by Jordan Marie
“I know, but I couldn’t,” I respond, knowing I shouldn’t.
“Because of me,” he accuses.
I let out a deep breath wishing like fuck I could leave Stone Lake behind tonight.
After graduation.
I have to keep reminding myself of that. Soon, I can leave everything behind. The odd thing is now when I think of doing that, Luna’s face flashes in my mind.
“Because I couldn’t stop myself,” I tell Atticus, flopping back on my bed after retrieving my baseball. I should shut up, but instead here I am talking to my asshole brother and sharing more than I should.
“You won’t keep her, even if you have her right now. She’s too good for you, Gav. There’s no way you can keep her,” he says, and I can hear the pleasure in his voice. The dumbass thinks he’s getting to me by telling me that shit. I throw my ball up in the air, ignoring him. I already know I can’t keep Luna. I already know she’s not mine to keep.
No matter how much I might want to.
CHAPTER NINE
LUNA
Walking through the halls of school, it feels like everyone is staring at me. I don’t know why they would, but it still feels that way. I tried to smile at a few people, but they would jerk their heads away and look in the opposite direction, almost as if they were ashamed to be caught gawking at me.
It’s making me self-conscious. I don’t know what’s going on. Part of me is hoping it’s mostly in my head. I make it to my locker and breathe a sigh of relief when I can hide behind the metal door. I sift through my books to find the one that I need for my next class. I’m so nervous that I fumble the book in my hand, and it falls to the floor. I close my eyes and take a breath, needing to get control and calm myself.
I know what’s wrong—well, besides the fact everyone is acting strange. It’s that the day is half over, and I’ve not seen Gavin once.
Not once.
I thought maybe he was absent, but Jules has study hall with him in first period and she said he was there. I waited like a fool in front of my locker this morning, hoping against hope he would show up looking for me. He didn’t and I shrugged it off, figuring he had no real idea where my locker was. As the day moved on and I never saw him—not even in passing, not even standing by the water fountains where he usually was—this uneasiness just kept growing in my stomach.
I feel… stupid.
Obviously, Friday night, which meant so much to me, didn’t mean anything to him. Maybe he was only lonely. Maybe it did have to do with his brother. Jules apparently thinks it does. She keeps urging me to flirt with Atticus to keep Gavin’s interest. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted, but I don’t want to do that. Atticus has been really nice to me, but I don’t like him—not like he wants me to. I wouldn’t want to use him either. That’s just not right.
“Hey, Luna.”
I jerk up when I hear Larry’s voice.
Here I was thinking today couldn’t get any worse.
I finish putting things into my locker and getting what I need out before closing the door.
“Larry,” I respond, turning to look at him.
“How are you doing, Luna?”
“I’m good,” I grumble, barely resisting the urge to add that I was better before he got here.
“You got a date for the Mayday Dance?”
Shit.
“Nope, I wasn’t planning on going.”
“You’re the captain of the cheerleading squad,” he says, and I frown because I have no idea what that has to do with anything.
“Larry, I need to get to class—”
“It won’t look right if you don’t go to the Mayday Dance.”
“To who?”
“To everyone, Luna,” he responds, and I wonder if he realizes how whiney his voice can sound. “How about we go together?”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I tell him. “I really better get to class. I’ll talk to you later—”
“Come on, Luna. Don’t be like that,” he says, grabbing my arm and pulling me back around to face him. His hold is hard, with a bruising force, shocking me.
“Let go of me,” I gasp.
“Come on, the whole school is talking about how easily you gave it up for Gavin Lodge.”
I jerk my arm, trying to get free. I’m so intent on getting away from him that at first, I miss what he said…and then it hits me.
“Let me… What did you say?”
“If I’d known you like to go slumming, I would have handled you differently, Luna.”
“Go… Handled me…” I’m sputtering, not really knowing what to say. My stomach twists and turns and I can feel bile rising. I knew it.
I knew it.
I knew it felt like the entire school was looking at me differently.
“Lodge has been bragging about it to everyone. He said you caught on fire for him. If you like it dirty, Luna, I can give it to you even better than him. There’s no reason for you to look on the poor side of town.”
I shove against him now, his words disgusting me.
“Get away from me!”
His hold tightens for a brief moment before his fingers rake against my skin, making it burn as he draws blood. I cry out from the pain, looking up at him, and that’s when I see Gavin launching his body into Larry, taking him down on the floor.
I step away from them a few feet, holding my wounded arm and staring in awe as Gavin starts hitting Larry repeatedly.
CHAPTER TEN
GAVIN
“Y ou fucking bastard,” I growl, slamming my fist over and over into Larry. I don’t let up either; I whale on him. When I saw him grab Luna and heard the pain in her voice, I saw red.
I fucking lost it.
I charged at him, forgetting everything else. All I want now is to hurt him for the way he just hurt Luna. That’s all I have on my mind as I hit Larry repeatedly. Punching him so hard that the skin on my knuckles is cut. I feel someone pulling on my body, trying to drag me off of him. I fight them too. I don’t let go of my target. I’ve had a lot of frustration and misery over the years and right now I decide to unload it all.
