by Claire Adams
“Oh,” Mila nodded, and she sounded disappointed. “Ok.”
I looked at her carefully, wondering if there was something important I was missing. “Mila?”
“Yes?”
“You’re sure this is what you want?” I asked. “I mean… the move and everything?”
“Oh… yes,” she nodded. “I think I need some distance from everything I’ve been through here.”
I nodded. “Right.”
She took a deep breath and turned to me. “I’ve decided to leave today, Zack,” she revealed, much to my dismay.
“What?” I asked. “You were supposed to leave tomorrow morning.”
“I know,” Mila nodded. “But I woke up today with the weirdest feeling in my gut. I knew I would have to leave tomorrow and… well, anyway, there’s nothing keeping me from leaving today.”
“But—”
“I don’t really want to do a whole big goodbye,” Mila interrupted me. “I kind of just want to leave without a whole big thing.”
“There’s no big thing.”
Mila smiled. “I just came up here to take a moment for myself before going.”
“Were you even going to tell me?”
“Of course I was,” Mila sounded stunned that I would even ask her that. “Of course I was going to tell you before I left. I just didn’t want it to be a big scene.”
“Why would it be?” I asked, without thinking.
She raised her eyebrows for a moment and nodded. “You’re right,” she said. “Why would it be?”
“I’ll be seeing you, Zack,” she said. Then she leaned in abruptly and kissed me gently on the cheek before she started off down the hill towards the house.
I watched her go, knowing that she didn’t want me to follow her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do… I just watched her walk away from me knowing that I might never see her again. It was odd how the world felt shaky underneath my feet all of a sudden. I watched from a distance as Devon came out of the house, followed by the rest of the guys.
I saw Mila give each one a hug. I saw Devon load up the trunk of the car. I saw Mila wave to the boys before getting into the passenger’s seat. She rolled down the window and smiled at the boys. At the last minute, her head turned in my direction, and her eyes found me. I couldn’t see her expression very clearly, and I didn’t really want to. I turned my back on the moving car, but my ears followed the sound until it had vanished into the distance.
Then, I turned back towards the house and just like that… she was gone, and my life had gone back to normal. Except nothing about it felt normal. I certainly didn’t feel normal. In fact, I felt sick to my stomach. For a second, I actually felt the need to throw up. Pushing down the urge, I went down to the house and walked into the living room. The boys were all lounging around, doing different things, but everyone looked up at me at the same moment.
“What?” I demanded, hating the scrutiny.
“Mila just left with Devon,” Red said.
“I know,” I nodded. “She told me she was leaving early.”
“Did she say goodbye to you?” Lonny asked.
“Yes,” I said shortly, trying to get up to my room so that I wouldn’t have to deal with their stares.
Bones was leaning against the stairwell, blocking my path.
“Excuse me?” I said. “Would you mind letting me through?”
Bones ignored me. Instead, he shook his head at me in disbelief.
“What?” I demanded angrily.
“You may be our president,” Bones said. “But you’re a fucking idiot.”
I frowned. “What—”
“I can’t believe you let her go,” Bones said before I could finish.
“I…”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again. As I looked around at the rest of the boys, I realized they were all thinking the same thing. I knew that everyone was aware of my strange relationship with Mila, but I had never suspected they realized just how deep it went. It was odd to be standing there, faced with all my men—my brothers—and to know that I hadn’t fooled anyone one bit. I had tried to hide my feelings from Mila and even from myself, but they had seen right through me.
“She wants to go,” I said, by way of a defense.
“Bullshit,” Bones said. “She was looking for a reason to stay. You refused to give her one.”
“She wouldn’t be happy with this life.”
Bones shrugged. “Then the answer is pretty simple, isn’t it?” he said. “Give her the life she will be happy with. That’s the only way you’re going to be happy.”
I stared at Bones for a second, and then everything came together in my head. All my pride fell away, and I realized that he was completely right. I was just being a stubborn fool who was clinging onto to the life I had prepared for. But life had thrown me a curve ball, and now everything had changed. I was no longer going to be happy with my life the way it was before Mila.
Without giving anyone an explanation, I turned around, ran outside, jumped on my bike and sped away from the house. If I rode fast, I would be able to catch up with them. It would only take a couple of minutes. I knew the route that Devon was taking, and I was confident that I’d catch them before they reached the highway.
The whole time, I wondered what Mila would say. Would she be happy or shocked? Would she jump into my arms or would she turn me down with a kiss and a goodbye? I didn’t know, and at the moment, I didn’t care. I just needed to stop them from leaving town. A couple of minutes later, I caught sight of the car down the lonely stretch of road that would take them towards the main roads.
I sped up and caught up with them. Devon saw me first, and his eyes bulged with shock, but he pulled over immediately and jumped out of the car.
“What the fuck man?” he asked. “What happened? Is something wrong?”
A second later, Mila jumped out of the car too, and she looked panicked. “Zack,” she said breathlessly. “Is everything alright?”
I spoke only to her. “No, actually it’s not.”
