The Sandbar saga : Age Gap Romance

by Debra Kayn

  She slipped her fingers into his palm and sniffed. He noted her non-answer as accommodating him.

  "Why don't we go sit there." He pointed toward the trees. "We can find some shade and play a game."

  His daughter walked more sedately with him. The reminder of being with him for the first time, coupled with already missing her mom, took the wind out of her sails. An hour was a long time at her age.

  He sat on the grass, keeping his legs straight, and leaned back on his hands. "What sort of things do you like playing with your mom?"

  "Dolls." Callie picked at the grass. "They're taking a nap."

  "Ah, I guess that is what dolls would do in the middle of the day without their mommy around." He had a mental list of questions to get her talking and asked, "Do you have a cat or dog?"

  Callie shook her head. "Mommy says we can't have a cat."

  "I'm sure your mom knows best."

  "Do you have a cat?"

  "No." He paused. "I had a dog once."

  "What was his name?"

  He chuckled. "I called him Joe."

  "Where is he?"

  Not realizing that the subject was a bad one when he started talking, he said, "He died after living a long, long life."

  "What's died?"

  Without missing a beat, and not wanting to lie to his child, he said, "Away."

  Callie was too young to understand death. Something he was glad about.

  She crawled around the grass and stopped by his shoe. Plucking his shoestring loose, she giggled and rolled away.

  Amusement filled him. He retied his shoe. She was a handful.

  Because of her age, she appeared to understand simple equations and the here and now questions. The abstract ones were too difficult for her to grasp, as they should be.

  "What's your favorite color?" he asked.

  "Purple." She stopped, looked down at her shirt as if she'd find the color on her, but she was wearing a white shirt with little pink flowers all over it.

  "Do you watch movies?"

  She stood and twirled around and around. "Elsa. She makes snow."

  He had no idea who Elsa was, but Callie obviously loved her, and that's all that mattered.

  "What's your favorite food?"

  "Peanut butter."

  He chuckled. Not one to turn down a PB&J sandwich himself, he would have to remember that for when she spent more time with him.

  Because of her thought process at four years old, he would need to keep introducing the idea of him being her father. For Callie, having a father was an idea, not a physical part of her life. But that was all going to change.

  "Callie?" He waited for her to look at him. "I have important news."

  She glanced at him and then rolled to a stop in the grass, something catching her attention. He tapped the bottom of her foot.

  Callie giggled and crawled toward him, her arm darting out to wiggle her fingers against his stomach. "You like to tickle, huh?"

  "Mommy tickles me."

  "Do you like that?"

  She giggled again. "It makes me laugh."

  "I knew your mommy a long time ago before you were born."

  "Nu-uh."

  "Yes, it's true." He inhaled deeply. "We loved each other, and she had a baby."

  Hoping she was too young to question the dynamics about how that happened, he watched for any signs that she was upset by the news.

  "That baby was you," he said.

  "Me?" Callie pointed at her chest. "I was a baby. I'm a big girl now."

  "Yes, you are." He pointed to his chest. "Do you know my name?"

  Callie's brows lowered, and then her eyes widened. "Doctor!"

  "Well, I am a doctor." He leaned closer and lowered his voice to get her attention. "I'm also your dad."

  "I don't have a dad." Callie rolled backward and flipped to her stomach. "Mommy, me, my dollies."

  "I think the more we're together, you'll learn that I'm your dad. Does that sound fun?"

  Callie sat up. "Where's Mommy?"

  Not wanting to upset her and giving her enough information for the day, he pushed himself to his feet. "Let's go in and see if it's about time for her to pick you up."

  "Okay." She grabbed ahold of his hand and skipped beside him.

  He walked back to the hedge, picked up her shoes, and when he tried to put them on her feet, she lifted her arms in the air.

  "Do you want me to carry you?" At her nod, he scooped her up.

