Pure Surrender

by Aja James

  Barely holding herself together, Ishtar had silently re-bandaged his hand, and a day later when the wound had closed, Tal seemed almost disappointed.

  Now, he was hurting himself again, this time much worse than before. The cuts he made were so deep, his flesh wasn’t knitting together at all, and he was losing so much blood, his usual ivory skin took on an ashen hue.

  “Tal…” she said again as she crouched beside him, gingerly putting a hand on his bicep, trying not to startle him.

  She closed her other hand around the fist that held the knife, slowly peeling his fingers away from it.

  He didn’t seem to hear her, but his breathing became more agitated. A muscle in his clenched jaw flexed repeatedly.

  He let her take the knife away but didn’t turn to face her. Instead, he sat there stonily while she cradled his slashed arm with both of hers and began licking at his wounds. The venom from her saliva numbed his pain and helped him heal, she knew, but the frown on his face as she tended to him told her that he didn’t like having his pain soothed.

  After all, he’d inflicted the pain unto himself. He wanted it.

  He craved it.

  As Ishtar licked away his blood, the taste of him aroused both her vampire and leopard sides as always. Her body grew heavy with need, her breasts aching, her core throbbing. But she tamped those feelings down, knowing that the last thing he wanted was sex.

  Being inside of her, releasing his Nourishment into her, seemed to hurt him the most.

  Hurt in a way that far eclipsed the physical pain he wrought upon himself. Hurt him so much that his face contorted in a helpless anguish he couldn’t hide from her, no matter how he tried.

  And when she’d seen the blood-red tears in his opaque, blind eyes after the last time they’d been together, Ishtar vowed that she’d never put him through that kind of pain again. Even if she withered away to nothing for the lack of him.

  As Blooded Mates, she depended on the Nourishment of his body, blood and seed for her own strength and vitality. But nothing was worth his suffering.

  Not even her life.

  When his flesh knitted together enough to stop the bleeding, Ishtar silently retrieved some gauze bandages (which she now kept in copious supply), and wound them around his forearm to protect the tender, healing flesh.

  Through it all, Tal didn’t say a word.

  She wiped the table after that, and mopped the floor. She made some hot chocolate and brought a cup for both of them with a plate of leftover gingerbread cookies from her batches for the orphanage.

  Gently, she wrapped his calloused, scarred hands around the warm mug, her fingers lingering on his wrist, her thumb brushing across his faint pulse.

  Dark Goddess above, but she couldn’t stop touching him! Even when she knew it brought him pain, not pleasure, now. She needed the physical connection. She needed Tal more than the air she breathed.

  But he didn’t need her. He didn’t want her. Not now.

  He needed their daughter Inanna. He needed the light and laughter of Benji. Their absence during the last two months had taken an obvious toll on him.

  Suddenly, Ishtar knew what they had to do.

  “I think we should spend some time at the Shield,” she said quietly, sipping on her hot chocolate, wishing that the hot, sweet liquid could soothe the fearful coldness within her.

  She didn’t speak a word about how she found Tal just now, and she wouldn’t. She’d tried to broach the topic of his unraveling before, but he’d always shut her down. In fact, he’d always gotten worse when she tried to talk to him about it.

  “The Dozen is short on hands right now, with everything that’s going on,” she continued, as if this was just an average day, and they were a normal couple having a perfectly normal conversation.

  “Remember little Isolde? We haven’t seen her in many months. I wonder how big she is now. I think we should visit for a while and find out.”

  Ishtar purposely mentioned the little girl, because Tal loved children. As she hoped, the tense lines on his face eased slightly.

  The three-year-old’s energy and exuberance would do him good, she knew. But more importantly, she wanted the Healer, Rain, to assess his physical condition. If Ishtar wasn’t getting the Nourishment she needed from her Mate, then he must not be receiving the Sustenance he needed from her as well.

  Had they been wrong to Mate? Was this why the union between a Pure One and a Dark One forbidden?