She ran to me. “What is it?”
“I just realized something,” I said. “And I had to come and tell you.”
Mila raised her eyebrows, but she didn’t press me for details.
“I just realized that I can’t let you leave town.”
She looked even more surprised by that. “Why not?”
“Because… I don’t think I can live without you.”
I wasn’t trying to be romantic. I was very aware that this was like a scene pulled straight out of a movie, but I didn’t care. This was our reality, and there was something magical about it.
Mila stared at me for a moment. and then her face broke into a brilliant and beautiful smile. “You’re serious?”
“More serious than I’ve ever been about anything else in my life,” I said. “I love you, Mila.”
She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. “I love you too, Zack.”
I was vaguely aware of Devon, standing in the background watching us, but I didn’t care. He would have to get used to this. I grabbed Mila and kissed her hard on the lips. She returned my passion with equal fervor. When we finally broke apart, we both laughed together.
“So… Will you stay with me?” I asked.
Mila nodded. “What do you think?”
Epilogue
Mila
Five Years Later
I was washing dishes in the sink, looking out onto the gently sloping hill that preceded the clubhouse. It was a beautiful view, and five years in, I still couldn’t get enough of it. The house was no longer a ruin of lost opportunity. It was now bright and vibrant and full of life.
We had spent the better part of six months renovating it so that it was livable once more. It had been a labor of love, and Zack and I had been very involved in all the new changes. I had actually painted the kitchen walls myself, and Zack had laid the tile. It had been another bonding experience that had brought us closer, and in fact, I actuall
y felt that it had helped Zack find a new relationship with his parents, even after their deaths.
Everywhere I looked, there was a new memory that rushed to mind, and I realized how lucky I was to have that at all. My life had gone from ordinary to nightmarish to extraordinary in a matter of months, and I had Zack to thank for that.
“Mommy!”
I turned to the little girl at the kitchen door. She had my auburn hair and Zack’s hazel eyes. It was a perfect combination because she was beautiful, and I didn’t feel like I was biased in saying that. I remembered the day I had found out I was pregnant with her. Zack and I had been together officially for almost a year, and we had settled into the newly renovated house only months before.
We had just established a rhythm that suited us both, and I was intent on enjoying that part without planning for the future. Of course, my desire to avoid planning was completely obliterated the moment I saw that pregnancy test. My first instinct had been joy, and my second instinct had been panic. What would Zack say?
As it turned out, I didn’t have to worry at all. Zack was nothing but a pillar of strength for me. He was at every doctor’s appointment. He read every book I bought on pregnancy and childbirth, and he insisted on being as involved as possible with everything to do with the baby. It was just another experienced that proved that as unlikely as our connection had been, it worked.
“Yes, darling?” I said, turning to her.
“I’m hungry.”
“That’s because you didn’t finish all your veggies during lunch,” I told her.
“I hate veggies.”
“Hate is a strong word.”
“I don’t like veggies,” she corrected.
“Sit down,” I said. “I’ll get you a snack.”
“Can I have Cocoa Pops?”
“No,” I said firmly.
“Daddy eats them for breakfast,” she pointed out.
“Alice,” I sighed.
“But he does,” she said.
She and her father were best friends. They had been since the moment Alice was born. Sometimes, I was almost jealous of their bond. Even as a baby, Zack would pick her up, and she would stop crying immediately, even though I had been trying to calm her down for hours. When she was sick, she ran to Zack first. When she had a story to tell, she waited till her father got home before she shared a word with me.
If I hadn’t been so in love with Zack myself, I might have felt a little insecure. But as it stood, I recognized what an amazing and patient father he was, and I was nothing but glad that Alice had someone like him in her life. I thought about my own lonely childhood, and I felt such relief to know that my child would escape that kind of isolation. She would never have to grow up craving the love and attention of a father figure. She would grow up surrounded by people who loved her… her parents, her uncle, and all her surrogate uncles who lived over the hill in the big house.
It was an odd setup, but to Alice, it was nothing but normal. She was even proud of the fact that her father was president of a biker gang, as she called it.
“Here’s some carrot sticks,” I said, placing a plate in front of her.
“Urgh… I don’t want that,” Alice said, turning up her nose at the snack I’d just given her.
“Alice, it’s good for you.”
“I want cookies.”
“Well you can’t have cookies,” I said. “You had two cookies yesterday.”
“That was yesterday.”
Sometimes I had to remind myself that she was only three… well, three and three quarters. She would be four in a matter of months, and I could hardly believe it. I was about to argue further with my almost-four-year-old when we heard the sound of a motorbike riding up to the house.
“Daddy’s home!” Alice all but screamed, as she jumped off her chair and ran to the front door.
Shaking my head, I followed behind her and saw Zack get off his Harley and turn to Alice just as she jumped into his arms. He spun her around and then placed her gently on the ground before kissing her forehead. They put their heads together… and whispered their little secrets to one another. I watched from afar, not wanting to intrude.
Then Zack took Alice’s hand, and they walked towards the house together. “Hey, you,” I said, leaning in to kiss him as he walked through the door.