  Marveling at her tiny body, he had trouble breathing when she wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head on his shoulders. Keeping her safe in his arms, he slowly walked to the cottage.

  Inside, he put her on her feet, reluctant to let go of her. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised that he only had 5 more minutes with her. The time together flew by.

  "Take a seat on the chair, and I'll put your shoes on. Do you know how to tie?"

  She shook her head. "I 'pose to learn for school. Mommy said all big girls can tie."

  "Your mom is right." He tied them slowly, letting her watch. "I can help you learn before you start school. Would you like that?"

  "Yes."

  He patted her knee and straightened the same time the front door opened. "You were a good girl today. I had fun."

  Katie walked to the office door and stuck her head in, smiling at Callie. "All ready?"

  "Mommy." Callie ran to her and lifted her arms.

  Katie leaned down and kissed Callie's upturned nose. "You're too big for me to carry."

  Callie turned to Race and put her arms up. He looked at Katie for what to do, and she nodded. He picked up his daughter.

  "Let's get you out to the car." Leading the way, he couldn't help looking back at Katie.

  What was she thinking? Would she interrogate Callie to find out what they'd talked about?

  "Where do you sit?" he asked Callie.

  His daughter pointed. He opened the car door and swung Callie inside. She climbed up on the car seat, and after a couple fumbled attempts, he managed to get the seatbelt around her and in the slots.

  "I'll see you on our next appointment, Callie." He smoothed her flyaway hair off her forehead. "I had fun."

  Callie kicked her legs, grabbing his hand and giggling. Not wanting to see her go, he slowly backed away and shut the door. He hadn't lost the awe of being around his child. In fact, being with her for an hour, he wanted more time. He wanted to learn her personality, find out how she spent the day, what she liked to eat, how she acted when she was happy, tired, angry, frustrated.

  All he knew was what he'd learned in one hour of being around her. She was a smart kid, listened well, and wasn't afraid of displaying emotions.

  "I'll bring her at the same time on Thursday." Katie stared at the window of the car instead of meeting his eyes. "Next week's days might change. I got a new job and will have to figure out my schedule. I'll be sure to give you plenty of warning, and if it doesn't work out for you, we can even make the visit in the evenings, though she goes to bed at seven o'clock."

  "What are you doing, Katie?" He held up his hand. "I'll take her any time I can, but why are you making it look like our daughter is coming to see me for professional care?"

  "I'm...not." She looked at him. "I want her to get to know her father, and if she has trouble adapting to you, I hope you, as a psychologist, can smooth out any problems you can see coming in the future. But, of course, I want the time you spend with her to be father-daughter time. Eventually, she'll love that, I'm sure."

  "I told her I was her dad today," he blurted.

  "You did? On the first day?" Katie's eyes widened in shock. "I thought that would come later."

  "She's four years old. I could've told her I stepped on an ant, and got the same reaction from her." Finally, letting his disappointment show, he stepped away from the vehicle. "Make sure you don't make her disappear from my life, the way you did."

  "Race..." said Katie.

  He walked away, shaking his he
ad. Even though he had days of acknowledging he had a daughter, none of it seemed real. An hour here, an hour there. He wanted more.

  Chapter 34

  "Callie?" Katie stood at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you ready to go to your dad's house?"

  The last three days had gone extremely fast. Thanks to Darla, who accepted the offer to babysit Callie regularly now that Katie was working for Seashore Realty, they were slowly falling into a routine. Sometimes it felt as if Callie would start kindergarten before she brought any kind of order into their new life in Astoria.

  Callie appeared on top of the stairs, dragging a towel behind her and wearing a swimsuit. Katie put her hands on her hips. "What are you wearing, silly girl? I put the purple shorts and Elsa T-shirt out for you to wear. You'll need to go change, or we'll be late."

  Her daughter continued down the steps. "I'm wearing my suit."

  "Why?"

  "Cause I want to go swimming at the doctor's house." Callie walked past Katie and stood by the front door. "Hurry, mommy."

