by Debra Kayn
She moved with her arousal, grinding on him. He couldn't close his eyes because he was enraptured with her love shining back at him.
She openly gave herself to him, just like he'd imagined. Glowing and seductive, curious and innocent.
Her body clenched, and she strained, arching her back. He lifted his head. A gush of air streamed out of her at the same time her eyelids fluttered.
Captivated from the wonderment of her coming, he'd stopped stroking her with his dick, more content to watch her pleasure overtake her.
She shuddered, and her glazed eyes lazily stared back at him. "Th-that was..."
He took her mouth again and pulled almost out of her before thrusting again. Steady and controlled, he held back, not wanting her first time to scare her. And knowing their first time together would be his last time with her, he never wanted it to end.
Even then, his body had other ideas. He plunged inside of her, flying on the top of the world, and filled her.
His heart hammered as the blood left his head. He sank down to his elbows and cradled her head. She was a gift.
A once in a lifetime moment that could never be repeated.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Her hands stilled on his back. "Y-you're sorry?"
Overcome with heaviness, he heaved himself off her, pulling out. The instant air hit his dick; shame filled him.
"God damnit," he muttered, looking down at himself.
There were smears of blood mixed in with his come. He knew better.
Not once in his thirty-eight years had he ever not worn a condom.
Chapter 26
Katie walked straight through the house and out to the pool when they got home from the beach. He stayed in the kitchen, watching her through the window. She was upset.
At her car, after having sex, she'd moved in to hug him, and he'd set her away from him. Ashamed of what he'd allowed to happen, he couldn't explain what was going on in his head because he had no words to describe the level of his love for her.
He'd gone into protection mode. All he wanted to do was spare her from the pain of loving him.
She'd driven off angry, hurt, confused. All those emotions he'd put her through.
He gave her every reason to believe in them because he'd weakened and selfishly took what he'd always wanted. She couldn't see how dependent she'd become in her relationship with him. He should've broken their contract back when she'd went to St. Mary's and referred her to another psychologist who could separate his personal relationship with his professional one.
He understood why he'd become obsessed with her from the beginning. His need to remain controlled and a constant in her life came from not disappointing himself. The urge to dominate and fix her drove him forward. He wanted to succeed where life had failed her and nurture her into understanding that she was loved.
He was human, after all.
His own need to control his life had spread to his relationship with Katie. It wasn't only easy to fulfill his own natural desires by taking care of her, but to prove to himself he would not end up like his father.
The bastard had shown the world what kind of man he was. Successful on the outside, running the hospital, a family, a prestigious house on the ocean, and the respect of every doctor who worked for him. His father had expected Race to get perfect grades, attend the best colleges, and follow in his footsteps with an MD after his family name.
And, he'd strived to do just that.
Until he learned the ugly truth of what happened behind closed doors. His father's life leaked into the light when his mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The debilitating disease never fit into his father's perfect life.
The older Race got, the more he realized the women always calling the house, pulling his dad away from his mom, played a part in the way he'd grown up.
His mom was expected to turn a blind eye because she was no longer able to physically satisfy her husband. From what he'd found out, his father's affairs started before his mom's diagnosis. Probably before Race was born.
When he was twenty years old—Katie's age, his dad died from a heart attack on the way to meet one of his mistresses. That was the end of Race's need to make his dad proud of him.
He'd gone through his wild, rebellious years while in college. Discovered what drove him and what he wanted in his life. He'd pulled it together by the time he went to grad school. Sometime during those years, he stifled his need to control every aspect of his life to concentrate on starting a career.
He'd changed his study from medicine to psychology. The desire to be disciplined, a rule follower, the perfect psychologist who cared, treated, and guided his patients to a better life became his goal because he had no time for a private life.
Then Katie came into his life, and he found himself feeding off her dependence on him. Now it was too late.
He loved her with all his being.
In the soft glow of the afternoon light, blocked by the trees, Katie curled her legs in one of the lawn chairs and stared out into the yard or maybe the pool. He couldn't see her face, only her back. But the slope of her shoulders told him all he needed to know.
He needed to let her go, and he couldn't break their relationship off without helping her adapt. He struggled with his own need to hold on to her and his code of ethics of seeing their professional relationship through.
Needing time to pull himself together, he made an orange juice slushy with malt because he knew it was one of Katie's favorites.
He walked outside and sat down beside her, handing her the drink. When she made no move to take it, he put it on the side table behind him and pulled up another lawn chair.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
She stared straight ahead. "I don't want to talk. I don't want you to talk. I absolutely hate when we talk, because it's insulting."
"Why do you think...?" He stopped himself. "I would never want to insult you."
She glanced over at him. "Then, don't come to me and act like we've got an hour or two hours to talk as if I'm paying for an appointment with you. I don't need your guidance anymore. I haven't in a long time."