“Hey, beautiful,” he replied.
“Daddy,” Alice interrupted. “I want a cookie… I’m hungry.”
Zack turned to me. “Did she eat all her veggies?”
“She did not,” I said, and Alice hung her head down.
“I don’t like veggies,” she said in a small voice.
“Alice… we’ve talked about this,” Zack said. “Will you be a good girl and just eat whatever snack your Mom has given you, please?”
“Ok,” Alice nodded without so much as a pout.
Zack gave her a wink, and Alice flew off to the kitchen to do as her father said. I turned to him and shook my head in amazement. “That’s really annoying, you know.”
Zack laughed. “At least something works.”
“Because she loves you more than me.”
“Not true,” Zack assured me as he pulled me to his chest and hugged me close. “She’s just a daddy’s girl.”
“I feel left out,” I said, pretending to pout.
Zack kissed the top of my head. “Isn’t the whole point of family that no one is left out?”
I rolled my eyes. “I have a plan though,” I revealed.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yup,” I nodded. “I’ll just have another baby… that way I’ll have some company while you and Alice are off playing your secret games.”
Zack laughed and shook his head at me. He didn’t suspect a thing obviously, but I was having fun. “That’s the plan, huh?” he asked. “You’re just going to have another baby.”
“I think it’s a great plan, don’t you?”
Zack looked thoughtful. “Are we having a serious conversation about the possibility of a second child?” he asked.
I paused. “I don’t really think we can have a conversation about it at this point,” I said, ironing out my expression into seriousness. “The decision’s been taken out of our hands.”
I saw Zack’s forehead wrinkle as he tried to figure out what I had just said. Then I saw realization dawn. “Wait… are you pregnant?” he asked.
I bit my lip and smiled. “Sort of.”
“Sort of?” Zack repeated incredulously.
I laughed. “I went to the doctor’s this morning,” I revealed. “I left Alice with Devon and went in to see Doctor Samson. He confirmed what I already suspected… I’m pregnant.”
Zack stared at me for a moment and then he shook his head in disbelief. “We seem to be good at making babies without really planning to.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I wondered out loud.
“No,” Zack assured me, pulling me close. “Not with you.”
“Alice is going to be four soon,” I said. “I miss having a baby on my hip.”
“You know what?” Zack said. “Me too.”
“Does Devon know?” Zack asked.
“That he’s going to be an uncle again?” I laughed. “No… I wanted to tell you first.”
“He bet me the second one would be a boy,” Zack told me.
I laughed. “When was this bet made?” I asked.
“Right after Alice was born,” Zack revealed. “I took the bet.”
“Another girl?” I asked, with raised eyebrows. “I thought you would have liked to have a boy.”
“I thought so too,” Zack nodded. “But after Alice… I don’t know… girls are pretty awesome.”
I smiled. “True.”
“Guess this means our sparring sessions will have to be put on hold until after the baby’s born,” Zack said.
“Yes,” I nodded. “I won’t be able to fight you anymore. You’ll have to make do with the boys.”
“Urgh,” Zack complained. “How borin
g that will be.”
I kissed him softly on the lips. After years together, he still managed to get me all hot and bothered with nothing more than a kiss. Zack’s hand slipped up my shirt, and I pushed his hand away playfully.
“Hey.”
“I should have known you were pregnant,” Zack teased. “Your boobs have gotten bigger.”
I smirked at him. “Alice is in the next room.”
“Which is why I’m trying to feel you up.”
His hand slipped up my shirt again when Alice called out to us. “Daddy! Mommy!”
Zack cupped my breast for a second longer, then he kissed me hard on the lips and pulled me into the kitchen behind him. “Yes, my little lady?”
“I finished my carrot sticks.”
“Carrot sticks?” Zack said. “Eww.”
I hit him on the arm. “Don’t make it worse.”
Zack laughed and pulled Alice onto his lap. “What did you do today?” he asked.
“I played on Uncle Dev’s bike,” Alice replied. “He let me ride it.”
“Did he now?” I asked.
“Uh-huh,” Alice said, and she sounded pride of herself. “He sat behind, and I took him for a ride. Daddy… can we go for a ride on your bike?”
“Sure,” Zack nodded. “Just around the house though.”
“Yay!”
“First, you have to put away your toys though,” I said firmly.
“Aww…”
“Listen to your mother,” Zack said, and as usual, he didn’t have to ask twice. Alice scurried off to do as Zack had told her, and we were left alone once more.
“I’m going to be hard-pressed to keep her away from motorbikes,” I sighed.
“Don’t worry; I’ll teach her how to ride one safely.”
“Not before she’s sixteen though, please,” I said.
“Ah… that might be difficult,” Zack said. “She’s surrounded by them here.”
I sighed. “I know… I may be fighting a losing battle there.”
Zack reached out and placed his hand on mine. “You know what might be a nice thing to do?”
“What?” I asked.
“Get married.”
I hadn’t been expecting that, and I looked at him in shock. “What?”