  Callie must've seen Race's pool from the cottage. Not knowing how Race felt about having a young child in the water, she wasn't sure it was a good idea to let Callie get her hopes up.

  "Remember, you don't have to call him Doctor. You can call him Dad or Daddy, whatever you like." She kneeled down and inspected Callie's face to make sure it was clean. "Here's the deal. I'll let you wear the swimsuit for your visit, but if your dad tells you that you can't go swimming, you need to mind him and stay out of the water. Okay?"

  "He'll take me swimming." Callie slung the towel over her right shoulder. The end still dragged on the ground.

  "Here, let me have that before it's all dirty." She took the towel, picked up the bag she'd packed earlier to take to Race's house for Callie, and opened the door.

  Once her daughter was in the seat, she drove over to Race's house. Thankfully, they only had to go one street over. Her whole body vibrated the entire way, and she drove slowly, trying to delay seeing him.

  In all the years she'd known Race, not once had he ever shown disappointment or frustration toward her. Until now.

  She understood why. She'd kept his daughter from him.

  All the anger aimed at her, she deserved. But she had a hard time accepting it.

  Her feelings had never changed toward Race. Sure, there were nights when she was pregnant when she cried into her pillow, hating that he'd denied their love. But she never wished him harm or heartache.

  She knew better. No matter how many ways Race had tried to convince her that her thoughts were her own and were not responsible for her father dying on the sandbar, she never let go of the fear that he was wrong.

  Even when she went through every emotion possible during her breakup with Race, she never stopped loving him. She always would, and that was something she would need to deal with now that Callie was in Race's life.

  His disappointment in her was harder to take than she'd imagined it would be. When he stood in front of her, she had an urge to throw herself in his arms and beg him to forgive her.

  Witnessing the hurt she'd inflicted on him played havoc with her emotions. If it hadn't been for Callie being in her life, she would've got in her car and drove away. She never wanted to cause Race pain.

  But, Callie was here, and she hoped Race would get to know his daughter, and the hurt she'd inflicted would soften.

  Five years apart was a long time. Probably longer for him than her, because she'd been a single mother. Those months, those years, were centered around her baby.

  As a mother, she couldn't explain how quickly five years had gone by. To her, it all happened in the blink of an eye.

  During those years, while Race wasn't with her physically, he was there inside of her. She replayed her whole life in her head. She remembered. She took comfort. She pretended he was there.

  It wasn't the healthiest choice, but it was her only option. It was true when she'd told him it was impossible to live without him.

  Because she'd failed to move on, past Race, beyond her life with him, she was able to survive raising her daughter.

  Race probably had a diagnosis for what ailed her, but she simply called it love.

  Seeing him twice a week was making her lose her mind. The need to talk with him, love him, touch him, and be with him was just as strong today as it had been five years ago. She'd missed him.

  "Mommy?"

  "Yeah, honey?" She glanced in the rearview mirror.

  "Does Doc—Daddy live all by himself?"

  "I think so." Her throat tightened, and she swallowed the raw emotions surfacing.

  When they'd moved into her childhood home, she'd driven past his house numerous times looking for another car, another person, and any sign that he'd gotten married. She hadn't seen anything that would clue her in on his personal life.

  "Maybe he can live with us. Mommies and daddies live together."

  Her head pounded. Callie's innocent suggestion was like a hit over the head with a two-by-four. Turning into the driveway, she changed the subject.

  "Don't undo your seatbelt until I turn off the car." She rolled to a stop and shut off the engine.

  Hustling Callie out of the car, she held on to her hand, put the towel around her neck, and lugged the pack with her other hand. "Remember to say please and thank you."

  "Please and thank you," parroted Callie.

  "You, silly girl." She laughed, walking along the path at the side of the house that would lead to the cottage.

  As she passed the back corner of the house, Race called her name. She stopped, searching for him, and found him coming from the patio area.