Directly on his face. Fucking asshole.
Eventually, they pull me from him, my energy too driven, too spent to fight more than one foe at a time. I begin to let my surroundings filter back in. That’s when I hear Luna crying, and see the crowd gathering around us. Principal Issacs is talking, but I don’t make his words out. They’re drowned out by the amplified sound of the blood rushing and pounding in my ears and Luna’s tears. I try to go to her, to stop them, but the principal grabs me by the arm. I could probably take him—I’m pretty sure about it, but he has the security officer with him.
“Luna,” I demand, wanting to talk to her.
She lifts her head to look at me. Her skin is pale, tears are running unchecked down her cheeks, and a look of betrayal on her face that I don’t think I’ll ever erase from my mind.
“Gavin,” she says, her voice thick with tears.
“Alright, boys, let’s get to the office,” the principal says.
“Luna—”
“Why Gavin?” she asks, and I frown, confused.
I can’t tell her why Larry hurt her. I figure it’s mostly because he’s an asshole and she probably already knows that.
I want to stay with her, to talk to her, but they’re pulling me away.
“I’ll be back,” I tell her, needing to reassure her. “I’ll find you when I get done,” I add when she doesn’t reply.
I watch as my brother comes up and puts his arm around her shoulder—giving her comfort when it should be me. I try to jerk away from the principal again.
Bastard.
I feel jealousy slide through me with the force of a runaway train. I pull against the principal’s hold, needing to get him away from her.
“Get your damn hands off of her,” I growl.
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough, Gavin?” Atticus sneers.
I�
��m so fucking confused. I know it shows on my face, but I can’t figure out what’s going on here. Luna is looking at me with so much pain that I don’t understand anything.
“Luna—”
“Luna doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. I hate that you’re my brother. I know you thought it was a game to get Luna to stay the night with you. You thought you would hurt me by using her, but this is low even for you, Gavin. Did you have fun spreading it all over the school that you slept with her? Did you get off on destroying her reputation? You’re lucky the principal is here to save you, or I’d kill you!”
“What in the fuck—” I bark the words, breaking off to lunge at my worthless brother for even thinking I’d do that. I hear Luna cry out as I’m pulled back again—by both the security guard and the principal. Their holds are like vices, and I have no hope of resisting. Still, I don’t turn around, I keep fighting them. “Let me go! Luna, I didn’t do that. You have to believe me,” I yell.
She looks at me, but all I can see are her tears. Atticus pulls her with him, and they turn their backs on me as the principal drags me down the hall toward his office. She doesn’t believe me. I can tell that she doesn’t.
Why should she?
The truth is I’ve been avoiding Luna all day. I had to. It was best for all involved—definitely best for her. At least, that’s what I kept chanting in my head all day. I almost convinced myself too.
But I needed to see her.
I thought I’d only go check on her. I’d see her from a distance and reassure myself she was okay, while getting a brief glance of her. That’s all I was going to do. But, when I got here and saw Larry standing so close to her, watched as he reached out and grabbed her… hurt her… I couldn’t stop myself. I can’t ever seem to control myself when I’m around her. I never thought that staying away from her would be doing more harm than good.
Who would have started those tales?
It sure as hell wasn’t me. When I look over my shoulder, I see my brother looking at me and see the victory in his eyes. There’s my answer.
Fucking Atticus.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LUNA
“A re you okay, Luna?” Atticus questions, and I don’t bother answering. I’m not okay. I may never be okay again.
“Of course she’s not okay, dumbass. Your brother has destroyed her,” Jules snaps, pushing Atticus out of the way.
We’re sitting outside on one of the concrete tables the school has placed around the back courtyard. We all congregate here every day for lunch and usually there’s chatter and plenty of laughter. It’s one of the best parts of my day. Now it is definitely one of the worst.
“It’s going to be okay, Luna,” Jules says, petting my hair trying to bring me comfort.
It doesn’t work. She’s lying. It will not be okay. There’s no way that any of this will be okay ever again.
“This is all my fault.”
My heart squeezes inside of my chest.
“It’s not,” I whisper, my voice sounding raw and painful.
“It is. I—”
“You aren’t responsible for Gavin, Attie,” I tell him, and it hurts just saying his name. I close my eyes against the force of that anguish.
“It’s going to be okay,” Jules insists stubbornly. “You were too good for the likes of Gavin Lodge. He doesn’t deserve you,” she says, hugging me and I let her. I put my forehead against hers and cry, taking whatever comfort my bestie can give me, but definitely feeling alone.
“This is my fault,” Atticus says again, and I wish he’d just hush. I wish they’d all leave but Jules. She’s the only one I want to see me when it feels like my world has imploded.
“You’ll get through this, Luna.”
Jules is right. I will get through this, but only because I don’t have a choice.
“He did this because of me,” Atticus mumbles. I force myself to look at him as Jules turns around to face him.
