible mistake and acted out to prove he was wrong about them.
Chapter 25
The waves receded. Race kept pace in the wet sand along the shoreline, pushing himself to go the last quarter mile on his run. He had the beach to himself. Only him, the water, and the seagulls overhead seeing if he'd drop anything.
His heart rate on par, he breathed through his nose, out through his mouth. Pumping his legs and arms, he dug his toes in the sand, keeping momentum.
And through the monotonous movements he put his body through, Katie filled his headspace.
Spotting the Wreck of the Peter Iredale within fifty feet, he sprinted. Coming to a stop beside the heap of rusted steel left from the old shipwreck, he walked up onto dry sand and headed toward Fort Stevens where he'd parked his car.
The marine clouds covered the area, blocking out the sun. The salt air-dried his sweat, and he slowed his walk over the dunes.
Throughout the last week, Katie had done everything possible to avoid him since he'd turned down going on a date with her. He peaked at the top of the sand and walked down off the mound to the asphalt of the public parking lot.
As if thinking about Katie, he configured her in his mind and spotted her car parked beside his. He leaned over, peering inside. Katie rolled down the passenger window.
"Can I talk to you?" she asked.
"Sure." He studied her solemn face. "I thought your car wasn't going to be done getting fixed until tomorrow."
"They called this morning and let me know I could pick it up early. I had Pete drop me off in town so I could pay and pick it up." She lowered her gaze. "You can get in."
"Let's climb the dune and sit up there." He walked around the car and opened her door, taking in her workout clothes. "Did you bring a sweatshirt?"
She stepped over to her trunk and took a hoodie out, slipping it over her head. He led her back to the sand, offering his hand to give her extra balance to climb the dune, but she refrained from touching him.
"We can sit here." He sank down, needing to get off his shaky legs.
She sat three feet away and crossed her legs, facing the ocean. He waited for her to start. Her solemn mood had him believing something serious was happening with her, and he wanted to hear what was going on.
She looked into his eyes. "Why don't you want me?"
"I do want you."
"Then, why do you always stop and turn me away? And, please don't tell me it's because of my age. We both know that the difference between you and me has never stopped how we feel toward each other."
Was she ready to hear the truth? Could she handle it?
Could he afford not to tell her?
"I'm your psychologist. There's a code of ethics I signed to always uphold. I can't get involved with any present clients or those who I've counseled in the past." He caught the way she swallowed, and he needed her to understand. "I know you better than anyone ever will, Katie. I've spent years shaping the way you think, the way you feel, the way you react. I can predict your behavior before you even know what you're going to do. It wouldn't be fair to you—"
"I don't care about that." She stood, crossing her arms, and stepping away from him so he could only see her back.
He got to his feet. "You might not care now, but someday you will. You'll question yourself, and you'll learn not to trust me. You'll grow angry if I let things between us cross the line."
She whirled around and faced him. "Don't you see? You're hurting me by holding us back, by not loving me."
"I would do anything not to, but when I know you as well as I know myself..." He reached for her, but she jerked away. "Katie, I can't deny your feelings or mine. I've always known there was something between us."
"Then, love me." She flung her arms out to her sides and screamed. "Just love me back."
He did. He'd loved her since she was a little girl.
"Do you think I wouldn't give up everything for you. I don't care about our age difference. I don't care what other people will say. The Ethics Board can take my license away from me if it meant having a chance to love you like you deserve." He couldn't catch his breath. "I'm doing this for you."
Pressing his hand against his chest, he tried to calm down. She had the means to destroy him. He would never stop loving her.
Tears flowed silently down her cheeks. "You'll never be mine because you won't give that part of yourself to me. You'll always see me as a little girl, and never the woman I am. Why?"
"Because the little girl always needed me." He grabbed her arms, pulling her to his chest. "You don't need me anymore."
She fought to escape him. He held her tighter, desperate for her to understand there would never be someone else for him. That there never was. It was always her.
"You can't stop me from loving you." She stretched to her tiptoes, grabbing his head.
She kissed him. He crushed her to his chest, owning her mouth, taking what he'd denied himself for years.
Her sobs mixed with a moan as she clung to him desperately, not letting go. As if sacrificing himself, he took her down to the sand, landing on his knees.
She pulled at his shirt, trying to get underneath. He seized the material at the neck and ripped it down the center, forcing it off his arms. Her moans of encouragement came when she tugged on his shorts.
Trailing his hands up her sides, he cupped the sides of her breasts. His movements jerky. His soul violent.
Stripping her of her hoodie and shirt together, he stared at her body, cupping her breasts, molding them with his hands. Breaching territory that never belonged to him before, he couldn't get enough. He needed more.
She brought his face down and kissed him, falling back in the sand. Hovered above her, he worked getting her pants down until they were free from
her legs.
"Love me, just once, love me like I love you." She peppered him with kisses.
His cock pulsed between her legs. He could never deny her anything, even knowing it would destroy them both.
"The best part of me...is you." He captured her head in his hands. "I will always love you, even when I can't show you."
She squirmed underneath him. "Promise me."
"I promise. Always." He slid into her body with a roar of pain for having taken her virginity. He'd taken the one thing she could always keep from him. He took it all.
She froze, gasping for breath. Wrist deep in sand, he fought for a few seconds to enjoy the warmth, squeezing down on him. Giving her time to grow accustomed to his size, the invasion, it was the most blissful moment of his life, and the most excruciating.
There was no going back. There was no giving it back.
Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. Her hand might as well have reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. She'd saved herself for him.
Kissing the salty trail on her cheek, he held his pelvis still. The euphoria almost too much to hold in.
"I'm sorry," he whispered against her ear.
She grabbed his face, surprising him with her strength. "It was always yours to take."
He placed his forehead on her forehead. The magnitude of what he'd done drowning him. There was no turning back. Nothing could've stopped him.
"Forgive me." He slid back and forth.
Soft mews, half surprise, half desperation, came from Katie. Wanting to make sure she enjoyed herself, he kept the rhythm slow. Even with barely moving, his balls ached, ready to release.
He kissed her jaw, her chin, her mouth. Underneath him, her body relaxed, yet her pussy remained tight as if made for him.
His toes dug into the sand, finding purchase. Shifting his weight to one arm, he brushed his fingers against his hip, knocking the sand off, and reached between their bodies. He found her clit in the wetness of her body.
Swallowing her gasp, he held himself still while circling her small nub with his finger.