  But Seth and Jade had Mated too, and they were perfectly well and happy, according to the tidbits Inanna shared from the Shield.

  Tal didn’t say anything for the longest time, as if he hadn’t heard her, and he didn’t drink the hot chocolate or eat any cookies.

  But just when she started to get up from the table, he caught her hand in a fierce grip with the hand that was attached to his uninjured arm.

  She gasped at the unexpected contact. It had been so long since he voluntarily touched her.

  “Please…” he rasped out in that low, husky voice, sending goose bumps all across her skin.

  He swallowed hard, his throat working with the effort.

  “Please…don’t give up on me.”

  She inhaled a deep breath and fought back tears.

  She had to be strong for him. As strong as he was. She couldn’t fail him.

  She wouldn’t.

  Slowly, she crouched back down until they were face to face. She touched her forehead gently to his and took his mouth in the softest kiss.

  Gusts of his breath met her lips, short and fast, and his own lips trembled against her. Though he forced himself to hold still, she could feel him fighting not to push her away.

  He was shaking so hard she thought he’d rattle his bones loose, but she was shaking too. The endless, overwhelming love she felt for him wanted to burst free…she wanted him, needed him so much.

  But somehow, she held herself in check. Subdued her primal urges to focus on his needs.

  So, she whispered fiercely, “Never. I will never give up on you, ninigiku of my heart.”

  “Arammu mi shi,” she vowed, now and forever.

  My love, breath of my life, my soul.

  She would hold onto him forever.

  *** *** *** ***

  Cloud led his small group on deserted paths through the Zagros Mountains northward toward the city of Esfahan.

  He’d picked up the pace significantly.

  Something was off. He could sense an unnatural disturbance in the Balance.

  He could feel them. The soul-less army that was swarming their way like a deadly sandstorm.

  How had Medusa located them? And why had she waited two months before making a move?

  Could it mean that her transformation was complete? Did Sophia’s group face similar dangers?

  Just in case, Cloud sent Sophia, Inanna and Gabriel a brief alert to be on guard.

  They confirmed that they would stay vigilant.

  Unlike Cloud’s group, the others had already sold their horses to traders on the border of Yasuj, and hopped on a bus at Tol Khosrow. Without Cloud’s telepathic protection, the group decided to take their chances traveling by modern means.

  They were more noticeable this way—four tall, ridiculously good-looking Westerners traveling through Iran with a bright-eyed, buttery-blond-headed little boy. But at least they covered more distance faster.

  Cloud chose to continue on foot. Well, on horses’ feet, anyway. They could cut through the mountains more efficiently this way, and without traveling through populated areas.

  There was something in these mountains…he was meant to take this path.

  On the third day of the grueling journey, Eveline could no longer keep her peace, not knowing the reason behind their sudden rush.

  “It’s one thing to ride through mostly flat desert,” she said over a simple lunch of dried meat and cheese, apropos of nothing, seated with Cloud and Aella at a roadside shack while the horses cooled off in the shade, “but quite
another to climb mountains on these hooved beasts that have the unfortunate habit of defecation while walking.”

  “Really, Eveline, tell us how you feel,” Aella teased.

  That was all the encouragement Eveline needed to unleash her complaints, “I don’t think my rear end can take much more of this. Can we please take a plane or ride a jeep or something? And honestly, the novelty of camping outdoors has long since worn off.”

  “We haven’t slept under the stars every night on the journey,” Aella reminded her, “only every other night.”

  Eveline continued as if she hadn’t heard, “I don’t mean to add trouble, but can’t we stay in a nice hotel once in a while? Or a quaint bed and breakfast? I don’t think I know what a bed even feels like any more.”

  “Not the outdoorsy type, eh?” Aella winked at her.

  “No. Absolutely not,” Eveline fervently agreed. “I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I agreed to come along. I thought we were going to spend most of our time in museums and libraries.”

  And in the first few weeks they had. But when they started leaving the metropolises for neglected ruins, Cloud imported White Dragon and procured the rest of them horses as well.