“What are you saying?” Jules asks and Atticus looks at me and I see grief and guilt written on his face. He’s blaming himself and I hate that. This is all my fault, not his.
“Gavin knew I cared about Luna. He knew I…” he breaks off, looking uncomfortable.
“Attie, I don’t—”
“He knew I had feelings for you, Luna. He knew it and he wanted to cause me pain. He always wants to cause me pain. My brother gets pleasure in hurting me. That’s the kind of guy he is. He went after you because he knew that would hurt me like nothing else he could do.”
Oh God.
Jules was right. There is competition between Gavin and Atticus, much more than I ever expected. That’s the real reason Gavin finally decided to talk to me. That’s why he invited me out to the dock. That’s why once I was there that he didn’t try to kiss me or feel me up. That explains everything. Gavin isn’t attracted to me. I was only a tool to hurt his brother…
“I’m going to be sick,” I cry, my hand going to my mouth. I jump up and take off running toward the building, praying I can make it to the bathroom before the bile rises up and forces itself out.
“Luna!” I hear Atticus yell, but I ignore him. I’m already the laughing stock of the school. The last thing I need is for everyone to see me losing my breakfast
Jules is beside me and she’s shielding me as I sprint to the restroom. I slam through the doors and barely make it to the toilet in time.
My body heaves, ridding me of the contents of my stomach and only adding to my misery. I close my eyes and fall back on my ass when I’m done, feeling utterly humiliated and broken.
Jules brings a wet paper towel over, handing it to me and I use it to clean my mouth. She puts another one on my forehead and I let her, not because it’s helping, but just because I don’t have the will or strength to remove it.
“What am I going to do, Jules?” I whisper miserably, looking at my best friend.
“You’re going to survive and make Gavin Lodge regret the day he ever tried to hurt you,” she says solemnly.
“I never want to see him again,” I tell her and even saying it, I know that I’m lying.
I’m so stupid.
I want Gavin to rush in and tell me it’s all a mistake. I want him to tell me that he didn’t tell the whole school that we slept together. I want him to tell me I wasn’t just a girl he used to hurt his brother. I know it would be all lies, but I want those lies. I need them.
And I know that if Gavin gave them to me… I’d believe them.
I’m pathetic.
I don’t know how long Jules and I sit in the restroom like that. Eventually, we get up and she goes to class. I can’t bring myself to do that. It might be taking the coward’s way out, but I go to the office and call my mom to come and get me. I can’t be at school today. I can’t pretend everything is okay when I feel like I’m dying.
I’ll face it all tomorrow. Today I want to go home.
I sit in the secretary’s office and wait for my mom to show up. We only live twenty minutes from the school and I know my mom left immediately. Still, those twenty minutes feel like a lifetime.
“You okay, baby?” Mom asks, rushing in the room. I look up at her to reassure her I’m fine—even if I’m not. But the minute I see her, I can’t stop myself from going to her and letting her hug me. My tears start then, and I let them fall because I’m safe with my mom. She signs me out and we’re finally leaving. Maybe once I get out of here, I will be able to breathe again.
“Luna.”
My head jerks around and I see Gavin coming out of the principal’s office. He looks upset, which is laughable. He’s the cause of all of this.
I turn away from him. That’s the only reply he deserves.
“Luna, we need to talk,” Gavin says again.
I ignore him.
“Let’s go, Mom,” I whisper, just needing out of here.
“Who is that, Moonbeam?”
I normally hate it when Mom calls me her nickname in public. Today it’s odd
ly comforting. I look over my shoulder at Gavin.
“No one, Mom. He’s no one,” I tell her and despite my soft voice, I can see that Gavin hears the words. It almost looks like he flinches and that should make me feel better, but it doesn’t…
Not really.
I turn back to my mom and she may not completely understand, but I think she understands enough. She puts her arm around me and leads me out of the office and away from Gavin Lodge.
At least for today.
CHAPTER TWELVE
GAVIN
I watch as Luna practically runs in the opposite direction the minute that she sees me. It’s been this way for a week. I should let it go. This is what I want. I need her to leave me alone. She has to be the one to leave me alone, because I’m not strong enough to be the one to walk away.
I hate that she thinks I’m the asshole who would spread lies about her. I hate that she believes I would tell anyone anything about the two of us. I want to prove to her I’m not, but I can’t do that either.
It’s better this way.
At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I slide down against a tree, bring my legs up, and rest my hands on my knees. Then, I look at the table that she scurried off to and watch as Luna sits down with her friends.
Atticus isn’t there.
He’s home after I fucked him up. He’s the one that told Larry I was bragging about sleeping with Luna. I’m sure he told others to. I wanted to leave him in a lot worse shape than I did. He’s lucky he’s only nursing sore ribs and a black eye. I was angry enough to leave him breathing through a straw.
Every now and then I can see Luna looking over at me. She knows I’m watching her, and I don’t bother hiding the fact that I am. Truth be known, I can’t tear my eyes away from her.