  Callie tugged on her hand. She let go.

  Race wore a pair of shorts without a shirt. The hair at the center of his chest grayer now than dark brown. His tan legs strode toward her. Dragging her gaze up to his face, her whole body shook. He still was the most handsome man she'd ever seen, and she failed to control her reaction to him.

  "Let's go swimming." Callie rushed past him.

  Race swung around and caught their daughter around the waist. "Hold up, Callie. Let me talk to your mom."

  He met her gaze. "She remembered to ask you about going in the pool?"

  "Not exactly." She shrugged. "She put on her suit herself. I told her you might not want—"

  "I do." He glanced at Callie. "I bought a pair of those inflatable wings that go around kids' arms, but I thought you might like to stay and help me keep an eye on her in the water. I wouldn't let anything happen to her, but there's safety in numbers and all that."

  He was nervous about having Callie near water. She understood that fear. Raising a child who had no hesitation about jumping in over her head, she realized early on that she wanted her daughter to be comfortable and smart around water.

  "I...sure. I can stay." She held up the bag. "I also brought over some of her things. A few extra clothes in case she spills or has an accident. Some toys because you probably don't have any here for her. Oh, and there's a copy of her vaccinations, and she's allergic to Penicillin. Also, her doctor's phone number."

  "Go ahead and put it in the house." Race turned and walked Callie to the pool, whispering to her.

  She opened the sliding door and stared. A flood of memories came back. One of home, comfort, and love.

  The Christmas tree in the corner. Her picture on the mantle. Lazy Sundays on the couch watching movies together. Most of all, knowing Race was a constant in her life. All she had to do was look up, and he'd be watching her from the kitchen or talking with her at the table, giving her all the attention her younger self needed.

  In the years since she'd been gone, he'd changed nothing inside the house. He still had the wooden furniture with the plaid navy and red print cushions. The three wooden barstools at the island in the kitchen. Next to his chair, he had a stack of books. Psychology books, probably the same ones he always kept there.

  She looked at the mantle. Her heart raced, and tears blurred her vis
ion. He still had the picture and frame she'd made him when she was sixteen years old.

  Turning away before she started bawling, she noticed a pair of glasses on the end table. She stepped over and picked them up. They were a pair of men's glasses. Those were new.

  She inhaled deeply. Whether it was her imagination or reality, she could faintly smell the scent of the Drakkar cologne he always wore when he was going out.

  Her stomach fluttered. The urge to go inspect the rest of the house, hoping he hadn't changed anything, was almost too strong to stop.

  She set the bag down, putting pieces of her daughter's life in a place she'd called home, and stepped back out of the house.

  Race had Callie sitting on the side of the pool. He blew on the inflatable armbands.

  Callie kept trying to slip into the water, but Race kept one hand on her stomach to keep her out of the pool.

  She could tell him that Callie already knew how to swim short distances and float to her back when she tired, but it was important for Race to learn about his daughter in his own time.

  "Hold out your arm." Race tried to push the half-inflated band onto her wrist.

  Katie bit her bottom lip. It came as no surprise that Callie pushed it away from her.

  After several unsuccessful minutes, Race looked at Katie. "Do I carry her in the water if she doesn't want to wear them?"

  "Swim." Callie leaned forward, almost plopping in the water, but Race caught her and held her against his chest.

  Her daughter's struggles to go free became real. Feeling sorry for Race, Katie walked to the edge of the pool and kneeled on the concrete.

  "Hand her here." She held out her arms.

  Race hefted Callie out of the pool. Katie set her daughter on her feet and forced her to look at her.

  "Remember, around pools, we don't act like a baby. You have to be a big girl." She raised her brows, giving her a stern look. "Instead of pushing and saying no, you tell your dad what you want."

  Callie mumbled, "Swim."

  "Don't tell me. Tell your dad." She turned Callie around to face Race.

  "I want to swim," said Callie. "Please."