He would disagree. There were patients who had no reason to continue seeing him but liked the added insurance of unloading on someone they trusted. Katie was far from accepting her issues that stemmed from childhood.
A lot had to do with her age. While she'd been forced to grow up early and deal with problems most adults couldn't handle, she still needed to find herself, trust herself, know herself. An impossible thing to teach. Only experience and maturing would see her through the next stage of her life.
He could support her along the way, but he needed to step back and let her learn on her own.
Against his better judgment, he could give her what she wanted.
"When I first started seeing you, your mother signed a contract with me to oversee your care—your counseling. As you know, it is up to you as a legal adult to decide if you want to continue or stop your appointments with me," he said.
"I do."
He dipped his chin. "I'll set out a release form. All you have to do is sign it, and then you're under no obligation to talk to me."
His mouth dried, and the heaviness returned to his chest. The thought of not being the one she went to and not being the one to support her through life caused him great anxiety. He wasn't ready.
"What about being my guardian?" She put her feet on the ground and continued looking at the pool.
"That was only good until you turned eighteen or you graduated high school. You can legally live your life whichever way you choose."
She rubbed her lips together, and several minutes passed. He sat quietly beside her, not pressuring her in either direction. He wanted their relationship to continue. If nothing else, he wanted to support her in all the things she wanted. He wanted to be a part of her life.
"I'm not ungrateful for everything you've done for me. I know my life would've turned out much differently w
ithout you," she whispered, her voice breaking.
He fisted his hands to keep from touching her. "I loved every minute," he whispered back.
Katie stood and walked into the house. He remained outside, knowing if he followed, he'd go back on everything he promised. He wasn't ready to let her go. Though he knew the day would come when he'd need to step back and let her control her life, he feared losing her completely.
For everything he loved about her—her innocence, her strength, her openness, he also knew that those were the things he would lose as she gained maturity, independence, and found her coping mechanisms on her own.
He sniffed. Nothing prepared him for today.
To finally have her, only to lose her.
He could feel her slipping away, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
Chapter 27
Warmth pressed against Race's back. He opened his eyes, seeing darkness. Without looking or feeling, he knew Katie had crawled into bed with him.
Her arm slipped around him, and she spread her hand over his chest, holding onto him tightly.
"You can't do this," he whispered, not moving.
The front of her thighs hit the back of his legs. His breath hitched. For all her inexperience, she was a sexual female, needing touched, needing reassurance, needing love.
Her hand trailed down the front of him. He inhaled in tiny bursts, the closer she got to his cock. Closing his eyes as her fingers wrapped around his throbbing hardness, he stiffened.
"Katie..." He couldn't tell her to stop what his heart wanted more than anything.
She put her lips to his ear. "One more time. Please," she whispered.
He rolled over and faced her. Cupping her cheek, he strained to see her in the darkness. Unable to view her clearly enough, he stretched his arm out and turned on the lamp on his nightstand. The soft light told him exactly what he already knew.
She'd come to him freely, clearly, and needing what her heart wanted. He caught the strands of hair falling over her cheek and fingered them out of his way.
"I don't want you to end up hating me." He kissed her forehead, inhaling deep. "What I would give to make a future with you possible," he said, more to himself.
She put her hand on his chest. "Through all that I lived through, you found me. Saved me."
His eyes closed an extra beat in protection. It wouldn't matter if miles separated them, he would never be able to go on.
"Love me." She kissed underneath his jaw, trailing her lips to his neck, his chest.
His heavy breathing filled the room. Growling, he rolled her to her back and got on top of her. She'd come to him naked.
"I need to see all of you," he said.
She nodded, and he flung the blanket off them. He took in her round breasts, her slender waist, and the flair between her hips. Moving down, he spread her legs and looked up into her eyes.
She watched him with a nervous gaze, but her labored breathing assured him he had her permission. He pressed a kiss against her lower stomach, taking in her aroused scent. His temple beat in a primal need to make sure he was the only one she allowed to touch her, look at her, be in her.
He'd fantasized, dreamed, and tormented himself with the vision of her. Nothing compared to having her in his bed, magnificently naked.
Rubbing his cheek against her inner thigh, he inhaled a stuttering breath. "I'm going to make love to you with my mouth."
Her hand swept over his hair, encouraging him. Going slowly, he gently kissed between her legs. Drawn to her wetness, he opened his mouth. The first taste of her, coupled with her soft moan, went straight to his balls. His whole body tensed in pleasure.
Sweeping his tongue over her, he found her clitoris and lovingly lapped. Her hips came off the bed. He slid his hands under her butt and held her in place. So receptive and appealing, she thrashed on the bed. It wouldn't take her long to receive the pleasure due to her.
Her legs tightened on his head. He brought her up to his mouth, sucking, licking, plunging his tongue. Closing his eyes, he deliberately remembered every single detail about her.
Over the rest of his life, he would remember right now. That moment when he made love to the one woman who owned his heart.