  The ancient Akkadian warriors, Inanna and Gabriel, had no issues with prolonged campaigns on horseback. Sophia took to it with ease as well, given her previous incarnations from both the Akkadian and Persian empires. Even Ere held his own. And Aella’s horsemanship exceeded all of theirs combined.

  But Eveline, despite being several hundred years old at least, had apparently not spent much time on four-legged conveyances.

  “Would you like to return to the Shield, Eveline?” Cloud suggested, “Aella can escort you.”

  He berated himself for not thinking of it earlier. Given the looming dangers, it would be best for him to continue alone.

  “Oh hell no,” Aella refuted immediately, spearing him with sapphire eyes. “I’m not leaving you. It’s too dangerous.”

  “I want to help,” Eveline said at the same time. “I know I can help. I saw in the Oracle that I would go on an expedition like this; it’s what I have to do.”

  Beneath her breath she muttered, “I’d just like to do it in more comfortable circumstances.”

  Cloud met Aella’s gaze first to address her objection.

  “You don’t know where this path leads. For all we know, there’s nothing to find, and I will follow you both back to the Shield in no time.”

  “We should stick together just in case,” Aella insisted, crossing her arms. “And Eveline shouldn’t travel alone either.”

  Eveline huffed a frustrated breath. “I wasn’t trying to split us up or cut the journey short,” she protested. “I just want to change our mode of transportation and lodging. But if that’s too much to ask, just pretend I didn’t say anything.”

  As if she hadn’t spoken, Cloud continued to address Aella.

  “I do not need you on this journey,” he said quietly. “You can do more at the Shield.”

  But all she heard was: I do not need you, period.

  “Well, tough luck, amigo,” she batted back. “I’m not leaving without you. If you think I’m going to risk what happened to Dalair to happen to you, you can think again.”

  “I am stronger than Dalair,” he argued, “I am stronger than all of you.”

  Because Cloud never alluded to his abilities, she stared slack-jawed at him for a moment.

  But only a moment.

  “Maybe so,” Aella retorted, “maybe not. From what I hear, our enemies have turned Dalair into something else. Something strong enough to take down Beasts. Are you saying you’re stronger than that? And if so, all the more reason to make sure you don’t fall into the wrong hands.”

  “Um…I’m still here, you two,” Eveline murmured, her eyes flitting from Cloud to Aella as if she were watching a tennis match.

  Neither paid attention to her.

  “I am stronger than you can possibly know,” Cloud said low, intensely holding Aella’s gaze, willing her to believe him and not to press further. “If I were to fall, there would be no turning me.”

  She tilted her head slightly as she regarded him.

  He could practically hear the gears whirring in her razor-sharp mind.

  “Then Eveline and I should stay with you,” she abruptly changed tack. “I worry for our safety without the big bad Valiant protecting us poor defenseless females.”

  Cloud let a sigh of frustration sift through his nose.

  Goddess above, but she was stubborn!

  “This is the most I’ve seen you two speak with each other,” Eveline observed.

  She might as well have been talking to herself (as usual) for all the mind they paid her.

  “Long journeys in a small group are good for bonding,” Eveline noted. “If we were in a vehicle, this would be a road trip. I’ve always wanted to go on a road trip with friends.”

  Cloud continued his staring match with Aella. Neither blinked nor backed down.

  Finally, she had the audacity to bare her teeth at him in a beatific grin, as if to say, if you want me out of here, buddy, you’re going to have to drag me away by my hair.

  Cloud blinked first.

  Determinedly, he turned to Eveline.

  “What exactly did you see in the Oracle? What has the Zodiac Prophesies foretold?”

  Eveline rubbed a finger on the bridge of her nose. She had a tendency to do that when she wanted to concentrate, making Cloud wonder whether she’d worn glasses as a human. Habits acquired in a Pure One’s first incarnation were hard to break no matter how many lives or how long they lived.