There would never be another for him. He deserved to live in loneliness, dwelling on the sins that caused him to lose the love of his life.
Katie's breathing escalated and stopped. Her body strained underneath him. He continued to love on her, stroking in the same rhythmic pattern. Opening his mouth, he gave her more pressure, trying to communicate everything with his lips, his tongue, he wasn't willing to say out loud.
She came hard, uncontrolled and violent, the way he'd imagined. He had to suck in a deep breath and exhale in a rush to keep from spilling his come on the bed.
As her tremors slowed and her butt sank into his hands, he wiped his face off on his upper arm and kneeled between her legs. Hovering over her, he lost the fight. She gazed up at him with the acceptance and love they'd shared for most of her lifetime.
"I love you." He lowered his head and kissed her softly. "I've always loved you."
"And, I will always, always love you." Her hand cupped his jaw.
He slid into her wetness with ease. Afraid she'd be tender from earlier when he'd taken her virginity, he held still letting her get used to him again.
She blinked up at him, a lazy smile of pleasure entering her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip.
He nuzzled her cheek. "You're beautiful."
Then, he slowly kissed his way to her mouth, tugging on her lip until it let loose, and she kissed him back.
Her hands landed on his sides as she stretched, arched, and moved. He shuddered at her inquisitiveness to participate. He stroked his cock slowly inside of her, letting her have a chance to move against him.
Lifting his head, he needed to watch her for any sign of discomfort. She only took the opportunity to kiss his collarbone, sinking her teeth down enough to nip him.
His pelvis bucked at the onslaught of cravings shooting through him. He bowed his head in admiration of how she acted on her own desires. She matched him perfectly, unable to contain the deep need to connect with him. To be one.
Her hands cupped his ass, urging him faster. With control he hadn't known he possessed, he gave it to her deeper, swifter, until her labored breathing tickled his chest. Braced on his hands, he ground against her, rubbing, thrusting. There were many ways he could show how much he loved her, and he had to hold himself to right now, right here.
"Oh." Katie moaned, throwing her head back.
He plunged, withdrew as all his sensitive nerves gathered at the base of his spine. Curling his toes in the blanket, he laboriously worked for both of them, feeding off Katie's need wanting to give her an orgasm while inside of her.
Her pleasure came minutes later in wild astonishment as she clung to him, surrounded him. That desperate need for him brought about his release in a wave of rapture. Over and over again.
Her hands continued to rub his back. Once he caught his breath, he rolled to his side and stayed inside her. Wrapped around each other, he knew for certain, he would never let her go.
Chapter 28
"Katie?" Race walked into the bathroom, looking for her, and found the room empty.
Completely sated at making love to her three times through the night, he pulled on his jeans. He'd expected to wake up beside her. She had to be exhausted. He hardly allowed her to get any sleep.
Walking into the hallway, he found her bedroom door closed. He knocked on the door. "Katie?"
He stayed in the hallway, listening for any movement from inside her room. Knocking again, he turned the handle and called her name again through the opening.
When she refused to answer, he reached in and turned the light on. "You don't have to go into work early, do you?"
He poked his head in and found an empty, made bed. Alarmed, he stepped inside and looked in her bathroom.
It t
ook him a few seconds to realize what he was seeing. Everything was gone. Her brush, her makeup, her clothes.
Yelling her name, he jogged through the house and opened the door to the garage. Her car was gone.
He stood in the doorway. Hollow, weakened, and lost, he tried to imagine where she had gone. His first instinct to find her swatted down by the knowledge that she'd left without telling him where she was going and how long she'd be gone.
She hadn't gone out to hang with the boys like she used to or go to work with all her clothes and belongings. It was too early to show clients around town...
Stumbling backward in shock, he fell against the wall in the hallway, holding himself on his feet. He knew. Deep in his heart, he knew.
The signs were there. The way she'd come to him last night. The look in her eyes.
She'd left him.
Numbly, he went to the kitchen. He poured himself a mug of coffee and then set it on the counter untouched. Where would she go?
She'd left without a word. Stepped out of his house. Out of his life.
On the fridge hung a paper that hadn't been there yesterday. He pulled it to him, the magnet tumbling to the floor.
He recognized the release form, his gaze swiftly going to the bottom of the paper. She'd signed her name, terminating his position as her psychologist.
The fire inside of him to find her dampened by proof that she was done with him.
He leaned against the counter. His chest ached. How could she have left him without telling him after what they'd shared last night?
He put his head on the counter, thumping his forehead over and over again on the surface. The pain, not enough punishment for what he'd put her through. If he could only have her back, he'd tell her that they would figure out a way to make it work between them, even if he had to step away from his practice.
Even if eventually she ended up hating him.
In his pocket, his cell phone rang. He jolted, full of hope, and answered without looking to see who called. "Katie?"
"Uh, no, this is Barbara Froyer." The woman's voice echoed in his ear.