  “History is repeating itself,” she began. “History always repeats itself, even though the players and circumstances are different.”

  “Surely not ‘always’,” Aella objected. “What would be the point of living if we’re like hamsters on an endlessly spinning wheel?”

  “No,” Eveline said firmly, “history always repeats itself. But different people at different times will make different choices, even when the choices are fundamentally the same.”

  Cloud simply folded his arms and listened to the Seer speak, his ice-blue gaze intent upon her.

  “Are we on the verge of another Great War?” Aella asked. “Sure feels like it with all of Medusa’s machinations.”

  “It is not the Great War between the Dark Ones and Pure Ones that is repeating,” Eveline said slowly, her brows furrowed as she looked inward rather than at her companions, “though that event is a repeat, as well, of an earlier time. When rulers become oppressors, the oppressed will naturally rebel. It is only a matter of time before the unjust rule is overturned.”

  “Then what are we repeating this time if not the Great War?” Aella prompted.

  “Something that requires all of the races working together to overcome,” Eveline responded.

  She raised her eyes and regarded each of her comrades in turn.

  “Haven’t you noticed that the written laws and unspoken rules that bound the Dark and Pure Ones have been broken, one after another, over the past three years? It takes hundreds, if not thousands of years for Immortals to find their true mates. And yet, our Kinds have been pairing off in rapid succession. Dark One with human. Pure One with Pure One. Pure One with Dark One…Matches that used to be strictly forbidden have led to the strongest bonds our races have seen. The Universe is trying to find Balance.”

  Aella frowned in consideration.

  “Are you saying that we’re supposed to be comingling? That the races should combine into something stronger?”

  Eveline shook her head.

  “It’s not as simple as that. Every Mating is different. Each has a specific purpose, I am sure of it. It’s as if…”

  Both Cloud and Aella waited for Eveline to find the right words, keeping their silence.

  “It’s as if…the invisible hand of the cosmos is trying to put together the right ingredients, to create a magic strong enough to rest
ore the Balance in the event that it is sorely shaken.”

  “Medusa is certainly doing a hell of a job shaking it,” Aella remarked.

  Cloud held Eveline’s gaze for a long while and asked finally, “What ‘magic’ is at play here, Seer? What has the Oracle shown you?”

  Eveline’s gray-blue eyes swirled with an inner fire as she replied:

  “Fire, water, wind and earth.

  Past, present, death and rebirth.

  Wings, claws, scales and teeth.

  Heavens, land and seas beneath.

  Pure, Dark, human alike,

  Bracing against the final strike—

  When Monsters Made destroy the Just,

  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

  They all contemplated the ominous words for long, silent moments.

  And then Aella eloquently expressed their collective sentiment—

  “Well, shit.”

  “Myths have it that the blood from the beating heart of the Tiger King, the venom from the fangs of the Serpent King, and the flame-tipped feathers from the Eagle King contain the powers of Creation from the Twin Goddesses themselves. I have drunk the blood of the Tiger King directly from his beating heart, and yet nothing happened…something is missing. Perhaps the ingredients need to be blended further. If I could somehow combine our powers…yes…that must be the key…I just need his seed to take root…”

  —From the secret journal of the Vampire Sorceress Circe

  Chapter Four

  “You don’t like me very much, do you?”

  Aella lobbed the conversational grenade at Cloud as they navigated a particularly difficult rocky path, and watched with some satisfaction as he tilted off-balance on White Dragon before immediately righting himself.

  She figured—might as well let it all hang out on this extended, close-quarters “road-trip.”

  No time like the present, especially in light of Eveline’s doom and gloom. Not sure when she’d have another golden opportunity to grill him. Honestly, she didn’t know why she’d been tiptoeing around him all this time.

  Well, okay, she knew. He made her all shivery and stupid, that’s why.

  But she was done being a coward where Cloud Drako was concerned. She was done torturing herself with fantasies of how she’d rock his world…if only he’d let her. She was going to get some satisfaction if it killed her.